having been a man, I can say this with some authority.

March 28, 2014

picture_french_raven_bases_social_power

Why aren’t we doing more about sexism? (self.asktransgender)
submitted by lolokreality36 F

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I am lucky in that I was able to transition while employed, and everyone at that employer treated me very well (mostly). I left amicably and went to go work in a different town, where I knew nobody professionally, nobody personally, and I pass exceptionally well. I am out to two people, out of necessity (some benefits & legal stuff) at that company.
I have also just had what I consider to be my first incident of actual sexism (in the workplace; that happened long ago “on the street.”).

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I am mid-career, and an engineer. I am very familiar with the way people interact with me, as an engineer, professionally. At my previous company, when I transitioned, nothing changed. With one (somewhat notable) exception, there was one date in which my name changed in email, and everyone switched to the new names and pronouns. Professionally I was treated almost exactly the same. In “not-quite-professional” situations, I was treated differently: people now held doors open and smiled more at me. They defaulted to driving on business trips (to the extent I didn’t even need to rent a car; my male coworkers more or less insisted). So those things changed, and I “noticed” them, but it didn’t bother me and I didn’t think much of it other than, “oh, that’s nice, they’re trying to make me feel comfortable/they like me/random vague positive thoughts.”

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And I think what happened, as I look back, is I was able to retain some of the – I will say it – male privilege – I had before transitioning. This is to say, nobody doubted the veracity of anything I said because I was a woman, because to them, I was a man, and had thus been vetted and passed all the requirements (that is, maleness) for intelligence, authenticity, and honesty. Bear in mind I worked on two different teams, one of about 100 people that had maybe twenty women, and another of seventy people that had one woman – me (for those counting, that’s 12% or so women, or 1:8).

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But being in that position, I did not “compare and contrast” that people had treated me differently outside the office or socially, why was I not being treated any differently in the office?

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Until I changed positions and nobody had any idea to believe I am anything other than I say I am – a woman.

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The treatment I have received has been exactly the same as it was in the previous company to the people I am out to (all two of them). To everyone else, I have gotten more of what I expect from treatment socially, away from the office: people pay much, much more attention to my inflection and tone of voice, my body language, and facial expression. People are also kind of more sensitive about whether they are intruding (such as walking up to my desk and interrupting me), and forgive my eccentricities more than before (I guess perhaps they think it is an effected gender expression or wardrobe performance; I’m not sure). Certainly nobody has taken me to task for nonconformity in the office as people did “when I was male.”

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So these things to me “feel like” the difference in gender politic. Which, I guess, is expected.

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But something pernicious has happened: I have had an interaction with an engineer who almost entirely dismisses me out-of-hand. That concerns I bring up about code he has written or maintains are brushed off. When I find a bug or an inaccuracy, he makes this sort of exasperated sigh and is surprised I have come back to discuss this again (with a piece of code directly demonstrating the problem).

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When I came to him shortly after starting and said, look, it is my responsibility to test this system for implementation and security flaws, and I think we need design by contract and unit testing and automated, nightly, builds, he literally laughed at me and shook his head smiling and saying my name in this dismissive, patronizing way. I mean, these are industry standard things, things that I have implemented, things every responsible enterprise does with public-facing code that’s this sensitive.

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In almost twenty years of being an engineer, I have never, ever run across this kind of experience. And I’ve worked at all levels of engineerdom, in many different positions from sysadmin to programmer to security officer to auditor, I mean I have a very broad range of experience here. And when I bring a bug or a design change to someone and can explain what I want and why, people stop, and they listen to what I have to say. And they may not agree with it — I am not always right, of course — but we sit and talk about it. If we don’t have time right then to whiteboard it, we schedule a call or a meeting or something.

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This also never happened to me as a very green engineer. I remember a long time ago being really upset about an Oracle server spewing out multicast traffic on one of our subnets and talking to the director of engineering, who chased down the “problem,” which was a bog-standard router solicitation packet thing, coming from a host I hadn’t correctly identified. But the allegation or concern was treated with respect and attention. It was a dumb mistake, and I was a young engineer, but I was earnest, and male.
Today, I struggle to explain this to my manager, who is male. I struggle to explain this to my (former) male coworkers. When I explain this to women and ask them, hey, am I reading this correctly, they all nod, sigh, and say, yeah, that’s every day. It’s always like this. You get used to it.

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So, men tend to not understand this is a real thing. And women, being women, are not believed by men (generally) when we bring these things up.
But transwomen (and transmen) have a different experience: I know what I was treated like before, and I know I am being treated differently today, and I can explain what is changed. Not many people can do this.

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Why are we, as trans people, not writing copious volumes on this for cis people, explaining that, look, this is a real thing. These “microaggressions” are not made-up excuses for women to complain, we’re being treated differently, and having been a man, I can say this with some authority.

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Is it because none of us want to “come out” about having been (former gender) before? Because being open and public about this, and talking about sexism from both sides of the aisle would require this.

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I am not ready to come-out-as-trans and make it clear I expect to be treated with respect, and to write about these things as me (because in order to really clarify this and add context, I think I would have to detail my identity and experience). Is that what is going on here?
Don’t we all have this kind of narrative to explain to cis people?
38 commentsshare

[from Reddit. Images added by me- GM]

14_power-authority

47 Responses to “having been a man, I can say this with some authority.”


  1. Well, I’m not glad it happened to this dude but I’m glad he is now aware of how fucked up is is for women.

    In the comments there is someone who identifies as ‘agender’ getting upset because the OP only referred to women and men.

    Example:

    ———–

    [–]genderfucker [agender – 3 years transitioned]

    Women and men are not the only people with these experiences.

    [–]lolokreality36

    Of course not. I have no insight at all into the agender (or gq, or gf, and etc) experience and cannot pretend to even start to explain or describe it.

    [–]genderfucker [agender – 3 years transitioned]
    Ok. But please stop saying ‘men and women’ when you mean ‘people’. Thanks.

    ————–

    Priorities. Don’t forget about the agender people.

    Can I identify as agender to stop trannies from calling me ‘cis’?

    I don’t believe in gender so…does that count or do I still have to believe in gender but not obey its laws?

    How can there be a congruence between my ‘gender identity’ and sex if I don’t have a gender identity?


  2. Speaking of reddit, I saw some beautiful cognitive dissonance by a MRA today.

    This dude was a self identified gay man whose posts were 90% in one of the Men’s Rights forums bitching about women.

    He then linked an article by Cristan Williams criticizing our desire to piss in peace.

    He was like “Look at these feminists tear down transwomen”

    From reddit:

    [–]altmehere

    They even think transgenders were privileged and had it better?
    I suppose the fact that they were born as men and had male privilege is enough for some feminists to believe so.
    This attitude also places the comfort of women above the safety of transwomen, and really shows a lack of compassion for any issues except their own.
    So transexuals are rapists and they also can’t be raped in any way that matters…
    What really gets to me is that they say “… documented frequency of male sexual violence against females …” even though transwomen identify as female (it’s like a slap in the face) and I can’t seem to even find a documented example of a transwoman or someone pretending to be one ever rape a woman in a women’s restroom. On the other hand, there has been violence against transwomen for being in women’s restrooms.

    ——-

    and then when the trans give backlash for him referring to them in a MEN’S RIGHTS FORUM:

    ——–

    <….Before I begin, let me preface by saying that I am a gay man who is active in LGBT activism, and recognize that even so, transsexual and transgender people face far more discrimination than I ever would, especially considering the fact that I am not typically recognized as being gay unless I make it explicit.

    In no way did I conflate transphobia with misandry, or imply that transwomen are men. That is what the second wave feminists (which I referred to as "some feminists" or "second wave feminists" in all of my posts) did in this case.

    The attitude of the second wave feminists in question is misandric because it assumes that since transwomen were born and raised as men, they are somehow still a danger to women. This ignores both the safety of transwomen, who might not be welcomed into men's bathrooms, and their comfort and sense of identity, in that they cannot go into the bathroom of the gender they identify with, putting a bit more comfort for ciswomen ahead of the discrimination that transwomen face. It is also discrimination against men and masculinity because it assumes that we're all raised to act out in sexual violence.
    In no way did I imply that all feminists think this way, or imply that MtF transsexuals are men or that FtM transsexuals are women.
    My goal in posting MensRights was simply to bring attention to the element of negativity towards masculinity and those raised as men, and bring issues that those at /r/MR might not notice otherwise to the forefront.
    Regards, altmehere

    ————

    If there is no male violence then how come transwomen aren't safe in the mens room?

    Logic fail!

    Eurgh. These dudes are fucking lame!

    • Adrian Says:

      Personally I still want to know just how it is that my denying the validity of the “born in the wrong body, with a laydee brain” origin theory of M2T transgenderism is somehow threatening the SAFETY (rather than the “comfort”) of M2T.

      I’m not about to go around around persecuting these people, beating on them (in the bathroom or elsewhere) – hell, I’m enough of a milquetoast in public, I’ll say “she” where officially that’s the legal pronoun (thinking of workplace situations of my own, here). It’s called professional workplace behavior. But when asked point blank, do I buy this “they’ve always been women, trans is intersex of the brain” business, no, I don’t.

      …and somehow just saying that is causing murders of M2T globally.

      I get that they don’t LIKE it. It punctures the illusion they have going on, to get the reminder that actually, no. But this is killing them? How, exactly? They say we “dehumanize” them too. ORLY? Last time I checked, male humans (which they are) are still humans. NO one is denying their humanity.

      …unless it’s some idea that unless we “admit they’re fully women” then they can’t gain that precious, precious access to the women’s bathroom and therefore are destined to be beaten to death in the men’s. Which is ridiculous hyperbole but they sure seem to love the ridiculous hyperbole.

      Best part is, so many of these same people get all upset if someone mentions that women walking on the street fear rape more than men walking on the street. Women (actual women, who can’t even seem to do woman right, we should let the M2T show us how it’s done) are just whiners, complainers, looking for excuses for our own inadequacy, etc.

      …which brings us back to the OP, I will admit in some ways it’s a breath of fresh air to read of an M2T who manages to get some of the flack aimed at women due to his new appearance actually CONSIDERING that the best place to use this information is to actually talk to MEN for a change. To maybe back up some women and say yeah, actually they’re not just oversensitive and making up all the complaints about being disregarded in the workplace, etc.

      As someone else posted here on this blog long ago, you’d think if some of the M2T really did feel they were “women in men’s bodies” then maybe they’d use their powerful men’s body disguises to take one for the team and get into the halls of power, undercover, and actually make some improvements FOR WOMEN which they claim they are.

  3. Chapeau Says:

    Reddit is especially fond of transwomen because it’s men telling them what’s happening !

    • abyulys Says:

      Trying to browse Reddit is so frustrating. It’s like trannies can do no wrong there. What’s worse, their most populated “feminism” subreddits (or what is perceived by them as feminism) are populated and dominated by trannies, and women have to regularly submit to them.

      • uterusesb4duderuses Says:

        Reddit is definitely a cesspool. Some of us are trying to change it for the better with a small but thriving community, Gender Critical (http://www.reddit.com/r/gendercritical), but yeah, the biggest “feminist” subreddits are all about dick worship and ridiculous pronoun hijinx. Even the feminist subreddits designed for women are unable to define what “woman” means because angry trans males come in and stamp their high heeled hooves in dismay that anyone dare say woman has anything to do with ovaries.

  4. huffysnappy Says:

    I really appreciate it when MtT transwomen ‘get it’ with regard to male privilege/female subordination and oppression in day to day interactions, and try to be honest about it and get the word out to others though. What I would really appreciate hearing transwomen say to men most of all, though, regarding the experience of being treated as female is: ‘Listen to women on this one.’


    • @ huffysnappy.

      “What I would really appreciate hearing transwomen say to men most of all, though, regarding the experience of being treated as female is: ‘Listen to women on this one.’”

      I find it utterly sickening that men have to hear about marginalisation from other men before they ever consider it being real.

      Women have been fighting this shit for centuries but the moment a dude experiences it, it’s suddenly super important!!1oneone

      That’s fucked up.

      The more likely scenario (as far as I see it) is that transactivists hijack the conversation to blame all their oppression on females.

      Somehow females would be to blame for the sexism they experience by denying them their ‘womanly-ness’.

      By denying them this, we are suggesting that they are homosexual or deviant and that’s why men won’t accept them.

      If only females would shut the fuck up and stay out of sight then everything would be gravy.

    • AreUSayingWhatUThink Says:

      But the thing he doesn’t know is – are people treating him that way because they truly believe he’s female – or are some (or all) of the responding to him because they believe he’s a male pretending to be a woman, by presenting himself/behaving in ways that are stereotypical for women. We don’t know – and he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know – but of course, assumes he does. He’s “passing” because nobody’s calling him on it – but why? Because he IS genuinely passing – or they don’t want to be in the mass media, or sued in court. I hate this about trans theory – for everyone else on the planet, social interactions are not 100% crystal clear – the rest of us actually have to think and wonder (i.e., what did they mean by that? Or, what is their motivation for behaving that way?) about our social interactions – but if you’re trans, everything is clear as crystal. Either you’re passing or they’re misgendering. Case closed.

      • Adrian Says:

        Often they don’t like to hear the opinion of someone like myself who would have to say, yeah, I can tell that you’re trans, but no, I’m not going to outwardly say anything because hey, professional environment, we all got the note from HR so we’ll play along.

        Because yeah, they can’t be sure they’re passing.

        This guy is at a new company so it could go either way, but particularly people who transition while staying at the same place, sometimes they take the fact that everyone is properly saying “she” and using the new name and not making a fuss about the bathroom (just silently using other ones, for those who care) as some sign of true acceptance of the entire ideology, but it isn’t always that way. Plenty of coworkers will be fine accepting the individual, maybe he was a nice enough guy before too and not much as changed, he just looks different, but still if you ask, do you really think this person was always a woman born in the wrong body? they’d say of course not.

        People don’t usually go around telling their coworkers they stink, either, for similar reasons. It’s just not done.

      • Teal Deer Says:

        I know someone who had a coworker transition, and everyone walks on eggshells around them (to their face and in front of management, anyway). It’s not that they pass and people like the new persona… It’s because HR gathered everyone together during the week the transitioner took off between “he” and “she,” and threatened them all with disciplinary measures and/or firing if they didn’t play along. They also gave the female workers the “if you aren’t comfortable with so-and-so being in the ladies room with you, you have to find a different bathroom” talk.

        Between HR edicts and common manners, don’t be fooled that you’re passing and respected, folks.

  5. Farmerjane Says:

    Only men like him can understaaand that males are taken seriously and women dismissed. He thinks transgenderists are in the unique, special, omniscient position to mansplain how women are treated in the workplace, and others of his ilk must be encouraged to write about it. Because women have no clue, and his eyes were opened! All hail mister IT trans, who has experienced a sexist incident mid-career.


  6. I too have only just in the past few years started noticing the way that men in the workplace treat each other vs women (how in the hell I was so oblivious to this before is beyond me). I get a little of it myself, but I’m also well aware that 36 years as an unwilling member of the “boys club” gave me benefit that I fully admit to still taking advantage of to some degree.

    Many of the women I work with seem beaten down and just unwilling to stand up for themselves (I share my position equally with a kind woman who’s told me more than once that “being assertive is just not in my nature”) and when they do, it takes little time before they are shushed back into line. I get treated that way too, but to a noticeably lesser degree. Once I started noticing this stuff is going on, I asked as many women that I know “what the heck?”.. and they all pretty much confirmed that its everywhere, coming from almost every male, across the board. I can’t imagine living my whole life up until like this and maybe that’s part of why the men just don’t get it. When are they objectified (unwillingly, on a second-by-second basis anyway) or subjugated just for being men? Yes, I know.. rhetorical question.

    The revelation has left me very guilt ridden and I find myself spending large amounts of time trying to even things out the odds with whatever little bit of privilege I happen to still have. What I wonder is, if women don’t need or want anyone (especially some transwoman like me) speaking up for them and bending over backwards to help my female co-workers (which I admit I do) just comes off as “man comes to the rescue” bullshit, then what can I do that’s beneficial without overstepping my place? How do I help fight something so ingrained in our society that the men seem utterly unable to see what they are doing.

    • Teal Deer Says:

      I can’t and don’t speak for everyone, but men and trans people standing up for women doesn’t bother me in itself. What I resent is that my words don’t have sufficient weight on their own, even when it’s about my own experience. A man or trans person relates the same observations I do, and suddenly they become real. “Huh, that female was telling the truth. I thought she was just being too sensitive/emotional/hormonal. You know how hysterical and moody women can be. “

    • AreUSayingWhatUThink Says:

      STOP referring to yourself as a woman. BE the man you are, who is gender non-conforming to stereotypes of masculinity. THAT IS THE WAY YOU CAN HELP.

      Your comment ENRAGES me. You have no idea what’s going on with these “other” women – because YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN.

      It feels so good to tell you this. STOP PRETENDING TO BE A WOMAN, gender-NONconform to masculinity, and take the heat yourself.

    • lin Says:

      Here’s the part you won’t admit to, sir: You were just as guilty of dismissing women as any other guy. How do I know? Do you think the crap you’re noticing now just began? Of course not; it was going on in front of your eyes. If you never noticed it, it’s because you were DOING it and watching others do it without the slightest awareness. Suddenly you recognize it only because it affects you.

      I am happy that you got a taste of your own medicine. Part of me says that if it takes a man to call out other men, then that’s a good thing. But isn’t that just a perpetuation of the same old same old: men only listening when a man talks. So it changes nothing.


      • You’re absolutely right lin, I cannot see how I wouldn’t be guilty of dismissing a woman at some point in my past (it seems unlikely I wouldn’t have even noticed, sadly) and most definitely guilty of not stopping others from doing it.. that’s what I was getting at (even if it was in a round about way). For what its worth, I am trying my best to never let it happen again.

    • Random Radfem Says:

      Yeah, Katherine, men consistently ignore and invalidate women’s boundaries, concerns, thoughts and opinions. Transgender males like yourself make it a lifestyle. If you want to find a male you can educate on this whopping new discovery about misogyny and sexism, than look in the mirror (if you are not already doing so). If you want to make a difference than change your own behavior and have this discussion with other men like yourself. Women do not need you to explain the world we live in nor do we you to save us, Oh Great Trans of Hope!


      • @ Random Radfem

        “Women do not need you to explain the world we live in nor do we you to save us, Oh Great Trans of Hope!”

        Hahaha! Thanks for making me laugh. : )

        There’s a underlying degree of white knight-ism to them all.

        They’ve got to save us from other men, being too fat, being unfeminine, being too mouthy, having our own sexuality etc.

  7. Loup-loup garou Says:

    As a woman with normal powers of observation, I can also speak with some authority about the fact that we’re treated differently.

    The guy who wrote this piece has only scratched the surface of workplace sexism. He should try passing as female in a job that’s less well-paid and less respected than engineering, and the write up his findings.

    For example, I expect a full report on what it’s like having every dateless sad sack dude from another department linger near your desk or workstation on a daily basis, sighing heavily, staring, asking intrusive and patronizing questions, and mansplaining important events in the news to you. Bonus points for discussing the consequences of politely asking him to go away — because no matter how polite you are, Sad Sack Dude will be offended, and will find a way to create problems for you.

  8. SheilaG Says:

    I always knew men were dumb and say nothing in the work place, but this article takes the cake. Do these men actually believe women don’t notice all of this bad treatment? That we can’t report on our own world. I do think these trans idiots should leave women alone, and just talk to men. Let THEM fight battles with men.

    The feminist movement has been uncovering this for eons, it’s nothing new at all. We are well aware of male supremacy, it’s why I hate being around men at all!

  9. GallusMag Says:

    I thought it was interesting that he did not realize he was still being gendered as male after transifying. Of course “transwomen” continue to receive male privilege after transition, because people still know they are male. A lot of these guys are so clueless on this point. They really have no idea what women go through (never a topic of interest to them apparently) or what the lives of women are actually like. After they transition, they assume they are experiencing “life as a woman”, but that is far from the truth, as everyone still knows they are male, and they are treated with male privilege accordingly. It is so ridiculous when these guys bring up kids like Coy, the “transgirl”, and claim that early transition erases male privilege. Simply not true, as everyone continues to know that Coy is male, and genders him accordingly.

    • Adrian Says:

      Coy in particular, considering his parents continually parade him before the media.

      I feel for him – what happens if one day he decides he doesn’t really want to play along anymore? It has to be some terrible pressure by now, considering that the entire family identity is built on this “my kid the transgender crusader” thing already, not to mention all the various money spent.

      • Random Radfem Says:

        His parents are nut jobs- Munchausen-by-Proxy and grifters of the highest order.No children should be under their care. I wish that kid the best, but I can’t imagine him thriving in life after this type of psychological and physical abuse (I assume he will be pumped full of estrogen as soon as it is viable). Of course, any future issues will be attributed to twansphobia and not on being viciously manipulated, sterilized and castrated to further the trans agenda.


      • @ Adrian

        Exactly. What if Coy turns out to be a plain ol’ boring homo? What then?

        How is someone supposed to be themselves if their parents and the trans army are telling them what they are based on something they expressed in childhood?

        How could you even escape from that enormous amount of pressure?

        Why not leave gender non-conforming kids alone until they are adults?

        If they become suicidal and depressed about ‘gender identity’, engage with a therapist.

        Suicidal ideation is common in teenagers, especially homosexual teenagers.

        About 80% of my social group throughout school (yes, even elementary school it appears) are homosexual (even if we weren’t aware of it at the time).
        All of us had problems with depression and we all had problems with substance abuse.
        It’s not uncommon in the LG community.
        Nobody suggested to me or my friends that we should transition. This isn’t even that long ago (I’m 24).

        Why if Coy insists during puberty that he is going to kill himself because he can’t stand being a boy? Why should we go along with it?

        The campaign for suicide reduction in homosexuals was:

        IT GETS BETTER.

        That can’t be applied in trans-kid cases? They can’t wait too?

        No one advocated that gay kids get to dictate at that age how their life should turn out. Why are we letting trans kids do that?

        If I got a choice between “IT GETS BETTER” and the entire Western world going along with my decisions then I would be living in a mansion with Rachel Maddow by now.

        I would have decided that I am entitled to $500,000 from the government for being a lesbian. Trans get money for surgery and hormones in places with socialised medicine or are covered by insurance.

        Why not just treat the underlying depression until the person is old enough and can thoroughly examine themselves and their society and make the right choice? (The right choice for them may be transition, even though I do not agree with it at all)

        If gender is so diverse (as that crazy Kim ranted about in the girls-in-boys bathrooms thread) then why can’t someone like Coy go through male puberty and then transition?

        Why is it SO important that they be seen as dainty and feminine?

        It’s not like waiting till they are twenty will make them look like the Anthony Casebeer’s, Norma Ballhorn’s, and Joe Ryan’s of the trans spectrum.

        They might look a little androgynous, why is that so wrong?

        What’s so diverse about the plastic look of MtT?

        Who’s to say that even without male puberty that they’re going to look acceptable anyway?
        What look are they trying to achieve?
        What if their ‘female’ face isn’t up to scratch?
        What if they look like homely women after puberty blockers? What then? Surgery?

        If you were going to have surgery anyway then why not just wait until you’re older.

        I don’t expect anyone here to answer those questions, unless some trans lurkers wanna take a crack at them.

      • Ashland Avenue Says:

        “If gender is so diverse (as that crazy Kim ranted about in the girls-in-boys bathrooms thread) then why can’t someone like Coy go through male puberty and then transition?

        Why is it SO important that they be seen as dainty and feminine?”

        AWWWWW yisss! I love your comments, Bethany.

    • Motherhood Says:

      The entire thing runs on male privilege–start to finish an all boys club. All other Men know it is a fetish and you gotta give that guy his fetish or he may come after my porn or whatever. It never stops being male, not for a nano second and it has nothing IMHO to do with gender non conforming. They are conforming to who they want to fuck. I sexual compulsions, I suspect just by the compulsive and repetitive nature, if nothing else is conformist. The children are a Trojan horse pushed through the gate so these guys can jump out–Ta Da, baby take a bow, curtsey.

    • Random Radfem Says:

      He also has super-duper-special-snowflake status on top on the male privilege afforded to him by the boy parts that everyone knows he has- even Oprah knows!

  10. lin Says:

    The driving thing really gets me. I’ve been out with guys, whether platonic or romantic, who expect me to toss them my keys because male. As long as I’m conscious, nobody drives my car but me, unless I’m paying them to wash it, fix it, or park it.

    • shediogenes Says:

      I drive a tractor trailer, 65 ft long, 13′ 6″ hi, 40 tons, more than a million miles driven out here, but drive a car when some dude is around? Oh no little lady, dudebro’s got to be behind the wheel. And my dad still asks me if I remember to check the oil in my own car, ffs.

      • Random Radfem Says:

        I didn’t mean to imply that her car choice was really the source of male condescension- I was just trying to talk tough🙂

    • Random Radfem Says:

      This would make me go all Grumpy Cat. My vehicle is lifted with 35″ tires and a row of off-road lamps on top- I can’t imagine any guy assuming he would be driving my badass ride- I rebuilt a lot of it myself. Any male friends I do drive around expect me to drive and white knuckle it the entire time- everyone does actually. Maybe get rid of the sensible car and get something that looks unsafe!

  11. Siobhan Says:

    I am a woman who got her master’s degree in Computer Science from one of the most prestigious engineering school in the US. Despite my credentials, I have been constantly faced with this kind of undermining behavior. Even in graduate school, despite my obvious programming talent, undergraduate degree, work experience, and perfect GRE math scores, I got nothing but constant doubt and criticism from my male peers and teacher’s assistants. The most irritating experience, however, has been seeing my formerly all-female “women in computer science” groups gradually become dominated by MtT. These men get awards designated for women, speaking positions, and accolades as if they had faced the same kind of obstacles that females faced. They dominate the small group discussions and extinguish female participation just like they do in every other computer science venue.

    Most of these guys don’t pass as well as they think they do. Other men, including other trans, know that they are “really” men, even if no one is allowed to say it, so they trust their membership in the men’s club. This author may have fooled this one clueless male, but I imagine that there are others in his work who have figured him out, and so he is still getting a pass into the club.

    • Choco Says:

      I’ve had a similar experience too, Siobhan. And on top of that, if you dare mention your accomplishments on a liberal feminist site, you have 50 comments ignoring everything you may say to screech about how you should check your privilege and that the only way you could have gone to graduate school is that you’re rich, daddy payed your way by donating a library, you’re white, and/or universities have been dumbed down so much to let women get good grades. Remember when feminists thought a woman getting an education was a good thing?

      • Ashland Avenue Says:

        Choco, YES! I recall once seeing a comment left by a woman at Feministe (I think it was on a thread about fatphobia, but I’m not sure) – this woman said how she had recently lost 60 pounds through diet and exercise, and it wasn’t easy. Her point, IIRC, was that it’s not as easy to just drop weight as many people think, especially as one gets older. She was agreeing with the OP. But of course she was immediately called to task about her “privilege” in being able to lose the weight (she “obviously” was not stuck in a food desert, she had the education to know how to lose the weight, and on and on – even though the tsk tskers had no way of knowing what the woman’s circumstances were; they just presumed). What happened to just saying, hey, job well done, sister?

        Gallus and Siobhan both bring up the excellent point about how MtT are still professionally read as male even after “transition,” and their complete obliviousness to this. This is something I hadn’t thought of before….very interesting. I do have to wonder, though, if perhaps they’re completely aware of it, and simply don’t care, as it’s oh-so-convenient.

      • Siobhan Says:

        True, Choco – when did feminism stop being about supporting other females and start being about harshly accusing each other of “privilege” no matter what you do?

      • Choco Says:

        “What happened to just saying, hey, job well done, sister?”
        Exactly. We as women should be allowed to say “Hey I accomplished this because I’m a smart and hard working person,” instead of, as Glosswitch recently wrote, having to include a laundry list detailing all of our privileges, past abuses, sexuality, etc.

        And ugh, Feministe. I couldn’t stomach that site after I read an article by Natalia Antonova saying that she couldn’t stand Andrea Dworkin because she wrote “gleefully” about porn, meaning she took some kind of perverse pleasure discussing women’s suffering. Now where have I heard that before, a rape victim being accused of enjoying dehumanizing sex despite her protestations to the contrary? When she was called out on it by a radical feminist commenter, her rebuttal was “well not everyone considers Dworkin a sister so…”

        And of course when the whole Hugo Schwyzer thing imploded, the social justice warriors lumped in radical feminists blogs with Feministe, accusing them of supporting white supremacy at the expense of WOC blogs.

    • Sage Says:

      That shit pisses me off. The orgs by and for women have been accomplishments of women with our sweat and tears. Men have no right to take them away. It’s as if these men have taken it up on themselves to destroy the few accomplishments of women. Would they allow us in their groups for us to take over them? No way…

  12. Sage Says:

    Did anyone notice how we went from “men dismiss me for being woman, while women acknowledge me” to “we need to make ALL “cis” people aware”?! So all women born women have to pay for men’s sexism because we are in our “desired” gender, so we have “cis privilege.” Utter bullshit…

  13. SheilaG Says:

    Ashland Ave said: I do have to wonder, though, if perhaps they’re completely aware of it, and simply don’t care, as it’s oh-so-convenient.”

    Of course Mto trans are aware of this, but like most men, they don’t care, they get to do whatever they want to do. That’s the whole point. Men violate all women’s boundaries and then pretend they don’t. Convenient.


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