Life After Dawn: The Transgender Misdiagnosis and Global Transient Amnesia of Don Ennis

August 11, 2013

dawn don ennis lifeafterdawn

Don’s public blog profile

I first became aware of Don Ennis due to his wild claims of having suffered a spontaneous and mysterious “sex change” in middle age (after a long heterosexual marriage and fathering children) through a miracle process heretofore unprecedented in existing medical literature. Perhaps “suffered” is the wrong word. According to his blog “Life After Dawn”, Ennis claimed that his penis suddenly retracted into his body and became a vagina. That must have been a shock. He speculated that this transformation might have been caused by his mother, whom he accused* of dosing him with puberty blockers in childhood in order to extend his pediatric career as a bit-actor in advertisements. Rather than seeking medical advice, “Dawn” decided to deal with this dubious happenstance by wearing a wig, make-up, and sexualized women’s clothes, an accommodation he documented via scores of cleavage heavy “selfies” which he dutifully posted each time he acquired “hot” new outfits.

I always thought his moniker of “LifeAfterDawn” (he had multiple accounts across various social media in this name) was a bit awkward. No, not for the lazy name change  or the fact that he refers to his crossdressing persona in the (objectified) third-person tense (both of which are common in transgenderism) but because of the convoluted timeline. Surely he meant “Life After Don”. Or “Life After Becoming Dawn”, or “Life After I Changed My Name To Dawn When My Dick and Balls Spontaneously Became a Vagina Which Is Actually Pretty Convenient Since My Tastes Run Towards Cross-Dressing and Forced Feminization”. It just read awkwardly. It reads much better now that Don has publicly announced his intention to “purge” his transgender autogynephillia activities not to mention his wardrobe. Which is good because he is still using the accounts featuring that moniker to post “anonymous” comments on stories about himself as recently as yesterday. “Life After Dawn” indeed.

Several heterosexual male leaders of the transgender movement including Navy man Autumn Sandeen, Dana Beyer (the self-appointed “Executive Director of Gender Rights Maryland”) and Mara Keisling (the self-appointed “Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality”) among others have issued damage-control statements on the subject of Don’s publicized detransition. These statements all follow the same talking points: that despite all evidence to the contrary, the act of adopting a cross-sex persona based on social sex stereotypes is based on an inborn, unchangeable, biological imperative whose etiology is yet unkown. Beyer uses the opportunity to forward his pet theory that men and women who fail to conform to sex-role stereotypes are inflicted with a disease process caused by contamination with environmental toxins. Beyer says published stories on detransitioners “trivialize our lives and the efforts we make to live them fully and authentically.” The second damage-control talking point hammered home by this group is the unsubstantiated claim that rates of detransition are low, even miniscule. Beyer supports this claim in his piece by citing a 21 year-old paper (1992 Pfafflin) that contained a whopping 18 (whew!) postoperative transgender subjects. Great supportive data, Dana. There are no reliable data and statistics on detransition.

The Huffington Post offered a roundtable discussion on the subject  which omitted all female transgender participants. Removing all female transgender points of view was not so much as acknowledged. The male-only panel included Keisling, news helicopter pilot Bob/Zoey “women are not competent to fly” Tur, Dr. Maddie Deutsch from the University of San Francisco “Center of Excellence for Transgender Health” (not to be confused by the one founded by Bill and Ted), and former transgender Philip Porter. Bizarrely, the only female guest on the show was not transgender, but was the heterosexual woman Romi Klinger Ray who pretended to be lesbian to get a spot on the television show “the Real L Word” and took flack when she was outed as straight by marrying her boyfriend as soon as the show ended. She took the opportunity to defend herself by saying she was genuinely confused, and offered that it must be “so hard” for Ennis to read critical comments on the internet, as it was for her as a fake lesbian. Strange.

Keisling did his usual “shrug” performance in his understated gray wig. He knows that the world loves gender and all he really has to do is keep his pulse down and phone in his talking points. In addition to the “detransition is rare” and “sex-roles and self-concepts are unchanging and innate” tropes already mentioned above,  Keisling, Deutsch and Tur included the assertion that detransitioners are always motivated by external factors, such as failure to thrive in a cross-sex persona in employment, relationships, etc. and never due to a change in self-concept or simply out of personal choice.

Tur, who issued a press release the first day he took a hormone injection three months ago appeared sans hairpiece or laydee-clothes and called out Ennis for harming the transgender cause. Tur also claimed that the American Society of Pediatrics issued guidelines in June on how medical providers can proactively “identify” transgender children. I have seen no evidence of that- if anyone has, please let me know. It appears he just made it up out of thin air. It wasn’t clear whether Tur was implying that Don Ellis and co-panelist Philip Porter would have been “identified” by these mystery guidelines prior to their detransitions or not. He just sort of threw it out there nonsensically as an appeal to authority for the “born this way” meme and a head in the sand refutation of the whole subject of detransition. Must drink kool-aid. Must drink kool-aid. Must drink kool-aid.

Dr. Maddie Deutsch got the most air time. Deutsch is a male transgender physician who has prescribed cross-sex hormones for over 800 patients while bypassing all recommended psychological screening and counseling. Deutsch cited a “less than one percent” detransition rate, which is hilarious. He just flat out made it up. Which is kind of a scary thing for a medical doctor to do. He also accused Don Ennis of directly harming the transgender community by detransitioning publicly, blaming him (and presumably by extension all detransitioners) for endangering efforts to obtain insurance coverage for irreversible surgeries. Deutsch also went on a bit of a strange rant about how he believes same-sex relationships are exactly the same as heterosexual ones because biological sex and the social roles based on sex are of no consequence in the context of relationships (!) and therefor no distinction should be made between homosexual and heterosexual relations, but that the differences in experience of individuals based on their adopted sex stereotypes are socially significant and should be acknowledged. Shades of the old “Cotton Ceiling” there, sir. Lesbians don’t give a shit about your medical experiments sir: We do not want your dick (whether surgically inverted or not) in our relationships or our lesbian spaces sir, regardless of whatever “jendur” bullshit you believe. Sex matters to lesbians and gays, sir – and to heterosexuals, for that matter.

The only “off-message” person in the room (and the only homosexual) was gay male Philip Porter, and not a single panelist so much as acknowledged him. They had no response to him. Porter is a detransitioner who dropped the whole transgender shtick after 32 years of “treatment” which was started in his late teens when he was a gay man in fashion school. By his account he was quite happy and successful living a transgender life: “I was in his office the next day, an endocrinologist office the day after that, and just began my life living as a female. And did that very successfully and very happily for 32 years — I was an NFL cheerleader and I was a topless dancer for many years.” He dropped the sex-change act because being treated the way society treats males started looking like a better deal for his middle age and beyond. No detransition angst there, just mission accomplished, lots of wild times, and now time to return to his birthright as a man. Porter was there undermining the old “external factors cause transgenders to detransition” talking point. For that matter, Don Ennis himself explicitly debunked that trope in the email he sent out notifying coworkers of his detransition: “The new change I’m revealing to you today did not arise because I couldn’t hack it, or people wouldn’t accept the new/real/female ‘me,’ or I had trouble finding shoes that fit (Oh, I found plenty, more than I could afford)”, he wrote. Yet Keisling, Deutsch and Tur kept beating that tired old drum, seemingly off in their own little world. Sandeen and Beyer hit the same note in their Ennis response pieces.

One online commenter was quoted in the show. It was male lactation blogger Dana Lane Taylor, known for sharing his expertise with other male transgenders who wish to induce lactation as part of their transgender experience. His blog explores the process of obtaining and ingesting “not approved for use” black market substances for men who wish to express milk from their nipples. He had his comments read on air under the pseudonym “NunyaBeezwax”, stating that Ennis’s detransition should not be “used against us”.

don ennis dawn

Nothin’ to see here

* If Don’s mother or another family member would like to publicly respond to the accusations of abuse that Don has made against his mother I would be happy to post their statements here.

[bolding by me-GM]

31 Responses to “Life After Dawn: The Transgender Misdiagnosis and Global Transient Amnesia of Don Ennis”

  1. Nobody Special Says:

    Really? He claimed his dick and balls became a yoni? He must be related to Alan “Zoey” Brain or Ted “Chloe” Prince!

    The one thing that these tranny “experts” fail to address is that Ennis simply realized that pretending to be a woman in real life isn’t nearly as much fun as fantasizing about it. Maybe the decreased sex drive that resulted from him taking synthetic hormones may have been a (huge) factor too.


    • That article by Beyer made me so mad. There is no definite proof that being trans is a biological condition. If there was why won’t doctors test for it instead of having people psychologically evaluated? All we have right now are a bunch of theories and some evidence that maybe there’s a biological basis. But even if there is in some circumstances that doesn’t cover everyone who transitions.

      There’s no proof that gender is innate either. I don’t think it is. My sense of gender has shifted a whole lot mainly in response to social and psychological factors. So did my feelings of dysphoria. My dysphoria seemed so persistent and stubborn that I used to think it was biologically based but now I’m not dysphoric anymore. I was able to get rid of it by changing my mind and how I saw my body.

      My reasons for transitioning turned out to be psycho-social. I wasn’t trans because of my genes or getting bathed in hormones when I was a fetus or whatever, I became trans because of my experience in this society.

      And contrary to what Beyer’s claims. yes, family dynamics can play a role. My relationship with my mom was a big factor in how I saw myself and my decision to transition.

      What really upset me is how this person tell us detransitioners to be honest but then defines what truths we are permitted to utter. We deserve sympathy as long as we don’t challenge certain understandings of transsexuality. Trans people like to use destransition to talk about how hard trans people in society have it, how some people can’t take it. I’m sure some people detransition for that reason but focusing on that while ignoring that people could be transitioning due to internalized sexism is very self-serving.

      Insisting that those of us who destransition are just trans people who couldn’t tough it out is insulting. It doesn’t line up with my experience at all either. For the most part, I didn’t deal with additional hardships when I was trans. Most people I met were very accepting. My life got easier in a lot of ways once I started passing as guy because living as a man gave me male privilege. My social status was actually enhanced when I transitioned.

      So I definitely didn’t detransition because people were giving me shit for being trans. How I came to question my sense of maleness and transition is too complicated to go into here but basically I figured out that my male identification was a result of living in a rigidly gendered misogynistic society. A lot of ex-FtMs seem to come to this conclusion but does the trans community want to acknowledge that? I haven’t seen it mentioned in any of the articles about detranstion written by trans people that I’ve read recently..

      I’d write more on this but the real, non-internet world is calling me away to attend to responsibilities. Felt good to get that out at least.

    • Cassandra Says:

      ‘Tranny’ is a slur – when you use it you’re telling the world that you condone male violence.

      No one should be judged for detransitioning – there are hundreds of reasons why someone might do so.

      Likewise, implying that people transition due to gender roles/stereotypes is utterly ridiculous. Wishing to not suffer sex dysphoria, and taking steps to make that a reality, is hardly anyone else’s business, and isn’t something that the person in question should be denigrated for.

      • Anon Male Says:

        It’s so badass the way you can co-opt a phrase like “male violence” to make it look like you exist outside that category. Nice try, Dude.

      • red Says:

        Right, it’s our fault. We knew that, we’re women. You will never be blamed for any of the shit you do. You’re men. We knew that one too.

      • red Says:

        See? What did I just tell you…mea madre culpa.

        “My relationship with my mom was a big factor in how I saw myself and my decision to transition.”

      • Motherhood Says:

        There very well could be 100’s of reasons and they all add up to the fact that there is no such thing as Trans. It is a bogus invention on the part of the men who have a fetish and are raging misogynist. Sooner or later, and the way it going is it will be sooner, the bullshit and voodoo science will all be in the trash. And “gender dysphoria” will be treated like any other mental illness I am just waiting for the day all the hard ons are out of my space. So yeah sir it is my business. It is every woman’s business if men are in our safe space. A bunch of mentally ill people make demands on women that we role play in the sexually fantasy that is the hallmark of the illness–damn straight it is our business. You see when a movement makes demands they are demanding from someone and women will send you guys packing.

      • Versa Says:

        I would love for it to be nobody else’s business. But when it marches into my restroom and asserts its right to be there even though it doesn’t match what that restroom is designated for, then it’s my business.

        I don’t mind if you want to do God-knows-what to your body to make it look somewhat like what you want it to be. That’s your business. But when I have to pretend with you that it makes you the same as me, then it’s my business too.

        Admittedly, I think it would be nice if you could be happy with what you are, and I think it’s harmful to many people to live in a society in which it’s considered normal to try to change your body if you have certain characteristics. I especially think it’s harmful to tell children that they are trans because of…whatever.

        But if an adult decides to pretend to be the opposite sex, well, have fun. Just don’t demand that I pretend along with you. Your dysphoria is yours. Don’t try to make it mine too.

  2. Ashland Avenue Says:

    I have to love the self-appointed titles of bullshit organizations. It flows so seamlessly into the whole trans gestalt. I’ll play, too! I am now Executive Director of the National Institute of Tranny Bullshit Detection. There. Now will I be asked to appear on a HuffPo “roundtable”? Gawd.

    I can’t…I can’t even believe this Ellis thing is being taken seriously. Also, how does Dr. “Maddie” Deutsch even get malpractice insurance, considering his reckless practices? By the way, upon Googling, I found that the “Center of Excellence for Transgender Health” is merely part of the University of California at San Francisco Women’s Health Center. In other words, “Dr. Maddie”, as he likes to be called, simply managed to barge into a women’s health center:

    http://www.coe.ucsf.edu/coe/patient/transgender_health.html

    Because god forbid women have a place of their own that addresses their health issues, without male trannies being included! ‘Cause waaaaaaaah, that’s so MEAN!

    • GallusMag Says:

      Good research!

      I am now the Executive Director of the Gender Trender Project. Bow before my authority! lolol

      • Ashland Avenue Says:

        RESPECT MY AUTHORITEH!
        http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/64234/ERIC/

        Yeah, “Dr. Maddie” couldn’t be bothered to open his own damn office. His patients need to be surrounded in the waiting room by pregnant women, women being treated for breast cancer or PCOS, and women simply in for their annual Pap – all the better to make his patients feel extra womanly. (“Look at meeeeee! In this woman space!! Where real women are!! ‘Cause I’m a woman now!!…um, oh, by the way, I’m gonna need a prostate check, ‘k?”) Because it’s all about them. What a fucking farce.

  3. Motherhood Says:

    Good for this guy. Now, seriously why are the people who bought, hook, line and sinker, the whole he was a woman trapped in a male body are so skeptical about amnesia–I mean the story really needed to be questioned a little further up river. To claim one is plausible and the other isn’t–hahaha. Dana Beyer trying to spin it.I promise when the Alzheimer hits he is not going to be even remember his “authentic woman self” And Dr. Deutsch seems to be pretty well hated. I wonder why Beyer stopped practicing see:http://www.vitals.com/doctors/Dr_Madeline_Deutsch/reviews

    • Nobody Special Says:

      Why did Beyer stop practicing? Who would want to be treated by someone who suffers from a serious mental disorder? No matter how the trannies try to spin it, gender identity disorder, gender dysphoria, or whatever they want to call it this week is listed in the DSM, THE book of mental disorders. Yeah, right up there with schizophrenia, body integrity disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and the rest.

      Come to think of it, being diagnosed with a serious mental disorder might be grounds for losing one’s license to practice medicine….. or at least it should be.

      • GallusMag Says:

        He’s a creepy ass dude:

      • Ob Knox Says:

        Although it’s too much to get into here, it’s pretty low to throw all people who have been given psychiatric labels– disproportionately women, children and people of color, i.e. the relatively powerless– under the bus as a way to throw M-to-T under the bus.

        I’m not in any way behind the trans cause, but what they experience is at a certain level what any very SANE person living in an extremely rigidly gender-inflected, patriarchal culture might experience as a reaction to that social mileux: extreme confusion and subjective suffering on the themes of sex and gender.

        I believe that all mental illnesses are just like this example structurally: very sane, healthy reactions to unbearably painful or double-bind-type situations, some of which are trauma on the individual level, others on the societal level.

        So please don’t pick up the bludgeoning stick they call “mental illness” and the DSM and use it uncritically.

        No one should have to pretend that others’ delusions are part of consesus reality. I am not advocating for that.

        But reading people saying things like “being diagnosed with a serious mental disorder might be grounds for losing one’s license to practice medicine….. or at least it should be” is a little scary, because it makes no allowances for the fact that being diagnosed with a mental disorder happens to a variety of people for a variety of reasons, and that should not automatically allow us to say that they should lose their life’s work, their job, etc.

        The way a lot of people on here use the concept of mental illness is as a bin in which to throw trans people, because it is already apparently understood that this is a bin into which we throw those who we want to completely obliterate with social death, and it remains uninterrogated whether that bin is legitimate at all in the first place.

        I think there are other, better, and more perspicacious ways to justify our position on M-to-T and their rhetoric.

      • Versa Says:

        Interesting comments, and I thank you for sharing them.

        I am very sympathetic to people with psychiatric disorders. I have, myself, been diagnosed with two at various times: depression and ADD. I am sane, I am intelligent, and I am slightly mentally ill.

        Having depression and/or ADD is quite challenging. Either one is definitely a handicap, and not a good way to go through life. That’s why these disorders should be treated and overcome. They should NOT be normalized. I don’t want anyone to look at me and think, “Well, she feels sad and unfocused, and that’s valid! Let’s all join her in that!” [To be fair, some amount of sadness IS valid, but that’s another topic that I won’t get into here.]

        I don’t want to bring the rest of society into my mental illness. I don’t want the world to declare it “normal” to suffer from my afflictions.

        That’s how I see trans* people. Honestly, I have known some that I thought were very nice people (although others are pretty wretched, to be fair). I like them. I sympathize with them. But I don’t want to normalize their condition or be required to pretend anything with them.

        To some extent I even understand them. There was a moment in my life when I wished to be the opposite sex. I overcame that. (I understand that there are others on this forum who have, as well…?) I wish that triumph and self-acceptance for others as well. I wish for trans* not to be normalized not only for my benefit, but for theirs.

        Hating your body is an affliction that can be overcome, and it should be. Thinking that you should be male/female in order to ___ [fill in any characteristics unrelated to procreation] is a very oppressive limitation, and it too can be overcome, and it should be.

        So, yes, I see what you’re saying, and for the most part I agree.

        But keep in mind that many people who are mentally ill (some trans, some not), are extremely hateful people who do everything they can to antagonize others. They lose sympathy. When trans people demand that we play along with their delusions and label us bigots when we refuse, it’s really hard to feel sorry for them.

        That is where a lot of us on this forum are coming from. We’ve put up with enough nonsense and abuse that it’s hard to sympathize anymore.

  4. Versa Says:

    Okay, so let’s get this straight:

    If the occasional trans person stops being trans, that’s harmful to the trans movement. But if the occasional woman stops being a woman, or man stops being a man, that’s something beautiful and natural and unavoidable and all that? Cause, you know, feelings. They go one way only.

    Changing from a woman to a man is good if you are female by birth, but bad if you were a male by birth and then became female later. Got it.

    Double standard much?

  5. deline Says:

    Get a load of those meat hooks.

  6. druidwinter Says:

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8838404

    https://scholarsbank.uoregon.edu/xmlui/bitstream/handle/1794/1351/Diss_1_2_9_OCR_rev.pdf?sequence=4

    Ok, ^ more than one academic source^ [Trigger warnings all over this post]

    take for instance all the literature on transexual/ transgender multi-personality disorder;

    Yes there is academic papers addressing the split personality aspect of ‘transgender, because people with multi personalities have personas with different ages and express some of them are the opposite sex.

    *The demand for surgery to correct problem,

    *blames mother for wanting a girl and planting the idea, although sisters are present in family,

    *cant remember being a boy/girl amnesia and emotional difficulty discussing the past

    *In the pdf case, his sisters were sexually abused by their father and at some point he sexually abused his younger sister at one point[pressure from the male source of the family marginalizing the females]

    *Wanted the role of mother and felt he was better suited[felt the mother did not adequately protect children and held resentment]

    *he went on to claim sexual abuse from both parents starting at age 3, -his father did beat him and he was a sex addict all through school.

    He also had a lot of anger.

    * he wet himself, had a fear of the boys restroom and by second grade believed his penis was the source of all his trouble and wanted to cut it off.

    It almost seems like there are the same type of patterns. Read it for yourself, the similarities of what is said there and what they claim to be now are oddly familiar.

  7. red Says:

    Not odd, they are copying each other. Who knows who the first one was, maybe that creative writing specialist who keeps popping up here with stories of *their* transgendered six year old. (sic).

    This is the narrative they learn will work to get them sympathy, point to a shared villain (mom) which works with each other, psychs and the medical profession, the left (so very very librul and concerned with oppression, but not, women) and which gets them brownie points also, withjudges who are struck to the core with the heartbreak of being transgendered and let them off on drug procurement and growth operations charges. Because dwama.

  8. GallusMag Says:

    TRANSSEXUAL TRANSGENDER MODEL
    MADE TO MODEL
    NOVEMBER 12, 2011 / 4 COMMENTS
    Made to Model

    How My Mom Turned Her Boy Into One of the Girls

    The lights burning in my eyes were not as annoying as the cardboard stuffed down my blouse and pinned to my skirt, so to avoid showing any wrinkles in my Sears outfit to the camera. A fussy man named Eric and a tiny woman named Sonja pinched, primped and positioned me so I was standing just as the photographer ordered, a man called Rick who was never really happy with whatever I did on my own. So like a mannequin in their hands, Eric and Sonja twisted and contorted my body into Rick’s vision of what a young girl should look like. I did as I was told, smiled, but not too much; demurely. “Prim,” he said. “Prim.”

    I did as I was told. “Good girl, that’s my girl,” Rick said.

    Except I was not a girl. I was a boy. Or at least, I was when I wasn’t in the city.

    Long before my successful, 25-year career in broadcast news, I stood before an even bigger spotlight as a child model and actor. From the 1960′s through the 1980′s, I worked steadily, starting at age 5 and “retiring” at age 17, all the while helping support my family: a New York City cop who couldn’t afford to move us from Queens on his salary alone, a bored housewife turned stage mother, and a younger sister who also worked “in the city,” as we called it.

    Life was grand: we moved to a better neighborhood in the suburbs, my sister and I attended private school (when we weren’t working) and we frequently vacationed and regularly visited Disney World. Our family was the first on the block with a console color TV, the first to own a VCR, the first to own a boat. Those were the good years.

    Unfortunately, the jobs started to dwindle, as they usually do for boys, as I grew from the “average American boy” into a pre-teen. At age eleven, parts were few and far between, and the money was no longer streaming in. It seemed there was always work for girls, but few casting directors were looking for pre-pubescent boys in those days. So my mother hit upon an idea, to boost our income.

    She submitted me for parts calling for girls.

    At first, all I did was radio work, voiceovers. I was a first tenor, so my voice was high for a boy, and my stage name could be either a boy’s or a girl’s; the casting directors were happy so long as I sounded right. But it didn’t stop there.

    I did photo shoots, fashion shows, walked the runways. I met and worked with stars before they were stars, including Brooke Shields,Tom Cruise and others. And at the height of my career in 1976, I was earning $100 a day as a girl model, when I finally walked away.

    And what makes this story of mine particularly disturbing, to myself, to my family, is how my mom made me into a better earner. Dressing me up apparently wasn’t enough to transform me into a girl. “Vitamins,” my mother called them.

    But unlike Flintstones or other vitamins that came in a jar, these were special. They were kept away from all the rest, in a drawer, in her nightstand. In a cream-colored clamshell case, with just enough pills for a month: at her direction, I took one a day, for 21 days, then took seven pills of a different color, until starting a new pack.

    My mother put me on estrogen. Birth Control Pills, the high-test version before the dosages were lowered. They were hers; the only doctor I saw in those years was an optometrist.

    It worked, all too well. It was our secret. I stopped visiting my neighborhood barber and we would instead go to the beauty parlor. My mother obsessed about my skin, my nails, and my hair. I was the only boy in school with a Dorothy Hamill hairstyle. The pills helped in all those areas, keeping my skin clear and giving me a more feminine appearance. I’m not going to lie: even though I didn’t know or understand why my body was changing, I liked it. I enjoyed being a girl, from how I looked to how I felt, as well as the attention, the affection and the new bond I formed with my mother. She had tapped into a secret desire I don’t recall ever expressing. I wasn’t unhappy as a boy, but I was most definitely happier as a girl and around girls.

    And the pills stopped what my mother described as “the change” in my personality, an assertive streak she wanted stopped, and did… for five years, until finally, thankfully, my father learned the truth — seeing his son for the first time modelling a bra — and demanded it stop. And for the first time, at age 16, I finally started experiencing what it was like to be a teenage boy. A boy with a cruel nickname in his all boys’ high school: “Tits.” Being a boy became my everyday challenge. With time, my body started to right itself, and adolescence kicked in my first year of college.

    That’s where I met my wife, and ten years later we wed. We’ve been married 15 years, and we have three beautiful children. Proof that despite the conditioning, my body reasserted its maleness.

    Twenty-five years after I finally got off the pill, something changed: my testosterone levels dropped, leaving me estrogen dominant. Doctors have not been able to explain this drastic hormonal imbalance that changed my body back to that of a female. I started a second adolescence: my breasts started to regrow, my male body parts receded, my voice which was never so deep seemed even less so, and my body hair grew soft and light, just as my skin softened, hips widened, and I shrank from almost 5’10 to 5’7. Could this be a result of the years of medical intervention by my mother? Doctors are at a loss for what else causes an involuntary sex change.

    And as time has worn on, this condition has brought discord to my marriage. More than one doctor counseled me that the road ahead to becoming more fully female is likely less difficult than putting my male self back together like Humpty Dumpty. And so this is the story of my struggle, my secret, and my journey. How it ends is unclear.

    For years, I have contemplated telling my story, but resisted for fear that it would cause trouble for my family. Strangely enough, my mother herself pressed me to go public, and often told me how sorry she was. What I never understood, until recently, is what she was sorry for.

    It was the repressed memory of that clamshell that came to me one day this summer, followed by sessions with a hypnotherapist, that has helped me unblock the repressed memories of that time that have plagued me all my adult life. I had remembered bits and pieces, burying the years of work I did as a girl. But until therapy I downplayed those years as inconsequential. In hindsight, I see now why I locked those memories away. Unlocking them is a painful but important process in my healing.

    I currently work as a writer/producer at a major television network in New York. I’ve worked there on and off for four years, and have multiple awards to my credit for my work as a writer. I live here in NYC but also have a home with my wife and kids outside the city. Our children know some of my secret, in that I’m different from other dads, that I have a medical condition that requires me to wear a bra, and it’s probably because of all this that they all too often call me “Mom.” That’s a sore point with their real Mom. My wife has no desire to live as a lesbian, and all I want in this life is to be authentic, and to be with her and our family, and so we press on with my life after Dawn.

    • Ashland Avenue Says:

      This is such an obvious forced-feminization story. SO obvious. And the “repressed memory of that clamshell” that was conveniently unblocked by a hypnotherapist? Come ON. Was this from his blog, Gallus, or somewhere else?

      • GallusMag Says:

        Yes this is from his bog. This is male lesbian and Advocate.com reporter Don “Dawn” Ellis’s coming out testimonial. For real.

      • GallusMag Says:

        You can still read them all on Google cache.

      • Ashland Avenue Says:

        Thanks Gallus. This man is very, very sick. The part where he claims that his kids call him “Mom” is just nauseating. Now he’ll blame his lack of employment on “transphobia”, and not the simple fact that he’s wacko, creeps the hell out of people, and disrupts the workplace. No, it’ll be that mean ol’ “transphobia.” What a coward.


      • I didn’t know what I was reading and honestly it sounds like something from that literotica site. Dude is so pornsick it’s just a goddamned shame. How did we get here? Sex is pretty basic. How did we reach the point that “forced feminization” gives these dudes such a woody that they decide to devote their entire lives to it?

    • LC Says:

      I’m not sure a writer could come up with a more perfectly convenient explanation for why he just *has* to be allowed to live as a woman and be given sympathy for it. Or a man, if he had another repressed memory somewhere down the line. Maybe he can blame it all on the hypnotherapist now?

    • morag99 Says:

      ‘Our children know some of my secret, in that I’m different from other dads, that I have a medical condition that requires me to wear a bra, and it’s probably because of all this that they all too often call me “Mom.” That’s a sore point with their real Mom.”

      Why is this sick and dangerous man allowed to be near any children? He’s forced his entire family, wife and children, to participate in his fetish. His pornographic life story–a fantasy–reveals that his fetish for forced feminization is charged with the thrill of incest and pedophilia.

      His kids are already victims of sexual abuse. He should be in prison.

  9. AntagonisticThinker Says:

    This sounds like quite the medical anomaly. It makes no biological sense whatsoever that a male who was exposed to estrogen while a teenager, who then stopped that estrogen and went through puberty into becoming a male, would suddenly 25 years later become a female. It is *normal* for sex hormones to drop as people age, women have lower estrogen & men have lower testosterone. Sometimes secondary sex characteristics can break through a bit, and women might start having a few chest hairs & men might start having some breast buds. But the idea that lower testosterone suddenly makes a middle age man grow wider hips & *shrink* in height? That just does not happen. Just like women don’t suddenly have their hips shrink & grow in height once they hit menopause and have lower testosterone, men don’t suddenly grow hips & breasts & have their height shrink when they reach middle-age and have lower testosterone. Who could possibly take any of this seriously? Surely all of us know middle aged & elderly people of both sexes, and what Dawn/Don claims happened to him is just not reality. By his thinking, shouldn’t women who took birth control as teenagers be magically immune from the effects of menopause? How can anyone seriously support his delusion, er medical anomaly? I fear I am too logical for the world I find myself in.

  10. AntagonisticThinker Says:

    And the idea that any doctor would tell him it would be “easier” for him to accept his new life as a female, rather than work at being a male…..um no, its not uncommon for men with low testosterone, to take testosterone. That is far easier than “changing” (as if that were even possible) the sex one has been ones entire life. Rereading Ashland’s comment, I have to agree. I think this story sounds like a fictional porn story, not a biography.


  11. its not uncommon for men with low testosterone, to take testosterone.

    It’s something I’ve often wondered about the trans faction that claim it’s all about spontaneous changes in body chemistry (and not at all about their fetishes, oh no). Surely taking more testosterone to shore up their maleness would be a much simpler solution than the big giant drama of having to turn themslves into a laydee instead?


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