“My Husband’s Sex Change” – Surviving a Genderist Spouse
November 7, 2012
An excerpt from Christine Benvenuto’s forthcoming memoir on the experience of surviving a genderist spouse was published in TheGuardian this week. “Sex Changes: A Memoir Of Marriage, Gender And Moving On” will be published November 13 by St Martin’s Press. Recommended by “My Husband Betty” blogger Helen Boyd.
Her middle-aged autogynephillic husband of twenty years and father to three children is consumed with his male-privileged gender fantasies of what it means to be female and Christie records the results. Some quotes:
“Yet Tom was interested in my relationships with other women. Too interested. Whenever I began a friendship, he would edge suffocatingly close. One time he called a new friend in secret to ask for babysitter recommendations so he could take me out for my birthday. After that, he often found some pretext – it always felt like a pretext – of doing something nice, and got his hands on a friend’s phone number, calling for advice or information and asking her for secrecy. It felt creepy every time.”
“From his cheerleaders I learned that in the new political correctness, female solidarity is out. A man in a dress is in. Among women who consider themselves feminists, a man who declares himself a transsexual trumps another woman any day. One of Tom’s supporters would eventually sum up this perspective most explicitly: “He’s a transsexual. Anything he does is what he needs to do.”
These career women told Tom, and some would later tell me, that my wifely role was to support my man and to get my children on board with the project. My responsibility was to Tom. Tom’s responsibility was to Tom. In the Valley of the Politically Correct, being a transsexual means never having to say you’re sorry.”
“It is inescapable: for me there is something slightly creepy and more than slightly sad about a man in women’s clothes. Male legs in sheer stockings. The sight of Tom in an exact replica of a skirt that was once my favourite. It is creepy for one woman to copycat another, the stuff of thrillers. Creepier for a man to do the same. Creepier still if that man is your husband.
Looking back, I can say Tom was a wonderful husband, father, friend. Or I can say Tom was a fabrication. A fake, who didn’t want to be with me, he wanted to be me.”
Read more here:
ETA: This is “Tom”: http://www.metroweekly.com/arts_entertainment/events/?ak=7811