What do you like or desire most about being a trans “woman/man” ?
January 26, 2012
Seriously, People talk to me now and I talk to them. As a woman I am not seen as a threat.
The freedom to feel freely. The freedom to love freely. The freedom to emote freely.
Oh, yeah, the clothes … the accessories … the fragrances … the spa treatments … the sunbathing … the girl talk … the sandals … the shopping … the dining …. well, YOU KNOW!!! Uhhh, feelin’ good, lookin’ good, smellin’ good … hee hee!
To me, womanhood indicates less competition amongst peers. I see less of the “urinating contests” among women than I do men. Also, I feel that allowing for more personal vanity is more in line with my own identity, rather than the limited avenues for expression I find men allow themselves(generally speaking, that is). I’d rather be a part of a group of sisters that fuss at each other but still love each other(and aren’t afraid to say it like it is), than be part of any “brotherhood” where the guiding philosophy seems to be “Every man for himself, unless it’s to my advantage(and ONLY my advantage, not yours) to help you”. Yes, that’s stereotyping. Yes, that’s not how all men are. I understand that. On the other hand, why do women complain about men if there aren’t things about them that exasperate… well, anyone else, for that matter? Something at the core of masculinity is at odds with who I am so much, that I simply CANNOT move in men’s circle’s anymore. I tried, I honestly did. The end result for me is that, in the immortal words of my dear Lizzie here, “Girl world beats the hell outta guy world!” Why? Because it’s just not where I belong, and I never will understand why anyone would allow themselves to be caught in that kind of circus of competitiveness.
Bleah. I like glamour. And if it doesn’t make life better for me in some way, don’t bother me with it.
I really appreciate that I can express my emotions, good or bad, and ask for support when I need it. I also like a lot, getting and giving hugs to women, men whatever. I like being able to say “oh, that’s sooo cute”. I like that I can enjoy the full spectrum of color. I like that I can dress according to how I feel with few boundaries. I like flowers. I like taking care of myself. I like taking care of others. All without worrying what someone else might think.
That my personality, animations/expressions, and typing/phrasing won’t be “weird.” Example: my World of Warcraft guild thought I was actually female (I played a female Night Elf until recently…race changed her to a Worgen) from the way I typed, until one of my RL friends called me by my real name in chat…’twas awkward…especially for the lesbian guildie that wanted to get to know me more!
#1 never having to follow the man code ever again…being able to show non sexual afection to a friend without being seen as gay. The huge amount of hugs. Being able to speak with others on an emotional level. The cloths , cloths , cloths , cloths…did i happen to metion cloths…lol..Being able to finaly express myself any way I desire. No longer having to worry about how i walk, talk , move , body language..finaly its who I am.
The female libido. I absolutely HATED having a male libido. I’m so happy with how it is for me now, I haven’t lost interest in sexuality, but it’s a much different experience. There’s so much more adventure and imagination to it now. I wish I could get my hands on some good romance novels, because I think I could really appreciate them. My sister had a bunch when I was younger, and I actually thumbed through one that I wish I could find now, but I don’t remember the author or title.
If being a male I could wear cute pjs after shower, use fresh soap and aromatic candles, sleep with plushies, tackle hug my friends without them feel weirded, solve problems with a smile, sing with my voice which I love without freaking people, wear my hair long and style it as I want, like everything I like from my chococat cushions to cooking for my brother or chatting casually with my boyfriend, express emotions, be happy when I want to be happy, cry when I feel sad, let out a squee when something supercute appears… if I could look like me and not like a hairy bear, and wouldn’t have to play those ‘one more than you’ games guys usually play… maybe I wouldn’t have a problem being a male. But I think the person I just described would be what we normally call female.
The thing I think about most is being able to have friends that I can relate to.
I think the two thing I like most is being able to get all dolled up with the nails done, and get a beautiful dress and nice heels and hopefully one day to become that girl that walks into a room and people stop what they re doing just to look at you, i dont know if that superficial but I think that be special. Second is the friend ships that girls have with each other, un like the kind that guys have where they call eachother names and make fun of eachother for entertainment.
for me its expressing yourself however you want and the clothes soo much cuter and more comfortable.
I love being told by a man that I’m pretty. And although its only been once so far, I love the feeling I got (all the way down to my toes) when a man kissed me.
I love the way I look in the morning when my makeup is fresh and my skin is soft and smooth. I love being able to have a conversation with almost any woman anywhere and feel like I fit right in, even if its talk about periods and hot flashes. I love being free to show any emotion I please, anywhere I please. I love belonging to the “woman’s club.” And yes, I love shopping.
Oh my god yes! Shopping! I love shopping, even if it’s just for groceries. I don’t know if that’s exclusively a woman thing though….in fact, my wife hates shopping.
I can add to the man thing you mentioned. If I were single, of course, I’ve always kind of wanted to be picked up and carried by a big strong man, …Or even just being playful and being carried piggyback, but in a romantic playful sort of way.
Before transition I really envied the interaction between girls. I always felt an outsider when amongst a group of them. They just treated me differtly than they do each other. Once I went full-time I totally fell right into that. Now i think I kind of take it for granted. Then before surgery, I just really wanted my underwear to fit:)
Openness with feelings, and being involved with litttle gossip and conversation that I never was able to do as a male. A new ease in talking to people. OH YEAH, my second GREAT adolescence thats going the right way!!
For me i think of of the biggest things is that I that girl i see in the mirror SO much better than that ugly guy that used to be there (I wonder if her just got transfered to another mirror…). and I like the fact that I can now be social. I used to be so uncomfortable in social situations, but now I can follow my girly instincts and have a good time.
now as far as everything else …
Spandex in clothes is great
having to iron not so much
having a purse with all you stuff and not having to worry about leaving stuff in pockets is a win
but not having a pocket for those times you really need one, not good
Shoes Shoes Shoes!!!
now if they would just come in my size…
not being expected to keep up with sports.. so great
you know there really isn’t any down side to that one…
The clothes are more fun, the designs, the colors, the textures, etc but I think what I yearn for the most about being a girl is to be treated like one. I want to be a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a mother. I want to be able to be in a group of girls and be one of them because I identify alot more with them than I do with guys. I usually feel akward in a group of guys somehow, like uncomfortable, when they start talking ‘guy talk’. But put me in a group of girls and I instantly click, except for the fact that they see me as another guy =/
I wanna have a relationship with people as a girl but when I’m alone, I want to be able to look in the mirror and see a confident, beautiful, strong woman that I know is in there.
I can stop asking “Would a guy do this?” before every action I do. I can stop paying attention to things that don’t interest me so I can make small talk. I can stop pretending I’m lost in the women’s sections of stores. (I must have an awful sense of direction). I can start talking to who I want about what I want. (At my kid’s basketball games, one of the mom’s is a great dresser. while dads talk sports, I’d love to talk to her about her outfits, but…)
Motherhood, I love children and caring for them. I think carrying a child and giving birth would be the ultimate womanly experience. I have gotten as close as I can in this life with my family, perhaps somewhere beyond this existence my dream will come true. I always loved interacting with the other Mom’s when I was in Mom # 2 mode doing things with our kids as they grew. Raising and caring for children is especially gratifying to me. I have always loved listening to and participating in women’s conversations, there is a special bond between them and warmth I never really could experience in the male world (so cold at times).
honestly its breasts and long hair… i always wanted breasts and long hair. i just started growing my hair long and i have a really good padded bra(a lil poor right now for proper breast forms so i make due) for when i go out i got really curly hair so i like to straigten it
I have grown rather fond of the fact that I can wear whatever I want and have it considered tasteful/fashionable instead of just plain “wierd” when I am out in the world.
‘ll finally be able to say I bought one of my favorite guitars off eBay because it was purple with an awesome ivy neck inlay rather than “it was a parts guitar that I happened to like the way it plays!” Also, I’ll finally be able to show interest in clothes (already have my “first day out” outfit picked out!) and be able to style my hair without question
For me it’s a love-hate relationship. I love being able to talk to most of my friends about almost anything and I love that they reveal intimate details about their lives to me. It’s part of being in the club. lol. What I don’t like is if someone doesn’t talk to me, but I learned earlier in my transition that some women just really don’t like other women so they won’t befriend them, talk to them, or even look at them. They prefer the company of guys because, in their mind, guys aren’t catty or back-stabby like women are. Although I’m not catty or back-stabby I guess since I’m perceived as female I’m automatically lumped into that category.
I love the attention I get when I put in the effort to look amazing, both from other women and men. ..then again I seethe when I see guys trip over their feet just to have a chance to talk to “that cute blonde over there”.
I love being able to talk to my friends and guys nearby have no clue what the heck we’re talking about or just chalk it up to girl talk and they just roll their eyes. Or if a couple guys are sitting around talking and there’s maybe two or three girls nearby listening we can talk amongst ourselves or look over at the other girl and without saying a word have a conversation about whoever is yammering on about some trucker tale
Humm…. for me, part of it have o do with clothes, to wear anything you want regardless how it looks compar to males they care about the apparents of male means to them that it has too look and seem masculine enough for them to waer it so they don’t preseen as gay. Than there’s that womenly bonding you have with other women. To be able to shear any thoughts and feeling. Just don’t over do it cause it like another thing it get aynoring after a while. Shear and talking about relationship and sexual info, which is funny. There is not much different in ways other females communicate like men do just a little different even tho its still girl talk. As far as relationnship goes as I an single. I was dating and I love to express my intreset in the guy, let him be a man that he is. I love to show passionate affection towards him and sexually. Love how they want to provide and protect you. Love to be swept off my feet. I like how guys can be a gentalmen and hold the door for you, and let you in first, and want to help you with certain things. I certian ly hate doing alot of thing when a was a boy and still get treated the same way by my family thinking I still muscle which I don’t anymore. I’m weak now. Like help move Heavy funitures and doing manly work outside. I hated it, even wearing a suit I just wanted to rip it off and wear a dress or not go at all to any formal event. As Iv been out and full time I’m still not included in any female event with the women in my family.
I finally feel like when I talk to someone…they are on the same level. Knowing you are conversing in a way that is congruent with who you are after suppressing that for almost 30 years is just a mega sigh of relief.
I just want to be able to talk to women and not have them feel like they can’t be honest with me or let their guard down because I’m a “man”.
For me it is the freedom to not feeling like I have to live up to standards that don’t fit me. the clothes are nice as well.
Actually the fact that i haven’t worn pants in well over a year. No i don’t go bottomless, i wear skirts and dresses everyday.
Yeah, it’ll be nice to not have to try to be a part of the “ol’ boys club” or try to be hypermasculine and whatnot. It’ll be such a relief to not be expected to laugh at fart jokes or Larry the Cable Guy… Oh yeah, I can wear me some purple, too! (I had to say I liked the Utah Jazz in high school to wear purple [I wore team shirts…]…I freakin’ hate basketball! But I love football and baseball…GO BENGALS AND CUBBIES!)
Being able to express emotions without shame.
Dress the way you want to dress.
Being able to look at guys without getting creepy “what the intercourse” feedback look.
I like the fact that you have so much to choose from in dress from casual to dress up dress down cloths but Ifeel if you are trully a a woman you want everyone around you to notice you be it looks, appearance your. I want everyone to see me notice me for me maybe Ill be a woman of mystery.
shoes, shoes, shoes and also shoes. the nail treatments are nice as well
I think I would have to answer that it is strength. And being seen as strong physically for my age as well as spiritually and mentally.
The mental and emotional is a two edged sword in my opinion and can become a trap but I still value it. And being physically strong-not a muscle man or anything, just strong -has always been important to me. Perhaps because I am exceedingly independent and being strong means I can take care of my needs myself. And help others when they need it. Kind of eye opening to realize that is what I value as a masculine trait. Of course there is integrity and all that implies and it is more important to me than strength but I don’t see it as a male characteristic. I really don’t tend to define a lot in terms of gender except strength and forthrightness. Being very direct and I also value that in myself. I have always been told I was more masculine than feminine that way so it must be a male trait by society’s definition anyway.
In a way this is hard because I don’t want to be a man because I particularly value or desire things about being a man. I just am. Guess I’ll have to stick with being strong. Everything else pretty much is the same for men and women except expressed differently. I also love not caring so much about appearance. People understand now if I wear the same soft old shirt all the time. Laundered and put right back on. And my jeans that feel so natural. No real concern if something is a current fashion and no accessorizing. Comfort rules the day. Yeah -I like that. A lot. My inner slob can come out and play-at least at home.
To me a man is a provider and a protector and by this I don’t mean that the woman is helpless, it’s a primal and natural feeling for me and I want to take care of the woman I care about as well as my woman friends but that is a different kind of relationship. Honesty and being dependable and this means true to myself regardless of the challenges and being there for my friends and the woman I love unconditionally. Being that rock for your woman when her world is falling apart and she may take it out on you but it is because she knows you will be there for her.
Assertiveness and independence. To me knowing I can take care of myself and I am a take charge of guy is important. I am talking about being confident and not controlling and about being decisive.
For me, I think it’s about being able to help people physically. I actually find charity work to be fun, but every time I volunteer somewhere, I get put with children, or put to work doing something equally feminine…it’s not really about being seen as masculine, though. At school, when the janitors need help moving the wrestling mats, I want them to think, “Oh, Jesse’ll help!”. Instead, when I OFFER to help (I actually did help them move the mats once, and I did just fine) what they tell me is, “Oh, let’s leave it to the guys” ….even if the guys don’t wanna do it. The only reason I got to help the one time was because my English teacher is feminist and started to out-and-out argue with the principal, who was present. I just want to be able to help people like that. I don’t like kids, and I don’t appreciate people assuming that I do well with them because they think I’m a woman. I like being able to help people do things that they can’t do themselves, and I like offering my assistance to others. People often assume I can’t help them, though, because “I’m not a guy”
Seriously, I just want to fit in. I am an outgoing person and men just seem to be able to kibitz and joke the way I do. Does this makes sense?
I want it to finally be okay when I throw a great spiral; I’m tired of other guys slinking off because they think they’re being one-upped by a girl.
Seriously, like John, I see myself as a provider and a protector. I look forward to other people seeing me that way. I’m also looking forward to people looking at me in approval when I roughhouse with my kids instead of tsk-tsking that that’s not how women are supposed to act.
I wonder how the outward gender change will affect people’s outlook on me as a solo parent. Most of the single moms I know still face some kind of stigma; I know a few full-time single dads who get loads of praise for raising children alone.
I also look forward to being like all the other guys I grew up around who flirt harmlessly with women (I don’t know how to explain it … the Southern man thing where they can casually wink at a woman and it’s charming, not creepy or seen as trying to hard … you have to see it to understand it) and tell great stories, etc. I know those are things women can do, but I’ve never felt free enough to to do them while being seen as a female. The funny thing about this is as I try to move from one sex to another and from one gender role to another, I wind up using stereotypes and societal expectations to describe my ideal self.
Every work environment I’ve been in, I wind up with the guys, joking and shooting the breeze. They accept me; usually, the women don’t or don’t know how to respond to a masculine personality in a female shape.
I like the dominance and to be honest to have a penis!
Having a deep voice; particularly for singing. I admire baritone male singers most of all, and would love to be able to sound like that one day. Having a flat, 100% male chest. And most of the others aren’t really things that people can’t do in some capacity as a female… (As I’m a strong disbeliever in gender stereotypes) But for me to do any of them comfortably, I’d have to be male, as I feel I should be on the male side of the spectrum. Being able to go around without a shirt and not be considered vulgar or nude. (or without having to feel extremely dysphoric, of course, because of female parts… Because, you know even if I were on a nudist beach, I wouldn’t go topless as a girl.) Being able to joke with a group of guys about things that would seem inappropriate for mixed-sex friends, and just otherwise fit in completely as one of the boys. Rebel against gender stereotypes as a male, rather than a female. –> Being able to wear androgynous clothing, make-up, etc. and have that be considered rebellion, rather than simply comforming to the ‘norm’ for a girl. And feeling less obligated to prove strength and be overly masculine. Ironic, yes, but it’s because I hate gender stereotypes, and feel I have to prove I’m not a girl. I’d love to not worry about that anymore. I’d be less competitive and no longer insecure. I’d be perfectly happy if a girl kicked my bum at something. Wear what I want and have my hair however I’d like as a male. (And get to be a girly boy rather than being a masculine, butch girl.) Be attractive as a male. (Being considered ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ as a girl CREEPS me out! ) That’s basically it, well other than… erm… not having to be plagued by certain ‘functions’ anymore. And in fact, I’d love to have the male ones, instead. And though it’s not biologically possible in the conventional way, I’d probably like to be a dad — I’m too much a kid, myself, mentally and emotionally right now, but maybe someday in the distant future. (Whereas being a mother scares me even if I’m not giving birth….)
Burly voice. I love listening to myself in the morning
I gotta say almost everything. But, the things I desire more than anything about being a man is: Be able to fit in and be seen as a normal man, not a woman that changed to a man. I want people to see me as biologically male because even if I was born a female, I was actually a guy all the time since I was just born in the wrong way. Look good…I want to have girls go wow with my looks like I was a cisgendered male and leave them in doubt of me being transsexual since I look…um….. hot. ..oops, looks like I just spoke for many FTMs in here with that. Have top surgery! That’s all…I want those three stuff more than having a penis and stuff like that.
I tend to be a protector and want to provide for others. While I can be sensitive and can yield when it is most appropriate to do so, I am a leader and a warrior in so many ways. I step forward in any confrontation that threatens my household, my loved ones, and am sure the interests of my loved ones are totally protected. I work hard to change laws in order to offer more protections to the most vulnerable members of our society. I can go on and on; yet, in all honesty, it is possible a strong female might do much the same. So, as I think about the type of info you are looking for, I think I best answer this by telling you how much I adore women! Women seriously stoke the male energy within. I adore women, yet I truly do not want to be a woman. I want to protect them, provide for them, encourage them, support them, escort them, cherish them, comfort them, honor them, love them. I am so very attracted to women. I love their style, their walk, their lipstick, their beauty, their… everything. So incredibly… wow! I enjoy the strong response I have to women.
I enjoy the simplicity of men’s clothing, men’s styles… the simplicity of men’s lives. I am comfortable as a man. I love my one-on-one time with a woman, with the woman I love. In social groups, I am much more comfortable with men. I don’t care for men without integrity and men whom do not show tremendous respect toward women. I thoroughly enjoy my time with other men… socially and for business. We often think alike. Within social groups, I identify with men of social power and of integrity. Yet, when the work of the day is done, I want to retreat with my beautiful, sensitive, soft, sensuous female lover. I don’t want to watch television with her… no, no, no! I want to hold her, look into her beautiful eyes, listen to her, show her affection and appreciation, attend to her needs.
Manly things that I already have and love: My chivalry, it makes me feel like a noble Knight of King Athur’s court! Things I wish I had: Big hands and impressive physical skill.
like a few of the other guys have said, I see myself as a protector. I want to be able to care for the women in my life in a masculine way.
– There are a lot of physical things to like physical strangth, having a flat chest, and being able to stand and pee
Oh there is lots…
I like being able to eat as much as I want (usually a lot!) when there are others around and not having anyone comment negatively on it. Instead people just say “Oh what a hungry man you are, you must’ve worked hard today.”
Being able to eat all the meat I want without anyone thinking it’s inappropriate. Also, being able to sweat and groan as much as I want when I work out and not having anyone comment or stare. Being able to help carry heavy/bulky stuff, changing a tire, changing a light bulb without people taking it away from me and telling me to “Leave it to the guy(s) when he (they) get here.”
I like not having to smile and laugh at stuff that is not funny or cute only to be polite and make others feel good. Like, not being expected to touch people’s arms all the time and say sweet stuff. I am a nice person but I am more into pats on the back. Yeah, all in all, not being expected to be so damn sweet all the time.
Not having people tone down the bad language, change to a more civilized subject etc. when I join a conversation. It’s much, much better (for me) to just be included in a fun conversation. Not having people look at me like I’m completely retarded and a unsuccessful failure as a human being when I tell them I can’t cook to save my life and that I still don’t get many basic principles behind doing my laundry. Not having people act as if I am completely supernatural and calling me a “handy girl” or other lame stuff when I tell them that I can fix my bike and change the oil in my truck by myself. And lots of other stuff…
I’ve never been in a particularly gender role oriented world, so I have a hard time thinking of traits as “male”. I remember, as a little kid when Grandma would take me to church, trying to sing hymns in a deep voice. I used to run around wearing a hard hat and mittens when I was two, because I wanted to be a construction guy like my dad. I built things with Grandpa and wore my dad’s old clothes when I visited their house. I couldn’t stand when my mother would ask for help fixing things and putting things together, and I learned how to do everything I could, and I didn’t really have men around as role models much at all after I was 10. But I learned to use power tools, wire stuff, do plumbing, landscape, etc, because those things suited me. In my marriage to a man, I did those things, too, and he didn’t. I’ve always, since I can remember, wanted to be seen as chivalrous. I held doors for girls, and I carried things. Still do, but I have a fiance who is as strong as me and doesn’t much let me do things for her. She hurt her elbow, and I finally get to carry stuff for her. ;-) I guess I don’t have a real answer. I need to look more male, because I do have body dysphoria. But I never really thought any of the above wasn’t anything a woman didn’t do, besides singing hymns in a deep voice.
While I want to be a guy, I don’t want to be masculine. I like my body frame as it is, aside from the obvious markers as being a girl. I really, really want a flat chest. I don’t care if people find me attractive as a girl, but as a guy. I like to imagine that people that don’t know me around school are trying to figure out if I’m a boy or a girl (and hopefully decide boy). I do like the feminine or emo boy look. Maybe as a girl I’m not very feminine, but as a guy I would be, and I want that. Not in a girly way but kind of a flamboyant way.
I want to save myself the hassle of going to the restroom. It’s bad enough that I get all the stares when I step in the female restroom at school, but I have to wait cause they take too long to pee. And some of them change their clothes in the stalls so you can’t use the toilet even if you are in dire need. It’s really annoying. I get to escape this when I’m not in school. I just use common restrooms. Saves me from a bunch of stares.
[sic] From a transgender forum.