“Transmen” in their own words: What Do You Like About Being a Guy?

February 6, 2011

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“Boxers rock. Guy’s clothes is comfy and cheap. Being ignored more easily. My friends’ parents no longer question my friendships with their sons. That feeling of being a guy. Being treated like one of the guys. More body strength. Men’s underwear ROCKS! Men’s clothes are cheaper and better quality. Not expected to look pretty. Not expected to have babies. Not expected to go gaga over other people’s babies. Boxer briefs are sooo comfy. Muscle mass increase. Not having to shave. BOXERS. I love them. I’ve never, ever worn briefs, haha. Not having to shave. Not being expected to show emotion all the time by the inflection of my voice. My ma never liked it when she couldn’t tell exactly how I felt about something. Now she has realized that it is the words I use that matter. Men’s underwear. I used to assume that it was impossible to design comfortable underwear, and that everyone put up with it. Then I started wearing briefs. Not being expected to care about other people’s babies and young kids. Men’s clothing is more comfortable, and often cheaper and more functional. Not being expected to be able to relate to other girls as a girl/ not being expected to understand the nuances of what’s happening in a social situation/ being ignored more. Feeling safer when I’m by myself at night. Being treated as one of the guys. Feeling normal. Clothes, girl’s clothes are tight and uncomfortable and too flashy, guy’s clothes are comfortable, simple, and convenient. Less head hair (unless u have long hair for a guy) it’s just simpler, plus more fun to style. Bathrooms, guys don’t go in there to put on makeup and giggle, they go in there to shit and piss, I love it, I always felt weird trying to do my business in the girls room, cause it seemed I was the only one in there using it for what it is, a bathroom. No makeup, most girls are expected to wear makeup, sure guy liner is cool sometimes, but I’m so glad I’m not expected to wear it. I don’t have to look good- I can just roll out of bed and go to class, no one cares if I look grungy. No periods/pms (for guys on t). Don’t have to shave your body. Boxers, I had been wearing men’s underwear before I even knew I was trans, panties are uncomfortable and too thin! Higher pay, they say men get more money.. cha ching. More respect. Getting treated as one of the guys by other guys, there seems to be a silent code of respect between guys (for the most part) Being stronger, not being seen as weak, being expected to pull your weight, and not treated like a wimpy girl. Feeling safer when I’m by myself at night-agree. Being called bud, bro or man by peers. Being called son (I love that term of affection. You never hear anyone say “daughter” as a term of affection). I completely agree with the men’s underwear, although I find briefs the most comfortable. Not being given a hard time about not wearing makeup. Not being assumed to be weak or vulnerable. More comfortable clothing. Boxers. Just being ignored instead of looked at like a weird butch chick. Not being stared at weird for acting immature. Feeling normal. Feeling safer when I’m by myself at night. Being treated as one of the guys. Oh and being called boss by a guy the other day. Being more comfortable. Lack of femininity isn’t questioned. Number 1: Straight chicks checking me out. Being my girlfriend’s man. Being one of the guys, without them having to add “without the dick”. Being chivalrous; men have always held doors for me. Not that I don’t appreciate the consideration, but I’m a door-holder, not taker. Now I get to let the ladies and older persons go ahead of me, or hold a door open, and put a smile on their face. Wearing clothes that suit my personality without people glaring at me or shifting uncomfortably when they see a bug dyke [sic] walking their way. Boxers and boxer-briefs. The drive to work out, the desire to have muscles, the lack of shame about having a more muscular body than most other women because, well, I no longer consider myself a woman. I’m a man, I’m strong, I’m proud, and lifting those weights makes me feel even better about my body. Not feeling like I’m putting on a show.  If anyone’s seen Chicago, I used to always think of my interactions with people as starting with “And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, a tap dance.” Having my woman feel safe in my arms, protected. Looking forward to watching my wife walk down to aisle to me. Feeling proud when my gf ask me to help fix something around the house. Smirking when my gf needs me to open a jar.”   [From a popular online forum for Female-to-Male Transsexuals]

44 Responses to ““Transmen” in their own words: What Do You Like About Being a Guy?”

  1. DM Says:

    These comments are exactly as shallow, superficial and immature as I would have expected. Thank you for shining a light of reason on this unfortunate fad.

  2. DM Says:

    Wow, it seems like wearing boxers is the big attraction. I like wearing boxers myself. So, “bros” and “dudes”, why not save yourself several grand and just buy the boxers and the “cheap, functional” clothes, and pass on the (substandard, dick-less) surgery and the (risky, untested) drugs??

  3. Bev Jo Says:

    Yes, DM!

    Thank you so much, Gallus Mag! You’ve done it again!

    This IS so unbelieveably shallow and pathetic. The obsession with underwear! I haven’t even worn underwear since I was a teenager.

    How many participated in this, do you know? Or was it one’s insane rambling?

    It is so revealing to me that these again are primarily Fems, and not even Dykey Fems. Who hold doors open for Dykes? What Dykes shaves her body or wears “panties?” And the smirk at the girlfriend? Butches don’t do that. What a narcissistic jerk or bunch of jerks. As I titled my article in the nineties, “Better to Be Anything than a Lesbian.”

  4. Bluetraveler Says:

    Thanks Gallus ! (BTW, what site was that?)

    Do you mind if I use this post as a start for my next, aka “Why I wanted to transition?” (well, in my case the underwear motive didn’t exist, though many others listed here did. BTW, I hate “female-only” underwear, it’s so uncomfortable).

    • Bluetraveler Says:

      Never mind about the site Gallus, I have seen what site is was and it doesn’t surprise me in the least! As I was saying, they are all so blind and narcissistic. I knew some people posting there and I held their same beliefs once. I’m glad I got out of there.

  5. Anon Says:

    You guys need to stop the trolling and realize if you ask any cis-gender person what they like about being a man or a woman and they will give you the same “shallow” responses.

    Go spread your dribble somewhere else and stop acting like it’s the in-thing to question a Trans-gender person’s validity.

    If it’s so important about what kind of dyke you are (like I see everywhere), then its just as important to identify as male or female and people shouldn’t have have to feel like they have to explain themselves to others.

    • GallusMag Says:

      This is a blog about Gender. I post things related to that topic. I think it is an interesting topic. If you don’t think so, feel free to read elsewhere.

      Your opinion that in addition to one’s biological sex one must have an unrelated internal sense of “identity” related to gender is just that: your opinion. And one you are entitled to have, as others are entitled to their differing opinions. Right?

    • Bluetraveler Says:

      Anon, thanks for your kind input, but see this now:

      I don’t like being a *woman*

      I like being a HUMAN BEING who happened to be born of the FEMALE SEX.

      That’s it.

  6. Jamie Says:

    Because you know, cis guys always have really deep and meaningful reasons for why they like being a guy.

  7. joy Says:

    This is extremely heartbreaking.

    What a bunch of self-hating women.

    It’s -less than- 101-level thinking to sit back and say to oneself: Gee, my life sucks as a woman. Would it not make more sense to resist the social order than it would to transition genders?

  8. HMJ Says:

    I notice you left out the repeated comment of “being me” found in every thread of this nature on every trans-forum I’ve ever seen.
    Good job.

    • GallusMag Says:

      I left nothing out. I did try to cut down on mind-numbing repetition, such as the hair comments etc, for readability sake. The “being myself” comments are represented in the post.

      • HMJ Says:

        Oh look, digging ’round I found two mentions.
        The “being oneself” is usually prevalent.

        And yet underwear repetition is left in?

        If you wanted to represent things fairly then you should either cut out all the repetition or leave in all the repetition.

      • GallusMag Says:

        I DID remove underwear, believe it or not. but the comments were soooo pervasive to have removed them all would have poorly reflected FTM thoughts expressed on the matter. It is accurate.

  9. SheilaG Says:

    This makes no sense to me at all. IF you are an out and proud butch dyke, you can do all of these things. I always worn comfortable clothes, have never shaved or worn make-up– that’s right never. I have always been exceptionally strong and don’t bother working out. My dyke determination and focus makes me very powerful… it is the freedom from servitude, the freedom from men, the freedom born of being out and proud and not a coward… Women’s cotton underpants are fine with me, comfortable. I love crispy white monogrammed shirts, love being the charming dyke about town, love walking elderly women to their cars at night, love being chivalrus. Love holding doors for anyone male or female. Love buying a round of drinks, negotiating a deal. Now why would I have to cut up my body and take a bunch of cancer causing drugs just to be my usual dyke self in the world? It’s cool to be a dyke… and flattering to get hit on by lovely women here and there. Nothing like being 50-something and have women still think I’m 35–goddess knows why they see me like this, but one reason may be because I never had sex with men, never lived with them, always was butch uncompromising powerful– it keeps you very young never to conform to servile status, never to pretend to like anything I don’t like. You don’t need to be male to do anything you want really. So none of the above could not be said about butch dykes… I always get clothing that lasts forever, cheaper to dry clean… Love my three piece suits… love my serious discussions with brilliant women… I love the intensity of the serious dyke about town who can move between all worlds, all social classes, and can go anywhere at night. Nobody bothers me. Why should they?

    • GallusMag Says:

      Transgenderism is at it’s core an extremely conservative anti-feminist movement. Makes sense that it’s practitioners would carry extremely oppressive beliefs about the female sex.

      • Jane Says:

        I realise I’m very late with this reply…but one doesn’t need to be a butch dyke to do all of these things. I’m straight (non-practising), don’t identify as butch, and don’t look particularly butch…and I have not shaved since age 15, have never worn make-up, have never worn high heels or uncomfortable clothes etc.

        It just boggles the mind that these women feel that the farce that is -transition- is preferable to just opting out of performing femininity and living their lives the way they want to in their own bodies. I never thought the trans trend would get this far.


  10. Joy got it in one when she said self-hating.

    One can buy mens underwear and not be a man. OMFG

    • Bluetraveler Says:

      That’s UNTHINKABLE!

      ….if you dress “like a man” it’s sure proof you are man inside blablabla Joan of Arc was a man inside blablabla Pippi was bigendered blablabla…

      JOKING ASIDE, really, if social respect by being seen as a man (a fraud, because if they were in a nudist beach they wouldn’t “pass”, no FTM would), being seen as a “sexy boy” and wearing boxers is all they want, why bother with hormones and surgeries?

      • kurukurushoujo Says:

        JOKING ASIDE, really, if social respect by being seen as a man (a fraud, because if they were in a nudist beach they wouldn’t “pass”, no FTM would), being seen as a “sexy boy” and wearing boxers is all they want, why bother with hormones and surgeries?

        That’s the point. Trans activists could be truthful and admit that they’re transitioning because they have internalized patriarchal norms and values but they prefer to portray themselves as rebels. And then expect that we swallow it hook and splinter.

        Funny that you mention Joan of Arc! We had a guest lecture at our university in which the theory was proposed that she was a trans man. It never continues to amaze me that a woman adopting a male role to realize her dreams and wishes is automatically assumed to be transsexual by some people. As if riding into battle with long locks and a woman’s gown had impressed her enemies, not to mention the impracticality and danger of it all.

    • Gryning Says:

      Yes, but if they wore men’s clothes, didn’t shave etc while still female, then they would look like OMG…unfeminine lesbians! See this comment: “Wearing clothes that suit my personality without people glaring at me or shifting uncomfortably when they see a bug dyke [sic] walking their way”

      This is so tragic. They’re reacting to the sexism in society without even thinking of questioning it. What these young women need is a huge dose of feminism.

      • Loup-loup garou Says:

        ROFL at the Spiderman undies. But seriously, it is so fucking bizarre that there are women out there (FTMs) who think that other women LIKE being assumed to be weak, vulnerable, and dumb, and LIKE being treated with disrespect or condescension.

        Even the most conventionally feminine don’t, they’re just afraid of being called dykes. Because in 2011, the accusation of lesbianism is still an extremely effective tool for keeping women in line.

  11. Bev Jo Says:

    They so clearly don’t want Lesbian oppression.

    Don’t assume they’re all young though. Most I know of who’ve done it have been in their forties and fifties when they began. Some have been in a Lesbian Feminist community for decades, like Pat Califia, Red Arobateau, and others. That’s what I don’t understand at all. But if they still valued males more than females, it would explain it. They chose to be male-identified in terms of worshipping male values, and many have also in valuing male-identified “femininity” more than real Dykeyness too, which I always thinks is self-hating. It’s all supposed to be taste and attraction, with no political analysis. If someone oppressed in other ways said they were only attracted to those in a position to oppress them, then it would be more obvious (like working class Lesbians ONLY attracted to middle class Lesbians.) But everyone is supposed to be attracted to extreme Fems.

  12. kurukurushoujo Says:

    It’s great that transpeople show up here to finally acknowledge that they are not the transgressive gender-bending individuals they so often proclaim to be. Finally, it is revealed that all you want to be is regular individuals with all the sexist baggage this entails.

    Look: I don’t have anything against people transitioning because they want to fit in, at least not on a purely personal level- but, yes, I do think it’s not especially helpful, that it’s regressive and counter-productive. HOWEVER, don’t go around telling us how ignorant, transphobic, stupid and hateful we are when the only thing we do is REFLECTING YOUR WORDS BACK AT YOU with critical analysis.

    You are a conservative and conformist bunch, already admit it.

  13. pogs Says:

    I am a trans man, and in my own words, nothing is good about being a guy. I want to be a woman. There I said it. I have the right body but my brain won’t see it as mine.

    Sad huh.

    • GallusMag Says:

      I’m sorry pogs. It’s never too late to detransition. I’ve heard there’s an active support group for detransitioners on yahoo, but can’t verify that. Also, Blue T from the Questioning Transsexuality blog is putting together a group for detransitioning support. I wish I had more to offer. Maybe others will post something helpful. Thank you for sharing your perspective. -Mag

    • Bluetraveler Says:

      Pogs, don’t fear, whatever your status is you can still go back. I’m creating a group on FaceBook here. Friend me on FB at this account http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002130527812 and I’ll be able to give you membership.
      (You can still unfriend me later if you wish so :P)

  14. pogs Says:

    thanks for the replies, i have not transitioned yet but I think of myself as a male even though I’m not physically. this bothered me to the point I saw a psych thinking I could be schizophrenic but i am not.

    Transsexuality doesnt entirely make sense to me in logical terms but its what i have latched onto as it makes sense of my feelings. I found Blue Travellers blog and it backs up the doubts that have been nagging in the back of my mind. Admittedly de-transition is daunting because, a) i tried before, i.e. i lived as a woman and tried to ignore the thoughts, but they never went away. and b) confronting the possibility that I am brainwashed is scary.

    • Bluetraveler Says:

      Whatever your final choice is Pogs, you will be welcome in the FB group anytime if you decide to join, and remember: “life unexamined is not worth living”. I had to summon enormous strength to admit to myself my FTM mask was a lie, but if I hadn’t done that I would have never progressed.
      Godspeed to you, and I’d love to know more from you :3 . Maybe the “What parts of us are gendered / sexed” post might be of interest to you.

    • GallusMag Says:

      Well pogs you are certainly not alone. Blue and I have been putting together some support resources and articles and videos of interest to detransitioners, or questioners, at the group site at the link Blue posted above, feel free to check it out and look at the articles and take what you find useful and leave the rest. No judgements.

  15. Commando Says:

    Why can’t anybody just wear NO UNDERWEAR AT ALL?!? What would THAT make you?!?

  16. ptittle Says:

    Jane, I was going to say the same thing. Exactly.

    (My gawd, people, have a little courage to color outside the lines if you want to!)

  17. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Heck I wear pretty exclusively men’s clothes(cuz they fit better at my size and I look good in them), men’s briefs, don’t shave my body hair, and all those other things, CUZ I’m a Butch Dyke. I don’t define my femaleness against heterosexuality and haven’t IN YEARS. Thank Goddess I came out with the Dykes and Dyke Witches including other Butches, and I always loved sports, being strong, working out(karate), ect. There’s nothing sexier than seeing a Dyke lifting weights in the gym. You can be Female and STRONG! Fuck that! One of the strongest women I ever met was a bodybuilder who was weightlifting because she was an iron worker, and also one of my Olympic heroes was Cheryl Haworth, close to my weight, who was a weightlifter in the WOMEN”S weightlifting division of supersize women, strong, big and FEMALE.

    It’s this anti-feminist ‘genda’ stuff that makes wearing men’s clothes, lifting weights, not shaving your body hair, and BEING STRONG a sign ‘you must be a man’, but all the POWERFUL Dykes and womyn I came up with were PROUD to do all these things, to be strong and powerful, and teach another generation of Amazons to have those same qualities, while being PROUD to be Female, and not define themselves against heterosexual values.

    I just can’t believe they’re willing to do hormones and surgeries so they can build muscles in the gym, wear men’s clothes, and not have to shave their body hair, and to roll out of bed and rush to work or school without primping themselves. Sheesh, I’ve been doing it for years, and so have many, many others, I don’t buy how limiting these folks see womanhood or femaleness being…we have really stepped back to the 1950’s! As if the FEminist or Lesbian movements NEVER took place!
    -FeistyAmazon

  18. FeistyAmazon Says:

    And I’m not into babies either….only kitties, thank you very much!

  19. FeistyAmazon Says:

    And to add to the above, I never wear makeup either!

    Gallus Mag, may I quote you on this in my blog DykesforDykes? Full credit to you of course: GallusMag Says:

    February 7, 2011 at 1:18 am

    “Transgenderism is at it’s core an extremely conservative anti-feminist movement. Makes sense that it’s practitioners would carry extremely oppressive beliefs about the female sex.”

    It is concise, clear and to the point, as well as true in my experience.
    -In Sisterhood,
    -FeistyAmazon

  20. Rom Says:

    Thanks for trying to make me feel like crap… I’m a transguy who supports feminism and realizes that a lot of the time women are smarter than him. But I guess each person has their strengths and all that. Being transgender isn’t about these shallow things, it’s about about finding out why I was expressing myself as a masculine woman but still not happy. Also, I’m gay… So yeah, I could never be a lesbian because that would just be really weird to me, even though I’m cool with the fact that it’s fine for somebody else. We shouldn’t judge each other, but I understand that a lot of you have been hurt by things people have done in the past and are doing now and I really feel for you, because just like women are marginalized and sometimes feel like less of people, trans people sometimes feel like less of people and like we can’t be taken seriously. Nobody deserves to be treated like they aren’t as good because of something they can’t help about themselves, like being a woman or lesbian or gay or trans or whatever you are. And I think that a woman can be as masculine as she wants and still be a woman, and a man can be as feminine as he wants and still be a man. I know this sounds simplistic and probably won’t help anything, but I was just seeing a lot of hate and I try to stop hate when I can.

    P.S. … I happen to think butch women are awesome. I read “Stone Butch Blues” and I had a ton of respect for the people in that. That being said, I don’t identify as one. I just give props and thumbs up to anyone who does what they want, especially if no one appreciates their style.


  21. Okay, I’m a pansexual FTM and I am very considerate with my MTF and female friends and even go shopping with them all while knowing I am sadly gonna be bored out of my mind cause I’m into alternative male clothing, and their into woman fashion trends…still I respect their taste and they respect mine, I’m honest to the point I’m blunt, and give them advice on what looks good and whats honestly terrible looking, and in return they do the same for me…but I am not a lesbian/butch, I give them my respect tho.

  22. luckytreeboy Says:

    Yup! Plus guys underwear is like 10 times more fun and interesting!


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