For Females, Transgender Equals Being Recognized As The People We Are On The Inside

February 9, 2012

For females, being transgender means:

I am no longer treated with disrespect.

My opinions are not discounted.

I am listened to when I speak.

I do not have to behave deferentially. To anyone. Ever.

I don’t have to smile. And my not smiling does not indicate unhappiness or unfriendliness or disagreement.

I can make declarative statements without being regarded as an uppity bitch.

When I tell you what is wrong with your car and how to fix it you will believe me.

My competence to lift, transport, move, manipulate, repair is never questioned.

I am never told I am moving too quickly or being too efficient.

Women I date insist on cleaning my house, doing my laundry, cooking me food if they observe that I am incompetent at these tasks.(Being a slob, who can’t cook and turns all the whites gray in the laundry simply means that I need a woman’s touch, not that I am a bum or lack in self care.)

I am expected- and encouraged- to be strong and competent and praised for it.

I can express anger- even inappropriately- and it won’t be taken personally but simply be regarded as having a bad day. (Poor guy!)

It’s considered natural that I have no interest in children or babies or your favorite fucking tv show.

I can simply nod, once, by way of answering a question or to express understanding. And I am not considered curt for doing so.

I can do a chin nod to other guys.

I can be quiet and reflective during social interactions without that meaning that something is “wrong”.

I will be promoted over other females for doing less work.

I can make all the mistakes I want and no one questions my competency.

I can walk down the street at night and not worry about being raped.

I do not fear the man walking behind me, unless he wants to take my wallet.

Shopkeepers and retail clerks are quick to help me, and never question if I’m sure about what I want to buy.

My auto mechanic doesn’t rip me off. Contractors don’t rip me off.

I’m assumed to be competent at technical tasks.

My boss assumes I want a raise.

When I show someone how to do something better they appreciate my thoughtfulness and kind advice.

Other guys always give me their tips and the benefit of their experience.

When I’m stupid I’m affectionately considered a jar-headed lunk instead of an idiot or a fool.

Guys never stare at me, follow me with their eyes, or turn their head to watch me go by. They don’t surveil me.

No one cares what I wear. Nothing is ever horribly inappropriate. If I showed up at a funeral in a Hawaiian shirt it is assumed that due to circumstances I did not have time to change.

My haircut is no real reflection on my personality.

My assertiveness is not seen as aggression.

I can be sexually aggressive.

I can be sexually receptive without being submissive.

I can be submissive without being weak.

If I perform femininity it expresses edginess and security in my masculine power.

No matter how nelly I act other guys are never entirely secure that I won’t take their eye out if they step to me.

If I don’t want to “talk about my feelings” no one thinks I am withholding.

Men I don’t know don’t touch me.

Males never think they are being kind by speaking in a condescending tone to me or as if I am a fragile retarded child.

I’m considered a stud, not a whore.

After that first date with a woman I’m expected to make the first call. I can call if I want, or not. If I call the next evening I’m attentive. If I call three weeks later I’m a mysterious wild-card and put on the booty-call list.

If I get hot I can take off my shirt. I can feel the sun on my back without wearing a sling to cover my dirty pillows.

No one cares that I don’t shave any part of my body.

No one is even thinking about my body.

Strangers don’t feel free to offer comment on my appearance.

I pay ten bucks for a haircut with a two dollar tip.

If I stink it means I am a hard worker.

If I stand up for a woman, or women’s rights it’s because I’m a great guy, not a harping nagging feminazi manhating bitch.

When I fart and belch it’s endearing.

I can leave my drink on the bar when I go to pee, because no one is going to drug and rape me.

When my car breaks down far from home in the middle of the night my only worry is being robbed.

If I get arrested I will not be placed in general population.

I do not have to register for the draft.

I was a lesbian but now I am seen as a normal heterosexual.

Liberal straight people who know of my past embrace me as a symbol of their respect for diversity.

I have been hired for jobs by employers who want to display their LGBT cred.

I have an international network of activists and legal teams at my disposal at all times to ensure I am not treated as a female, nor as a regular guy.

Lesbians give me special accommodation for my need to distance myself from them.

Feminists critiquing genderism give me a soft touch because they understand why I would make the decision to escape the lot of females.

Everyone: males, females, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, can understand why I would rather not be treated as female.

 

34 Responses to “For Females, Transgender Equals Being Recognized As The People We Are On The Inside”

  1. fmnst Says:

    Wow. A lot of that stuff, I’ve never thought of before. So much of it, like my boss assuming I’d want a raise (and therefore feeling pressured to pony up as soon as possible), and not having to do a lot of emotional work like smiling or engaging, would be a huge relief.

    One note, would you please replace the offensive term “retard” with a more respectful one? Regardless of the context, that term is hurtful, and needs to be eliminated from use, so that no one feels it is ok to repeat it. Thanks.

    Aside from that, great post. Thanks, GallusMag.

  2. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Telling…in other words, freedom from general male sexism, but yet still treated as ‘special’ in other circumstances.


  3. DAMN this is soooo well put!!!

  4. yttik Says:

    Wow, that’s a whole lot of male privilege going on.

    In the other thread BevJo mentioned entitlement and why some of these people feel so entitled to some sort of special status. I don’t understand it either, but I think it’s an illness. That horrendous wannabee paraplegic is a good example. It’s simply not healthy to believe that the entire world should cater to you. This post is about females, but male transpeople seem to have the same attitude. They really believe they are entitled to all these “perks” of being female. What perks, right? I think it has a lot to do with having some kind of disorder that makes you want to control people’s responses to you. None of us can really do that, we can’t control how others behave towards us, what they think of us, and that’s kind of scary. One common theme among transpeople seems to be this sense of entitlement, where you have the ability and the right to control how people will view you and treat you.

    Men certainly have many forms of privilege in our culture, but even they are not entitled to this list of perks that these female transpeople have listed. The benefits of male privilege are coincidental, they happen because we live in a culture that has created them. An individual man doesn’t make them happen because he is controlling people’s responses to him.

    Transpeople don’t seem to be able to blame the culture for the gender roles we currently have, instead they seem to blame themselves. They think they’re defective and they can fix it by altering themselves. Once altered, they seem to believe they can then control how other people respond to them. You really can’t. Life just doesn’t work that way. We’re all vulnerable to other people’s perceptions of us, true or false. Even being perceived as male will not allow you to completely control how other people respond to you.

    • fmnst Says:

      Brilliant response, Yttik!

      “I think it has a lot to do with having some kind of disorder that makes you want to control people’s responses to you.”

      Exactly! And even further, it seems for some to be intentionally about yanking other peoples’ chain for fun and/or arousal.

      And everything in your last paragraph, so, so true. Thank you.

      Seems their behavior is an extension of the patriarchal arrogant delusion that it is possible and desireable to have power and control over nature and others.

  5. Loup-loup garou Says:

    Brilliant list. Here are a few more:

    If I don’t talk much, people assume it’s because I’m the strong, silent type, as opposed to shy or timid.

    I can wear clothes that cover my body without it being considered a sign of “low self-esteem.”

    I can wear clothes that don’t cover everything without it being considered a sign of “low self-esteem.”

    I can order a steak without anyone joking that it must be a sign of sexual frustration.

    I can say no to dessert without anyone assuming it’s because I’m on a diet, and commenting on my body.

    No one comments on the amount of food on my plate, whether it’s a little or a lot.

    I can be the standard, medically recommended weight for my height without being called a skinny bitch, or assumed to be on a year-round diet.

    I can be the standard, medically recommended weight for my height without being called a fat cow and told to go on a diet.

    Complete strangers don’t grab my luggage, grocery bags, or car jack out of my hands, and then call me a bitch or a dyke when I object.

    If my job involves any kind of physical labor, my male coworkers don’t use “gentlemanly” behavior to marginalize me in front of the boss. (“Jeezus, lady, it’s just how I was brought up. My dad never used let my mom or my sisters get their hands dirty.”)

  6. Nicky Says:

    Very good one

  7. Cheryl Says:

    “Everyone: males, females, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, can understand why I would rather not be treated as female.”

    This. Chilling, and true.

  8. yttik Says:

    Loup loup, how about never again feeling as if you should be eating that pastel colored lite yogurt they like to imply is woman food? I swear, that right there is enough to send anybody into a gender crisis. Men get bacon and I get some weird baby pink chemical concoction with no calories? What’s with that?

    • fmnst Says:

      Lol, Yttik, “woman food” – pink and no calories! ROFL.

    • Loup-loup garou Says:

      How could I have overlooked lite yogurt? Yoplait alone has probably motivated dozens of young women to start their journeys to (cosmetically constructed) manhood.

      And then there’s bubble baths. We’re supposed to find them uplifting in some way.

  9. la redactora Says:

    They’re in for a nasty surprise when they don’t pass. Let’s face it, most women just don’t have the right build, and are far too short for anyone to think they are a man. I’m 5’3 and I wear a 7/8 women’s shoe. Let’s not even mention the hips. There is a reason that “Dykes who look Justin Bieber”* is a trend, and it’s not just because of the haircuts and the clothing styles, but because that’s what most women would look like if they presented in a certain way, like an adolescent boy.

    *Seriously funny. Recommended googling.

  10. fmnst Says:

    Some of GallusMag’s recent posts and the comments have made me want to start dropping mention or use pronouns to indicate I can tell what their sex is, to not “politely” support their delusions, and out of my own self-respect as someone who is adversely affected by transpolitics, rhetoric, and social pressure to “play along.”

    • KittyBarber Says:

      Fmnst, I do not play along with the fantasy. If it is clear to me that I am addressing or talking about a male or a female, I use an appropriate pronoun. I do not use a gender-neutral plural in place of a correct pronoun, either. This is still the English language, and our proper pronouns are still indicative of gender, and unless someone has multiple personality disorder and asks me to refer to her in the plural, I assume there’s just one person in there. I suppose this is ‘rude,’ but I do it on purpose. If anyone wants to correct me, they are free to do so. I also use feminine pronouns for all animals as my own personal default; it’s surprising how often it throws people off, but it’s a statement. I just call ’em like I see ’em.

  11. Bev Jo Says:

    That is so absolutely brilliant, Gallus Mag. I just love your posts and think you are doing such wonderful work for us all, but this is even more amazing than usual. Thank you so much!

    Loup-loup, I really like your additions too!

    Yes, yttik, girls and women are fed and then expected to eat so much non-food (like low-fat/non-fat) which has a permanent bad effect on health.

    You’re right, la Redactora — the women posing as men don’t often fool anyone really, but I’m guessing they still do get that increase in privilege that Gallus lists because, after all, they ARE trying. It’s the same or more so with the men posing as women. They get all their male privilege, but then all that special caretaking from women because they are so “brave and vulnerable.” The double standards are just amazing.

    • Nicky Says:

      Yeap and they like to think they can control Intersex people, but you know what they ain’t fooling any Intersex person.

  12. fmnst Says:

    I would like to request some help from everyone – for all of us.

    First,

    I’m re-submitting my request to GallusMag to create a post (today!) of things that trans have complained are “transphobic!” Even if it is just to ask *us* to list such things, in the comments below, so that it isn’t a big project for GM. (Please stop holding out on me, babe.) Let me know if there is any way I can help.

    Then, via our submissions in the comments, we can all begin building what will become the basis for a draft of things labeled “transphobic!” Purpose: to create an email/handout for activists, electeds, policy makers, guilt-tripped liberals, and anyone else to see how anything and everything has apparently been the recipient of that epithet, to the point of it really being meaningless and not to be intimidated by.

    Second,

    I (we) need a pamphlet! Since I started reading this blog a few months ago, the info that GM has so kindly and brilliantly assembled for us, and all of the insights from GM and rest of you here in comments, have really gotten me alarmed about transpolitics on the move, everywhere, with political inroads, coalitions built, and precedents being set that can eventually cause SERIOUS, MAJOR erosion of women’s rights.

    Tonight I attended a meeting of a local public women’s commission, and in idle conversation with a commissioner afterward, inarticulately warned that women really need to watch out about trans politics, they could really erode women’s rights. She asked for an example (in 2 seconds or less, as is the case with most activists/appointees/electeds) which I could’t provide that quickly. Opportunity lost.

    I told her the name of this blog, but I’m sure she doesn’t have time to read it, she’s so busy in her volunteer position dealing with dozens of issues, and running her business.

    If we want to influence activists and policy makers, we need to have a concise, well written pamphlet with our position, the basic issues laid out about the problems and threats of TG politics, with examples of alarming laws and precedents being set.

    Is there any article (or blog post) that would fill the bill? Or can we have a second blog post from you, GM, in which, in our comments, we can to list/outline the issues to include in our own pamphlet, and examples we can use? We could basically draft the pamphlet in the comments section, then send it around.

    Would you please create a blog post to allow us to do this, too, GM?

    What do you all think?

    Thank you.

    • spinsterrella Says:

      btw, fmnst if you’re looking for a quick link to refer a politician to how trans issues are affecting women :

      http://sexnotgender.wordpress.com/

      • GallusMag Says:

        Thank you spinsterrella- that is exactly the site I was going to recommend as well.

      • RoseVerbena Says:

        From the linked site; this really does lay it out in crystal clarity, doesn’t it? Re. guidelines promoting doing back-flips to accommodate “trans” people during an evacuation:

        _______________________

        “Ironically, the Guidelines do in fact recognize the actual harm that female-bodied people can experience at the hand of male-bodied people. The Guidelines provide that ‘a person’s own evaluation of his or her safety should always be respected. For example, transgender men may be concerned that they would be perceived as female in a men’s shelter, and feel safer housed with women.’ Reasonably, we believe, the Guidelines acknowledge that nontransgender males in a shelter may perceive transgender men as female,[2] thus placing these transgender men at risk of female-specific harm if such transgender men become the target of violent attack. The Guidelines implicitly recognize that male violence against females is a valid concern. Although the Guidelines advise shelter workers to protect transgender men – who may grow a beard or use a male name and pronouns, among other transition efforts – by allowing them to seek refuge with females if they feel safer in female-only space, the Guidelines demonstrate no corresponding concern for nontransgender females. Rather, the Guidelines direct nontransgender females to accept male-bodied trans “women” in their space without question, proof, or complaint. This internal inconsistency promotes a double standard of care: one for trans people and another, lower standard for nontransgender females.”
        _______________________

        The people formulating this multi-pronged attack on women’s safety, women’s right to women-only spaces, women’s right to decide on their own level of comfort/security vis a vis “trans women” — these people assiduously assert that the rights, needs, feelings, safety etc. of actual biological women rate far, far below the whims of any “trans” person.

        It would be shocking if it weren’t so typical in our patriarchal world.

  13. BadDyke Says:

    “And then there’s bubble baths. We’re supposed to find them uplifting in some way.”

    If you’re being uplifted, you probably shouldn’t have used helium to try and create the bubbles………

    I do find bubble-baths nice and relaxing (hot water, cup of coffee, Kindle balanced on my tum), but what is insidious is the way they are other stuff are sold to women as an INDULGENCE. So, men get to eat sausages, steak etc etc cos they’re big, active muscly hunky men — whereas women are supposed to exist on salads and calorie-free, fat-free pink splodge — apart from the occassional INDULGENCE — be that one chocolate, a cupcake, or (heaven forbid!), a bacon sarnie……………….

    After writing this, interesting link here:

    http://psupopculture.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/representations-of-womens-indulgence-in-advertising/

  14. KittyBarber Says:

    “I have an international network of activists and legal teams at my disposal at all times to ensure I am not treated as a female, nor as a regular guy…” that was built with the hard work, resources, and sacrifices of hundreds of feminists, Lesbians and gay men in response to decades of abuse, discrimination, incarceration, institutionalization, maltreatment, disenfranchisement, physical battery, and murder at the hands of the patriarchy. And I don’t even have to say ‘thank you.’

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      Not only do they not have to say “thank you” — they get to persecute the same feminists and lesbians whose backs they are standing on, while other so-called feminists and lesbians enable, applaud, pet and pamper their every anti-woman whim. Reading about their behavior towards the trail-blazing lesbians and feminists they derisively call “second-wavers” make me feel like I’m going to vomit. I swear on my grandmother’s grave that I truly believe that the fundamental, unifying, core value of every “trans activist” I have ever met or even read about is a deep-seated HATRED of women. That other women (especially so-called feminists) can’t see this is dizzyingly frustrating.

  15. Bev Jo Says:

    That is a great idea, fmnst — to have an easy to see list ready. That reminds me of hints for heterosexual women when meeting a Lesbian that was a Seventies poster (“Do not run screaming from the room…do not ask her how she got that way….etc.)

    You are so right, Bad and Nicky.

    This is such a great post, Gallus! I love it!

    • fmnst Says:

      Thanks, Bev Jo. Glad you like it. Looking forward to reading your items on the list, as I know you will have good ones.

  16. spinsterrella Says:

    “transphobic” :

    – lesbians who don’t want to fuck transwomen who still have cocks
    – female-only space (Michfest, Rape Relief in Vancouver, women’s public restrooms, women’s sports)
    – talking about abortion as a women’s issue
    – saying that women don’t have penises
    – talking about femininity as a tool of the patriarchy
    – anything that criticizes gender identity or trans politics in any way
    – anything that points out the obvious differences between FAB women and M2Ts (like menstruation, fear of pregnancy)
    – tampon commercials
    – drag queens
    – mentioning male privilege in reference to M2Ts

    I’m sure I can think of a lot more, but that’s what I came up with so far off the top of my head.

  17. lolwat Says:

    Uhhh I’m pretty sure that many of these, such as “can be submissive without being seen as weak”, are privileges accorded to absolutely no one in mainstream society. Man or woman, cis or trans, gay or straight. If you THINK people aren’t seeing you as weak… it doesn’t matter, they are, unless you only associate with radicals.

  18. Bev Jo Says:

    Please do not insult us with calling us “cis.” The more who do, the more standard it will become, defining females out of existence.

  19. ABritItaly Says:

    Okay, first of all, don’t call us ‘females’. We’re men, regardless of our bodies. We’re not myseoginistic – afterall, after being treated as women for most of our lives, how the hell can we be?

    And yes, there will be privilidge that comes with a legal male identity, but on the other hand being transgender with a female body will come with dangers of being raped, very similar to the way lesbian women have been raped by people who claim to want to ‘fix them.

    Society is still geared towards cisgender people, whether they are male or female, you cannot deny that fact.

  20. Bev Jo Says:

    Hating your femaleness enough to want to be male, when men as a group are raping and abusing girls and women, as well as destroying the earth, is quite misogynist. “How the hell” could you not be?

    No, “society is still geared towards” men, and that includes women self-hating enough to claim to be men, who have far more power than women. “Cisgender” is a made-up category used by the trans cult against the women they oppress.

    Gallus Mag is right.


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