Fatal Vows- secrets of a dying man

December 23, 2012

New docudrama of the Angelo Heddington case. Graphic.

8 Responses to “Fatal Vows- secrets of a dying man”

  1. joy Says:

    I always support women killing in self-defense, but this case is so sad.

    Beyond the fact that the killing took place because another woman had so internalized male bullshit that she repeatedly beat her partner, it’s clear the charges against the battered partner were only dropped because she had killed *a woman.* Women who murder actual *men* are never believed, have their reputations permanently tarnished, and almost always serve absurd amounts of time.

  2. Adrian Says:

    Ah yes, this case. Haven’t watched the whole thing yet but thought I’d mention that it was in a long discussion thread about this case (on livejournal) where I first encountered the “female penis” meme, immediately after a bunch of discussion about how a bunch of commenters horrified at the idea of sex with a prosthetic penis not advertised as such and feeling violated by the idea of it (saying that not knowing what item was being used in sexual contact with them in the dark would be a BIG problem, basically) were told that this was “transphobic” because the prosthetic penis IS a real penis, if it’s the only penis the wielder owns and she feels it’s really her “dick” like anyone else’s, so no it’s not any kind of deception, etc etc, and oh yes, not only Heddington’s gender is male (the usual party line which I thought I could understand the rules for the sake of discussion) but no, no, that’s 101 stuff (“and this isn’t 101 space, you bigot”), Heddington’s SEX is male too. Somehow.

    …that’s where I had to get off the train.

    • Marie-France Lesage Says:

      Just keep reminding yourself that you’re speaking with tragically mentally disturbed people who have formed a cult with other tragically mentally disturbed people. That way you won’t feel that need for it to make sense.
      “Trans” cult-speak makes absolutely no sense.

      Can a female turn into a “real” man? No.
      Is a prosthetic penis a “real” penis? No.
      Does injecting testosterone turn a female into a “real” man? No.
      Is there such a thing as a “male” brain in a female body? No.
      Is there such a thing as being born in the “wrong” body? No.

      Are women who are determined that they are “really” men or that they want to turn into “real” men suffering from extreme mental health issues? Yes.

      Does patriarchal oppression of women make some of us desperate to do ANYTHING to escape it? Yes.

      Can a woman achieve a modicum of male privilege if she makes a strenuous effort to “pass” as male. Sometimes — but often at a terrible price.

      One of the most difficult things for me about the whole “trans” cult is that on the one hand, they are often as mean as rabid hyenas towards anyone who DARES to challenge their world-view with rationality or facts — which very often pisses me off. On the other hand, I feel compassion for the hapless, relatively harmless ones who are somewhere on a continuum between just really, really confused and very seriously mentally ill.

  3. Lydia Says:

    I felt the same bewildered sadness at this case as I felt when reading parts of Stone Butch Blues: how unbelievably alienated these sexual partners are that they don’t even know they’re dealing with a plastic implement and not a body part. Do they not get naked together? Touch each all over, caress and kiss the other’s body? Are het women really that passive in sex, that they just lie there while something/anything is inserted into their vaginas? Really??? Or what about the small intimacies that are such a part of bonding with a lover–taking a bath, trading massages, having a long, naked cuddle on a Saturday morning, even just getting dressed for the day. I am left stunned, it is so vastly different from any sex or any relationship I have ever had.

    And I agree with the LJ women referenced above–it is a terrible violation to lie to a partner about what you are putting into her body. I was sickened at Leslie Feinberg’s actions in Stone Butch Blues (yes, I know it’s fiction, but barely, and I assume she perpetrated that fraud in real life), and just as disgusted at “Angelo.” I would call it rape if it happened to me. The women so penetrated DID NOT consent. End of story. It’s repulsive that anyone, man or woman, would WANT to do that to a partner. Why lie–unless you know that your partner wouldn’t agree? Ergo: rape.

    Once again shows the moral bankruptcy and misogyny of the Trans project.

    • Adrian Says:

      Yep – that was EXACTLY the argument that went down on LJ, including the rape label (and one I agree with too). The idea that such complaints are “transphobic” and the true victim is the prosthetic penis wielder being called out just blew my mind.

      A plastic penis properly consented to? No problem. But yeah, plenty of people did wonder how could the woman not know, I realize the actual sex was happening “in the dark” but like you I wonder, did they never just casually see each other naked in the house? I mean, I’m a het married woman myself and I can’t imagine not knowing the state of my husband’s genitalia? Or mistaking a plastic penis for it? We look at each other! Even completely aside from sex we care for each other, bathe each other when sick (and bathe together just because) and so on. We’re family. We see each other naked all the time.

      As they say, “oh what a web we weave” and all that, I can kinda see how it must be hard to break the news if you’ve always been stealth, but… how can you NOT? At some point before the actual deed?? Because the alternative is just… this, and this is NOT GOOD.

      • Marie-France Lesage Says:

        Yes, I remember reading that about some butch women back in the day (thirty years ago or more) and being very puzzled. They didn’t want to be touched or seen naked in the light because it broke the illusion of them “being the man” in the relationship. It about broke my heart to imaging going through life with a lover and not being able to take baths together or just cuddle and touch each other of a morning.

        One of the great joys of my life has been taking a washcloth and soaping up my lover’s body and then rinsing with lovely clean water — or they mine. I can’t imagine having all this tension and angst about never being seen and touched in the light.

        I can’t imagine going a week that way with someone — much less months or years. In fact, I find it almost impossible to believe that the “unknowing” partner is doing anything besides playing along. How could you NOT know the shape of the skin of the person sharing your bed, your bath, your home, your heart? Is denial really that strong?

  4. ibleedpurple Says:

    Lydia & Adrian:
    According to the documentary, Angelo fabricated some story about her “penis” having been broken or injured by a former girlfriend so she would have an excuse to not show it, similar to that jazz musician who made up a tragic accident which mutilated her “penis”.

    Now what’s interesting is the fact that Angelo dropped hints about sexual abuse she had suffered and the clinical psychologist thinks this might be indicative of a personality split into woman-victim and man-perpetrator. Angelo might have resolved her identity conflict by becoming man-perpetrator. This is so interesting precisely because I read a case study about an MtF who had suffered incredibly under his father (glad about his son throwing an axe at him because that was a sign of masculinity – you can imagine) and was used by his mother as an ersatz love object. He eventually developed four separate personalities, one for every gender presentation, not being able to integrate the parts into one self. He eventually became one of his personalities, the feminine woman, and resolved it through surgery after not being accepted by his wife.

    All this complex psychological stuff is erased by the brain sex dogma. Which, of course, does not help anyone except a small handful of gender ideologues who have convinced large parts of the public that oppressive sex roles are inborn to have a means to validate themselves.

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