May 29, 2014
Submitted on 2014/05/28 at 2:57 am
Hi. I figured that you probably don’t read these, but as an philosophy major, I have to say that your analytic approach to everything isn’t working. You really ignore so much of the context. But that’s just my opinion as a Continental. Of course, no system is without its problems, and I can’t say that I know all of the ins and outs of gender theory and philosophy.
I’m a female that is currently considering an FtM transition (I might as well be a devil on this site), and it’s obvious to me that you have never had a real, positive experience with someone transgendered. Maybe you have, but you don’t care. I would assume the latter.
I guess I’m surprised at the adamantine nature of your arguments. Does a lot of this come from radical feminism, which is now what feminism has become in the vernacular? Probably. But I do more for the LGBT community than you probably do. I willingly went to college in the least gay state. I am a lot of kids’ first gay person they met in person. I’m building bridges and I’m helping the straight community come towards acceptance of all. How about you?
It’s people like you and Dirt that make me consider abandoning the gay community. As much as I love the people, I hate the community that to a point almost resists integration. And straight people have always treated me much kinder than I have ever been treated by the rest of the gays. So when I acknowledge that I have no sexual sensation in my erogenous zones and that I might be in a form I have no attachment to, I’m not rushing to run back to the lesbian community.
But I’m taking my time. I’m still learning about what I desire and want from my body. I don’t desire male privileges, I desire comfort. Feeling attractive. Feeling less frustrated that women I like won’t even look at me due to something I hate. I don’t think about becoming a man because it’ll fix my problems. I think about it because I feel that that’s already who I am, and my body is not assisting me with those desires.
This won’t change your mind. But I can’t keep reading these sites and keep my mouth shut. I know the drill; don’t like, don’t post, but who listens to that anyway?
May you live in an interesting time for your community.
[From a comment left by "Orin Conrad" on TransgenderTropes. Images added by me- GM]
March 16, 2014
From an online fundraiser here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/damien-leggett-surgery-fund–2
“On Oct 31st, 2013 Damien Leggett 34, was given a bilateral mastectomy performed at Pan Am Clinic in Winnipeg. The drains were removed Nov 4th. Damien should have been on the road to recovery within two weeks but within a week of the surgery it was very clear something was not right.
On Nov 10 he was admitted to St Boniface Hospital but transferred to Health Sciences Centre where he had an ultrasound and fluid was drained. This happened several times.
Damien’s condition deteriorated at home to the point that I called an ambulance as he had a high fever. His teeth were chattering and he was barely lucid. Early in the morn of Nov 17th he was admitted to HSC after the paramedics took a temp at his home of 39.5. He was very ill.
December 31, 2012
from a F2T transgender forum:
Before I properly realised I was trans I knew I liked girls, yet the term lesbian didn’t seem right. I couldn’t stand the word. Read the rest of this entry »
December 23, 2012
New docudrama of the Angelo Heddington case. Graphic.
A sixteen year-old Arizona girl was arrested Thursday morning for posting detailed plans for committing mass murder of fellow students at the Maricopa County Red Mountain High School that she attended, to be followed by her suicide. She posted the plot on the YouTube video of a transgender Vancouver community group. The channel owner reported the threats to Vancouver police who tracked them down to the Mesa AZ region and contacted area police Wednesday night.
According to [police Sgt.] Jones, the post went on to say, “I WORK at the high school as a student teacher basically… which is why no one can find out about me somewhat accidentally planning to blow up the school. (and yes… it would be super easy…)”
The teen has reportedly admitted making the posts.
Sherriff Joe Arpaio said in an online news conference that the teen has been arrested as a juvenile for one count of threatening and intimidating and one count of computer tampering but that the investigation was ongoing and more charges were possible. He stated that the teen’s motive was not yet clear but that there were not yet any indications of bullying. She is being held in a Juvenile facility.
From the Maricopa Sherrif’s Dept press release [PDF]:
“ …the 16 year old is a student teacher at the high school and in her interview with Sheriff’s detectives said she was scared because she thinks she may really carry out the plans detailed in the post, and “ f@#king kill everyone”.
The 16 year-old also admitted to Sheriff’s detectives that she had thought about the killings for a while, planning to “cut the wires to the security carts” on campus so as to slow down the response during an explosion, and shoot people from the other side of a fence.
When Sheriff’s detectives entered the home this morning, they found three handguns including a semi-automatic .40 caliber, a .357 revolver, and a .22 revolver and seized two computers in the home to process for further evidence. The weapons were not seized but released to the girl’s father for safe keeping.
In the interview by Sheriff’s detectives of the girl’s parents both said their daughter has a history of mental health issues, has been seen by a psychiatrist, and had recently been inquiring about where the guns were being kept in the house. The father said he was alarmed by his daughter’s comments and took the additional safety precautions of placing trigger locks on each gun and safeguarding them in a gun safe.”
From KPHO News:
Students were sent home early Thursday. The school will have increased security on Friday and will close early.
Rumors of potential threats swept across the U.S. causing hundreds of school closures this week in the wake of the devastating mass murder of women and children at the Sandy Hook CT Elementary School. Dozens of teens have been arrested nationwide for making threats against their schoolmates via social media, phone calls, and notes.
November 28, 2012
“I hope that I haven’t influenced any non-binary people to take testosterone when it wasn’t truly right for them. I’m not sure how I feel about testosterone anymore or the process of taking hormones, I can’t say for sure whether it’s a good thing or not, because I’m probably not someone who should be putting their opinion out there! I’m not sure if I regret taking t or not, even though I said I didn’t in the video. I’m pretty sure I would have taken it no matter what… But I just hope I haven’t influenced people with my videos in the past, that is all.”
[Note to MeepMarmoset: Please post more on this or at least set your "Transgender Regret and some Melancholy I need to get off my chest" video to public so others going through the same thing can view it. Thanks. Also, I again direct folks coming off T and/or experiencing regret to this site where you can connect with others and get support: http://atlasstrawberries.tumblr.com/ -GM]
November 21, 2012
“I’m trying to just get off of it at this point. And my reason for that is because I am not wanting any more changes than I’ve already had. I think the changes that I did have snuck up on me pretty quickly and I hadn’t really thought about what it meant to pass at that point. And now I do pass. And I’m still at a crossroads with that in terms of it being something that I am comfortable with, and it being something that sort of negates an old identity that I am comfortable with that I still feel like I am. Like I still very much feel like a dyke. And so it’s hard being read as a straight white male. It’s got its privileges but it’s also- it’s been hard for me to relate to people just because – I look a little different now. And I think a lot of that was because I had insecurity about being butch enough in the queer scene and also I feel like a lot of people were taking T and I was- I wanted to fit in, so I took T too.”
October 21, 2012
So, I’ve been reading this blog for a little while now, and I kind of wanted to ask the author (or anyone) for some advice. If I go to a therapist, or a support group, they’d all tell me it’s okay to be trans and they’d want me to just live as a man, but I feel like that would be betraying an aspect of my born body. I’m also sorta of the mind that one shouldn’t treat a mental condition with physical changes. I’ve brought this up at a few meetings I’ve been to on ‘gender norms’ and the leader of the group, who identified as a ‘lesbian transgender woman’ (ie. heterosexual male?) just seemed to shrug it off as nonsense.
Thing is, I still feel uncomfortable being labeled as a woman. It doesn’t happen to me very often nowadays, because for whatever reason without hormones or any interventions other than haircuts and clothing, I ‘pass’, but when it does happen, I kind of cringe. I don’t hold anything against women. I love women; I love masculine women, I love feminine women, I love women big and small. I just don’t enjoy being one. I’m uncomfortable in my female body, and I’m uncomfortable in groups of females. The gender role freaks me out to such a degree that I want no part of it. I feel like if I don’t grow my hair out, shave my legs, and dress a certain way, then I’m failing to be a normal woman, so therefore being a man is easier. Other women seem to fall so easily into being women, but I seem to be failing.
Essentially, I want to know how to overcome these feelings. Also, it should be mentioned that I enjoy both men and women, and I’m currently in a heterosexual relationship with a man who’s had relationships with both genders, so I don’t even fulfill the role as a dyke woman past a superficial definition. Honestly I think I would rather live in a world where genders didn’t have any pretenses, where everyone could use any bathroom, dress however they felt and nobody would cared what their partner’s genitals were or who made more money, but seeing as that’s not the world we live in, I’m having trouble coping with my implied societal failure as a woman. I’d rather not end up taking hormones just to fit in with a gender role only because I meet their criteria better. Also therapy for this seems to be nonexistent. Therapists seem more focused on getting me looking and acting and taking up roles as my preferred gender, but that’s not what I want.
I don’t want to pretend to be a man just because it’s easier, I want to know how to accept myself as a woman. Does anyone have any suggestions for this? Do I just need to hit a pinnacle of enlightenment and hope that eventually the self-loathing will end?
Sister you are not alone.
I don’t say that to comfort you, or to dismiss your genuine experience with a feel-good trope, or to make you feel “less alone”. I mean it literally. You are not alone. Your experiences are not personal or unique to you. This is an important thing to recognize in the process of “accepting yourself” personally. This is a really important point I think. What you are experiencing is not unique, and not personal.
When feminists said “the personal is political” they did not mean “our individual actions can impact the political sphere”, or “our speshul individual internal lives are important” (not implying that you, Syd are saying that here). They meant: the things we deal with personally, in isolation and silence, the things that feel like internal personal issues, are actually not. The war against woman is conducted against us individually. Daily. Personally. Picking us off one by one. Rooting us out with each misstep. With each transgression. Or for no transgression at all. She was raped because _____ (fill in the blank) specific individual singular particular personal speshul reason. Women are not raped because men are conducting sexual torture and war crimes against women en masse. She was raped because she neglected to lock her window. Because she met a guy from online three weeks before. Because she hadn’t heard news reports of a serial rapist in her neighborhood. Because she happened to live in that neighborhood. Because she was pretty/ugly black/white rich/poor old/young etc.
It is always personal. It is always singular. It is always unique. Speshul circumstance. And the system is designed to individualize, to single out, to personalize.
But you are not alone. And what you experience has nothing to do with you personally.
From your comments here I can tell you recognize that important truth on some level, intuitively if not consciously. This is a very important thing for women to realize and is the core of healing personally and individually from the mass assault against female humanity and liberation. A personal situation requires singular individualized INTERNALIZED and self-directed reflection and analysis of the personal specific singular factors involved. That is NOT what we are dealing with here. We are dealing with IMPERSONAL EXTERNALIZED FACTORS. We are dealing with a WAR against those humans born with (or assumed to be in possession of) the biological capacity of being impregnated, by those humans who lack that capacity.
Syd, my sister, what is informing your personal malaise with an impersonal war is the specifics of your experience of it. Let’s go there.
Like myself, you have tasted the forbidden fruit. When we “pass” as male, or are assumed to be male, we experience something most women will never experience: being treated as fully human. As humans, our fellow humans give our input due regard, our experience due respect, our overlord status as the ruling class due note. Both men and women defer, refer, and relate to us based on our expressed competence (as adjusted for our perceived racial and class status). Few women have ever experienced humanity. They experience the lack of it, and witness it vicariously, but they have never had the experience of humanity.
The experience of women like us is profound. Breathtaking. Like soaking in warm honey-tinged milk. My god.
Every woman on the planet would inject testosterone (or whatever the fuck) into their right eye to experience the day to day existence of being treated as a regular human that you and I have experienced conditionally, and fleetingly. What people call “male privilege” is actually the experience as being treated as a default human. A regular, normal, baseline human.
There is no male privilege. There is no white privilege. There is no class privilege. There is only the experience of being treated as fully human. Everyone should experience the “privilege” of being treated as simply themselves. As simply human. And what a wonderful experience that is for those of us consigned for a lifetime in the subhuman caste who can “pass” themselves into it. What a breath of fresh air. What liberation! What a delicious honey-tinged milk-bath of humanity. Where one is judged on one’s merits. Where what we say is taken to mean… exactly what we say. Yanno. Just normal fucking humanity.
You wonder why the elements (female biology) that impede your humanity cause your revulsion? Oh honey. You are sane, that is all. You hate the whole woman thing because you are burdened with sanity. You have personally experienced being treated as human. Something few women ever have.
You don’t have discomfort in groups of females. You have discomfort in groups of subhumans who have never experienced humanity. In a group of females who have tasted the forbidden fruit of normalcy you would feel quite normal and at ease I am sure.
Experiencing humanity is something reserved for males (and those who are assumed to be male). For now. Lets fight, and fight and fight and make that not so. Lets not individualize and internalize and personalize (and medicalize) the experience of those of us who have tasted the ambrosia of being treated as fully human. Reflect and work outward, not inward.
August 31, 2012
“the worst part is, nobody in the community knows who I am anymore, so when I speak my mind and they yell at me, they just say, you don’t know, you’re cis you couldn’t possibly know.
but I know. I know too much and I wish I didn’t.
“I’ve spent the last couple of years obsessing over the idea of medically transitioning. For the past few months I’ve spent more and more time analyzing why I felt those things, and I’ve spent a hell of lot less time absolutely hating myself. It’s still a struggle because I’m not completely comfortable with my body, but at least I’m not lying to myself about feeling like a man anymore.
“They always say “there’s somebody out there for everybody!’
I have a hard time believing it. At least when I was calling myself a lesbian in the trans community there was this expectation that you could be a bit different, socially speaking. Now, I dunno. I realize now that I’m a heterosexual male. Straight women always want me to be more masculine, more like a real man. It’s not going to happen.
I don’t know, this maybe isn’t all that coherent, it’s just irrational thoughts maybe.
“There’s something brutally funny about, hormonally speaking at least, basically being on my third puberty. In all seriousness though, I need my natural hormone production to level out again. Mid twenties is just too damn old for this shit.
SUPPORT THIS BLOG:
August 17, 2012
This is a REPOST of a blog entry from THIS blog: http://ataulfomangos.tumblr.com/
*THIS IS A GENDERIST/TRANS SITE THAT IS GENDER-CRITICAL*
SO BLESSED TO BE XX
I’ve seen the argument that females have privilege over males in trans* politics. That due to political positionality, trans men will invariably be privileged over trans women.
If you’re talking about people that blend seamlessly with people who aren’t trans, we can talk conditionally. However, most of the trans men I know will never know the male privilege that their trans sisters knew growing up, and here’s why. Their bodies will never conform to the expectations of society. Once their history is known (even within trans circles), it’s all misogyny from there.
Take this “female privilege” argument. I was on T. Some of my closest friends are still on T. Yet, every doctor’s appointment was an exercise in being called hysterical. Our menstrual and pelvic pain are “psychosomatic” as opposed to terrifically unusual and perhaps warranting investigation. Our visits for testosterone aren’t prefaced with discussions about cervical and endometrial cancer risks. Why? Because we have vaginas, and we don’t matter shit to the medical institution. Once they have our copays, they could care less what happens after the fact.
Let’s even look at trans politics for a minute, shall we? Trans women say that trans men should shut up in political circles. That their position is privileged and that mere identification alone (barring whether they are transitioning or even fucking blend) somehow lands them in some upper echelon of society. This is patently ridiculous, and is indicative of a politics that devalues the opinions and lived experiences of female-bodied people. This is just another way to make female-bodied people feel bad about having a fucking opinion. It is another silencing tactic, pure and simple.
On an interpersonal level, I and other people with transmasculine experience have been talked over countless times in political discussions with our so-called sisters. We’ve had our opinions diminished. If the conversation gets especially nasty, our sisters usually feel it relevant and polite to comment upon our bodies — that they wished they had X or Y feature of yours, and isn’t it all just so unfair? Surely, you get it.
In other words, another plea to our socialized emotional responses.
While I’m sure a lot of the genderqueer/gender-variant/gender non-conforming boom has a lot to do with escapism from rigid gender roles, I cannot help but wonder if it is also born out of a desperate desire to have some form of political leverage in an ever increasingly male-made political landscape. If you aren’t in a female-only space, it is nearly impossible to get a word in as a female in a feminist arena in 2012.
I’m not privileged to be female. The trans men in my life are not either. Not when they, like me, have to worry about somebody kicking in a bathroom door and taking advantage of their physiology. They’re just that much closer to people who typically commit such heinous crimes. Listen to your brothers. You might learn a lot from them.
This particular brand of horseshit leaks into other areas of feminist thought, and is a clownish reversal of the things radical feminism calls for. Oppression and social dynamics cannot be boiled down to a mere equation. Transfeminists who claim that trans peoples’ power balances are somehow reversed in transition are again losing the greater picture by completely eradicating the category of sex from both lived experience and political analysis.
[Okeefe image added by me- GM]