The Making of a TransBoy

June 10, 2012

Parents Claim this drawing displays daughters “battle” with “Gender Identity”

“My son, Aaron, is a seventeen-year-old transboy.  Looking back, I realize that Aaron has never truly changed.  Aaron has always been a boy – a boy that was dressed in girls’ clothes, given girls’ toys, and held to the social expectations of a girl.  When Aaron was three, I registered him for an art camp for four- and five-year-olds.  Aaron demonstrated exceptional artistic talent at a very young age, and I assumed that she would be able to blend in with the group of older children since her artistic talent far surpassed that of most young children.  Upon arriving to pick up Aaron at the end of the first day of camp, the teacher approached me and said that he “needed to have a word with me.”  Being a teacher, I knew exactly what that meant.  I looked at Aaron, who was grinning from ear to ear, as the teacher explained that Aaron had punched a boy in the stomach while waiting in line at the sink.  Aaron replied that the boy had said, “You’re just a dumb girl.”  Clearly, Aaron was a girl in our eyes.  Evidently, Aaron had acted inappropriately, especially in society’s eyes, where girls aren’t supposed to engage in physical altercations with boys.  The teacher gave me a stern look and recommended that I adhere to the age requirements when registering Aaron for future classes because Aaron was “obviously not as mature as the four- and five-year-old girls”.

At the age of three and a half, Aaron began preschool.  Over the course of the two years that Aaron was there, the teacher’s comments included statements such as, “Aaron  doesn’t like to play with the girls.  At recess, Aaron collects bugs and keeps them in her pockets.  When we try to talk to Aaron, she just gets defensive.”  I heard similar comments from Aaron’s kindergarten teacher.  I assumed that Aaron wasn’t like a typical girl because Aaron always played with her older brother.  I assumed that Aaron didn’t like what the other girls were doing in school because Aaron was so bright and didn’t have the same interests. (At the age of four, Aaron told me he wanted to be a neonatologist when he grew up… and he actually knew what a neonatologist was!)

When Aaron was ten-years-old, Aaron began dressing more like a boy. When I would take Aaron shopping for clothes, shedidn’t like one thing I would select and we would usually leave the mall arguing.   Needless to say, I don’t have fond memories of the trips to the mall, but I’m certain those memories don’t compare to the nightmare that the shopping experiences must have been for Aaron.

One summer, when Aaron was eleven, Aaron wanted to go to baseball camp.  Aaron was the only girl at the camp, and I was worried how she would fit in. At the end of the first week, Aaron didn’t want to continue due to the teasing that took place.  I expected it to be difficult for a girl to attend a baseball camp with all boys.  I had no idea at the time what the true struggles were  that Aaron faced at this camp.

The following summer, Aaron had a great deal of trouble sleeping.  One night around midnight, he came to my door, knocked, and asked if we could talk.  We sat in the living room for about an hour before Aaron spoke.  Then Aaron finally said it.  Aaron told me that he felt that God had made a mistake and that he felt like he was a boy trapped in a girl’s body.   Aaron told me that he hated himself and wanted to know why this happened.  I had no answers.  I had no words.  I had no idea how to comfort him.  Here my daughter sat before me telling me she should have been a boy.  I saw the tremendous anguish my child was experiencing and I knew I had to find help for my child.

The next morning, I researched gender issues online and I found a psychologist in our area that was familiar with these issues.  Aaron was eventually diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder.  Although we were learning about transgender issues as a family and making progress in our understanding of Aaron, this hasn’t been an easy journey for Aaron.  He has had to struggle with bullying and maltreatment by students and adults at school.  He has had to watch other boys have the life he wanted.  He has had to deal with so much more than the average teenage boy.

Over the past two years, Aaron has been physically transitioning to male.  I refer to his transition as “physically transitioning” because Aaron has always been a boy – a boy that was dressed in girls’ clothes, given girls’ toys, and held to the social expectations of a girl.  Aaron is and always will be Aaron – a gifted artist, musician, and philosopher.  He is also one of the bravest people I have ever known.  Aaron is a soldier in a battle for self-acceptance and societal-acceptance, and I am so proud to be his mother.  Aaron has taught me what it really means to love someone for who they are and that there are times when you need to challenge both personal and societal belief systems. The piece of art that I have chosen to display on this website was drawn by Aaron at the age of 16, and I feel this piece best depicts his battle with gender identity.  As you will note, the soldier is not alone, and I hope that other children will find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their struggles with gender identity.

DONATE NOW”

Testimonial From the TransKids Purple Rainbow Foundation http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/transyouth-stories/aaron/

TKPRF is the cash cow of the parents of 11 year old “transgender” talk show celebrity “Jazz”. From their website:

“Who We Are:  TKPRF Board Members:

Greg & Jeanette

Greg & Jeanette are the proud parents of four children, Arial age 16, identical twins Sander & Griffen age 14, and Jazz age 11, who is their transangel. Jazz was born with Gender Identity Disorder, and diagnosed at age 3. Since then, Greg and Jeanette have supported her, and have made a point of sharing Jazz’s story to help other families. In 2007, they filmed a Barbara Walters special with 20/20 entitled, “My Secret Self”, which was updated in 2008. In 2009, they shared their story with Australia in the 60 Minutes special, “My Secret Self”, with Liz Hayes. Now that Jazz is 11, and preparing to face puberty, they have decided to explore the next chapter in the lives of their family in the documentary film, “I am Jazz: A Family In Transition” which airs on OWN. Greg & Jeanette, along with another family, started the TKPRF in 2007 to help other transkids, and spread the message of unconditional love, tolerance and acceptance.

Deborah Eve Grayson

Deborah Eve Grayson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Diplomate of the American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, (AASECT) Certified Sex Therapist, Gender Specialist and Registered Poetry Therapist in private practice since 1978. She is a Qualified Supervisor in Mental Health Counseling and Sex Therapy and is a Master Mentor/Supervisor in Poetry Therapy. She is a published author of four books on poetry, psychology and human sexuality, and has contributed chapters to various college texts and scholarly journals. An award- winning writer and photographer, she is also an Adjunct Professor at Lynn University where she teaches Human Sexuality, Mind, Body, Medicine and the Expressive Arts Therapies. An active member of the Florida Department of Health’s Transgender Community Task Force, she is currently earning her Doctorate in Clinical Sexology with an emphasis on gender variance and congruity throughout the life span.

Jazz

Meet 11 year old Jazz, a honorary co-founder of the Transkids Purple Rainbow Foundation.  Jazz speaks at universities, medical schools, conferences, conventions and symposiums.  She is the current and youngest recipient of the Colin Higgins Youth Courage Award, and the youngest person ever to be recognized in The Advocate Magazine’s, “Top Forty Under 40” annual list http://news.advocate.com/post/21701470227/forty-under-40.  For 2 1/2 years Jazz was banned from girls’ soccer in her state.  After a long battle, the United States Soccer Federation ordered her home state to lift the ban.  As a result of the discrimination that Jazz was forced to endure, the USSF is creating a policy to include all transgender athletes who want to play soccer in the United States of America. Her story is discussed in the May 28th, 2012 edition of Sports Illustrated, http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1198744/index.htm

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[Thanks Anon -GM]

62 Responses to “The Making of a TransBoy”

  1. Rididill Says:

    There are really no words….

  2. Barbara Di Bari Visconti Says:

    How appalling. There’s so much wrong with the “transgender kids” concept it’s hard to know where to start. Poor Aaron has been encouraged to believe that her body is inappropriate for an assertive child who won’t be a boy’s doormat (punching him for calling her a ‘dumb girl’) and her interest in baseball and other things “masculine,” in the process being turned into a sexist pig against her own sex. And she will probably be physically abused with puberty blockers, hormones and surgery to “treat” the “disease” of being a girl who doesn’t conform to what the patriarchs want girls to conform to.


  3. I’m glad you posted Aaron’s story. This is a great example of some of the things that are so frustrating with some of these trans stories. Sometimes I think, is this all? The girl didn’t like the clothes her mother picked? She hit someone at the age of three? Teachers couldn’t deal with the fact that she was gifted? She collected bugs? Well, she must be a boy.

    Unless Aaron’s mother has left out the most important parts of the story, this is the story of a tomboy, who freaked out some very repressed, conventional people. She was told, over and over that she was a boy. Finally, she believed it and got with the program. At no time did she ever say she didn’t like her body, it was more that other people were uncomfortable with a gifted tomboy.

    It seems to me that these stories can be divided into two types: the children who, from an early age, insist that they are the opposite sex, and have trouble identifying with their bodies. The few actual trans people will be found in this group.

    The other group is like Aaron. They don’t get into the role-playing that is expected of girls, and other people give them the idea that they’re not girls. It’s not about their body at all. They don’t get into the body stuff until they have already been brainwashed for years by other people.

    I’d say, the youtube trans kids are mostly in the second group. What am I missing? It can’t just be the dress thing. Most girls aren’t into dresses, so the missing part of the story must be that their parents and teachers have such strange ideas about what girls are, that girls who don’t measure up and are abused for it want to become something else.

    • ibleedpurple Says:

      Teachers couldn’t deal with the fact that she was gifted?

      Therefore she must be a boy! This was what positively sickened me. And how eager her mother was to emphasize how “gifted” she is and how obivous it seems that genius is thought of as incompatible with being a girl.

      Aaron is and always will be Aaron – a gifted artist, musician, and philosopher.

      But only as Aaron, not as a girl. Seriously, I have no words. I takes me back to how much shit I had to take because I knew “too much” and didn’t have the tact to subjugate myself by failing. Now girls who have the same troubles I once had can count on “friendly” professionals to declare them a boy because a girl who is too intelligent causes too much trouble.

      Trangenderism is a slippery slope – first, it’s playing with toys that haven’t been assigned to your sex role, now it’s causing social unrest by refusing to playcutesy barbie doll who pretends that “maths is hard”. How absolutely repulsive.


      • I have tried to explain this very same issue to people before and all I get is blank, uncomfortable stares. It’s like they know what you’re saying is true, but they’re too afraid to “switch sides” and agree with the feminists* for once – they’d lose all their cool points or something…

        *I left out “radical” deliberately as I no longer truly consider so-called liberal feminists to actually be feminists, so I see no need to distinguish between the two groups. They (the so-called libfems) might agree with some elements of actual feminist thought, but that would make them quarter-feminists or two thirds-feminists at best.

        Trans “women” aren’t women, and liberal “feminists” aren’t feminists. Let that one swim around in their heads for a while…

      • fmnst Says:

        To ethicalequinox:

        I have been enjoying referring to them as “conservative feminists.” They get too pissed if I say they aren’t feminists (“how dare you” “you really aren’t going to go there, are you?” “who are you to say who’s a feminist?”). They seem to be ok with being called conservative or right-wing feminists, or they at least tolerate it. But it also puts them on notice that they are not “all that,” they aren’t as liberal as they think they are, and that they have a lonnnnnng ways to go.

    • MT Says:

      Some neighbors of mine have a male-sexed child who is definitely in the first group – around the age of two or three he told his parents he wanted to be a girl. It came from the child – not the parents. And this child was definitely exposed to plenty of strong folks that don’t conform to strict gender roles.

      Whatever the politics, my basic humanity tells me that it would be wrong for my neighbors to force their child to *stop* wearing dresses, using a feminine name, or playing with dolls.

      Hopefully, this child can just be allowed to be themselves, and that will be enough for a happy life. If not, hopefully they can delay making any medical choices until they are old enough to choose.

      • BadDyke Says:

        “And this child was definitely exposed to plenty of strong folks that don’t conform to strict gender roles. ”

        I’m rather sceptical about that, because research shows that as soon as the little kid is born, adults and parents treat them differently based on the assumed sex.

        And seems that little kids are ‘gender detectives’ and DO get some pretty weird ideas about what girls do and what boys do:

        http://www18.homepage.villanova.edu/diego.fernandezduque/Teaching/CognitivePsychology/Lectures_and_Labs/ssCognitiveDevelopment/CurrDirDevelopGenderK.pdf

        So, seems to me that at even a fairly yong age, observing that what YOU like doing is a girl-thing (hence I want to be a girl cos I want to keep doing X), is not just explainable, but in a sense predictable, in that some kids are just going to look for a way to fit what they want to do into the ‘gender rules’ they are working out just by looking at the world around them.

        Interesting that peak rigidity for these worked out rules occurs at age 5.

        If you look at the story on the first page of the paper, a small child who just saw his father and another man ordering pizza, and his mother ordering lasagna came out with the ‘rule’ that men eat pizza, women don’t. If a girl had been there and come to the same conclusion, but didn’t like the look of lasagna, it isn’t much of a stretch to her saying — I want to be a boy. Then trying to do MORE boy things, all so she can have pizza! No one was playing gender roles in choosing italian food, the kids just work out this stuff themselves from what they see.

        Like another story I heard, a girl who said she was a boy, but what she REALLY meant was she preferred a certain type of ‘boys’ clothing, and according to the rules, the only way she could get what she wanted was by repeatedly saying she WAS a boy.

  4. hearthrising Says:

    Aaron’s mother has a strong desire to see her child as an extra special snowflake doesn’t she? This mother comes across as a narcissist projecting that narcissism onto her child. Also, Aaron strikes me as a child who had initial trouble relating to other girls due to less developed social skills, perhaps exacerbated by being placed with older children in the art camp or by her mother’s narcissism. A child like Aaron, who has trouble relating to other girls, needs some playdates with a few same age girls under adult supervision to develop the skills to interact with her own sex. She might or might not have gone on to develop GID, but a child’s problems relating to her own sex need to be addressed, and gender reassignment is not addressing that problem.


    • The idea that because her child is gifted and assertive she must therefore be a boy has been planted in the mother’s head by a patriarchal society. But I hope the meddling doesn’t interfere with this child’s creativity.

      As for Jazz, he is paraded around as though he’s a specimen to be exhibited. I saw him wearing a dress performing a sexy dance in front of an audience of men. His eyes were so sad and despondent. Everybody had forgotten that this was a CHILD.

    • Elin Says:

      Yes, the mother is creepy. Case of the drawing (it made me lol a bit): it is certainly not an “exceptional” drawing for a 16-year old, especially not one that has been sent to art camps and the like. Also, I also mainly drew soldiers, criminals as a kid. Most kids (boys or girls) stop with that at age 14 or so and begin to draw more real-life stuff… if anything one could say that drawing this piece at age 16 is a sign of having (still) an unusually childlike, fantasy-indulged mind.

    • fmnst Says:

      I suspect her mom was a feminist or at least “was not a feminist but believed in equality” type, and encouraged her daughter to not conform to sex stereotypes for girls, and isn’t copping to it here/in the present, to conform to the party line of the trans movement (revisionist story telling to fit the mold and justify and be accepted for her and her daughter’s decision.)

  5. Christina-Xena Says:

    Awesome trans-kids. The articles and excerpts demonstrate just how ingrained their gender dysphoria really is!

    • noanodyne Says:

      Awesome comment CX!! It demonstrates that you are the kind of transdelusionist who is so deeply conflicted and miserable, you’re thrilled with any mirror telling you your choice is correct, no matter how faulty the mirror and your vision is.

      Guess what, honey, you missed the part where none of this is based in reality. Your delusions are the same ones these parents have. All of you being delusional doesn’t make the delusions true.

      More importantly, you plainly have no empathy or sympathy for what’s really going on here: The manipulation and butchery of children to ameliorate adult delusions and fears.

      • doublevez Says:

        And fetishes. That’s the part that really bothers me, adult delusions, fears and fetishes, and the enabling of this child abuse and perversion by medico-educational factions.

  6. RoseVerbena Says:

    The deeper one digs into this “community”, the creepier it becomes.

    How many millions of “tom boys” were there in order for the term to enter into the English language? How many of us grew up to be perfectly happy in our female human bodies as lesbians, bisexual or heterosexual women who don’t take any crap from men? As radical feminists? As gifted artists, musicians and philosophers? As scientists, truck drivers, farmers, violinists, surgeons, bar tenders, thrash guitarists or whatever in the heck we wanted to become? As mothers and grandmothers who are famous among our offspring for being smart, affectionate, fair, hilarious, outrageously tough and courageous in the face of all kinds of struggles and hardships — and not really fitting the traditional, sexist, lavender and Persian kittens grand-ma stereotypes? (Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with lavender or Persian kittens.)

    How many of us didn’t much like dolls, didn’t much like playing the too-little-physical, too-much-hemmed-in games of those prissy, clean, proper little girls around us, and wanted to climb trees, poke at snakes, throw sticks and play “war” for the sheer joy of running, shouting and tackling our play-mates and wrestling with them in the dirt and grass? How many of us preferred to risk skinned knees, grass-stains, muddy feet and a bloody nose to the known tedium of endlessly cutting out paper-dolls, brushing doll hair and taking boring naps, especially when the sun beckoned us from outside and the water down at the creek promised to be cool, sweet and full of mysterious creatures to discover, like Jules Verne’s voyages in miniature?

    For that matter, how many of us wanted to BOTH play with dolls and wrestle in the mud because who in the heck made up these silly rules about what girls like, anyway?

    Medicalizing being a “tom boy”, psychotherapizing being a female child in rebellion against misogynist sex-role stereotypes is like something out of a sci-fi horror novel.

    I can’t believe every grown-up “tom boy” in the U.S. and the U.K. isn’t howling in outrage about this scourge stalking our girl children.

    Someone pinch me. I’m living in a nightmare where parents and doctors are openly bragging about how “open minded” they are as the lop off another girl-child’s future as a happy, healthy, fully-realized female human being — and for what? In order to shoe-horn her into one of the two acceptable collections of completely arbitrary, ridiculously out-of-date sex-role stereotypes.

    Goddess wept.

    • Adrian Says:

      Hear hear! It’s articles like this one that drew me to this site and your tumblr and various similar discussion around the net, because as I’ve said before too, so much of these stories sound like they could have been me, yet – I’m not trans! I’m just a non-conforming woman. And there’s no way I’m the only one.

      And yes, that includes the being upset about puberty part. There are all kinds of reasons for girls to be upset or worried about puberty, and at least for me part of that was because I recognized that it would bring a new kind of gaze and new pressures to conform that I was not looking forward to.

      • RoseVerbena Says:

        Exactly. Puberty SUCKED. Of course there are plenty of girls who are not thrilled about it. It was awful.

        My breasts were so tender and sore for months on end that I had to wear band-aides over my nipples. I cried from the pain. I also suffered pain from the growth spurts, which made my leg bones ache and throb.

        I had horrific cramps, nausea and diarrhea with each period.

        My step-mother forced us to go to the store and buy our own feminine products, and I swear to God every, single time I got into a line at the grocery with an older, safe-looking woman as the cashier, just when I got near the register she’d go on break or something and some smarmy 20-something dude would replace her and I’d peel out of the line and go home empty-handed. I used more home-made toilet-paper pads than I can count just to avoid having to buy tampons from a man.

        Plenty of perfectly normal young girls are horrified at the blood, the mess, the cramps, the loss of bodily control, the ogling and teasing from our peers as our breasts develop (seemingly always “too small” or “too big” — never just right — if our tormenters are to be believed), the hideously embarrassing accidents.

        Then the male gaze starts and/or escalates: the evaluating stares, the cat-calls, the brushing up against us, the sixth sense of being constantly STALKED by predatory males, learning about rape and all the attendant horrors, possibly for the first time if we were sheltered as children.

        Whatever thrill I felt at being “all grown up” was more than counter-balanced by the fear and discomfort, and I am not even one, tiny bit “trans” or rejecting of my female body. I love being female, and accepting of the fact that having a female body is tough sometimes, takes getting used to, sometimes takes great courage and is a liability in a freaking patriarchy!

      • Violet Irene Says:

        I remember getting SO ANGRY at my aunt and grandmother when I was having my second menstrual period (I was 11, almost 12, and hadn’t been expecting it so soon) when they lectured me that it was wrong to resent it. “It means you’re becoming a woman! It’s what allows you to become a mother!” I angrily screamed “I don’t WANT to be a woman! I don’t WANT to be a mother!” All I really meant was, I don’t want to stop being a kid (and start being expected to be a sex object and take care of everyone else). And I am not ready to think about motherhood, because I am a child. But I didn’t have the words to articulate that, then.

        And now I have children and I agree that it’s a blessing to be able to do so if you choose, but I think it is completely normal for ANY young girl to resent being told that because of biological factors out of her control she should start thinking of herself that way.

      • Darcie Says:

        Age 14, marching in a 4 mile band parade into the state fairgrounds swarming with 200,000 people, white shorts. ‘Nuff said. (Tisk, tisk Hens, talking about menstruation is TRANSPHOBIC!)

      • BadDyke Says:

        “talking about menstruation is TRANSPHOBIC!”

        Yep, it’s that mythical shared girlhood yet again! From when they made you put your top on at the beach because you were getting too big, to the shame and pain of your first period (and hiding the tampons in case the fragile males in the household died of embarrassment) — nope, cos the ladymenz say it doesn’t exist, so we should stop talking about it…………………

        Sod it, let’s go BLEED all over the fuckers! They throw petrol bombs, we’ll throw used tampons, I betcha it will clear the street faster!

    • noanodyne Says:

      Excellent points, thank you RoseVerbena

      • fmnst Says:

        Hmm, in second grade, I punched Joey (from down the street) when he pushed me off of second base, even though I was safe.

        His mom came to talk to my mother, saying Joey’s tooth was loose or knocked out. My mother listened to her sympathetically, and then said to me afterward, “Good for you, that kid deserved it.” My parents had taught me to learn to stick up for myself physically. I think my mom was simply glad that I could. Today, I certainly don’t condone being violent except in self-defense, but at that age, I didn’t know the difference, and my parents really didn’t teach that — just to stick up for myself physically.

        It’s scary to think that if I had been growing up today, Joey’s mom, the other parents, my teachers, and perhaps even my own liberal parents would have wondered not “is she a tomboy” or “is she learning to stick up for and defend herself in the event of future attack,” but “Is she trans? Is she a boy trapped in a girl’s body, just dying to get out?”

        I, too, am so thankful to not have had such a sick horror imposed upon me, but to instead learn the importance of sticking up for oneself as a girl, as a female in a world of men hostile to us.

        And to think this girl’s mother in the article considers it “courageous” to cop out and just conclude one is a boy. It takes so much more courage to be female in this woman-hating culture, to respect yourself, and to fight in one way or another for your rights.

    • rq Says:

      BadDyke, that’s a really good idea.

  7. get rid of gender Says:

    There are several aspects to the story that are so telling.

    First of all, it is hardly irrelevant that this initial incident where the mother came home and found her daughter crying about her body must have happened when the daughter was about 12 and most likely undergoing puberty. This is an extremely distressing and confusing time anyway, especially for girls. Not only are girls dealing with the changes to their bodies, but they are also being subjected to greater levels of inherently dehumanising sexual objectification and being put under increasing pressure to conform to femininity – to start liking boys and make up and bras and give up whatever very limited childhood freedoms they might have had up until this point. Under those circumstances, it is perfectly logical to wish to have been a boy in order to have the right to be treated like a full human being. It doesn’t mean she is really a boy. It means she is a girl who is a human being who can see she is being treated as a lesser being because of her body.

    I’m also inclined to wonder whether this mother had actually had any sort of proper in depth conversation with her daughter about puberty, about the changes that were coming, and let her know she was there to talk or answer questions. It seems like the daughter was just confused and terrified and trying to reach out to her mother for support and understanding. Instead, the mother packs the daughter off to a psychologist and lets someone else deal with the ‘problem’ of her gender non conforming daughter.

    And then of course there are the obvious things. Why not find an all girl sports team for her daughter to join, so that she wouldn’t be subjected to misogyny from the boys? The daughter would have then had other physically active girls like herself to play with and develop friendships with, reducing her isolation and her sense of herself as a ‘freak’ who didn’t fit in.

    Why not allow her daughter to choose her own clothes on these trips to the mall instead of forcing her to wear clothes she hated?

    Why not protect her daughter from the hatred, ridicule and disapproval that ‘uppity’ girls and women are routinely subjected to instead of feeding her to the patriarchal medicine machine?

    Why not be proud to have an intellectually intelligent and physically active daughter who can stand up for herself, instead of saying she is ‘really’ a son because she doesn’t act like a ‘proper’ girl.

    It’s like the 1950s all over again, only this time around anyone who resists is being mentally and physically mutilated into conformity.

    • Adrian Says:

      Thank you for this. You say what I want to say, but better. Absolutely I identify with the “well, you’re growing breasts now, so you have to conform to all these other rules and there’s something wrong with you because you don’t want to” thing that so easily develops into a power struggle.

      Of course when I was growing up there just wasn’t the trans* meme out there, no one was talking about trans* kids or anything, so there wasn’t that “oh, this must be it!” for people around me to jump to (thank goodness).

      I never did wear the “girly, appropriate” clothes bought for me, and still don’t wear anything like them. Happily.

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      Very well said!

  8. get rid of gender Says:

    Sorry, first sentenence in above comment should read:

    First of all, it is hardly irrelevant that this initial incident where the daughter said she hated herself and thought she should have been a boy must have happened when the daughter was about 12 and most likely undergoing puberty.

  9. Bev Jo Says:

    Yes, this is a tragedy, but a lot of people are making money and fame and fortune off girls like this. And yes, probably a narcissistic mother who is basking in the reflected fame. I was thinking of Munchhausen by proxy, but you’re right, hearthrising.

    This sounds like what most girls would be if they weren’t so crushed into passivity and submission. Who in their right mind would want to look or be girly under patriarchy? Who would want their underwear to be laughed at if they fall down or play with boring toys patriarchy gives girls to prepare them to be wives and mothers?

    Trans is a cult and fraud. This poor girl. And yet, if she’s accepted as a boy, her status immediately is raised, as is her possibility of making enough money someday to not feel pressured into having to decide between having a husband or being homeless.

    I never wanted to be a boy, but hated dressing in the girl uniform and the boring toys. I had every imaginable “boys'” toys, including a toy bazooka. No wonder girls living in patriarchy sometimes identify with fighting an army. In my little girl fantasies though, my army was the other girls in my class, living together, dying for each other, protecting each other.

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      In my fantasy play we were often horses — that doesn’t mean that we actually wanted to BE horses. Sigh.

      • Adrian Says:

        Heh. My mom says she always wanted to be the horse when she and her friends played “house,” because she liked horses.

        Me, I always wanted to be the Dad. Why? Because I hated playing house, so I could “go to work” and sit there and paint at the easel instead! Nothing gender about it…


  10. According to this criteria, every single non conforming girl is really a boy. Christ most of our lesbian and a lot of our feminist community would literally disappear if the criteria was used.

    Thought you would also be interested in this article in a British newspaper blog. It is a comment article totally ridiculing the idea that young children can have GID.

    http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/brendanoneill2/100138801/its-madness-to-tell-a-five-year-old-boy-who-likes-tutus-that-he-has-a-gender-identity-disorder/

  11. doublevez Says:

    I don’t know any little girls who fit these stereotypes. LOL. We’d all have starved and frozen to death in the bush if we had. Think of how our countries were founded: my great grandmother pulled the plow, they couldn’t afford a horse; my other gg paddled across the Barens, had 12 children along the way, got up from their births, put them to her breasts and hunted and trapped everything her children and husband(s) ate and wore.

    The ‘transboy’s” story? Pure porn inspired marketing spam. (Andrea James inspired). Makes me want to find some carbolic soap and scrub myself raw

  12. Hecuba Says:

    I always say that if I and my brother were children now, both of us would be medically certified as suffering from ‘gender identity disorder’ with teachers and medical profession coercing my parents into believing we needed emergency treatment including mutilating surgery in order to make us fit Male Supremacist myths of what comprises a real (sic) female and male! I never conformed to strictures that I should play with dolls, not be assertive, not show any interest in so-called ‘masculine’ toys such as toy guns; toy soldiers; climbing trees. I was also told I shouldn’t hit boys when they subjected me to verbal/physical harassment – but I never listened – instead I maintained my stance. My brother was never that mythical stereotypical boy because he loathed sports; hated doing anything like playing with soldiers or toy guns; hated compulsory lessons in woodwork as it was called then. But he and I not once thought we were not a female and a male. I too hated wearing dresses as a child and yes my mother tried to make me wear dresses and skirts but I refused apart from the compulsory school uniform. I always wore trousers – so clearly I must be a male in a female body! I hated being told ‘you’re a girl you can’t wear trousers because they’re boys’ clothes!’

    Now any female child who does not conform to misogynistic male supremacist myths of being a ‘real passive; submissive; barbie doll’ is told ‘you are really a boy because only boys have intelligence and an interest in the world.’

    Male Supremacist system must be congratulating itself on finally finding a supposedly fool-proof way of maintaining male domination over all women and girls. Keep telling girl children – ‘hey you’re really a boy because girls can’t do x,y or z! Male Supremacist medical profession Medical profession is not only propping up male domination over females but also profiting by selling dangerous drugs to female and male children.

    In years to come there will be law suits against Big Pharma and the medical profession for medical malpractice by subjecting female and male born children to unnecessary mutilating surgery and forcing them to endure excruciating side effects by administering unproven and dangerous drugs.

  13. yttik Says:

    Uhg, what a sad story.

    “Aaron is a soldier in a battle for self-acceptance and societal-acceptance….”

    There’s not a girl on this planet that hasn’t at some point had to be a soldier in a battle for self acceptance.

    • doublevez Says:

      I don’t see this here at all, this dogmatic gender essentialism in child rearing. Not then, not now. Is this a distinctly American phenomenon? I do know some religious people are more gender-strict, but still, nothing like this. We’re an outdoor culture. Even women who wear heels during the week are wearing carabiners and cleats on the weekend. Everyone. The whole family.

  14. doublevez Says:

    I needed this.Maybe you all would be uplifted a bit too: Fast and Female: Empowerment Through Sport for young women 9-19.
    http://www.fastandfemale.com

    • Darcie Says:

      Also uplifting, the little girls that get out on the track for their own roller derby bout between bouts of the “B” and “A” teams (Brawl Stars and All Stars). They all want to invent their own cool handles for their jerseys and take their ques from the adult womyn, names based on feminist icons mixed with a badass twist “Strangela Davis” and the like.

  15. Nicky Says:

    That’s the same problem with Intersex kids. The don’t allow Intersex kids to grow up and have a normal childhood. As a result they are forced by the medical community and society into forced corrective surgery. At the hands of medical doctors and parents.What they are doing to these kids amounts to robbing them of their childhood and it amounts to forced genital mutilation

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      I agree, Nicky. Intersex kids should be able to decide how they want to present and whether or not they want surgery. There’s nothing wrong with just being intersex. People should not be coercing children to conform.

      • Nicky Says:

        It’s why Trans people are trying to rob Intersex kids and any kid of their future and their childhood. It’s wrong and it harms intersex kids of their childhood. Forcing kids in any type of genital mutilation at a young age is very wrong and amounts to torture and abuse. Kids should be kids and be allowed to have a childhood. Not be forced to conform.

    • fmnst Says:

      I’m always so glad you contribute your voice, experience, and perspectives to these conversations, Nicky. I completely agree with you.

  16. sheela Says:

    This story reminds me of this fundraising appeal I saw requesting support for a ‘trans kid’ to go to a pricey private school where his needs would be more understood.
    http://www.indiegog o.com/asher2ams
    the youtube vid seems to reveal him as a sensitive young person who will understandably benefit from the care and facilities and environment of a private school, but I’m unsure why low income women reading this, maybe struggling to school their own children, are meant to fund it. Or why working to improve the attitudes of the local state school is not mentioned. I guess lower income/ nonwhite children and their special needs can go hang. The conservative individualism just seems to go along with this need to identify any unconventional, artistic, sensitive traits as ‘trans’

  17. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Without repeating myself over and over again, almost all of what Aaron went through as a young girl, I went through. thank Goddess I came out into a Lesbian strong and proud community(at least on campus) where I could just be Butch, we were radical, there was a proud Butch Dyke Witch who mentored me, and I had good Lesbian role models. But I went through all that shit, insisting to my parents I was a boy, hating girls’ clothes, girls’ roles, expectations on femininity, housework and frills that girls have to put up with. Half a selfhood. Boys get to be autonomous, adventurous, rough and tumble, and I too took boys on that fucked with me or said ‘you’re just a girl’,I’d fight them physically tooth and nail, often won, sometimes lost, and always protected my younger more sissyish brother against them too, his protective older sister.

    As a teenager I got into the martial arts and that did a heck of alot for my self esteem. I also was the only girl on the hockey team, in the entire league in fact. So many Butches will tell you these stories, true blue Butches, who knew they were different, from childhood. I wondered many times ‘Could I be a boy?” but I knew deep down except for my beloved grandfather, I preferred the compassion of women compared to the hardness and callousness of men, and that I was an emotional being, and refused to cover up my emotions like my brother or other males are expected to do.

    And it had NOTHING TO DO WITH wanting a penis. It had EVERYTHING to do with being treated as a 100% equal, and not being put into demeaning, vulnerable roles or clothes, or to be the lesser looker on to the male heros depicted on T.V. and in the movies.

    So, if we had STRONG Lesbian communities again, perhaps we could dissuade the Aaron’s and other tomboy girls from feeling like they must transition, must become ‘male’ and perhaps even had Amazon training camps where they could BE their full powerful young Female Selves! No girly girl stuff at all….just fun and adventures and full participants, reflected with strong Dyke and Amazonian women who practice martial arts, the bow and arrow, fishing, hiking, camping in the forest and other fun adventures. That THERE ARE alternatives and women and girls just like themselves. I knew of only one other hardcore tomboy like me, and she wasn’t very friendly to me…the guys made sure we competed against each other, and I just wasn’t as tough as her, instead of befriending each other as likeminded sisters in the struggle.

    Maybe that’s what we need….a real SISTERHOOD, of younger and older Amazons, something I am working on creating every day of my life, and especially when I teach my Amazon workshops….and perhaps ministering to younger girls too that are Called to the Path….that they ARE different than what the mainstream/malestream, the men, the teachers, the doctors and even their parents expect…cuz Goddess forbid they become a Lesbian!
    -FeistyAmazon

    • fmnst Says:

      Damn, I wish I could have gone to your camp, Feisty. I hated how wimpy girls sprouts was. The uniforms and sewing badges, and the religion. We were scouts, but only went on one outing per year. Where was the outdoors stuff?? The skills, the adventures? It was more like mostly lessons in how to be a proper, stereotypical girly-girl. I enjoyed the one camp-out, and learned some things, but there was so little physical anything. My mother hated it too, and always talked it down, that there was so little outdoors stuff. Even though she wasn’t into camping herself, she recognized how stereotypical it all was. I’m glad that girl scouts exists, that it has in some ways become a more feminist organization, but it is still waaay too girly.

      I was so looking forward to joining girl scouts to do lots of hiking and camping. It would have been wonderful to have been in Feisty’s camp, where girls would be *encouraged* to break out of the stereotypical female mold, and taught the realities of growing up female under patriarchy, and how to resist all that and make it in the world.

  18. FeistyAmazon Says:

    whatever happened to the “Lesbian Kids Lavendar Rainbow Foundation” when I was coming out, or pre coming out? OH it’s not there. Yeah, there’s Lyric but it’s for LGBT, and after my time…but when I was a kid? OH, there’s no money in bringing a girl out as LESBIAN who might not fit into appropiate gender roles, in fact defies ‘em, but sure we can have boatloads of organizations for trans and transkids…but what about the young coming out budding Butch/boyish DYKE? Or even androgynous or femme Dyke? NONE. She’s gotta fit somewhere into ‘LGBT’ and most of the Butch ones are fitting right into trans/genderqueer, skipping Lesbian altogether…oh, they’re NOT Lesbian you say? They’re all ‘Queer’ eh? So you’re telling me there’s NO strictly LESBIAN/Dyke organizations now for the newly coming out(or the longterm either)? You can do it for trans but not for Lesbians…oh, that’s cuz LESBIAN means FEMALE AUTONOMY and FEMALE HOMOSEXUALITY and that we don’t conform to hetero roles, or at least can choose NOT to. Freedom from the male….yeah, that’s threatening…..so you gotta fit into a smaller and smaller version of the alphabet soup. No autonomy for you! But transkids? Yeah, that’s where the money is be made: doctors, psychiatrists, hormones,surgeries…yeah…..and ah…’fixing’ those kids who have ‘gender problems’ that is, aren’t strictly feminine or masculine…..and making those autonomous tomboy fierce girls into ‘men’, cuz we can’t have a Lesbo in the family after all. IF she becomes a ‘he’ then at least maybe I can marry him off and he can be a good mensch with a wife, no he can’t impregnate, but my boy can make me proud!
    -F.A.

    • Darcie Says:

      Inducting young womyn and girls into the tranz ranks is touted as parents being supportive of their daughters in their struggles with GID, but Lesbian organizations to support young womyn and girls? thats horrible, evil “recruiting” donchaknow?

  19. Violet Irene Says:

    As the mom of daughters, including one gifted in math and art who is wearing camo print shorts and loves hunting for bugs and building things with rocks and has been my feminist hero since she could talk, I think I have to take a walk, maybe cry, rant to my spouse, and perhaps be sick to my stomach before I can comment intelligently on this.

    I am so, so sad and angry, reading this, and so sorry for my girls that this is the crappy woman-hating world they have to survive in, that I can’t just make the revolution happen and everything better for them.

  20. Violet Irene Says:

    One other thought, something that jumped out as really weird while I was reading…”transangel”???? WTF? Reminds me of the creepy term some people use for severely disabled kids like “Ashley (of the “Ashley Treatment” controversy)– “pillow angels.” Really disturbing.

  21. radicalwoman Says:

    This is so vomitous. Girls can’t be gifted, spirited, stand up for themselves, collect bugs? Shows how much they hate women and girls, to be certain.
    I was like this child, but had a different sort of parents – they quite literally beat me into submission, over and over, until I did my absolute very best to behave in a feminine manner. Femininity is bullshit. It’s a stifling of the spirit. Of course this poor child was fighting back and felt she must be a boy – she had the wits to see that boys were allowed to be human beings and knows she’s a human being.

  22. RoseVerbena Says:

    “Sod it, let’s go BLEED all over the fuckers! They throw petrol bombs, we’ll throw used tampons, I betcha it will clear the street faster!’

    YAY BadDyke!!! LOL Worth a re-post.

    I’m past the bleeding stage (knock wood) but I would make an exception just to freak out these prissy, fastidious doods who never had a hunk of bloody toilet paper fall out of their panties on the way home from junior high school. (Where/when did it fall?!?…we’ll never know…the stuff of nightmares and weeks of fearful humiliation.)

    No such thing as shared/formative girlhood experiences my hind foot.

    • BadDyke Says:

      I seem to get a bit feistier when I’m bleeding. Probably to do with the stupid set-up of sanitary product bins in the (continually decreasing) number of womens loos in my university building. Forget about the glass ceiling, we’re still stuck with the fact that whenever they need a bit more room (for an emergency shower, cleaning products cupboard etc), they convert a womens loo, leaving fewer and fewer whilst the menz continue to piss in palatial splendour…………….

  23. Bev Jo Says:

    You are so right, fmnst: “It takes so much more courage to be female in this woman-hating culture, to respect yourself, and to fight in one way or another for your rights.”

  24. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Well, I teach Amazon mysteries at my women’s spirituality festival every year(though they’ve changed the policy in the past year or two to now allow trans MtF’s openly) I sure hope not too many attend.

    There have been some girls that have come through my self defense workshop, and even some Amazon workshops taught by another Amazon who has come through my workshops, that are now taught to girls. They get to make their own Amazon costumes and shoot bows and arrows.

    Also, Falcon is doing Amazon workshops at Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival too, though I dont’ know if they cater to the girls as well. At my smaller festival, we do have a girls’ program where they have their own workshops and rites of passage. Some are very girly girls, some are much more Amazonian. At least there are options open to them! I wonder how the girls are who have come year after year to Michfest as well, and grown up there. The girls that have grown to young women at the smaller festival I’ve attended seem to have a sense of freedom so many lack when not allowed these opportunities at least one time during the year, amongst all women, and unlike Michfest, we do not allow boy children of ANY age. So the girls get exclusive attention and get to be around all women.

    NOnetheless, I think there needs to be way more Amazon camps for young women and girls so they can feel strength and power in their bodies, minds and spirits and get life and body and spirit affirming messages of their young Female Selves so they can have pride in their young bodies and spirits and feel powerful within them! Martial arts definitely need to be taught so they can negotiate a dangerous world in a powerful and aware way, but also so many other skills that have come from both boy and girl scouts that are practical and also fun, like how to tie ropes and knots, how to start a fire safely, maybe self sufficiency in the forest or wilderness, awareness of one’s environment and whose around you(for their safety), identifying plants, which are edible, or healing, which are not, and of course woman empowering ritual and other skills, crafts and creativity.
    -FeistyAmazon

  25. Shanon Robitaille Says:

    I am a 20 year old transsexual male who has been reading some of the above comments and have an issue with some of the claims.

    I understand and support the notion of encouraging society to stop being so gender specific and stereotyped, I think any child (or person’s) potential should be the same. However I ask that perhaps some of you not be so quick to judge whether a person is or is not transgender by your definition or expectation. I mean really how much can you know about someone by reading an internet blurb written by their mom, not by them by their mom.

    I find many parents of transgender people do not have great articulation as to how or why their child is that way so they use society’s gender stereotypes to explain it. While I do not think you should pass such quick judgement I do agree that some of the younger people transitioning may be doing it for the wrong reasons which is worrisome for them and for future non conforming children.

    I however did not transition because I preferred trucks over baby dolls in fact my parents encouraged me to do what I wanted. My mother was a strong role model and always told me I could do anything a boy could be it physical, playing, school or even when talking about what I wanted to be. My issue was always about feeling wrong. My interests some of which would be stereotypically labelled feminine played no part in me hating my body and wanting a new one. I struggled for years with eating and self harm issues and never had the confidence to do anything. I knew going into this despite commen misconception that it would not be easy and I may lose a lot, but the need to feel one with myself was greater.

    I now feel better and have a better understanding of myself and am also stable enough now to provide love and support to my friends. I just wanted to share a bit to re-iterate that not all trans people are trying to escape societies stupid stereotyping and that it can be hurtful to some of us to illegitimate our situation.

  26. Jane Says:

    I encourage you all to watch the many documentaries on this subject and pay close attention to the parents; usually the mother. This is so abusive I don’t even know where to start. It’s like my parents deciding I was a Ninja Turtle because all I did was draw them and pretend to be them. Imagine having to live with the consequences of having your parents get your hormones and surgery so you could be your favorite cartoon character as a child. One of the hurdles of self-development is learning to accept who and what we are – these parents mitigates that entirely for a magical world where you are your clothes, and there internet movements and facebook groups can somehow change the natural order to make this so.


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