FTM’s in their own words: How to Behave Male

July 20, 2011

FTM intro video- can now dress and act the way I want

“OK so behaving male seems to be an issue for me. I know I FEEL male inside, but sometimes I act way to girly and I need to work on that. I guess part of the reason is my family expects me to be a girl so I do all I can to make them happy so I haven’t really had the chance to practice. How do I behave male? I’ve tried studying my father’s behaviour and sometimes I have rare cases when I act a little male myself. Other than that I haven’t got any idea on how to act like a boy. Any suggestions? Advice?”

“Well, the most important part, don’t swing your hips. Arm gestures are mostly unimportant, but if you want to work on that, just don’t sway them in a flamboyant fashion, and keep them in a consistent position and direction with the sides of your hands facing forward and you’ll be fine.”

“I think I really screwed myself up when I was living as a girl, because I never felt like I lived up to being a girl, and I remember as a teen that I would watch the behavior and manners of girls my age and would try to imitate it in hopes of living up to more of a girl. And I did that for so long that I had made these manners a habit. And now I feel like I need to undo that so I begin to really be myself. But habits are hard to unlearn. And it’s harder for me to “not act like a girl” than it is for me to “act like a guy.” because it’s easier for me to replace one habit with another, than it is for me to just remove any habit entirely.”

“Just watch male a lot, study how they do things.
I notice that girls move their hands around a lot more when they talk than males do.
For posture, I notice that guys either stand straight up and down, or their shoulders hunch over a little. Now girls seem to have a posture where their butt sticks out a little and their shoulders are pulled a little and their chest comes out and up. Like for girls, the small of their back is pulled in more, giving their spine a noticeable curve. Whereas on guys, it seems like their spine just goes straight up and down.”

“How to walk like a guy 101:
When you look at other people make sure you’re only looking at either a woman’s tits or her ba-donka-donk if she has one.
Say hi, or mumble something, then quickly walk by.
Take long strides.
Clomp a little with all of your foot, and by all means never walk just on your toes or ball of your foot.
Skip stairs when you’re going up, taking two or three at a time.
Wear larger shoes than you really need.
Wear larger pants than you really need.

There you go. Class is over. lmao !!!”

“Some general tips:

Scratch your “package” often. (We guys call it “adjusting”.)

Spit to the side (make sure it doesn’t dangle from your lips though…use force to expel that expectorate!)

Do NOT use “swishy” hand movements when you talk. For that matter, like, don’t use, like, “like”, when you, like, talk, and stuff. Use the “F” word liberally. Nouns, verbs, adjectives, whatever…it covers everything.

Learn the difference between a poundy thing (iirc, it’s called a “hammer”) and the turnie-thing (screwdriver? Or is that a drink?)”

“Something that might help, is to deliberately derail from gender equality in research, and look at masculine nature, habits, and biology. After that, work back into yourself and adjust accordingly.
For example, while females seem to have more lower body weight, males have more upper body weight from upper body development. Because of that, males will lead more with their upper body in their movements, while females will roll their foot movement into position, and lead more with their lower body. Also, men have a mindset to be very -blunt-. Acting and talking more statistical may end up being seen as more masculine. Being more to the point and less ‘graceful’ through things might also help things, as men interface more with the situation than their emotions. This is probably where the gender correlation comes from in the myer’s-briggs (it was either Thinking and Intuition, or Feeling and Sensing. I think it was the first pair, but the pair I’m referencing has mostly males on one side, and mostly females on the other.)”

“My biggest advice is never be the passive one.”

“Only thing I would say, is don’t cross one leg over the other when you sit down anywhere. It just ain’t something a guy can do with any degree of comfort. Or if you do, make the leg cross at right angles, to provide… breathing room, as it were.”

“the head nod. I’ve been doing that since I was pre-trans-coming-out uhhrr type deal but I never realized it until girlfriends I’ve had got really annoyed since I would do it to them every time we’d meet without thinking about it. I guess it’s always been an instinct although I do it to women too still. Which I probably should stop hahah.”

“I will act different, like more douchey because most men seem to do that amongst other men.

And yes, learn tools if you can. I remember my dad taught me about tools when I was a little kid because I bugged him to but most dads don’t normally do that with us when we were kids. Even then that was so long ago and just the basics. I’ve had guys laugh at me because I said I needed a screwdriver for something and they asked what head it needed and I didn’t know but I didn’t think to look (duhh right). And remember with screws and nuts it’s lefty loosey and righty tighty.”

“The main thing is stand your ground, because there may be guys testing you to see if you’ll stand up for who you are and what you believe in.”

“Really, the main thing is looking male – once this happens, your behaviour will be seen as “male behaviour” because it is coming from someone who looks male. Even if it isn’t stereotypical. You could be the butchest woman alive, and people would still see it as “female behaviour” to some degree. It’s just an unfortunate flaw in human thought.”

“I think you’ll find your authentic masculinity is whatever’s left when you strip away your learned feminine behaviours.”

“When we walk we have to offset the sway somewhere in order to not fall over. Women use their hips, men use their shoulders. So if you can learn to keep your hips motionless, you’ll be forced to sway your shoulders… or you’ll fall on your face. That’s how I learned anyway. You also want to widen your stance, women brush their thighs together as they walk, because they keep their feet only a couple of inches apart, men tend to keep their feet rather further apart (don’t exaggerate this unless you want to look like a cowboy). Hit the ground a little harder with your feet – coming down on your heel rather than your toe. Men tend to lead with their chest/head rather than their legs/hips – like you are driving yourself, rather than pulling yourself forward. And finally, you want to keep your elbows away from your body (again don’t exaggerate unless you want to look cavemanish).

Sitting is another fun one. Basically it is all about taking up space. If you are going to cross your legs: cross your ankles with your legs stretched in front of you, or rest an ankle on your knee. Otherwise keep your knees and feet apart. Lean back in your chair rather than forwards or sitting up straight. If you can manage it so you are basically lying down in your chair, that’s perfect. Do not fold your hands in your lap, you can rest them on your knees, on the armrests of the chair or you can run them along the backs of the chairs beside you until their owners get pissed off. Note that all of this indicates superiority and ease – i.e. don’t do it if you are talking to your boss or teacher or something. Then you sit up straight and keep your legs together.

Don’t gesture while you talk. Or if you have to, gesture away from you rather than towards. Men also tend to gesture from their shoulders rather than their elbows. Lean forwards while talking and back while listening. Make less eye contact in general. Try to avoid moving your upper lip while talking, that should help in producing the flat mumbly monotone. Also avoid opening your mouth beyond the absolute bare minimum for speech. Do not smile at other blokes unless they said something funny, they may take it the wrong way. Going overboard on any of this stuff will take you right past guy and onto jerk, so careful.”

“Women tend to walk with their head and hips while guys tend to walk with their crotch. No, this does not mean walking around while doing the pelvic thrust. It just means they tend to have a lower stance, usually walk with more authority, and are confident.”

“Women tend to be less obtrusive, while men tend to take up more space. If you watch commuters on a bus, women tend to sit with their legs crossed and their arms drawn in, and men tend to sit with their legs apart and their arms out.

Observe, observe, observe. Go to the mall or a park, sit on a bench, and watch the male world go by. Take notes. Later at home, practice in front of a mirror. Try not to be too exaggerated in your movements. Once you’re comfortable with your movements, go out in public and try them. They should become second nature after a while.

Be sure, when observing, to observe a wide range of guys, of all races, shapes and sizes. If you’re tall and thin, feel free to pay closer attention to tall thin guys, but watch everyone. Otherwise, you’ll just be doing an impression of the one or two tall thin guys you saw. Get an average and go with that.”

“Handshakes: Make them firm, not like a dead fish. Lock your thumb into the other person’s hand, and look them in the eye. Don’t pump excessively.

Dealing with women: Be yourself, but be less social than you used to be. Women tend to gossip more than men, particularly when they’re by themselves. Even if you’re sitting there with them. Don’t let yourself get sucked in. This may sound sexist, but it’s easy to sort of feminise the way you talk when you’re in that situation. Caveat emptor.
Dealing with men: Again, be yourself. Be social, but be aware of the difference in tone. When men gossip (they don’t call it gossip, though, it’s “discussing”), there is often a sexual undertone and some raucous laughter. Feel free to join in, but beware of the intense one-upmanship that is often present in these situations. Be ready to take ‘em all on. If you can win a one-upmanship match with all of the guys you’re with, you’ll probably be accepted into their circle immediately.”

“Watch how men walk and practice at home. Try to relax and do everything you were told not to when you were younger. Men are sloppy creatures so anything that is less than perfect will probably work … feel free to take up space – be purposeful and sure of yourself. On the other hand, avoid the primate walk – any man looks unattractive lurching down the street like an escaped extra from Planet of the Apes. All you want to do is pass and in many ways, less is more – anything less than walking like a woman will get you through. The best advice I can think of is not to try too hard.
Standing:
Distribute your weight evenly on both feet – stand as if you are in front of a urinal – feet shoulder width apart (which is a lot less than people often assume) and stand tall. Don’t let your hips slide sideways, stand with your knees together or look as though you are trying to slip into the background. You don’t have to make a big statement, just look confident and sure of yourself.
Handshakes:
Check where the other guy’s hand is (quickly – don’t stare at the hand) and grasp it firmly – you probably won’t win any strength competitions so just make it solid and firm. Lock your thumb into the other person’s hand and shake – no excessive evangelical preacher/ used car salesman pumping. Look the other person in the eye and stay calm – it will be over in a couple of seconds and after a while it feels completely natural. Avoid dead fish handshakes at all costs.
Speaking:
Try to eliminate any upward inflections at the end of your sentences. Practice keeping your voice steady and almost to a monotone. Use a reasonable volume as men speak louder than women: if you speak too quietly people will see you as lacking confidence. Men interrupt more often so once you feel confident you can jump into conversations fairly readily. Then again, knowing what you know from your previous life it could be a good move to integrate both aspects and charm your audience with a mix of polite confidence and urbane sophistication (it’s worth a try at least).
Male conversation is a whole new world. Just sit back and observe… then get involved slowly as you begin to feel comfortable. Not all men join in a conversation and it is quite acceptable to “sit it out” without appearing rude or out of place. Banter is an arcane art – best learned by observation. Just take your time and relax – all too soon you will be talking bullshit with the best of them.
Sitting:
Men take up as much space as they need to be comfortable. Cross your legs with one ankle on the knee of the other leg or cross one leg over the other at the knee. Feel free to sit with your legs apart but don’t be uncouth about it. Sitting with a degree of decorum is more important in suits and formal wear otherwise you will look uncomfortable in that particular standard of clothing.
Eye contact:
Look directly at people, especially other men. No coy, shy or sideways looks – be upfront and confident, but not aggressive.”

“Be confident. If you don’t believe yourself, no one else will believe you.

If you are gay, flaunt it but in a masculine way. You can wear a male on male symbol or a pink triangle. Avoid plain rainbow pride symbols as it can make people think you are a lesbian. Same if you’re a bisexual-you can wear a male on male/female sign, but a plain bisexual flag or the ‘biangles’ may get you confused for a bi girl.

Wear clothing that will make you look taller. Pinstripes are good, as well as the color black. Go monochromatic if you are short, since having a shirt a different color than the pants splits the body and shortens it. Platform, industrial style boots will also make you look taller. You can also try shoes with lifters on the inside (or toilet paper if you’re cheap). Remember: the taller you look, the less likely people will think you are a girl.”

“Handshakes: make them firm, lock your thumb into the other persons hand. Look them in the eye. Don’t pump excessively. No dead fish handshakes.
Lighting matches on a matchbook: most men draw the match toward them.
Looking at your nails: curl your hand and lift your hand palm up.
Sitting: men take up space. Cross your legs either with one ankle on the knee of the other or at the knees. The latter is more appropriate in suits and formal attire.
Conversation: men interrupt more, jump in more readily.
Walking: develop a more male walk. Watch other men and imitate them.
Standing: most men tend to evenly distribute their weight when they stand and tend to stand as if they are in front of a urinal when in fact they are standing at a counter or at the ATM machine.”

[Quotes compiled from various FTM sites.]

78 Responses to “FTM’s in their own words: How to Behave Male”


  1. good fucking grief, well the “reasons” (to pretend to be male) are simply “failed femininity”. Congrats, just about every radfem fails the femininity thing.

    I had to piss myself laughing when I read:
    If you are going to cross your legs: cross your ankles with your legs stretched in front of you, [...] Lean back in your chair rather than forwards or sitting up straight. If you can manage it so you are basically lying down in your chair, that’s perfect.

    Because I was sitting that exact same way. rotflmao.

    What a bunch of lightweights though, they don’t know their pozi-drive from phillips-head. Oh diddums.

    Femininity sucks. Don’t mean you’re “a man” though. Just means that femininity is stoopid. Don’t do it. Just say no. You don’t need any T crap either.

  2. myrtle Says:

    Where are the parents? Get your heads out of your butts folks. Your daughter is being programmed by porn telling them how hated women are, and by the psychiatrist you’ve hired, who is going to do and say whatever will keep paying the mortgage.

    Walk out the door and drag your daughter with you. Start being a parent, not a fucking doormat.

    • yerb Says:

      Thank you, Myrtle! Exactly, where are the parents?? And to drag their daughter out of that shrink’s office. Seriously. Every word, very well said.

      • Landon Says:

        this is for transmen, they already feel like a man you can’t change that. it isn’t saying women suck at all

      • michelle Says:

        Landon, if that were true, then they wouldn’t need websites and videos telling them how to be a caricature, or should we just call it what it is: Stereotypical Asshole 101.

        F2T don’t FEEL like anything…they want to play a role, just like the M2T demographic is doing. There is no ingrained “feel like” to any of it, no matter HOW much they may protest to the contrary. People are born male or they are born female. Biology matters.

  3. yttik Says:

    ROFL! Some of those male stereotypes are pretty funny.

    “I never felt like I lived up to being a girl..”

    Now there’s some pretty strong evidence that you really are a girl! That’s practically the definition of being a girl, never being able to live up to the standards or expectations of femininity being forced on you. We all feel as if we’ve failed femininity. That’s pretty much the female condition, it’s unattainable.

    “I know I FEEL male inside..”

    LOL, okay in the interest of science I found me a male to pose that question to. I kid you not, he said, “no, I don’t feel male inside. People who “feel” are female.” There you have it, straight from Egor’s mouth.

    • KatieS Says:

      You nailed that one just right, yttik. All women fail that, cuz it’s bogus in the first place. Plus, it’s set up so we will fail.

      Actually, it would not be surprising to feel like a male inside whether you are a male or a female. Male is the default human. Although it’s been “cleaned up a bit” proper writing always used man=human and he=generic human.

      • Juicebox Says:

        Male is not the default human. I actually read off somewhere that we all start out as the female gender, then some gene or something comes along and turns it male. Tried to remember this at the top of my head so, I couldn’t exactly explain it well.

      • EW Says:

        Male is the default human, as far as society is concerned. Biology has nothing to do iwith it, Juicebox.

  4. myrtle Says:

    “People who *feel* are female.”

    Oh that is priceless. Thanks yttik.

  5. Bev Jo Says:

    Don’t they realize how pathetic they sound? They have to try so very hard to appear male because it doesn’t come at all naturally. You don’t have to be remotely male to reject male-defined femininity!

  6. Cathy Brennan Says:

    Pure homophobia. Why gays and lesbians cannot acknowledge this is beyond my comprehension.

    Swishy?

  7. Chonky Says:

    These poor, poor misguided young ladies.

  8. Sargasso Sea Says:

    Really, all of that just made me sad. :(

    Why on earth would anyone want to be the person these people are describing?

    *Feelings*, bad. *Dullard Asshole*, good.

  9. Feuerwerferin Says:

    “I think you’ll find your authentic masculinity is whatever’s left when you strip away your learned feminine behaviours.”

    And then you might be mistaken for a caveman or for an asshole if you exagerate. The line is blur.

  10. g Says:

    I’ve gotta admit that I’ve had times where I have fun at the expense of kids like these. I spent 3-1/2 years in the Army (Vietnam era) and on a base where the ratio of men to women was about 250 to one. I know how to nuance the ‘male’ thing so I can scare pikers like these out of their pants without so much as shifting my weight–LOL

    Seriously, it’s sad when these kids are growing up where their existential angst is all about ‘gender’ and everything they do is reduced to whether it’s ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’. It’s seems like the highlight of their life would be pink and blue post-its they can stick to everything.

  11. DM Says:

    Scratch your package, spit, mumble, walk with your crotch, be sloppy, and take up lots of space…..Wow, that sounds really attractive!

    And what is with this XXX thing? That used to mean porno.

    • GallusMag Says:

      LOL It’s what women who don’t know any males think “makes one male”. ie: “Go to the mall and observe men from afar”. LOLOL. It’s like Jane fuckin’ Goodall up in here.
      I recently read an interview with Chaz Bono, and she said the only thing missing in her “transition” is that she still doesn’t have any male friends! Hahahahahahahaha. Her only friends are women and a few gay male aquaintences, and of course trannies galore. She said she lacked the “male bonding with straight male peers” lololol.

      • Chonky Says:

        Chastity Bono has evolved from being a sweet looking little girl to…

        Rush Limbaugh.

        Oye

      • GallusMag Says:

        Must be the oxycontin addiction. ;)

      • yttik Says:

        I know! None of that stuff really sounds “male”, it seems more like a recipe for how to chase away women and get yourself thrown out of friend’s houses.

        I just keep picturing this “crotch scratching,” “douchey acting”, “sloppy creature” that wants to take up all the space on my sofa. Are they trying to transition into a Great Dane? English Bulldog? What’s with all the spitting and drooling?

      • GallusMag Says:


      • well zmog, I scratched my crotch the other day, must mean I am a twanzmanz?!

        Let me just *spit*


    • Funny, none of my brothers act like that…I guess they’re not men.


  12. Masculinity IS the problem. Male supremacy will not be dismantled while masculinity and femininity are still in place.

    Plus, behaviors like taking up as much space as possible are just disrespectful. Why do we need MORE people disrespecting women’s space?!

  13. myrtle Says:

    LOL The commentary here is so ageist. Have a care for the old lady with a full bladder will ya?

    What’s that dong lift thing called they do in the Mafia moives and early hip hop? FtTs gotta get that right.

  14. kurukurushoujo Says:

    Reading this I realize how many men actually “fail” at being a man. Thank God.

  15. Bev Jo Says:

    Earlier on someone said they felt sorry for the ladies in the description. That is the problem. “Lady” is a term that means deep contempt for real females. It started out as an extremely classist term and has turned into a method of isolating and policying real females who are just their natural selves and so refuse male rules about male-invented femininity.

    As long as any Lesbian or feminist uses that term for us, girls will either feel pressured to play that male feminine role or will feel they can’t be real women. We have got to recognize that term for the damage it does and not use it. We got rid of it in the Seventies. Why has it returned?

  16. myrtle Says:

    I use it. As I use gentleman, and I use it to denote a woman or man who is a stranger to me whom I am referring to in the third person, in their presence, if they are aged, of a culture that expects it, just like I still stand up to greet and be introduced to people.

    But I know what you’re saying and I agree with that too. If that’s not too confusing.

  17. Bev Jo Says:

    I understand. I just feel so insulted by the term when friends use it. It is so harmful to us and excludes anyone but the extreme feminine.

  18. Bev Jo Says:

    I just wanted to let you all know that I just posted Linda Strega’s article, The Big Sell-Out: Lesbian Femininity, at my blog —

    http://bevjoradicallesbian.wordpress.com/

    The rest of the updated chapter will follow soon.

    If enough Lesbians stop enforcing male-identified femininity, it would take away incentive for some to “transition.”


  19. [...] more free; now, women have absorbed the hatred of women in malestream culture and are supporting one another injecting drugs and chopping off body parts. If lesbians really loved women, would we make this part of our community on as a mass a scale as [...]

  20. Some fella Says:

    When I scratch my package that just means I need to go to the pharmacy and get a refill of the anti-itch cream my doctor prescribed for it.

  21. FeistyAmazon Says:

    what a bunch of neanderthals…but you’ll see it on a construction site. You wanna be an FTM? Let’s see if you’ll survive construction! Many a Butch Dyke has been a pioneer in the construction industry, braved it out and survived despite all the obstacles, layoffs, lack of promotions, ect. But I just don’t see most of these FTM types at all making it in construction cuz eventually these dudez will be onto them, if they make one slip in their movements or ‘presentations’. If transitioning was so fucking natural, then why all the rules on how men are and how much you gotta study ‘em like zoo animals? If it’s so innate, then just take the damn hormones and skip the training and psychiatrists and manuals….but no, IT AIN’T. there are the same types of manuals for MTF’s on how to present as female and raise their voices, be more submissive and meek and not so aggressive, but it don’t work in the longrun.

    It’s all in sex role programming….and no WONDER I can’t stand to be around most men…they’re uncouth! The ones who aren’t so bad, are the gay men, and even in this manual, they’re villified. I’ve known PLENTY of gay men to wear a full rainbow pin! Us Dykes prefer our Labryises, double womyn symbols and rainbow or triangle pins ect……but most of us are more macho than most gay men….hahahah…….turn the b.s. on it’s head! And many of us more macho naturally than these FTM’s! We DON’T have to study a manual, we went by our natural instincts and kept our bodies intact!
    -FeistyAmazon

    • Gay Says:

      Omg, I fail as a “man” by this list, haha. God, this “act like a man” is just drivel. Why do they all want to pretend to be Archie bunker?
      Sick of getting called “transphobic” for being turned off by vagina. Thanks ladies for speaking truth.

  22. Dylan Says:

    I find this blog post to be very discouraging. I think both sides of this issue are being close minded about things. Not all ftms seek to become the next neanderthal jerk that the ftm sites seem to perpetuate they become. Not all ftms look on the internet and find these guides helpful. I find most of the information in these guides laughable exagerations of the male persona, but I also find that the comments here are very transphobic. As a transman myself, I am not trying to demand a spot kept for me in female society just because I was born that way. I also am not denying my past to any who may ask or trying to pass off as born male. I am simply being myself. When I started transition, my major changes were all physical- a haircut, more male clothes and I lowered my voice. My personality is still my personality. While at first I may have been scared to show both my masculine and feminine side, I found that was useless. I am a human being and no human being is 100% male or female and its society that decides what qualities are male and which are female and I choose not to buy into it, deciding instead to just be me. I hope that people on here will actually read my comment and understand that not all FTMs are the “bad guy” and that I did not “take away” from your community by transitioning as I was never seen as a butch to begin with.

  23. SheilaG Says:

    There is no such thing as “male” clothing. That is where the trans group is reactionary. Feminism is about not defining clothing as gendered, as we all know when women fought to wear pants and a wide range of clothing… yes, women had to fight to be able to wear pants to school, and that was in my lifetime.

    People are born biologically male or female, the rest is about costume and sex role stereotyping.

    I find the very idea that any outer garment is “male” or “female” inherently anti-feminist, and if feminists attack this reactionary attitude, we are accused of being “transphobic.”

    Radical feminists posit that sex roles are about patriarchy, are about male dominated realities.
    This very same patriarchy that says we are not allowed to be ourselves, but have to chop off body parts to “be” what is a sex role to begin with. Trans is really about accomodating the patriarchy not overthrowing it.

  24. Bev Jo Says:

    But Dylan, if you were just you, why have surgery and toxic synthetic hormones? I appreciate your saying that you weren’t Butch, because that’s what I’ve been trying to say for a long while now.

    Calling us “transphobic” is assuming we are afraid of you. I’m not. I feel oppressed by you and by any woman who is opting for male privilege instead of changing patriarchy and the male system that defines females by male rules and standards which are grotesque and demeaning.

    You are also assuming being “trans” is real. It’s a made-up category that I believe, for “FTMs,” is actually about female-phobia and, for some, lesbophobia. It’s about being so afraid of getting female and often Lesbian oppression that you don’t want to be us any longer. That’s the privileged role of joining the with those who oppress us by collaborating in their definition of us, which harms all females.

    I don’t think women who want to be men are taking away from my community any more than I think that of Lesbians going back to being het. It’s all about privilege and if someone wants the privilege more than sharing support with us, I think we are better off without them. (A friend told me last week that her ex who is now a “man” is definitely getting more privilege than as a Lesbian, including a big raise. It’s a sale all right, but I do think it’s selling herself and the rest of us out.)

    It looks to me like most FTMs are Fem and some are het women who want access to gay men like many het women do. But “transitioning” is an illusion. We can’t change sex any more than we can change species (though some have surgery for that too.)

  25. Kitty Barber Says:

    You are simply ‘being yourself?’ If so, why the haircut, the clothing, the lowered voice? Why pretend to be something you are not? If you were really being yourself, you wouldn’t wear a costume. You would do what we call ‘getting dressed.’ Sometimes we refer to this as ‘putting on our clothes.’

    You claim not to have bought into society’s idea of male or female–but you have not only bought it, you’ve exaggerated it, and in the process you’ve reinforced the false claim that it is natural for you to be a ‘man.’ If it were, you wouldn’t need to ‘transition.’ You would live honestly as the human you really are. How in the world can you claim you are just ‘being yourself’ when you are living a total and complete lie?

    You DO take away from my community by denying that there is room in the world for more than two kinds of humans. You seem very confused about this, when in fact it’s quite simple.

    You have been sold a bill of goods. You will pay a very high price for this, if you haven’t already.

  26. FeistyAmazon Says:

    “People are born biologically male or female, the rest is about costume and sex role stereotyping.”-SheilaG

    This is the crux of the matter plain and simple isn’t it? After being on the Michfest list, arguing this on countless sites, blogs, ect. and out in the world, I’ve gotten tired of explaining my position when I see above as I tried to access the original video(Gallus, the original video at top link doesn’t work, the dog one does), so I went onto Youtube itself and put in: “FTM Intro Video” and what came up but 7 pages of links with just that name in it! There are literally THOUSANDS of ‘FTM Intro Videos’ I mean these girls are bragging about their ‘process’ and ‘transition’ in droves and droves and droves! I mean, this is fucking EPIDEMIC here, with the under 35 crowd! These long agonizing posts of their ‘process’, many from a girly girl appearance to now “I’m a dude!”. Well, if I came out now instead of in 1981, I would be going down THE SAME ROAD! Cuz I chopped off my hair, wore more androgynous/men’s clothes(well I always have when I could get away with it with my family)did Full Contact karate(the only female in the whole dojo to do so), and had many different ‘masculine’ behaviors because they simply couldn’t domesticate me or femme me up. And they had me in therapy too.

    I just didn’t ‘fit in’, not until I came out as a Dyke on campus with womyn PROUD to be Dykes, Lesbians, Butches, Feminists, and most of all FEMALE! THEN I had a place….I’ve ALWAYS crossed my legs in the male manner. I’ve ALWAYS had a strong handshake! Nobody taught me these things..they were innate to my character and to my taking up space! You get on a bus with me, not just my size taking up space, but by my body language I take up space, cuz I dont’ purse my lips together, don’t hold my hands close to my body, and I don’t cross at the ankles! I’ve been doing this stuff FOR YEARS!

    But then, most of these young ones ARE NOT INNATELY BUTCH, so the only way they can escape the female condition is to transition….they think that’s their way out ‘wearing the clothes they want’, of sexism! NOT a strong Feminist/Womon proud movement where we stand up to male sexism and violence and TAKE UP OUR SPACE! Cuz any womon who does that is a Dyke and a shrew and a bitch, but if you’re a dude doing that, it’s perfectly o.k.!

    Sadly, being Butch is no longer enough…so now they all identify as ‘Genderqueer’, even the most feminine among ‘em who can’t stand ‘Lesbian’ identity, to make themselves up into Butch Dykes, I mean come on, cutting off the hair, wearing more masculine clothing? That don’t make you a ‘dude’! And after that description above who wants to be a ‘dude’ anyway? I also love that ‘those clothes if they’re on a female are female clothes!” Yeah, I remember going to school and having to wear dresses, then in the early ’70′s the dress code changed where girls could wear pants to school.

    Damn, these girls(and they don’t deserve the word ‘woman’ yet, they haven’t earned it)need to get a life rather than one long FTM/Genderqueer confessional after another! And listening to all the others’ lies! That’s what’s fueling/feeding it! Many of us have also said it is very, very much like joining a cult…once they get around all the other self hating genderqueers/trans born females, who collaborate on how awful it is to BE female cuz of the sexism of their parents, school, society, and narrow female roles i.e. the enforcement of ‘femininity’, instead of RESISTING IT and being Amazonian and Female proud about it, like many of us did, they take in as shame and self hatred to those bodies that they feel betray them…by at first binding and comparing notes, attempting to ‘pass’ as male, which most initially do not, not even Chaz, and by hating on what’s left of the Dyke community, Dyke identity, and Dyke herstory and pride, while WANTING to be included in it at the same time! “I was Lesbian then I realized I was trans” i.e. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BEING BUTCH? It’s about seeking out the male privilege, and having 1000 other young women who want to be men telling them the same thing, through blogs, videos, and in the community of those under 35!

    Where is our Butch legacy going? When I look back, once they’ve aged, and fully transitioned, there won’t be one Butch under a certain age cuz they will be all sporting beards and male attitudes and will have transitioned, and LITERALLY the Patriarchy will have won, since it done conquered their young bodies, minds and spirits, MOST LITERALLY!
    -LABRYIS SWINGING MAD,
    -FEISTYAMAZON

  27. Kitty Barber Says:

    I Knew from the time I was about 5 that I was different than most of the girls I knew. And when I saw something about Christine Jorgenson,(?) I thought that I would have to get this sex change thing so that I could live the life I wanted. UntiI saw a copy of the Berkeley Barb, with lesbians on the front page, marching together in power–and I knew I’d found my people. Lesbian feminism saved me from all of that. There is no doubt in my mind.

    As a dyke, I worked construction, on a track repair crew for Chicago
    Northwestern R.R., in auto repair, you name it. I made way more money than most womyn I knew, and I did it well. At 5’4″ and about 120 lbs then, I was all muscle,too; I kept up, did the job, and won the respect of most of the men I worked with. It was hard, but it was good for me. I always lived as an out dyke, even in the 70′s in small-town high school, and paid dearly for it at times, but I could hold my head up and be proud of what I did and who I was. I knew that we could do anything, and set out to prove it.

    I do not understand this FTM business, but it makes me sad and a little sick, and I wonder what drives it, and why on earth THAT is somehow better than being a lesbian. I do not get it…and it’s not as if we didn’t do what we could to set a good example, and to make the world an easier place for our younger counterparts. This has got to stop. I am pretty sure that given a few more years, these girls will regret what they have done to their bodies, their brains, and to their lives. Then what?

  28. FeistyAmazon Says:

    KittyBarber, I am waiting for that time, cuz it makes me incredibly sad…all these years out as a Butch Dyke, and part of Dyke culture, and reaching out to other Dykes and Butches, to see so many young ‘uns decide ‘they wanna be dudez’ instead. Struggling with all the same issues we did, in a much less tolerant environment, where we did the fighting for both ours and ultimately their freedom, and now they wanna go be ‘men’! It’s as if on some level the Dyke community and Feminism has failed…..sadly…..or maybe we’ve just lived under too many Republican presidents, the religious right has gotten even stronger(abortion is becoming more and more seriously in question) and our Dyke/Womonproud spaces, places and identities have been overrun, and women’s/lesbian businesses where we could congregate and circulate the money in our own communities by and for each other, have mostly disappeared…..

    I just hope Dyke Nation will wake up before it’s too late…..

  29. Bev Jo Says:

    A friend of mine said her ex, who is now a “man,” got a big raise and so much more. Considering most FTMs are Fem and some are het women, I think it’s about the privilege. And for one I know, to not get raped anymore. It does help to remember that some just found another way to go back to men.

    But I really don’t understand it. What we have is really the best!

  30. SheilaG Says:

    Not to be a sad sap Bev, but I really don’t think radical lesbians reveal a very attractive alternative to the materially / economically comfortable…. If FTMs seek freedom from female body discrimination, larger paychecks etc., if this really is the case in the trans fad, well I think we really do need to rethink what lesbian feminism is, and what it needs to do.

    And women are always going to be finding a path back to men…. either they have new men and are in LUUUUVV, or they dump men and are in HAAATTEEE, only to go back to men at some future date. That’s the hetero dance routine. We need to build a critical mass of lifelong lesbians who are 100% committed to this revolution. We need to stop fawning over the previously het, the fems, the sell outs… we just need to create the powerful celebration of women who have never sold their bodies to the penis under any circumstance voluntarily…

    Now we have all this elective surgery, but women have not really understood the purpose of lesbian nation, and really, it is all about het women longing for privilege, and they are addicted to it. It’s why radical lesbians have such trouble getting our message out there, because even so-called het radical feminists are simply hanging around till the next man comes along, and that’s pretty much where they will remain stuck.

  31. Bev Jo Says:

    I agree, Sheila. I think it’s better for us just to be with those who, like us, are committed just to Lesbians. That’s what I’ve tried to do. I’ve never run around trying to help het women come out or fawned over them or put them before Lesbians. What I have done is to make Radical Feminist politics available for het women to see so that can support them without letting myself be drained or used. I don’t think we need to be an alternative for males. The early Lesbian Feminist movement was so attractive that women came out in droves. It is all clearly a choice, which is so important to keep saying, and to give our precious support to each other.

    I hadn’t been around het feminists in years until I got online fairly recently and it’s been a shock, with their hatred of Lesbians and devotion to men. They do like to complain about men, but after doing that for 40 years and still being committed to men and valuing them more than women, it gets very boring. I feel like we have a few real het women allies, but they know they chose privilege and do support us in whatever way that they can.

  32. yerb Says:

    This is all very shocking and sad. It’s all about posing and lies and trying to fit into hate-based roles. I’m so glad to see all of Gallus Mag’s work, and glad to read the writings of lesbians/womyn who have similar views to my own, after having felt very isolated for years from radical lesbian feminist community.

    All this play-acting by women who are tired of being oppressed as women, who want to distance themselves from being what is “uncool” in society, namely to be female, and to finally achieve some status and power by trying to copy, “pass,” and perpetuate maleness and patriarchal attitude. This reminds me of the celebrity TV shows nowadays, where there is such a focus on acting and dressing the part, even off-screen, and all the cosmetic surgery. We are turning into a society prioritizing the superficial, and lacking substance, in general. All while women’s oppression roars on and is only getting more severe with women feeling increasingly obliged to be thin, bikini-clad objects for “Girls Gone Wild” voyeur-ographers and the likes. And all while so many people on this planet are starving, being bombed, etc., and the climate crisis grows.

    I think the best hope we have for this trans-nonsense is first of all the wealth of feminist bloggers speaking up about this travesty now: many of you who have posted here; the effect your blogs will have in helping to gradually shift some young (and older) peoples’ consciousness, and the stories that are, or will, begin to emerge of trans-regrets.

    I think when trans come to these blogs and express any degree of regret or questioning of what they have done or bought into, we should support them in that process, even though some have really gotten under my skin. I’m not saying we should tolerate the patriarchal/misogynist stuff they say, we should certainly speak to that, but their questioning trans, and acknowledgment of regretted decisions should be supported. Their awakening and public statements of regret will help prevent others from going down that road.

    Just tonight on YahooAnswers, a 20 year old man considering surgery replied to my comments that he had never thought of the things I’d written, and that yes, surgery was probably not the right way to go. Unfortunately, someone else came along and told him some steps he could take to “transition,” and he then bought into that. So he was someone who has never been exposed to the kinds of ideas posted on Gallus site, or in the comments here. Very sad. These folks need help and support if they are willing to be open to it. At the same time, I do not have patience with those who are not interested in questioning anything about it, and who are determined to reinforce the patriarchal belief that sex roles are nature, not nurture. That is anti-feminism, and dangerous to the rights of all women, and of course just further foolishly denies the humanity (potetial) of men: not good for them or us.

  33. yerb Says:

    That first quote is so bizarre, and so sad. “Now I can dress the way I want.” By claiming to be the other sex and having her parents on board with starting to T.

    Just skip the knife and “gender therapist,” and dress the way you want.

    Good grief.

  34. kittybarber Says:

    yerb:

    I agree with you that ‘these folks need help and support…” They DO need help. I am convinced that most of them are seriously ill. But they wiil have to find it elsewhere. Why should feminists be expected to provide them with help and support?

    Oh, right, because we’re NICE, KIND, UNDERSTANDING, SUPPORTIVE, HELPING, SWEET, SELF-SACRIFICING, NURTURING, GENEROUS WOMEN. That’s our JOB. That’s why women were put on the earth, after all, isn’t it? To help men? I just forgot for a minute there.

    That’s why we should sacrifice our movement, our time, our well-being and safety, our energy, and anything else that they require, so that these poor, helpless, misunderstood, suffering men will feel better about themselves. That’s all we need to do.

    That isn’t what radical feminism is about. Feminism is about WOMYN.

    Next summer, I am going to the Michigan Womyns Music Festival. I am bringing my little Flip video camera, and I am going to make it my business to document every one of these pricks that I can find. I am going to take it on myself to do this because I cherish that festival, and have since 1977. I won’t have the best time I’ve ever had there, but I am sick of this being so much of what it’s about these days. I am going to out and publicly shame as many of them as I can. I refuse to let them see us as low-hanging fruit. If they want to fight for their rights, they had better stop framing us as the enemy–we have not caused them to be so freaking miserable with their lives, but I promise you this: if they won’t stay out of this space, I WILL BECOME THEIR ENEMY, AND I WILL MAKE THEM MISERABLE.

    I’ve had it up to here (maybe it’s because my name is Kitty. smiley face here) but there is no point in trying to negotiate or reason with these freaks. I hope to organize some others to help me with this–and I have a feeling it won’t be hard to do. We’ll see who comes out on top.

    Anyone who would like to lend ideas, time, etc. to this, please speak up.

    Oh, by the way; if you are trans-anything at all, I fucking DARE you to give me a hard time. You have no idea what you’re in for. I eat your kind for breakfast.

    Little Ol’ Lesbian
    Kitty Barber

    • yerb Says:

      Hi Kitty,
      Thanks for your reply. I’m a wbw (and I dislike even having to use that phrase or anything like it! Because having to clarify that I was born female when I use the words “woman, womon, or womyn” has been forced upon us by men who insist they’re women. For clarification, I use the terms woman, womon, or womyn for people born female, and man for people born male. As far as I’m concerned, they’re not MTFs or FTMs or whatever, though I understand that sometimes those terms are now necessary for clarification. And I understand that in this context, you and others here would want and have a right to know who I am, hence my clarification above that I’m a wbw.)

      And I get what you’re saying. I am fully aware that it is not the job of the oppressed to take care of or teach our oppressors. I had a feeling what I wrote might not be the best put, as I definitely agree with you that it is not our job to take care of these guys, or to teach them, and I absolutely support and appreciate your documenting their presence at Michigan Fest. It makes me sick that they are invading there and have been for decades invading other lesbian feminist/womyn’s spaces. I encountered it where I used to live, where one spoiled-brat, entitled, privileged man who claimed he was lesbian(!) succeeded in getting all sorts of womyn-only spaces entirely closed. It is also very disappointing that lesbians who sympathize with men who claim to be trans are letting them in to Mich Fest. I have wished I could go to MichFest, but have never been able to afford it. If Michigan has a no-men policy, is it possible for the organizer(s) to do more to make sure that womyn who strongly support that policy are the ones at the gate, not trans allies?

      What I had in mind when I wrote my comment was that when I recently read a trans’ comment somewhere in comments on Gallus’ blog, who sounded like he was somewhat getting what radfems here were saying to him, and it sounded like he was really questioning his decision to have the surgery, or to consider himself trans (I forget the exact details), one commenter really ripped into him, which, given that he was expressing doubts about considering himself “trans,” I thought wasn’t very constructive.

      So hopefully to put it better, what I meant to say was that if someone is regretting his decision, it would probably be more productive to not rip into him, but to simply encourage him and state support for him to give up the trans beliefs/identity. And yes, I do think men have an obligation to study feminism, especially before claiming to be women. But in reality, virtually none do study it, so if they are reading feminist writings now, and getting a clue, now is better than never.

      Believe me, I do not believe in holding men’s hands, listening to all of their pains and trans-deliberations, and taking care of them, it’s not our job. (It’s men’s job to learn how to listen to the feelings of and support other men, and if we do that for them, they will never learn how to do it for each other.) I do not have patience for such an expectation–it’s not my responsibility–and resent it when anyone asks me to do that for mehn (on this or any other feminist topic.) I do think that many men, and women, have only been exposed to trans-rhetoric, and to little if any feminist perspectives, especially regarding trans, because there is so much publicity for trans and so little for feminism. So there are plenty of people who have only been exposed to trans-speak who may benefit from and be receptive to radfems’ views on trans.

      I am just saying it might not be the best idea to rip someone who is saying he *regrets* his trans decisions, who never thought about or was never exposed to feminists’ perspectives on trans, or maybe was, but never really “got it” before, who might end up being a good spokesperson against trans politics and claiming they’re women. Of course, there are some trans who express ambivalence: who write misogynist, pro-trans beliefs, and also express disagreement with trans beliefs/politics, and as I originally wrote, we have every right and responsibility to speak out against the misogynist part of what they write.

  35. FeistyAmazon Says:

    What was that poem? I think by either Elena Dykewomon or Alixx Dobkin called “Put Away the Knives”. I will see if I can find it..and thats’ exactly what it’s all about: putting away the knives and finding pride in each other and the female form, as well as the grief so many of us longterm Dykes and even more so Butches feel to see the next generation giving into the knife and ‘passing’ and acting as male…..and turning their backs on it. It was a hard piece to read because it was sad…but empowering at the same time cuz it told the truth.
    -FeistyAmazon

  36. Bev Jo Says:

    I really agree, Kitty! You said that beautifully. It is such a long, constant struggle. A friend posted a link to a remembrance day for trans, where there was a lecture about gender. I responded and got the usual reprimands and chastizing and insults from an outraged Lesbian impersonator, but referred readers here. I think more will agree, but it sure takes courage. I just saw an fb rant that was anti-Separatist and accusing any of us who defend female-only space as “haters.” It is all such a mind-fuck. The assault on our culture and history and community never ends. But the key is your plan to expose them, as Gallus does, using their own words and images.

    love and support for your fight for Michigan….

  37. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Ok, gotta share this link, because it confirms our worst fears. Some of you may have read it, though she wrote it just a couple days ago…this scares the fucking hell out of me, and I just don’t understand why more don’t get this as a eugenics war, and a way to eliminate Lesbianism and male homosexuality, and any human who expresses themselves differently than the heteropatriarchal ‘norm’…..
    http://theconversation.edu.au/eugenics-and-the-practice-of-transgendering-children-3838#comments

  38. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Kitty, there’s a thread in the Gender section on support for the WBW policy and MIchfest and how to take it back. This year from what I read, many dressed in red or wore red triangles(though some had a hard time with the red triangle bit politically which they go into), but I do agree with the wearing a particular color at least, or having WBW t shirts printed up. One small time Lesbian printer, DID print WBW t shirts up, and the trans made sure she got censored by the greater queer community at large, and would lose business since WBW is considered ‘hate speech’ by the trans, since they want to frame EVERYTHING their way, and what’s ‘politically correct’ and what’s not, so she stopped printing the WBW t shirts for Michfest womyn who wanted them..sadly or they threatened if she didn’t stop they’d put her out of business, so she gave in….but the MIchfest womyn who support the wbw policy are getting more radicalized and more organized cuz they’re sick of the shit too, and the Festival being demonized and compromised.

    But I hear ya…I’m tired of fighting this fight too, and they NEED to be exposed, not just the MTF’s, but the FTM’s crashing the space as well(I’m NOT talking superbutch or naturally hirsute women, who NEED Michfest to be themselves), but certain ones with that scratchy hormone induced voice, male pattern body hair, attitude, and expectations of being called male names/pronouns/ect. Nobody would believe me when I told them I went to an event at Michfest where an FTM was the gatekeeper to get into that event, which is precisely why I left about a 1/2 hour later! I was so turned off! And we gotta EXPOSE them and not be so accomodating or ‘nice’ anymore when our Amazon territory is being constantly violated!

    -FeistyAmazon

    • kittybarber Says:

      Yep, I’ve been on the ‘michfest’ page, but I have to tell you that the admin has managed to silence the voices like mine, like Bev Jo’s, who want the argument to deepen, to get to the crux of the whole matter–the fact that these trans whatevers are just men. They are men, and they may not come to the festival. I don’t get it, but there it is. And I have written to the woman who makes those tee shirts, and she will be selling them at the festival next year. In the meantime, we will wear red, not just see it.
      I am going to apply to do a workshop on the subject, we’ll see how far I get. Perhaps I will call it “Another Naked Emperor.” or, “There Ain’t No Sucha Thang.” Or “Get the Hell Outts My Space and My Face.”
      Sheila Jefferys has a new article out there, it’s really good, you can tell because the jacktivists are all over it.
      Peace I mean war I mean thanks

  39. Bev Jo Says:

    Where is the article, Kitty?

    Trying to accomodate and not say no, as women have always done, does not work and only encourages those with a rapist mentality. Firm no with all in agreement and support does work.

    Michigan represents the last of our culture and is essential to save. Good for you, Kitty! It should be possible to reach all Lesbians when these men are shown to be what they are. They can only con so much. Please let us know if we should go back to the Michfest discussion. I thought it was over.

    And what about starting one that really represents Michigan?


  40. [...] reason I bring this site up in my post is that a couple of comments to the post FTM’s in their own words: How to Behave Male on the blog Gender Trender points out what these womyn are doing to help redefine [...]

  41. kittybarber Says:

    BevJo, start here if you haven’t seen it, and the other one I refer to–having a Rick Perry brain moment here–will send it as soon as I can pull it out.
    xxoo
    kb
    www. youtube.com/ watch?v=T4cZD8ZLD84


  42. [...] Submitted on 2012/02/26 at 11:43 pm [...]

  43. Juicebox Says:

    Why are you Dykes, Butches and Lesbians looking down on the trans community like you do? I never understood why oppressed groups tended to antagonize against each other, when each group has had enough of the discrimination by the ‘superior’ groups such as heteroes. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the phrase ‘don’t assume, you’ll just make an ASS out of yourself’. MANY of these trans felt DIFFERENT from the rest of the members in their gender BEFORE they knew ANYTHING about the gender discrimination going on in the world. DON’T ASSUME THEY’RE ALL JUST LOOKING TO ESCAPE THEIR BODIES FOR PRIVILEGES. Most of them really feel unbearable discomfort with how their bodies develop during/after puberty, BECAUSE IT’S THEN THAT THEY’RE FORCED TO ACT ACCORDINGLY TO THEIR OWN ASSIGNED GENDERS. I never knew oppressed people could become so BITTER. I’d figure since you know HOW IT FEELS TO BE DISCRIMINATED AND LOOKED DOWN UPON, YOU’D BE MORE SUPPORTING OF OTHER OPPRESSED GROUPS. But no, here you all are, picking on trans-people. That sickens me. Leave them alone, JERKS.

    I seem to be passive-aggressive since I often never come back to the forums I’ve replied to. So HAVE A NICE DAY.

    • Beth Says:

      Okay, you do realise that all of this applicable to EVERYONE EVER.
      Most females and males feel different to everyone else during puberty (and some after). Puberty sucks, Hollywood makes movies about the suckfest that is puberty.
      I hated puberty. Menstruation made me feel like a leper, breast growth is painful and made you vunerable to groping by boys. I got really tall (6ft) and towered over most of the females and some of the boys.

      I felt like a freak. I still sometimes do. You have messages telling you you’re not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not stylish enough, not wealthy enough and not desirable enough.

      Are you really so blind to assume trans are the only ones who feel uncomfortable in their own skins? MOST OF US DO. Making people feel like shit makes money as they desperately try and conform to an unattainable ideal. Even outside Western countries, you have skin lightening and cosmetic blepharoplasty.

      Saying you can change your sex to ease a discomfort is a farce and another way to make money. SRS and cosmetic surgery= big money. You can no more change your race or your age.

  44. BadDyke Says:

    “BECAUSE IT’S THEN THAT THEY’RE FORCED TO ACT ACCORDINGLY TO THEIR OWN ASSIGNED GENDERS”

    And the rest of us aren’t?

    “BEFORE they knew ANYTHING about the gender discrimination going on in the world”

    What, when they were foetuses, cos good ole gender kicks in the moment you pop out!

    What a fuckwit, no other word for it. And I’m usually quite polite! Perhaps (like other irrational belief systems), believing in jenduh rots the brain………………..

  45. Nicolas Hughes Says:

    What is this – Transphobiaville? We teach ourselves these things either because our parents kept saying crap like, “Cross your legs knee over knee, dear, that’s fine when you are alone, but with others, you MUST be more ladylike,” or because we haven’t had surgery/hormones yet and we need to appear more stereotypival to be seen as male at all.

    Why be seen as male at all? Because we think of ourselves as guys.

    Though some of this advice is unrealistic.

  46. Andrew Says:

    Your not mentally a boy you just want to be one when you a transman you don’t need to learn how to be a boy, you be your boy self aotumaticly I’m Trans and I did all of that stuff without looking up how to be a man I never did girl stuff ever I tried it but it sucked cuz I gotta listen to girls gossip and be someone who I’m not I was always sad I rather be on the basket ball team for guys. Your just experimenting. AND PEOPLE stop calling it coming out of the closet! There’s no closet! That just sounds bad! A few months ago I went to this group for transexuals and they had that thing all wrong they say “we’re all queers here” and they represent the rainbow and gay pride. Transmen just want to be a normal guy in first place so do that be a normal guy. No trans pride why would you want this?! It fuckin sucks.

  47. proudFTM Says:

    I’m FTM. I never had to learn how to act like a stereotypical man. I did it from a very early age. I had to learn how to act feminine so my grandma would be happy. Being a girl was acting. Being a man is natural. I asked Santa to make me a boy when I was three. I tried Jesus as well- he didn’t help, either. I lived as a miserable “woman” for a long time until I was brave enough to transition. Some ftms take the masculine/feminine dichotomy a bit too far at first- they mellow with age. Don’t judge them too harshly- that advise mostly comes from the 18 year olds, not the ftms with some actual experience. By the way, I have wonderful, loving parents who support me. They raised me to see men and women as equal and didn’t follow old-fashioned gender roles. They’d rather have me be a happy man than a suicidal woman.

  48. BadDyke Says:

    “Being a girl was acting. Being a man is natural. ”

    “you don’t need to learn how to be a boy, you be your boy self aotumaticly………”

    Wrong. Both are as unnatural as each other, both are LEARNT, you just preferred one over the other, that’s all.

    “They raised me to see men and women as equal and didn’t follow old-fashioned gender roles.” Yep the mythical gender-free land where all the F2Ms were supposedly raised — NOWHERE is gender free, unless you were brought up in a closed box raised by (carefuly designed) robots, and then you’d have more problems than worrying about made-up jenduh…………..

    But same ole same ole from those who have accepted the same tired ole jenduh lies.

  49. Em Says:

    My ba-donka-donk?? Didn’t realize I had one, and can’t find it. Does anyone have a map?

  50. Bev Jo Says:

    Woman can’t be men. It’s that simple. Can’t be other species either. And considering most men have sexually assaulted and sexually harassed most girls and women, and as a group are destroying the world, why on earth want to be one?

    Not once has any F2T described what they mean other than hating stereotypes of what girls and women are pushed to be. I hate that male-identified crap too, but I never wanted to be male. None of that is innately female.

    Being a real female is the best. Why settle for less?

  51. ptittle Says:

    One, being forced is not the same as being pressured. (And, goddamn, grow a spine.) (Otherwise, you make it that much harder for the rest of us, who just want to be ourselves.)

    Two, you don’t have to be lesbian to be ‘butch’ (not sure I like that word – maybe ‘non-feminine’?)

    • sonyc19 Says:

      First, what’s with all the hate on trans guys? I mean, one would think that LGBT meant that the community would support each other regardless of what gender they identified with.
      I am a girl, but for the majority of my life, I have truly believed that I was supposed to be a guy. Not a dick head one, but like a mature and respectful one. Like, I even see myself as a guy even though I look like a girl. I think it’s better to go through with surgery and testosterone if that’s what you feel is nessecerry to make you feel like your body and mind match. I just want to look at myself in the mirror and see someone I like. Really, it depends on what you feel needs to be done in order for your body and mind to match.
      (Had to reply to your post. Couldn’t find where to make a new post)

  52. JDaniel Says:

    White gay male here, don’t know how welcome I am to comment. Want to chime in to say that you radical feminists make a lot of sense to me (please don’t take that as patronising — I know it doesn’t matter to you what a man thinks).

    I can’t tell you how offensive this is to me. So many childhood years of wanting to throw myself under a train before finding a way to live as a feminine gay young adult in a hostile world. But somehow it’s progressive now to make a homophobic laundry list of male no-nos like crossing your legs and a thousand other things that my gay ass has done all my life. And somehow, we are the ones who are haters if we call this out as the same old unbearable gender straightjacket that’s been precisely the problem this whole goddamn time. Do these people expect me to spit like a man or “transition,” just as women must choose between pole dancing class and testosterone injections? Transphobia!!!!

    “Do NOT use ‘swishy’ hand movements when you talk.” Modern! Progressive! Queer! Thanks guys! Just the kind of message all children should learn!

    • GallusMag Says:

      Your comment is welcome and appreciated. :)

    • moss Says:

      I’m happy that more gay guys are coming around and being logical about this stuff instead of all liberal-guilt-y. My best friends were always gay (and some straight) boys; I’m not anti-male at all. Up with fagginess and dykiness!

    • Motherhood Says:

      JD it matters what everyone thinks–I am just your run of the mill straight lady. These guys exploit everyone and who they can’t exploit they threaten and attempt to silence. They have much in common with being gay as I have with being Catherine of Aragon. They both use and reinforce the notions of a gender straight jacket by aping women–circa 1950 ideal of femininity and at the same time by demanding male privilege. They are acting out a fantasy and are dangerous to women and kids. The gay male needs to not throw the lesbians and the rest of women under the bus. They need to wake up and smell the coffee. These are heterosexual males and they will use you guys for every penny, and to provide political legitimacy and then turn and rip the gay male to shreds. And will make themselves the hero victim.

  53. Alex Says:

    Hello everyone. I realize that this post is quite old, but I will comment anyways. This was intended for trans* men who were searching for tips on how to present themselves in a more masculine way. I do not understand why there is so much negativity on here. Yes, it may not have the best advice, but the person who wrote this took time and effort and intended to help FTM’s. That is all.

    • Teal Deer Says:

      You meant to post that comment on the April 1, right?

      Might want to look around a little harder. That is all.

    • LC Says:

      Here’s the best advice that can be given to anyone, period: If you need tips on your behavior or what to wear or how to speak… you’re not being authentic. You are lying to yourself by putting on this act. You are lying to those around you. Helping people starts by encouraging them to be honest. If these “masculine” traits don’t come naturally to FTM’s, then either masculinity itself is unnatural, or they aren’t really men. Most likely both… so stop encouraging self-delusion.


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