In case you will be drinking tonight

December 31, 2012


Holding the glass. The golden rule here is (as in most other areas) to do what the natal girls are doing. But if still in doubt, then, if it’s a wine glass, consider it ‘male’ to hold the bowl in one hand, but ‘female’ to hold the stem – because it looks daintier. With any glass at all, it’s ‘female’ to use both hands. So if you want to drink out of a pint glass, don’t hold it like a builder would. Pretend you can’t lift the weight one-handed, and bring both hands to bear on the problem. Shots are an obvious exception.

Swallowing the stuff. A man will tend to take big masterful gulps, treetrunk legs planted well apart, a strong, a nutbrown muscular arm raised well up to tip the brew in, often tilting his neck back so that the adam’s apple bobbles up and down as he swallows eight or ten times in one long swig – followed by a loud gasp of lip-smacking satisfaction, and a hearty roar of delight. All of that’s rather a no-no for a trans girl. At least in Sussex. Just sip demurely, and keep any suggestion of an adam’s apple well out of sight. And if sipping seems impossibly twee with a pint of Adnam’s Tooth Rotter in your grasp, then switch to a Wkd or a J2O. Perhaps with a straw. There’s no shame in being unobtrusive and refined. But make sure you stop sucking on the straw before you reach the dregs: that loud gurgling sound is so not. 

From “How to drink if you’re a woman” by Lucy Melford



42 Responses to “In case you will be drinking tonight”

  1. ehungerford Says:

    What, no link??

    There’s a lot more advice where this came from!!

    • Lysandra Says:

      LOL. When I read that whole paragraph about how much he’s a social drinker and not dependent on alcohol, I was thinking, “mmm, the ‘lady’ doth protest too much.” But then in continuing on and reading about the minutiae of his opinions about alcohol consumption, I realized that maybe he is just so insufferably narcissistic that that expounding this much on his trivial opinions in a public blog seems like a good idea.

  2. smash Says:

    I pictured Gaston for the big manly drinker.

    I use antlers in all my DE-corating!

    Happy New Year Gallus 🙂

  3. Guls Says:

    If you can still keep ahold of your glass one-handed come midnight, and the ‘trannie’ amongst the hen party still stands out like a sore thumb; well, you probably need another drink – peace, love and a happy 2013, Andy x


  4. Bev Jo Says:

    Oh my god, they have so many important and pressing issues to deal with, don’t they, as they cheerily continue enforcing sexist, female-hating stereotypes and roles for women. All very revealing though.

    Great addition to the list, Gallus!

    Happy New Year! xoxoxo

  5. Loup-loup garou Says:

    The stem on a wine glass, and the handle on a beer mug, are there for one reason only: to put some distance between your drink and your warm, sweaty palms. Daintiness has zip to do with it.

    Happy New Year.

  6. Marie-France Lesage Says:

    Oh. My. Gosh. Look at all these men holding wine glasses by the stem:

    They must all (??!?) be “trans”. Right?


    HAPPY NEW YEAR, GM. Hold your glass however you want to darling and I will do the same!

  7. Guls Says:

    Hmm, re-reading that I now realize the laydee in question is a local – surely with all that manly experience (s)he must know that we drink Harvey’s round here, not Adnams (Suffolk) or Brakspear (Oxon). Bit of an ale-head me 🙂 Can’t put too much store in booze stereotypes, mind: I once had a good ‘feminist’ friend with whom I used to enjoy fabulous ale and cider sessions: switched to more ‘ladylike’ (her own words) tipples – G&T, Whiskey & Coke – once she scored the mortgage and a step on the corporate ladder and wanted the husband to complete the Stepford triumvirate. Kinda worked, if pulling more arseholes than ever is a measure of success. Right, enough gobshite for one night – tis 2013 and harrah to that. Nite…

  8. sylvie Says:

    LUCY MELFORD says: “Rules, customs, conventions? Not part of my way.”

    “How to drink if you’re a woman” by Lucy Melford


    Happy New Year!

  9. Adrian Says:

    Happy New Year.

    But now maybe I’m gender conflicted. What is it when you put the stem of the wine glass between two fingers (ideally middle and ring finger of your non-dominant hand) so you can still use the fingers and thumb of that same hand to hold the cheese plate so you can eat the cheese with the other (dominant) hand, while talking about interesting programming problems that came up in your software engineering job?

    Is that too mannish? Not femme enough? Is it girly? Not enough? Do I need more S-curves? I think I maybe threw my back out…

    *says eff it, opens another beer*

  10. michelle Says:

    damn, if we had thought of it in time, we could have hosted a wine party for them with the stemless wine glasses now hitting the market…we could have watched them implode.

    • GallusMag Says:

      No No No. In case of stemless glasswear women are to pretend the glass is too heavy- or that they are otherwise too enfeebled to hoist it:
      “Pretend you can’t lift the weight one-handed, and bring both hands to bear on the problem.”

      • anon male Says:

        “bring both hands to bear on the problem.”

        Lucy should just open up a finishing school where they sit around and watch Mad Men all day and congratulate themselves on being the fine, rational gender fans that they think they are, completely different from those trashy mental cases.

      • EqualRightsAndProtection Says:

        Wow, I drink my wine like the girl in that picture all the time. The bigger the box, the better the time.

  11. GallusMag Says:

    This has nothing to do with anything. Blame Lishra!

  12. Marie-France Lesage Says:

    Oddly enough, girls start noticing that males are favored in the global patriarchy — and dislike it — at an early age. Perhaps this explains why we hold things by the stem? We’re afraid our rage will result in crushing a too-fragile wine glass in our clenching fists?

    • Marie-France Lesage Says:

      Two words: man hands.

    • EqualRightsAndProtection Says:

      Lucy, dear, you make a very handsome man. And you’re flirty in dresses. Please do not condemn yourself: your nose is not too big for your face, your eyes are very fine, and you aren’t jowly at all. Please stop hating your body.

      The post that you put on your blog about drinking was all in good fun, but I hope that you can understand that it is sexist to portray one style of drinking to women (dainty, stem-holding, sipping) and another to men (hearty, planted, draughty gulps). It’s very damaging to point to one set of actions and proclaim that they are female and another set that are male. It enforces stereotypes that are keeping women in chains around the world.

      I don’t believe in gender. I’m not a very gendered person, actually, but I’m happy in my place in the world. I wish that you find that place for yourself.

      I was 12 years old when schools in the USA started letting girls wear pants. We were only allowed to wear them from Thanksgiving (last week in November) to Easter. And they had to be corduroys or slacks. No jeans allowed. I remember the uproar in our church that the girls and women were going to be usurping men’s place. That we’d want to tell them what to do.

      There might have been some truth to that. 😉

      It was the beginning of breaking the idea that women were inferior. No one blinks an eye when a woman wears pants now. But we have such a long way to go. These gendered stereotypes are not helping that path. And the transgender community celebrates them and enforces them on us. They’re a particularly joyless angry lot that want to eradicate gay men in drag or anyone else who doesn’t want to transition to womenhood wearing a dress. And they keep wishing that all of us radfem women would die in a fire. It’s really apparent when you read some of the transgender support forums.

      You know what happens when you are hated? You begin seeing the hater in a lens of that reflected hate. And positions harden. And no dialogue can happen. RadFem 2012 in England. Dyke March with …no real dykes. Butch Voices without any born women whatsoever. (oh wait, one workshop for crones. Because they want us to die soon.) Michfest with deranged boys in dresses carrying spears outside the gates. Really, it sounds like a bad conspiracy novel. But these people are vicious.

      I’ve heard transgender men say that wearing women’s clothes helps them relax. Personally, I don’t see how anyone can relax in pantyhose. They’re quite binding, don’t seem to want to straighten out to fit your bends, and always seem to end up with holes somewhere no matter how careful I am. I think they were originally designed by a guard in a mental ward looking for a new straightjacket to keep the patients from running. It’s obviously not my cup of tea, but you are quite welcome to whatever you need to make yourself happy. (To a point.)

      I will admit to inner conflict on deciding whether someone gets a female pronoun or not. I don’t think transgender MtF are women –they’re simply men with a lot of cosmetic surgery and a need for clothing that brands them as women to the world. If I tattooed my face brown, I would not be black. Neither can men really be women. Though I’m not as strict about using only male pronouns to refer to transgender MtF because….well, I’m not really sure. I guess I feel like it harms no one to use a state of address that the other party likes. But do I feel you are female? Not really. I think of you as yourself. Which is a better frame of reference. If I feel that actions have threatened women, I refer to that trans as male.

      I have two bright lines that I will fight and die for: 1) No opposite sex genitalia in nudity areas and 2) No drugs or surgery for children. Women should have the right to be comfortable in women’s spaces without feeling the pressure of a penis. Men shouldn’t have to be confronted with a vagina. And children should be free to grow up supported and loved for who they are.

      I’ve talked too much here, but honestly, I can’t condemn you. You’re actually one of the few MtF transgenders that doesn’t seem to howl for blood in a fire. Or sound utterly bonkers. That second picture in your transition series really tears at my heart. You look so sad. And I see sadness in many of those photos. I wish you happy, Lucy. I hope that you see the person in those photos and not just the clothes or flaws.

      • EqualRightsAndProtection Says:

        Actually this has gone a long way in clearing up my inner conflict. When push comes to shove, every singe MtT starts threatening. Every time. Even the ones that seem pretty harmless and gentle. I’m actually embarrassed that I tried to be helpful here. I hadn’t seen the post lower when I wrote this or I would have never written it. I wouldn’t have mocked or threatened, but I wouldn’t have tried to reach out, either.

        It’s almost comical in a sad sort of way. It’s like these men have internalized the princess lessons from the Queen in the Disney movie, “Brave.”

        Really, real women just aren’t in a particular mold. We’re all over the place. As are men. A lot of these traits that you’re celebrating just don’t exist.

        I thought a lot about this, this week. The science of internal sex characteristics in the brain is just hokum paraded in scientific studies that wouldn’t pass any smell test in terms of rigorous evaluation. A lot of cosmetic surgery does not change your sex. It changes your appearance.

        Honestly, if I started painting my face brown, started only eating fried chicken and watermelon and collard greens, started spouting off about my internal slave knowledge and my love of hip hop/go-go music and how I was really a black woman in my brain that needed to transition to my true racial state, well, I’d get beaten to death with my own arms.

        You’re doing exactly that. You’re parroting a **PARODY** of female. And if you want to dress that way and act that way as a man, fine. Wonderful. Just don’t claim that you’re a woman and force me to be part of that parody. Because men cannot be women. They aren’t socialized to be Beta in the power structure. They don’t have the same priorities or experiences as women.

        It really comes down to something that has happened that has made you hate your body enough to want to change it beyond recognition. The question is: will it stop now that you’ve taken that step further? Or are there always going to be problems that you seek to fix in your appearance?

        It’s not your appearance. Your appearance is fine. I really can’t help feeling sympathetic to your dilemma because I spend my life trying to heal internal pain. But I can’t support it. It isn’t real, and it damages everything I try to promote for my own daughter.

        Bev Jo is right. Calling you men by female pronouns does just egg you on to further indignities. The female pronoun today, the restroom tomorrow, the locker room next week, and in the future a demand that any child that refuses gender roles be chemically sterilized and surgically castrated. It’s an abomination.

      • sylvie Says:

        Excellent points EqualRightsAndProtection.

        “I spend my life trying to heal internal pain”

        That point ties into a lot of my own thinking about the trans situation 🙂

        Many people opt for the ‘easy’ route and avoid that pain (using addictions, toxic behaviour or whatever other escape mechanism they favour). Healing internal pain is hard. Avoiding or running from it is much easier.

        I do not believe M2T are healing their internal pain, rather they’re avoiding it. To heal, I believe, would be to accept themselves as they are, to accept that they are not female. To accept what they were born with. To not avoid it by going to extreme lengths to change whatever it is they are running from. Because as you say, it isn’t real and it’s damaging.

  13. I am amazed at how much illogical shit a person’s mind can make up while drinking the gender koolaid. Holding a wine glass or anything else is really just about what is comfortable and/or sensible (eg holding the stem so your drink stays colder longer).

  14. Lucy Melford Says:

    Dear ladies and gentlemen,

    I’m glad to see that you appreciated my post on drinking! I am a bit puzzled, though, because the post was aimed at trans women who might need a little lighthearted guidance…and I don’t think that any of you are trans women. That’s so odd.

    Never mind. It’s good to be noticed, and in a strange way it’s very, very complimentary.

    Anyway, I’m bringing this post and your comments to my readers’ attention on my own blog. This will do you a favour, because I think GenderTrender isn’t much known about in the UK, and obviously you’d appreciate some publicity.

    Quite possibly a lot of curious new readers will be coming your way – although I can’t guarantee that they’ll enjoy your sense of humour. Be warned. Regard these readers as ‘the judge over your shoulder’.

    By the way, the yellow-scarf photo is from 2007 and is one of a series that shows my personal development over the last six years. I’d draw your attention to the one taken two days ago, in which I’m having a great time (did you?) and I recommend that you read the post in full (‘Six years of personal development – the gallery’, dated 2 January 2013). In fact I hope I can tempt you to delve into my past posts, and find out what I’m really like as a human being. That would be nice, if you’re up to it, but if not, then I promise not to worry.

    Remember, each click on my blog increases my pageview total. See if you can raise it beyond 20,000 a month. I want to get it up to 50,000 a month by the end of the year, and you GenderTrenders could all do your bit.

    Happy New Year.


    • michelle Says:

      Proving once again that their cult-like web-presence is all about feeding their self-aggrandizing (albeit delusional) egos…

    • Marie-France Lesage Says:

      “Be warned. Regard these readers as ‘the judge over your shoulder’.”


      Be afraid, wimmins. Be very afraid. Boo! We’re watching you.


      Men trying to intimidate women into behaving in a patriarchy-approved manner? What else is new?

    • EqualRightsAndProtection Says:

      Hmm. I think we threatened Lucy. And it kind of sounds like Lucy is threatening us back. In a mild, I’m going to bring the bogey men sort of way.

      Nothing that we haven’t already seen. I never have done well with authority figures. Especially males who want to look over my shoulder.

    • sylvie Says:

      Has anyone else noticed how the the Lucian’s and the whoever else’s – M2T’s seem to say the same things, phrased in the same ways?

      However, when other people discuss the same topic together, they generally have their own “voice”, their own style of expressing themselves etc.

      In many posts online, most M2T’s could pass for the same person. Not surprising (considering M2T’s share the same distorted ideas and dysfunctional traits).

      A recurring theme, M2T’s seem arrested in the same developmental phase, e.g. unable to progress past “acceptance”. Again, not surprising.

      “One day that person from 2007 will be completely left behind. Till then I have to live with his features showing in my face.”

      “My ‘ambition’ is to credibly be the sister I never had.”

      “Of course, the day will come when I’ll be so old that nobody will care what I look like.”

    • Ashland Avenue Says:

      “Be warned. Regard these readers as ‘the judge over your shoulder.'”

      Wow, a threat from a MtT. Whouda thunk? ::eye roll::

      So, Melford, your response is to threaten to have your tranny buddies come and leave mean comments. W’ev. Something you should know: even though you’re men, and used to getting your way, in this forum you do not have the “right” to comment. Yes, it’s true! You do not own the internet! As in the real world, there are places where you simply cannot go, and cannot piss all over in order to mark. This is one of those spaces. I’m sure you’ll stamp your feet and demand to be heard, and claim that denying you this privilege is tantamount to censorship, but we see right through this tactic as simply the tears of men being denied an opportunity to bully and harass.

      I know that women banding together to protect each other is quite possibly your worst nightmare, but you’d best deal with it. But have heart! Sometimes our dear blogmaster does let some comments through from your ilk, mainly to allow us to poke at them with a stick…like the way one pokes at some interesting effluvia washed up on a beach. Like that. You know, just to pass the time…

      And if all else fails, and you won’t go away, we’ll just stick a wine glass in your hand, as apparently you shall be paralyzed by the ensuing daintiness.

      • GallusMag Says:

        He is such a gross guy. He’s irate that women recognize the noxious misogyny of his words so he’s gonna send his bully boys over to harass and “monitor” the feminists. YUCK.

        I always give the people I feature the right of response, and this is what he wasted our time on: creepy MRA threats and bragging about his atrocious stats. Hey “Lucy”- if you’ve been blogging for four years and you get only 20,000 views a month you should just quit. You certainly shouldn’t BRAG. lmao.

        He has obviously never read G/T and knows nothing about it yet when has that ever stopped a man from making sweeping public assumptions and generalizations? What a maroon.

        Look forward to your bully-boys “Lucy”. So far I’ve got nothin coming from your crappy blog that no one reads.

  15. Ave Says:

    Gallus, did you see this that just happened?? some guys rape a 16 year old, and brag about it on video and they haven’t been arrested…:

  16. Snarkurchin Says:

    The irony: if this were a post intended to be read by FAAB women, it would say “In case you will be drinking tonight, don’t. You will be raped and that will be your fault. In case you will be drinking tonight like the slut you are even though we just warned you not to, here’s what you need to know about holding the glass: Hold onto your glass at all time. If you let go of it, you will be forcing a man to drug it and rape you.”

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