Tobi Hill-Meyer admits: he authored controversial anti-lesbian memes

June 19, 2012

It’s hard to be controversial on a website whose sole purpose is portraying lesbians and feminists as the giant insects one must shoot to advance in the FallOut video game franchise. But someone on “RadFemScorpions” managed to post a meme so anti-gay, so “corrective-rapey”, so “cotton-ceilingy” that even people who applaud the verminizing of lesbians and feminists as their reason du jour were offended. The meme was ultimately scrubbed from the site after comments from site-supporters like  the one below:

Now, heterosexual male pornographer and transgender pretendbian Tobi Hill-Meyer, who calls himself a “butch dyke” and holds benefits for anti-female sympathizers to support his campaign against the rights of females to gather among themselves, has admitted that he is the author of the censored meme.

Here is his statement yesterday defending his actions:

“A while ago I put together one of those memes for RadFem Scorpion.  With two sentences and an implied connection between them, it’s hard to make it misinterpretation-proof and with all the radfem harassment of trans women I took the easy route and posted it anonymously.  But other folks were misinterpreting it too, so I wanted to discuss it here and provide some context.

The concern raised is that this is the same logic that men use to convince lesbians to have sex with them, as in, if you like dildos, you should have sex with me – it’s often put in that context “how about a real cock.”  Of course, it’s hard to speak about sexuality as a trans woman in this specific moment in internet history without the aura of “trans women are trying to force lesbians to have sex with them” being at least an undercurrent of thought.

These memes usually go with a common statement in the first sentence and conflicting or contradictory information in the second which points out the hypocrisy within the prejudiced idea presented.  In this case, the prejudiced idea is that having or liking a “penis” invalidates lesbianhood.  My message is strongly condemning the invalidation of lesbian identity and use of pressure and control around disapproved of relationships to genitals.  Note that the action point is to stop attacking/invalidating trans women and our partners.  I know folks are sensitive to this issue, but it should be apparent that arguing *against* condemnation of one set of experiences is totally different from arguing *for* condemnation of all other experiences.

Cis women who have trans women partners (and trans women as a whole) are told that we can’t be actual lesbians.  I am condemning that invalidation and contrasting it with high popularity of dildos even in strong holdouts of radfem transmisogyny.  The conclusion is that lesbians who have sex involving a dildo (sometimes called a phallus) are hypocritical to attack and invalidate lesbians who have sex involving a trans-clit (sometimes called a phallus).

So why do I argue this is hypocritical?  Some have suggested that I am arguing there is no difference between having sex involving a dildo and having sex involving a trans clit.  That is ridiculous and they are entirely different.  For one thing, dildos are always hard.  That’s not the case for trans clits, many of which operate best when soft.  So when several responders said “but a dildo isn’t a real penis,” my response is, “neither is a trans woman’s genitals, yet radfems refuse to make the distinction in either case”   

There is also further historical context that is really important to understand here.  The idea that all phalluses are the same is not something I created or advocate – it was a radfem invention.  Shelia Jeffreys said of dildos “like the penis, they symbolize male power and the ability to violate women.”  The conceptualization that condemned heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex as inherently patriarchal made no exceptions for dildo-in-vagina sex, going so far as to try to make dildos illegal in some instances.  In Dworkin and MacKinnon’s anti-pornography work, they included women being penetrated by inanimate objects as one of the criteria that would make erotic material “pornographic” and thus illegal under their proposed law.  Sara Smith wrote about this issue of radfem hate for dildo-using women in her essay A Cock of One’s Own, “All women–lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, and solo-sexual—are denounced as traitors if their desires include penetration.”

Mich Fest itself has a long history of condemning the “wrong” kind of woman as not really being a woman.  Right now it’s trans women, but there had previously been just as strong a prejudicial sentiment for leather women, and just a decade or two ago there was strong condemnation of dildo-using women and debates were had around whether or not dildos should be allowed on the land.  Tribe 8 was famously protested at Mich Fest because of their inclusion of dildos in their performance.  I interviewed one well known dildo vendor at Mich Fest who said that the first year they went to Mich Fest they sold a few dildos out of their backpack and had a steady stream of women surreptitiously asking for them as if they were an illicit material.

So while radfems are currently much more pre-occupied with policing the sexual behavior of trans women and our partners, let’s not forget that many of them would just as strongly condemn dildo-using lesbians.  The argument that liking penis means you are not a lesbian did not originate to condemn cis lesbians in relationships with trans women, that is only its current incarnation. The hypocrisy I aim to highlight is when those who were once subjected to this very same argument then turn around and use it against us.”

[Sic. Bolding by him. –GM]

It’s interesting that Tobi/Toby/Tobias who was raised by lesbian parents has recently taken to calling himself “female” even though as he explains to his mother here, he would prefer to be addressed with the pronoun “Z” to denote his speshul snowflake genderqueerness, but no one will go along with it so he chooses “she” as a default.

Tobi/Toby/Tobias, who has banked his laydee-sperm from his trans-ovaries for future use impregnating the type of female who is non-sperm-producing, knew he wished he could be a “lesbian” long before he decided to be trans.

What oh what is a hetero male who fetishizes lesbians to do but call himself a transbian and bully his way into lesbian spaces and communities??? And “correct” lesbians who claim female homosexuality exists? Instruct the laydees that his peen is a female peen??? Tell the lesbians they are “discriminating” against his dick???

Yes. All of the above.

73 Responses to “Tobi Hill-Meyer admits: he authored controversial anti-lesbian memes”

  1. GallusMag Says:

    Happy Pride Week

  2. RoseVerbena Says:

    What a disgusting prick — and I mean that in every ironic sense of the term.

    If he were my son, I would be deeply regretting having brought his filthy, diseased, hateful, porn-sick ass into the world.

    Lesbian my hind foot.

  3. bugbrennan Says:

    Reblogged this on Pretendbians: Exactly Like Lesbians, Except Not and commented:
    What a prick Tobi is.

  4. amber Says:

    It really pains me that I might in any way be thought of as anything like this Toby creature. He in no way reflects my feelings, I personally think he needs a lot of therapy and some very powerful drugs – thorazine perhaps. Thank god I have no physical attraction to women.

    • amym440 Says:

      I agree with you Amber, Tobi is scraping the bottom of the barrel. From my experience anyone who puts Trans or Transgender in front of woman and some of the ones that put it behind are living proof Blanchard is atleast partially correct.

      • amym440 Says:

        and radfems I don’t blame you for not wanting Tobi in your space I don’t him in mine either. Toss a coin? 🙂

      • amber Says:

        Personally I dont know or have any real idea what kind of sex lesbians enjoy but I assume they are just like everyone else and enjoy a variety of things which is pretty normal and I further assume they are individuals with likes and dislikes. I support any groups right to hold restricted private events – I have real trouble undertstanding why anyone would want to attend an event where they are not welcome.

        I know this may not be the popular point of view but i have real trouble understanding why and transsexual would want to KEEP their equipment and if they keep it to use it for sexual relations. It is bizaare and one wonders how female or feminine their sex is.

        The idea of a “trans clit” – is like something out of a genetic experiment gone wrong. Im not lesbian so its not for me to decide whether having a penis makes it impossible to lesbian sexual orientation. One would think it would dramatically reduce ones choice of partners though. I find it so strange to equate the use of sex toys with sexual orientation. It is very possible to love the feeling and sensation of a toy without wanting it attached to an agressive male body. Here is a shocking thought though – everyone uses them -gay, lesbian and straight folk. A dildo is not a penis anymore than a cucumber is.

        Now I know for a a fact that their are women who are attracted to trans partners. I can only assume it is satisfying for them and that just fine. The thing that gets lost is that for most transsexual people (I am speaking of trans women here) the presence of their equipment does not indicate a desire to use it as a sexual organ. In fact, many – defintly myself – find this disgusting. I can tolerate the hate for people like myself, I can tolerate the name calling, I can tolerate the complete lack of undertstanding from cis sexual people. I just cannot tolerate the abuse we receive from people like this Toby character who claims to be like me when he is nothing of the sort. If have to be hated, I at least want to be hated for what I am, not what someone tells me I should be.

  5. KittyBarber Says:

    Every time one of these fellas opens his mouth (or writes another word) about the Michigan Womyns Music Festival, they prove all over again that they do not, cannot, and will never understand what it is. No matter how many times they manage to sneak in, no matter what stupid things they say about their “transclits” (hahahaha!!) they will never be a part of Lesbian Nation. They must know this, I think, and yet–they can’t.

    Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t true, and there IS such a thing as a ‘male’ brain. If we could take an x-ray of it, there would just be a huge, empty space in the center.

    Mister Hill-Meyer should really stop writing about all this now, before he proves ONCE MORE what a dildo he actually IS–which is why, I suppose, he knows so much about them.

  6. […] recently highlighted RadFeminist Scorpion and its promotion of anti-lesbianism, most recently through lesbian FanBoy Tobi Hill […]

  7. bugbrennan Says:

    Tobi’s moms are Jennifer A. Meyer and Katherine Eileen Hill. I want to talk to them mom-to-mom about their son. I wonder what they think of all of this.

  8. […] the myth that Lesbians as a group secretly crave penetration by males – because some Lesbians use dildos. And Tobi, aided and abetted by would-be helpers who think they are waging a noble battle against […]

  9. anon Says:

    The scorpion thing reminds me of another reversal, that HIV ad that acts as if it’s women giving HIV to men.

    There’s another image, which I hadn’t seen before (because it’s less interesting to the type of people who want everyone else to see shit on the internet), which portrays a male as a spider having oral sex with a woman. But even that’s nonsense since that’s not how women generally (or ever?) contract HIV: either way, the dangers of the penis are rendered invisible.

  10. BadDyke Says:

    ” So when several responders said “but a dildo isn’t a real penis,” my response is, “neither is a trans woman’s genitals….”

    Incredibly dim-witted, no other word for it.

    But perhaps predictable given the word-games and deep internal contradictions that go along with the whole trans agenda.

    Seems to reduce to — a penis is only a penis if I identify it as such. Ditto, a woman is ME if I identify as such,…….

    Biological organ versus lump of plastic guys, it ain’t HARD (pun intended because removing functionality via surgery or hormones won’t change the former into the latter).

    But just shows yet againm no ideas of there own, so best they can do is take the language from our arguments, and try and mix-and-match it to make their own. Just as they mix-and-match jenduhs or clothes and CLAIM it means something important.

    Facts versus mental/social constructs yet again, or a sort of ‘platonic realism’ applied to gender………………

  11. KT Says:

    Trans-clit? Gross, gross, gross. FWIW: I do remember the first time I heard that. It was in the ’90s. I was corresponding with this tranny who seemed kinda okay and then, one day, she wrote (from memory): ‘Met this other trans girl [yeah, girl, and they were both over 40] last night and think we might be an item. Found myself in her car and she was sucking on my clit.’ I naively replied, ‘Clit?! Didn’t know you were post-op?’ Well, indeed not!! We sort of ceased to get along right about there…

  12. justbunny Says:

    ” So when several responders said “but a dildo isn’t a real penis,” my response is, “neither is a trans woman’s genitals, yet radfems refuse to make the distinction in either case” ”

    no … a dildo is not a real penis … neither are a transwoman’s genitals a real vagina and vulva.

    I can call my nose an outtie ear and even clean it with a q-tip. That doesn’t mean it’s really an ear and it sure doesn’t suddenly make my nose able to hear.

  13. KT Says:

    You know, also, I am so happy not to be a Pretendbian (tagline has to be, ‘Lez Pretend’ – someone make a T-shirt!). I’m bi and my position is, no one can sleep with me without it being a queer thing – I was queered from the outset so it’s ‘other’ sex whatever the case. Some days I’m okay with it, others not so much. Idiots like this make me more okay with it. It’s not only gross but it’s horribly junvenile. But the optimist in me says: this is Gender’s Last Stand. It’s desperate. It’s trying to save itself. But it’s so crazy it must be the very thing that will finally discredit the whole idea permanently. I hope we’re around the see that.

  14. BadDyke Says:

    “Mich Fest itself has a long history of condemning the “wrong” kind of woman as not really being a woman. Right now it’s trans women, but there had previously been just as strong a prejudicial sentiment for leather women, and just a decade or two ago there was strong condemnation of dildo-using women and debates were had around whether or not dildos should be allowed on the land.”

    See what’s going on here in this false analogy? Confusing what women DO (and whether or not that is acceptable within a defined space), with what women ARE. Which is typical trans-speak, because of course they’re stuck with defining ‘woman’ in terms of doing (i.e. having proper girlie thoughts etc — jenduh), or in terms of looking (i.e. having the right bits which is why they want surgery), rather than in terms of actual being.

    I don’t know about the dildo-debates, but as we all probably know, sounds like perfectly normal personal-is-political debate about practices — I’m sure none of the dildo-wielders thought they WERE their dildos, or that their dildos were an essential part of their identity, which was being INVALIDATED if they weren’t allowed to bring their favourite hunk of silcone in. Let’s face it, once you get to personalising a lump of plastic as your cock, then you’re heading down the road towards transman fantasy land.

    • DaveSquirrel Says:


      Thanks BadDyke, am nicking this spelling from now on. Utterly perfect. UCP and I came up with “jendah” a while back, but I really like the “duh”.

  15. Nicky Says:

    Tobi/Toby/Tobias is a perfect example of why Trans will always remain as a mental disorder and why people like Tobi/Toby/Tobias should never ever be let out into Society. I think a heavy dose of drugs and Therapy should be in order

  16. Wtf? Can’t wait for the day when this whole trans things dies out. It’s sad that the youth of today is so transfixed at being a socially acceptable type of “strange” (i.e Hipsters) and so influenced by their Liberal universities that they refuse to be considerate!

  17. Bev Jo Says:

    Thank you, Gallus Mag! “Happy Pride Week” indeed. The time of so much Lesbian-hatred and appropriation.

    Yes, Kitty, there is very much a difference between female and male brains. Even male researchers admit this. Any woman who is around the littlest girls and boys sees a tremendous difference. Sadly, it’s the mainstream feminists who keep insisting there is no difference. A friend reminded me that the difference in animals is so extreme that people who work with large mammals know that uncastrated males are dangerous. But obviously, castrated humans are also. I’m thinking that instead of an empty space in the male brain, it will be filled with thoughts of male sex and violence, which is reflected by males loving media and game violence, war, rape, etc. (As one of the scientists who developed the first nuclear weapons said, “A male human being loves to see an explosion.”

    As I see the increase in sado-masochism throughout the mainstream as well as Lesbian-community, and increase in Lesbians pressuring lovers to use dildos, it’s clear that it’s not good for Lesbians. Many of us have been aware of dildos leading to bored, numb love-making, along with the rest of sado-masochism, and that nothing is more wild and exciting that real passionate Lesbian love-making without paraphernalia. (Which no man posing as a Lesbian will ever experience in a million years.)(And just to say that some of us have never wanted to be around dildos or pricks.)

    Anyway, I’m glad if this little wanker reveals what a Lesbian-hating prick he is even more than before. But isn’t it galling that he was so welcomed by Butch Voices and the supposedly different Butch Nation? And infuriating that his “Butch” workshop was sponsored by the Butch Voices conference, while no workshop by a female-identified Butch was allowed?

    • BadDyke Says:

      “there is very much a difference between female and male brains. Even male researchers admit this. Any woman who is around the littlest girls and boys sees a tremendous difference. Sadly, it’s the mainstream feminists who keep insisting there is no difference.”

      Actually, I think it’s the other way round at the moment, where the mainstream view is now that boys ARE innately different from girls (which of course the trans cult loves). Whereas women who then get labelled radical feminists argue that the innate differences (if any) are masked by the social conditioning that starts even before birth. So, babies thought to be male (i.e. dressed in blue) get treated very differently to those dressed in pink. Males get allowed to take more risks (like crawling up a ramp) than female babies. They turn out different because we expect them to be different.

      Reading about the research on this (some of which is total pants BTW, why is a female monkey supposedly choosing a toy pan indicative of a ‘feminine’ toy choice, unless you really do believe they know how to cook!) there is, as you might expect, a reluctance to be too scathing about innate ‘jenduh’, unless you upset the trans crowd.

      What is abundantly clear to me is whatever innate differences (and admitting that there is a LOT of overlap anyway), that socialisation takes what is possibly a very small innate trend (I say trend rather than difference, because difference implies boys are HERE, and girls are somewhere totally elsewhere), and amplifies it to be the differences we see everyday.

      As regards the lesbian parents in this case, we ought to remember that (as in cases where parents try gender-free parenting), UNLESS you raise them on a desert island separate from anyone else, plus possibly by robots, so free from our own deeply-ingrained experiences, you can’t stop the patriarchal society all around us having its baleful influence.

    • BadDyke Says:

      “and that nothing is more wild and exciting that real passionate Lesbian love-making without paraphernalia”

      I think that perhaps the problem isn’t paraphernaia as such, but the attitude that you often see which is that having the right THINGS (dildoes, vibrators etc) can spice-up your love life and make it all hunky-dory, whereas if your head and heart isn’t in it, then there is no passion. Might as well be making love to a food-mixer! Commercialisation of sex and desire, that what you need are more THINGS, and that more things make everything better.

      All the different ways to avoid the real physical and spiritual contact that ignites lesbian passion………….

      • doublevez Says:

        YES! But you just cannot get this idea across to Males, all, who grow jaded very quickly and look for some new humiliation/sex, pain/sex connection to get themselves off.

  18. doublevez Says:

    I cringe at calling out or even implying his mothers might be culpable, but NOT at pointing a firm finger at the liberal feminists without whom this whole circus show would collapse. (Now, in Canada, women’s taxpayer funded health orgs mandated to serve women hire males! Because, best candidate! Harper never looked so good and if he’s going to shut these liars and women-haters down, I’m a Conservative. )

  19. DaveSquirrel Says:

    So when several responders said “but a dildo isn’t a real penis,” my response is, “neither is a trans woman’s genitals, yet radfems refuse to make the distinction in either case”

    Hey Tob-bian, float that shit in a biology class, see what grade you get – I guarantee it will be twanzphobic!

    As an aside, shouldn’t twanzjacktivists be protesting to get biology out of schools due to the inherent twanzphobia???

  20. Bev Jo Says:

    We did warn almost 30 years ago what the “Lesbian Baby Boom” of producing 80% males might mean for Lesbian communities and the world. It certainly contributed to ending female-only space, and I can only imagine what it was like for little girls in the community to be outnumbered four to one. I heard at least one story of a little girl raped by a very young boy on “women’s land” and that the girl and her mother left without support.

    That’s a whole other story. But still, I have to think that for this prick to be raised by Lesbians would give him more of a sense of entitlement and ownership of Lesbians than most males every get. He certainly is proving the result of Lesbian devotion to and worship of males. I have rarely seen a more repulsive, smug, self-satisfied look on any hateful prick’s face as his. My god, is he repulsive.

    • GallusMag Says:

      Tobias/Toby/Tobi has written repeatedly about how growing up “around but apart” from women’s spaces spurred his obsession with gaining access to female space he felt was unfairly withheld from him:

      “When I was a child, my parents would take me to women’s music festivals. As a baby, I was passed around to a dozen different “aunties” at the feminist newspaper where my parents worked. I essentially grew up in women’s space – queer women’s space specifically. And really, I’ve never left.”

      “As a trans woman raised in feminist community, I know the value that women-only spaces can hold. Growing up in such close proximity to women-only spaces without having the same kind of access gave me a special appreciation for the power they have to create community, heal misogyny’s wounds, and further female empowerment – all things trans women are often in desperate need of.”

      Bolding mine.

      • ibleedpurple Says:

        “As a trans woman raised in feminist community, I know the value that women-only spaces can hold. Growing up in such close proximity to women-only spaces without having the same kind of access gave me a special appreciation for the power they have to create community, heal misogyny’s wounds, and further female empowerment – all things trans women are often in desperate need of.”

        Doesn’t he basically admit that MtTs aren’t able to care for each other emotionally in a way that women do? Just like men? Very eye-opening.

      • DaveSquirrel Says:

        Growing up in such close proximity to women-only spaces without having the same kind of access gave me a special appreciation for the power they have to create community, heal misogyny’s wounds, and further female empowerment

        This is what pisses me off about Tobi-bian specifically, he knows the value of female-only spaces, but like any other entitled male, pisses all over it demanding entry.

        His assertion that transwomen should have entry too, on the grounds of their healing, is bunk (as well as being a typically male laziness expecting females to do everything) – the reason female-only spaces work is because of our lifelong experiences raised and living as female, as well as the freedom away from male energies (any member of the oppressor class) – is something TWs do not qualify for. Growing up male, even with failed masculinity, is a much different thing to being raised female. They were also raised as part of the oppressor class, whether they choose it or not.

        It changes the vibe to a mixed space – because gawd knows, we can’t even talk about periods, contraception or menopause around TWs without it being deemed twanzphobic.

        In my life I have only ever know about three guys with an almost female energy, but almost still isn’t close enough to get the same female-only space vibe. And the vast majority of TWs have extremely male energy. And that isn’t even counting the anxiety they bring with them by packing their laydeesticks under their frocks.

  21. RoseVerbena Says:

    Yes indeed, BevJo. The SMUG is disgusting, isn’t it?

  22. Barbara Di Bari Visconti Says:

    All you have to do is look at his face and you don’t see a poor little guy who grew up around space he didn’t have access to as much as the smuggest, most entitled piece of shit that ever walked the earth.

  23. KT Says:

    I grew up in a female-leaning environment too and that doesn’t make me want to invade spaces where there’s a perfectly logical and comprehensible reason for the exclusion. And I do not take it personally. I could argue that I’m zero threat to anyone if I wanted to, but, that’s just my word – and it’s just anyone else’s word too. That’s the basic problem. It’s also just the word, i.e. of creepy sex offenders such as that disgusting individual seen in the news a while ago. If I were a FAAB would I want him in a woman-only space? NO. In fact I wouldn’t even want him in *my* space as it exists for me right now.

    I’m down on the brain sex thing, personally. I mean as far as it translates to ‘gender identity’ – which is utter BS. Noting that non-castrated male animals are dangerous means nothing – it’s about hormone levels. See also F2T individuals becoming sexually dangerous in some instances thanks to the wonders of T. I don’t believe any brain sex differences translate to anything more than sexual, instinctive behaviours which tend to be underpinned by hormone levels… there’s no indication of anything else in any other species on the planet. But the trannies still refer to, say, female rats who’ve been mucked around with exhibiting ‘gendered’ behaviour because they try to fuck other females. They don’t call it ‘sexual behaviour’ or even ‘homosexual behaviour’ – it HAS to be sacred ‘gender’ behaviour. Piffle.

    This is why I attribute my ‘gender behaviour’ (socially speaking) to conditioning, not brain sex. Whatever the hell my brain sex is, if there’s any such thing, I know that stuff has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with learned patterns. Why on earth so many trans people find this aspirational is beyond me – it’s like a willful desire to be debased as far as many M2Ts go… and that too may be a sexual kink… note how many of them are into BDSM, which involves ideas such as ‘forced feminisation’, etc.

  24. SheilaG Says:

    I was just thinking the other day of the consequences of the lesbian baby boom– the raising of boys in lesbian couple’s homes, and what this would mean for the unity of lesbian nation. Now we are meeting the grown children of these couples… at times this is touching and lovely (I met several het women who were raised by lesbian Moms recently), but we’ll also deal with grown males who had incredible access to lesbian land and culture, and this is NOT a good thing at all.

    I still meet lesbian couples who had boys through artificial insemination–they are so preoccupied with raising a boy, that they pretty much opt out of lesbian anything… it’s why our movement has become so conservative, why we fight for patriarchal ideals instead of a more radical and visionary approach.

    So this is what we end up with, this creepy guy.
    4 to 1 boys to girls raised in lesbian homes— there must be census data to really get this statistic in order, but the implications are chilling Bev.

  25. Bev Jo Says:

    If he grew up in Berkeley, and he’s as young as he is, I don’t know what spaces he would have been denied as a boy. We haven’t had anything truly female-only in decades. Boys were and are absolutely doted on and worshipped here at “Lesbian” events — far more than are girls, and even more extreme than how hets dote on boys. (Notice how rich famous women invariably adopt boys rather than girls.) Considering the extent of male worship and level of female-hatred, I do think it’s important to question why any woman would want to reproduce more males, especially with knowing the 80% possibility. (It was Julia Penelope who first wrote about this.)

    The “women’s” music festivals that I know of allow boys, except at Michigan, where they are in an adjacent section. His mothers really went to Michigan from California every year and that left a lasting impression? I’m guessing that it’s more likely wanting every tiny bit of what miniscule amount that Lesbians have. He certainly doesn’t look like he’s been told “no” too often. And he, like most men, of course doesn’t take “no” for an answer.

    Notice how he continues the propaganda of “queer women” rather than the dreaded word “Lesbian.”

    Yes, the mainstream media, as well as mainstream feminism are pushing that male violence is all about socialization, but some researchers have reported significant differences, including less connection between parts of the brain dealing with emotion and action in males, as well as that some aspects, like compassion and noting consequences of actions, don’t even mature until men are in their thirties. (This last is in Layna Berman’s archives.) But regardless, I’m concerned that the “socialization” believe again blames women who have been trying for millennia to get males to be less violent, as well as saying women should devote even more of themselves to males.

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      You raise interesting points. Many of my friends adopted girls from China, and I have often wondered how this dynamic would play out over time. I was unaware of the increased rate of male infants via artificial insemination. Is this an artifact of the timing of the insemination? I’ll have to Google up on this issue.

      • Violet Irene Says:

        Yes, it’s because for AI you have to time it as close to ovulation as possible. Y sperm swim faster, but have a shorter lifespan. X sperm can live for several days if deposited before ovulation, while most of the Ys will be dead by then.

  26. RE Says:

    oh I’m sure the vast majority of boys raised in lesbian homes don’t grow up thinking they’re lesbian! though the right-wingers could probably use this story to their anti-gay advantage

  27. SheilaG Says:

    You can’t socialize males not to be dangerous and violent, they just are. There is no process on earth that women can impose on men to stop their violence. NOTHING. Women have tried for hundreds of years of peace activism to get men to end war, but they are never going to do it. Men will blow up the entire world, they’ll destroy everything, because they don’t care.

    Lesbian couples who raise still more boys are complete and utter idiots; they just want het passing privilege, they want to be worshipped within heteronormative worlds. Their “boys” naturally are “socialized” to be better. Yeah, tell that to a friend of mine who’s seven year old girl was raped by the teenage boy of her lesbian partner. That’s right, the boy raped the girl, and both adults were lesbian parents not even living in the same house!

    Lesbians really do have a choice about children, unlike the het women who always seem to succomb to childbearing. And lesbians willfully choose to raise boys, and then we have to deal with Hill-like nightmares decades later, just as the girls get neglected at lesbian events to celebrate the boys!

    Personally, keep the children away from me. NO lesbians I don’t want to see your damn baby pictures, I don’t want to deal with your stupid hetero-like issues at all. NO TO grandkids, slobbering hetero conformity all of it I hate.

    Keep boys out of all lesbian events, and let’s get women only space back in Berkeley!!!

    • Barbara Di Bari Visconti Says:

      I’ll be damned if I can understand girls being neglected at lesbian events in order to celebrate boys. What’s wrong with those lesbians? If that is actually happening, all I can imagine is that it is yet another dividend of male violence for males. Since males have been our ruin, they think males will be our salvation, if they only behave better. That is fallacious thinking. It doesn’t work that way. In fact it is the girls who are our hope and our salvation, and they need the undivided love and attention of women if they are to be strong enough to squash male domination. If they get that love and attention they will easily do so.

  28. Bev Jo Says:

    I didn’t say that boys raised by Lesbians would grow up thinking they are Lesbians. I’m sure Tobi didn’t grow up thinking he was either. I question how many trans do since I’ve never found one yet.

    What I’m saying is that he grew up with a very special sense of entitlement, including being allowed into most “Lesbian” spaces and being fussed over beyond the adoration that most boys get in patriarchy. Rather than trying to socialize boys into being less violent, rape-oriented, and entitled, the boys raised by some privileged Lesbians, and, in the area I live in, raised by class-privileged white women rarely seem to have heard the word “no.” That has a profound effect, whether it’s questioning a women about why she is smiling when her precious little boy is killing an animal at a nature reserve (her hostility to being asked to stop him was astounding), or any of us saying no to men appropriating our identity and last spaces.

    The general attitude allowing certain privileged boys to do whatever they want is having an effect on any females who dare to say no. I believe this has fed identity appropriation, whether it’s men vampirizing Lesbian identity or paraplegic identity, etc.

    • RoseVerbena Says:

      I have begun to wonder how drugs and chemicals in the food supply are impacting the last generation or two. I see a sharp decline in empathy, compassion and social skills across the board.

      • Nicky Says:

        I have to wonder too, What’s being put into our food supply by farmers and what kinds of chemicals they are using to grow our food.

  29. dawn Says:

    The entitlement from his “speeshulness” revolts. The hilarity of him scolding F2T on violating space “women’s” he defines while gleefully violating Michfest boundaries is priceless. After all “man” vag is vag and his ladyee-stick assigns his opinion more weight additional +10 for the ‘nads. Another day another nutjob …

  30. noanodyne Says:

    Fascinating how a post about a patriarchy-spoiled, patriarchy-entitled, patriarchal-arrogant male turned into a blaming fest of women: “Lesbian couples who raise still more boys are complete and utter idiots.”

    Radical Feminism 101: Women are not to blame for the patriarchy. Mothers are not to blame for the patriarchy. Lesbians are not to blame for the patriarchy. Women are not responsible for fixing spoiled, entitled, arrogant males. Mothers are not responsible for fixing spoiled, entitled, arrogant males. Lesbians are not responsible for fixing spoiled, entitled, arrogant males.

    It may feel extra special good to lay this at the feet of Tobi’s mothers, or all lesbian mothers, or all mothers, or all women. But when you find yourself doing that, remember that no woman you can name or imagine has the personal power to overcome the collective power of the patriarchy. And if — in spite of all that you should have learned from radical feminism about not blaming women — you do believe that women are somehow responsible for the Tobi’s of the world, you are placing yourself firmly in the realm of liberal feminism, which posits that every woman has her choosy choice and if she just WANTED IT BADLY ENOUGH and WORKED HARD ENOUGH, all her (and OUR!!) dreams of a happy world would come true.

  31. Bev Jo Says:

    I disagree of course. It’s mainstream feminism that forbids us to question women — any women — for their decisions and actions, whether it’s the right wing women in the Klan, or the women who line up to marry serial rapist/murderers on death row, or women who support their men (husband, boyfriend, father, son, etc.) who rape their daughters. Some women do keep patriarchy going. Patriarchy could not continue without the women who put men first.

    Radical Feminism means questioning everything, including that no woman could harm another woman. Radical Feminism challenges the myths and stereotypes. And you don’t need to go to college (“101” anything) to learn from what we observe all around us.

    Are we not allowed to discuss that Lesbians who want to get pregnant tend to produce 80% boys and what that means for girls in Lesbian communities and the world in general?

    And what about the Lesbians and other women who adopt who CHOOSE boys, while girls are languishing in institutions? Loving females and fighting male-worshipping means discussing all of this.

    The irony is that this digusting, smug prick was created, nurtured and supported into his arrogant sense of entitlement by Lesbians.

  32. Bev Jo Says:

    By the way, Friday night I went to a women’s concert at a local Lesbian-owned cafe. This is a public space, right where the Trans March happened (during the concert.) There were mostly Lesbians, with some gay men and some het couples there, but no tran until near the end. (Though I did see one woman outside on the street, naked from just above her crotch (her trousers pulled down to display her “manly” abdominal hair as well as her mastectomied chest. This was clearly to show all that she was a “man,” since it was in the fifties, foggy, drizzling, and everyone else was in jackets and coats.)

    Then, what was clearly a man posing as a woman, and what was a feminine woman with a buzz cut and leather jacket, who I’m assuming believes she’s a man, arrived and seemed to be a couple. The trannie man just stood there, but the woman glared at every woman around her, as if daring us to say something to them. She kept looking and looking for conflict. This was a public place, and we all ignored them.

  33. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Well, I can say, I felt INVADED when Tobi showed up to the ONE Butch Dyke workshop for Female Identified/Proud Butches, that had to be put on separately and in an upper hotel room, rather than with Butch Voices and in the regular conference rooms because Butch Voices REFUSED to accomodate Female Proud/Centered/Identified Butch Lesbians. It was an amazing roomful of 50 Butch Dykes at least(and one Femme) until Tobi opened his mouth and spoke about how his Butch TransSisters felt so oppressed because they didn’t have a place in the Butch community, just to find out that Tobi had his OWN workshop for Butch Trans Females(MTF’s). And then the way Tobi has acted since then towards Female Proud WBW Butch Dykes, and Dykes in general and the MIchfest community.

    I do agree with Bev Jo on the accomodation that Lesbian mothers forced on the rest of the Lesbian community to accomodate their sons, shaming any performer and other Lesbians who didn’t want ANY male presence, no matter the age. Men and males, including young ones, raised in a patriarchal society, with television, movies, school, books, and every other form of information, DESPITE being raised by Lesbian parents, get to see just how privileged they are and inculcated with those values and values of their peers. Men and males simply will not get used to women telling them “NO, you cannot be here.” They will throw all kinds of tantrums, will threaten violence, ect to have access. And I’m sure that Tobi felt he did not have full access at Michfest, where after a certain age, the boys are in their own BrotherSun camp.

    So what’s the next best thing? To identify even more strongly with his Moms and the access he was denied by claiming he’s a female and a Lesbian! NOW he can get that access!

    And as far as dildos and ‘transclits’, get it right, Tobi, FTM’s have ‘transclits’, when they take ‘T’ their clitoris enlarges to maybe a few inches, not fully penis sized, but certainly bigger than it was before and some might think of it(without the bottom/penis surgery which doesn’t work anyway) as a micro flesh ‘penis’. MTF’s on the other hand have REAL flesh penises, whether they work or not properly after being on Estrogen and female hormones..but nonetheless they ARE penises…or as some would say, “Ladysticks”. But they still can impregnate and HAVE. This is one reason that Curve magazine talked about these gender trends in the Lesbian community and to be aware, that if a genderqueer and a still intact with penis MTF have sex, or even an MTF and FTM, there is STILL a possibility that the one who is a bio female can get pregnant(provided they still have womb and ovaries) and to practice not just safe sex and birth control.

    When I saw that issue(and it was several years ago), I was so disgusted, I felt then as I do now: “What is the Lesbian community up to?” NONE to me are Lesbians, and if anything call yourself bisexual! Sheesh.

    We have a right to our space, as you do to yours, and just leave us the fuck alone! But there is something that makes me feel incredibly queasy when Lesbians crow about wanting to ‘have a baby’ and they go get ‘artificially inseminated’ and some do it the regular biological method too. Those statistics of 80% of Lesbians who are inseminated having male children is an old statistic many of us have known for years, which is why some may opt for the old fashioned way(having sex with a man), where they have a 50-50 option, but then they would no longer be Lesbian eh?

    A dildo, which many Butches use, is still a device, cannot get you pregnant, and many use it for their pleasure and have for years. They don’t do much for me, but they are still part of Lesbian love making, because Lesbians wield them, they can be washed, they can be put away and ignored for months on end, and never used again. I have many languishing away….they’ll never complain. A Penis on the other hand, is attached to a bio MALE human being and they won’t put up with being put away in a drawer and languishing for even a moment, they can spread disease, they can get you pregnant, and usually the brains is behind the penis, instead of in the top of one’s skull, since so many males think with them pretty exclusively! And they have been wielded against womon kind and Lesbian kind for millenia as true, violent weapons.

    What insanity! But then that’s why we’re here on GenderTrender after all, is to bring some sanity back to the debate and to recognize each other so we don’t feel so alone in the siege against bio female Lesbiankind! And Goddess, I do agree with Sheila! I CAME OUT as a Lesbian so I wouldn’t be forced into reproducing, or having to worry about getting pregnant, and because I DID NOT want to raise children or be pressured into it! Back then we called ourselves “NonBreeders”, including the gay men, and we were PROUD to be ‘NonBreeders’ and we called the hets ‘Breeders’. Now, that’s no longer true. If you gotta have a kid,adopt, and preferably a girl. Give your energy to Females Lesbians and don’t let males continue to hold us apart. And it is true largely that those choosing artificial insemination and such are generally fairly privileged Lesbians who want the white picket fence and to live the hetero middle class American dream and be just like the neighbors next door, that ‘we’re just the same, the only difference is that I love a woman’ type of Gay Inc. MENtality, and that there is nothing unique, sacred, special, Amazonian, revolutionary or herstorically significant in being a Lesbian, which for me, I utterly dispute. WE ARE. And WHY would we want to just ‘fit in’ and be more het than the hets????Except to pass and have privilege with them. Those types of Lesbians I just can’t stand, nor do I find most of them interesting. They are just another cookie cutter mold that HRC and NGTLF have formed in their Gay Inc. agenda to make us as mainstream, as unrevolutionary, as ‘normal’ as possible!

  34. FeistyAmazon Says:

    Here’s the link to Gay Inc. I think many of you would find it quite thought provoking and for those of you who know this stuff already, it can give you some fuel for your fire and help you feel more validated in your thoughts and that you are not alone in them! Some of what I talked about above.
    -In Sisterhoood,

  35. […] sites demanding that female same-sex attraction “must be stopped”. Mainstream trans activists liken Lesbians to insects and vermin for rejecting sex with males. Transgender activists publicly, openly threaten Feminist conferences with firebombs. Officials […]

  36. […] as pointed out previously on the Gender Trender blog, men who claim to be women are now using the ‘dildo’ excuse as an attempt to get lesbians to […]

  37. […] as pointed out previously on the Gender Trender blog, men who claim to be women are now using the ‘dildo’ excuse as an attempt to get lesbians to […]

  38. So if his penis is just a trans clit, why doesn’t he just focus the attention of his trans clit on other MtF lesbians who also have trans clits and leave the regular, boring, vagina having lesbians alone?

    • Em Says:

      Because nobody ever heard of straight dudes thinking lesbians are Teh Hawt.

    • michelle Says:

      that gets in the way of his exerting his male dominance over the female of the species…well, that and the whole ‘common sense’ thing is lost on trans* as a collective.

  39. Iphis Says:

    This is incredibly transphobic and trans misogynist. Tobi is a woman. Even if she did things you want to criticize, you don’t have to misgender her or refer to as a “pretend lesbian.” The rhetoric you people are engaging with literally results in the deaths of trans women and virulent discrimination against them. I also love how cis lesbians as per usual think everything is about wanting to get in your pants. It never occurs to you that trans women could call out your transphobic bullshit and have no interest in fucking you. Who would want o fuck a pack of bigots anyway?

    Seriously, the comments on here and this article are disgusting.

    • GallusMag Says:

      There is no such thing as “transphobia” or “Trans misogynist”. Is there “Trans Racist”? No. I think not. Tobi is a man, a particularly disgusting, rapey one.

      Talking about what a virulent smelly shitstain Tobi is with his bad-corrective-rape-self “literally results in the death of men and discrimination against them”? Ewww. What a manipulative disgusting man you are trying to silence lesbians. Lesbian talk “murders you”? What a sick fuck you are. I pray that the hair on the back of the neck of every woman you walk past rises- alerting them to the presence of a male predator- every single moment of every single day for the rest of your life. So mote it be.

    • Morag Says:

      This abuse of the word “literally”–the erosion of its precise meaning–is symptomatic of rationality, in general, going through a disintegration.

      I have a friend who teaches young adults at the university level, and he almost cries when they hand in their essays for marking. A good majority of them can barely put together a coherent sentence, with a subject and a predicate, and they literally–yes, literally–don’t know how punctuation can be used to help organize and communicate their thoughts and arguments. These are young adults who are bright, many of whom were honour students in high school. They are so used to getting A’s, and so they often fall apart when challenged or held to a higher standard.

      My friend says, “they are victims.” Victims of excessively high self-esteem combined with plummeting levels of literacy. Dependent on praise, and allergic to valid, constructive criticism. One expected and natural outcome of this is that they sometimes throw tantrums when academically frustrated or thwarted.

      This irrational outrage we see here with the trans-activists is very closely related, I think. Fashions in education and parenting must have something to do with it. Also part of the recipe are concepts imported (probably with misunderstanding) from Eastern religions/philosophies. They can be anything they want, reality is what you make it so it can be transcended, and males can be female and females can be male, and before you know it, feminist critique is misogyny and hate speech, and women are–“literally”–the oppressors and killers of men just by opening our mouths and trying to use words with precision.

      • Jane Says:

        A while ago on Tumblr a trans woman wrote an interpretation of a radfem’s post, titling it “Literal Subtext of What This Radscum Is Saying”. They’re psychic too!

        Besides the influences you truthfully described, there’s also the popularity of comic books, comic book movies, video games, role playing games and cosplay. It seems like every social justice warrior on Tumblr spends more time immersed in fantasy than in the real world. Shocking. I could never figure out where such oppressed people got all the money to be so immersed in pop culture!

    • Motherhood Says:

      Shocking simply shocking, are you offended? I mean I doubt anyone cares but I’m just reaching out because maybe we have something in common. Yeah I doubt it too. As a general rule I don’t find violent creepy men sympathetic. “Oh let’s pretend a violent man is a woman”–He is a male and that is not misgendering. Oh wow looky– you are so original and not at all a manipulative lying sack of shit–Literally cause death–oh nooooo, OMG say it isn’t so I feel so bad and guilty and shame ridden, say it is not true and I may stop laughing. Just funning ya Don’t bother. Just stick the party line and keep up with lies–I take full responsibility I am sure that just typing this comment I caused 20 men in dresses to be murdered and 50 to commit suicide–all my fault, how will I ever go on?
      Well I will just have to put one foot in front of the other. I’ll manage it will be hard but I’ll do it–the pain the pain, oh a life of guilt and shame–sure asshole.

      On a lighter note, I am betting you like to pretend you are a lesbian. Don’t let us break the spell. Is this part of your ritual or your fantasy?

      Men attacking women is now a -calling women out for knowing a man is a man. Okay. I would suggest that you becoming familiar with the hallmarks compulsive fetishistic behavior and borderline personality disorder. There is no such thing as Trans–all made up, no such thing as transphbioa unless you count a rather natural reaction to violent demanding men. Okay I know you are a busy guy and need to go and pretend that you are a victim or something–don’t let me keep you.

    • Adrian Says:

      “Who would want o fuck a pack of bigots anyway?”

      …and there it is. Like clockwork, every time, there’s the give-away line – we reject, and suddenly it’s “who would want to fuck you anyway?”

      Absolutely classic entitled creeper guy line.

    • Teal Deer Says:

      “Literally” – almost exclusively used by drama queens, incorrectly, to make a Big. Fucking. Deal. out of points that can’t be properly proven or demonstrated.

      Good job spewing the woman-invalidating trans rhetoric. That makes it so much easier to dismiss you. Tell us something we haven’t heard before…. something with a ring of truth to it, if at all possible, eh?

      I’ll wait…

      *drums fingers on desk*

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