Things you want to do after transition

November 17, 2014

highway-high-definition

Any hobbies, sports, or activities you’re waiting until after transition to do? Or would like to do once you pass? For me, it would be upgrading all of my equipment for a few sports I do, into female, or girlier things. But I’d also like to try dance.

I want to be able to have sex

 

^ second.

 

i might give being a functional adult a shot or not, idk

 

This is what I’m looking forward to the most. Feels like everything’s been put on hold for my transition, and I’m just waiting to finally be done so I can be normal. I’ve started a bit, and I’m studying now, but I still only go to half my classes, and I have to take two weeks off now to have an extra surgery. Totally sucks.

 

I had been avoiding adulthood because I didn’t want to go from boy->man. Now that I’m transitioning I feel like I can finally become the responsible parent my son needs. Not cos his mother isn’t great – she’s awesome – but yeah deadshit parents suck.

 

I’m gonna go to Disney World!

 

Actually being able to go out and interact with people without feeling like shit about myself, that would be nice. I pretty much have no idea whatsoever what that’s even like. Also, yeah, cosplay sounds surprisingly fun even though I’m getting a bit old for that unfortunately. Oh well.

 

I can’t wait to roll around in the grass with my shirt off. Or ride my bike with my shirt off. Or go to the beach and feel the sand with my shirt off. Mostly I just want to take my shirt off.

 

Note: Please add the following to the end of each of these things- “Without massive anxiety/fear”

  • Going swimming.
  • Do Yoga with other women.
  • Meet new friends.
  • Spent a short time being ‘that one cute Barista’ at a nice coffee place.
  • Play in a metal band again, but this time as a girl.
  • Write a book under my actual chosen name.
  • Start living again.

 

I like the yoga one. When I’m home (Not working..) my mom will ask me if I want to go with her, sometimes.. I do, but I don’t… It sucks.

 

Looking at a lot of these replies, it seems we’re all excited for the same thing – to begin living. And reading some of the replies, I’ve realized that’s also what I’m excited about. I feel like I’m held back so much in certain areas because I can’t just, do me.

 

I want to do a fucking ton of sports. I dislike them now because I don’t like feeling connected with this body, despite loving certain aspects of the sports. Besides, I do a lot of water sports. The wetsuit absolutely optimises genital dysphoria, you’ll know what I mean if you’ve ever worn one! I want to continue sailing, I want to continue tae-kwon-do. I want to take up windsurfing and surfing again, and skateboarding. I actually want to make some sort of career out of these- I already can teach sailing, and if I can make it to a high level in each of these, high enough to teach it, I’ll be able to find work pretty much anywhere. I’m just scared that word about my eventual transition will spread and hinder that. The sailing world is a small world, news travels fast! I would love to learn as many instruments as I can manage- starting with a guitar, and including drums, piano, violin, etc. I don’t need to be amazing, I just like to feel the music in that really cool, intimate way. I also want to write and read more, since, hopefully, the cloudiness of mind will dissipate somewhat, and everything won’t be tainted by dysphoria. Also, sex & flirting. I don’t do that now because I feel like a monster. It would be cool to do that.

 

I’d love to go to the beach or the swimming pool again… in a bikini this time!

 

Move forward with my life. Put my degree to use. Teach. Stop putting my entire being on hold because I’m not who I should be… (Wow. That got really heavy, really quick…)

 

getting a boy friend😀😀😀 i would die of happiness when it finally happens.

 

I’d like to be comfortable enough with myself to try dating. I’m 23 and I’ve never even kissed anyone, so I’m really starting to feel that.

 

I’m 30 and I’ve never been in a relationship. It really starts to hurt.

 

I always dreamed of modelling (in whatever scale, a decently shot cosplay blog would be very nice for example), voice acting and singing.. currently, the problem’s rather apparent: I can’t even talk, and I don’t feel anything about that will change until my situation changes and I can at least get out of here and get used to a welcoming and decent surrounding instead of consistent panic mode. Trying to stay positive..:/ Oh yeah, I also always wanted to learn to play on a violin.. I just love the instrument >:

 

have sex maybe with guys, definitely with girls, skateboard. DO whatever i still like doing, uhh… smile? ties into this a bit already, but actually feel sexy. for once. i want to care about being attractive and have people want me. and lots of weird sexi thingies. swimming, going to the beach, etc. would be so much better too.

 

I would like to write a great American novella.

 

I would like to start up life. I’ve literally been stuck for years in this status quo. Living at my parents, jobs that don’t pay nearly enough due to hours, and wasting (way) to much time being behind the computer. Sorry for the pesimism, it’s what makes me, me. But for your question Find place to live, cooking course, and a floral arrangement course(did garden centre), I love flowers and their smells.🙂. Oh and I would hope I get more open, so I can actually go out and make friends!

 

Continue rocking my guitar and continue being the nerd I am. Not gonna change much in other words, just the way I present. At least that’s what I think now but I’m gonna stay open new impulses. Perhaps roller-derby or cosplay

 

Going to the beach wearing a bikini and not having a bulge while doing so

 

Go to the beach somewhere warm, take off my shirt, take off my nasty-ass dad sandals, and go swimming. Go swimming in the fucking ocean, even though I’m kind of scared of water and I don’t like the heat. I want to feel the sun on my bare back and water on my chest and be able to breathe properly for the first time in a long fucking time. Also relationships.

 

Not be 6′ 3″:/ On a lighter note though I have always wanted to try dance without being that stereotypical “gay guy”.

 

Learn to play the drums. Maybe I’ll have enough money post-transition to afford a drum kit.

 

I want to make more friends and hang out with them.

 

As a feminine FtM, I’m waiting until I pass to wear makeup.

 

I want to learn to dance, like legit dance classes and stuff. That would be absolutely amazing to me. Probably want to learn stuff like ballroom dancing or ballet or something🙂

 

what i’d really, really, REALLY love to do.. is to dance the right (girl) part.. and i can’t wait for it to happen!

 

Get married probably

 

ROLLER DERBY! My solo album! Meet a nice boy😥 Grow an amazing Garden, a paradise of my own. Start a reptile sanctuary. Become Jenny Appleseed, Except with Kratom, Cactus, and Cubensis instead of apples.

 

I wanna go swimming shirtless, climb a mountain or cliff or two, maybe sing more, and be able to use a more powerful bow. Oh, and finally be able to do tricks involving lifts in dance.

 

I want to be able to wear clothes I actually like and feel confident in.

 

I want to design an exoskeleton mech suit and go to Burning Man. I just need time and money. I also want to help encourage more women to work in engineering so it becomes less of a male dominated area of work.

 

I would love do ballet.

 

Well obviously I’m hoping that somewhere along the line I feel comfortable enough with myself to even be open to the idea of being intimate with someone, but my situation’s a little different than most. Anyone on here who knows me knows I started out with a bmi over 60, so part of my transition is losing the weight too. At the rate I’m losing it, I’m pretty optimistic I can be down to my body’s ideal BMI in roughly 2 years. So in 2 years, I want my birthday party to be a roller disco. I haven’t been able to ride skates since was a teen, so that’d be nice. I want to go boutique foraging with my girlfriends, and take dancing classes (maybe even a belly dancing one). I want to learn how to surf, and hopefully, I’ll make enough money to start being able to afford the surgeries when my weight’s at that point. Eventually I want to be married. At this point I’m not picky of who, or what gender I preference, but I’m leaning towards a nice man. Someone who’d want to go surfing and camping with me, and who’d unhook my fish for me so I don’t have to get slime fingers from them. Not a granola head, but a sweet person. I’d love to be accepted by my old friends, and I’m pretty sure I’ll still be allowed to group events or something, but I know I’ll no longer be one of the boys, and the girls are so tight-knit that I don’t really see a place for me in their crew. Besides, after years of everyone holding out, they’re all…surprise surprise pregnant which means they’ll all have kids the same age which kinda triggers me because it’s another thing that makes me different from the women I grew up wanting to be close friends with. Fuck them. I always got the impression I was tolerated by them because the boys wanted me around. I’d like to think that they might have just noticed I wasn’t like the rest of the horn-dog pack, and they didn’t know what to do with me, but that’s different than treating someone as a social non-entity. …F&#k. I think I have some more shit to workout with my therapist now, thanks for that.

 

Walk Down a street and no one even give me a second glance. I would be so happy.

 

1) Be in a relationship with someone.

2) Scuba diving

3) Move somewhere warmer

4) Hopefully go stealth

 

My therapist asked me the other day what happens when this is all over…. I said then i can finally be myself🙂 Learn to dance would be nice, but just recently I realized that I would actually like to get married maybe adopt, prior to transition i didnt care, i felt like I had nothing to offer but latley it has been on my mind a lot.

 

Looking forward the most to making new friends after transitioning. Second would be stopping working after laser and electro are paid for and studying a new career.

 

Getting girly tattoos

 

Transitioning will make me feel a lot better, but it won’t really open any avenues I cannot already pursue if I wish. I suppose shopping for clothes I like in a physical store could be nice for a change. But that’s about it.

 

Swimming is number one. I miss it so much.

 

I want to be able to finish things I start😛 And joining a female soccer team would be fun🙂

 

For when everything is done SWIMMING! I’m Australian and I haven’t been to the beach since my breasts started growing, its a travesty. I want to finally wear a bikini. Also, I want to walk around in my underwear, all the damn time. And when my girlfriend gets SRS I want to give her the sex she’s always dreamed of.

 

I want to get started on my career- being a voice actress!

 

Swim. Give public readings. Travel. Have vaginal sex. Know that the only reason people are staring at me is because I’m tall and striking. Mostly forget this whole transition phase, but remember the good parts.

 

Sorry that this is kind of a raunchy one, but… I’ve vowed to send my roommate a selfie after I’ve successfully been able to breastfuck a guy for the first time. She’s very supportive.

 

Finally have a romantic relationship as I’ve seen it in my head for forever(having a boyfriend and being a female in the relationship). Being held, kissed, made love to, I look forward to all over this. Oh and giving my first blowjob😛

 

[sic. From a transgender forum. –GM]

46 Responses to “Things you want to do after transition”

  1. oopster74 Says:

    I was expecting GM to critique this somewhere but it never happened, so I’ll add my 2 cents worth. Until I had surgery (down below), there were some things I wanted to do but wasn’t best keen to at the time, like swimming. I did go the occasional time with friends or with my then ex who I was a carer for (he’s a permanent wheelchair user, and at the place we went, had to get changed in the disabled toilets due to the age of the building). I didn’t want strangers (or friends for that matter) seeing my genitals as they were then, I wouldn’t even want them seeing now and I’ve nothing to worry about. I know that you GM and lots of your readers have very negative feelings regarding trans people, but just for arguments sake in this case / example, put yourself in the position off or another trans person who isn’t what the stereotypes would have you believe. You’re life is on hold until uou have surgery, or at least that’s how it feels. I dunno, maybe comparing the wheight (I think I’ve spelt that wrong) for surgery to pregnancy migh help here. When pregnant, there’s certain things you’re told not to do, and things you know you shouldn’t / can’t do. You know you shouldn’t drink alcohol or smoke, but some still choose to, but at least you have a rough idea of how long pregnancy lasts, and what you’ll get at the end of it – good and bad. Sorry, I seem to have strayed too far from the point.

    • VC Says:

      “I know that you GM and lots of your readers have very negative feelings regarding trans people”

      I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t have negative feelings regarding trans people. In fact, reading that list of ordinary activities that so many feel constrained to participate in in their pre-op state makes me feel very sad for them.

      But there is no operation, no puberty blocker, no hormone that will turn a man into a woman or a woman into a man. There is no personal belief in being the opposite sex strong enough to change reality. When trans ‘women’ encroach on women only spaces, and demand that, despite all evidence to the contrary, that they are female and should be treated as female, they are requiring others to participate in their personal delusion and/or fetish, and that’s distasteful to most people. And when small children, even toddlers, are declared to be transgender, and their healthy bodies mutilated by quacks, because of the toys and clothing they prefer, it’s terrifying, akin to the wholesale castration of young boys in Italy in the 1700s, in hopes that they would become famous singers and make their parents rich.

      Be all that you can be – if living as what you think is a woman’s life is more comfortable for you, more power to you. But the hatred and venom directed at those who do not accept the notion that “trans women are women”, and the attempt to privilege trans women over actual women (which I’m not implying that you are personally a part of) is off-putting, and solidifies objection to all things trans.

    • michelle Says:

      you STILL don’;t get it- the fundamental issue with tranny bullshit is the appropriation of womanhood and thinking that being raised as a male can be erased by pills and cosmetic surgery. It is the constant threats by the men towards radical feminists and the insistence that claiming womanhood just by saying it is so entitled them to access to female safe-space.

      Until the tranny brigade grasps those simple notions and fixes their thought processes, they can stay the fuck away.

      As to the lists of activities they claim they cannot participate in…bullshit. If they are not participating in various activities (save for those that require intruding on the space of others), then it is their CHOICE not to participate. Maybe you and the others need to discuss those mental blocks with the shrinks…

      Oh, and do not even DARE to compare the wait for cosmetic surgery to the biological process of pregnancy. I realize that gets in the way of your attempts at appropriation, but they are not even remotely the same thing.

      • oopster74 Says:

        No Michelle, you refuse to get it. Ok, it would appear that me using pregnancy as an example wasn’t the best choice, but I never intended to offend anyone, if anyone was then please accept my apology. What I was trying to say, is that while you are waiting for this big thing to happen in your life, there’s certain things that you can’t or aren’t in the best position to do, ie swimming. If I went swimming pre-surgery, I’d have run the risk of outing myself, possibly causing distress to other swimmers etc, so that would be something that’s a choice of whether I do it or not, and most times, I would feel very uncomfortable, I don’t want to out myself if I don’t have to.

        So, let me try again using an analogy that hopefully no one can get upset by or offended by. You order something online, let’s say you order a pizza for arguments sake. It’s been 30 mins already and you need to go to the loo, but you know that if you do go, the pizza delivery driver will turn up, so do you risk it and go to the loo, or do you do the dance pee and risk wetting yourself or worse? That maybe trivialising the situation, but imagine being in a situation where you don’t know how long you’ve got to wait. You can’t make any long term plans, you’ve got this gatekeeper seemingly make you jumps through hoops, when if you had a timescale to work by, things would be a lot easier to cope with. I hope that makes sense.

      • shediogenes Says:

        @oopster74 I totally get that whole analogy of having to wait with no end in sight and feeling like the life you always wanted can’t commence until this BIG MOMENT finally arrives.

        As a WBW, I, for one, feel like I’m on this endless treadmill, waiting for my humanity to be acknowledged. I am waiting for my body and identity to be considered worthy of respect, without any extra justification or explanation. I am waiting for the lived experience of we who are born female to be something that people like you can’t so casually dismiss.

        I am waiting for some brief hiccup in the arch of patriarchal history during which we adult human females are given enough respect to define for ourselves what it is to be a woman, without misogynists, MRAs, and the trans lobby shitting all over what little ground we have gained for ourselves. I am waiting for a moment when the M2T stop feeling free to appropriate and trivialize, pregnancy, girlhood, and all things female and turning them into cheap talking points to try and justify their sorry, insulting parody of womanhood. I’m waiting for femininity minstrel to become as unacceptable as black face. I’m waiting for the oh-so-precious tranz identity to be identity enough without trying to claim MY biology. I’m waiting for you dudes to get the clue that you don’t have a clue. I’m waiting for the tranz pity party to stop infiltrating feminism and sucking all the oxygen out of the room so that we who are actually women, in BODY, in MIND, in SPIRIT, in lifelong EXPERIENCE, can actually get back to the work of WOMEN’S LIBERATION.

        I don’t give a fuck if you piss yourself waiting for the pizza delivery, you have no idea what pregnancy is like, you can not change your sex, you can not change your lifelong male privileged conditioning, particularly if you refuse to acknowledge it, and you can not just declare womanhood.

    • LC Says:

      Everything that VC and michelle said, and also… I don’t know about anyone else, but my ‘negative feelings’ for transactivism developed from hearing their actual threats and opinions toward women. I could still care less how any individual wants to live their lives- it’s the politics and the policies that are dangerous.

      • gg Says:

        Ditto on their threats and “opinions.” I started out by simply asking questions and trying to clear up the logical inconsistencies I was hearing when they talked about womanhood and “gender.” I was pretty shocked to learn that I was a “TERF” and that feminist analysis of gender had been declared “transphobic.” This uppity woman doesn’t like much being told what to think and say, and lo and behold, I looked deeper. I found that the only explanation for the rise of transgenderism is male supremacy so deep and entrenched that women are threatened and disparaged for daring to speak of obvious truths like our biology, our chromosomes, our shared upbringing and shared culture and our assigned role in society. Now I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about their supposed suffering. Unless they are actively repudiating the bullies and predators that serve as their spokesmen, they can all go fuck themselves. That means you, oopster! Oops!

      • Lizzy Shaw Says:

        @@ gg

        Yeah, I was pretty shocked to learn I was a TERF for being a lesbian and that saying no to penis was transphobic. That’s the first reason why I hit peak trans. I experienced way more homophobia and lesbophobia from the queer and trans activist then I had from straight people. Yeah sure, I had bad run-ins with religious fundies before, but I was incredibly disturbed by hearing this stuff from the “community”. I think the other big thing I noticed was women who were speaking out for reproductive rights getting told that they were transphobic for saying abortion, pregnancy, birth control, etc. were women’s issues and that they better not be “cissexist” or else. (The “or else” being rape and death threats of course. I was on tumblr, the website where the progressive thing to do is to send rape and death threats to lesbians for having a “transphobic” sexuality and to send rape or death threats to any woman who wants to use the word “woman” when talking about feminism and issues like reproductive rights. I mean how dare they; male feels might be hurt.)

        Of course, my other issue is that children as young as two are being declared “trans” and set up on the path of dangerous, untested drugs in the future because their abusive, Munchausen’s-by-proxy parents can’t stand the idea of having a sex-role-nonconforming child who may turn out to be a homo. I wasn’t aware of that until I started reading gender trender.

        So forgive me, oopster, but I just can’t help but have animosity towards a group of (mostly) creepy heterosexual men who fetishize lesbianism, send rape and death threats towards lesbians for not sleeping with them, have destroyed women-only and especially lesbian-only space, have distracted women from doing anything about our dwindling abortion rights in the United States because it’s ALL ABOUT THEM, who support medical experiments on children who don’t conform to sex roles, who want to erode protections in the law based on biological sex, who flip out when people don’t want to play along, etc, because I am not a doormat. With rare exception, most of the trans community is accepting of this shit or letting it slide, so I do have a problem.

      • Tiki tiki tavi Says:

        You expect us to take the Trans community serious when you fight over the word “tranny” and devalue your own kind identities constantly blaming feminine men, drag queens and gender queer people for rallying against a binary identity. You also accuse your own kind of being transpjobic because they don’t want to sleep with you.

        Maybe just maybe females are keeping you out of their society for their own good. A male “lesbian” has no idea what females actually go through and how many of them have had to put up with the shit the trans community has caused

        So many will whine about Trans phobia then devalue rupauls identity as a feminine male. You should be fighting for non conformist rights for all males instead of appropriating female kind.. Society will never acknowledge
        You as female, lesbians don’t want to sleep with you and gay boys aren’t your friends. And if you even threaten a female because she won’t sleep with you, I will hunt you down… How dare you.

        Sooner you learn the better… Get the fuck out of the lesbian movement because you aren’t a lesbian, being a lesbian requires being born female

        Signed,
        A
        Feminine male

    • druidwinter Says:

      oopster74
      I dont have anything against trans, I myself ID’d as trans at one time and entertained the idea in my 20s for two whole years, because I am not female in any way, I’m still not, but the definition of female has nothing to do with frilly panties or steriotypes, we are full humans like men, but we should not be treated as lesser humans for not being born male..

      You can’t dominate women to see you as a woman, and the ones that are politely calling you a ‘mam’ do so out of expected niceness catering to male wants & needs to have female attention.

      Forcing your way into the bathroom pre-transition without being willing to address issues like pedos or rapists using this for a ruse,- it makes many actual women not trust you. Especially when transactivists want to make it completely on women to fear who is a pedo or rapist in their own bathroom and refuse to address male violence against women in their own spaces and the danger they are causing- and have the nerve to say, ‘not my problem’..You are the one that wants entry despite the fact your company is unwanted if you dick is still attached and you are screaming it is your male right to bring your penis in if you have a good excuse..

      As someone that created another human that walks this earth, It is offensive to compare your cosmetic surgery to live your sex fantasy to bringing another human into the world. The two are NOT equivalent in any way. Weight loss and other cosmetic surgeries are more comparable.

      Women can be charged with murder if she has a miscarriage in Mississippi, and must prove it was natural, Women are the first to be blamed when something happens to a child. Even in cases where the father molests the children, the woman is charged along with him and more often than not, her name is placed first in the media for ‘letting it happen’ and if she is innocent and often they have a face photo of the woman, but not the man that committed the crime, His crime still follows her, pretty much forever affecting her life after she dumps him.

      Women’s sexchange surgery is not as good as men’s. If they remove your Uterus, that is attached securely to the bone to hold the weight of a baby centered. It has another function- , When it is removed, your intestines press on your bladder[and you piss your self when you sneeze, or you develop leaking], so they are selling a transvaginal mesh with a 40% failure rate for women that want this, I worry more about them. There is a woman’s protest about it, but no one cares about women’s health when a man holding his penis runs in and says, ‘it don’t get hard no more, it is the end of the world for ME’. . They don’t have to make medical products that safe for women, they still get away with it and would rather just have them pay more for healthcare and call it equality. Our healthcare is not even equal yet and you screaming you want to see the few woman’s doctor’s and they need to re-focus on male anatomy and cater to your delusion that you are completely exactly the same as a female getting substandard limited care that now is refocused on a delusional man- it is extremely disrespectful of the shred of humanity women have in seeking medical treatment that caters to men’s sexual needs first over women’s lives. You are just rubbing it in their faces and playing slutty-woman face’ is offensive to women when it is not just fun- drag characters, .

      Don’t erase the women that are the ‘give birth gender’ [some times under abusive situations], unless you believe you were really shit out from a man’s ass.

      .

      • kesher Says:

        Women who fail to protect their children from male abuse are also frequently given much harsher prison sentences, even when they were battered right alongside their children. These decisions on the part of prosecutors and judges put children in the position of regretting telling anyone about the abuse, because they didn’t want to be separated from their mothers.

    • Isabelle Says:

      So fed up with the tranny bs. The issue is that why in the heck should there be “gendered” activities? When a woman is pregnant, she does not do some activities because of their very real, biological impacts on the fetus, not because she is fucked up in the head or being prejudiced against. As a woman engaging in plenty of male traditional pursuits, I can say that the barriers are not biological. They are the social constructions of genders that you assholes penis bearers in drag continue to support. I don’t wanna live with some guys definition of what it is to be a woman. For me its a biological reality that at times is discriminated against. You wanna dance, fine, do it. You wanna cook, do it. As a man..because that is what you biologically are and will remain. Do what gazillions of women had to do when they really wanted to engage in something that was not traditional: put up with all the prejudices that the small-minded assholes trough at you. If you think that female engineers on a oil rig, car mechanics, plumbers are not self-conscious, you are lunatic. But they push forward as uncomfortable it might be. I consider myself totally woman even if I dislike taking care of children, prefer wearing coverall and rubber boots over stilettos and detest pink and makeup. A man that loves fashion, that is gay, that loves reading romance novels is no less a man. You, on the contrary,no matter how much makeup you put on and mutilations you get, will never be a woman. Its not an identity you get to appropriate with cosmetic surgery.


  2. Although I feel I should offer more political commentary I can’t help to talk about something else: ballet. I’m a working class raised dyke and fat. And yet, due to a string of rather unlikely coincidences spanning twenty years I ended up dancing ballet. It is my only luxury, which is even more ironical since I never even have seen a ballet in the theatre except once when I was 9.

    Ballet is excellent training. My legs have really bulked up, my ankles are no longer “bendy” and all pain around my shoulders/neck has vanished. It requires incredible amounts of focus and concentration. Also, it gave me a whole new understanding of my body and my strength.

    It also is hard work. I’m now in my fourth year and only recently I realised I have made true progress. I know women who danced twelve years and just now bought their first pointe shoes. You can’t cheat in ballet. Cheating leads to injury. Ballet needs dedication and the will to put effort in it.

    1) Nobody wears pink. Seriously. We all wear the most nasty clothes. There is in fact a ″culture″ inside ballet to look shabby. So if they are imagining pink leotards and chiffon skirts and glitter, they’re in for a surprise. You have to wash that stuff every time, after all. Dancers sweat like pigs. Dance shoes only get in their best condition after being worn for ca. two years, so dancers will use the same pair of nasty shoes until they literally fall apart.

    2) Even thin, reasonably fit women will find out how demanding ballet is. Ballet needs absolute determination and stamina. The majority of women never comes back, because the development is tiny and most women are completely frustrated. You don’t learn a flashy choreography to show off. It will give you bliss to do one perfect développé, and nobody outside ballet will even realise what you just did. In fact, they will scorn you and declare they can do it better (of course they can’t, but there is Dunning-Kruger at work: People know so little about ballet that they are not even aware how ignorant they are.)

    3) Ballet will force you to BE your body. There is no space for dysphoria. I find it hard to explain, but ballet isn’t standing around and wiggle a leg decoratively. Tension from the crown of the head to the last little toe and full mental presence is required. There is no space for dissociating body parts. And it will make you hurt with sore muscles for days. You can’t just put it back into the closet.

    4) If these people want to do ballet, they could do it as men. In fact, most ballet groups will worship the ground they are tramping on, just because they are men. When I started to do ballet years ago, two men started with me. They never came back. The teacher and the group members who were there still bring them up occasionally.

    So, in short, ballet is completely the opposite of special snowflakeness. No amount of bullying and crying OMG Transphobia!!!!!! will make their feet more arched, their muscles stronger (would they want that?) or their turn-out bigger. Ballet is physical, and if they are not at ease with their physical body, being present in it, seeing it in two mirrored walls from all angles, having people correct their stance constantly, not getting praise in their broader social circle, then ballet is not for them.

    But I have the sneaking suspicion that they want ballet only to terrorise women and for pink tutus anyway.


  3. This list reminds me of what I heard all the years I spent in “recovery” (drug and alcohol). Everyone was always waiting until they were “well” to do the things they wanted to do, whether it was because they were incapable of doing those things while addicts, or because they were thinking of their sober life as totally different then their current situation. The idea of a fresh start, a rebirth, a new life, was part of this: getting rid of the old addicted you, and living as a new sober you.

    This isn’t criticism. It’s just the thing that stood out to me the most when reading this list I wish I could tell everyone that feels “on hold” to just go for it NOW, don’t wait until you feel the time is right because that time may never come.

    And to the person that said we have negative feelings towards trans, I want to say that the ONLY bad feelings I have are directly related to the erasure of women and our spaces by trans activists. It’s the silencing, threats, lack of care for womens safety, and all the other trash coming from the trans activists that is the problem. Not individuals just trying to make it another day.

  4. atranswidow Says:

    Just ask the wives and children of these ‘late transitioning’ men how it feels to be forced to put your life on hold, while he fantasizes and obsesses over every detail of how his new life will be, without giving a second thought for how the family feels about the loss of their life as they knew it. While he goes forth as she they are forced to be unwilling bystanders in fear of the changes that they never expected and certainly never wanted.

    That whole list is nothing but narcissism….me, me, me.

  5. hegelsghost Says:

    Looks to me like men and women transition for basically the same reason: internalized misogyny. Whereas women who transition have internalized it in such a way that they no longer wish to be women due to the many restrictions women face (like never being able to take off shirts), men, due to their birthright of privilege, have the luxury of choosing to be (symbolically) deprived of privilege as a masochistic form of “expression”. Because, let’s face it, no one male-born really ever escape privilege. Almost everything is about sex and appearance… Even activities like “yoga with other women” are chosen because they wish to be validated by those female born. They’re not clamoring to vacuum or wipe snotty noses or care for ailing parents. It’s all about the trappings and “feminine pursuits” and being validated and “passing”. That’s why transition often doesn’t work and these poor people are left with mutilated bodies and depression and continued BDD (and why suicide rates are so high… though they try to blame radical feminists and women for that, just like MRAs). For surgical “transition” to “work” for them, they need to be consistently validated by others. One misplaced pronoun, and the illusion is destroyed and it all comes rushing back.

    • Jane Says:

      Exactly. Like other males, they think women are emotional vending machines. I can’t think of another group of people who make this demand, well, aside from men. They’re making the same demand that fundie preachers do, that women mirror back to men what they wish to see in themselves, only framing it as a left issue. Insane.

  6. branjor Says:

    I think men transition because they want to get all the sympathy that sometimes goes to the oppressed as well as all the privileges given to the non-oppressed (males). IOW they want it both ways, they want to have their cake and eat it too and they want to have everything and for real women to have nothing.

  7. Michelle Says:

    It is interesting to see the comparison to weight loss surgery, such as stomach stapling, a surgery which is increasingly recognized as harmful, surgery which, research has shown, rarely results in either long-term weight loss or long-term personal satisfaction. The problem isn’t that a fat person cannot engage in all those activities, it’s that societal conditioning makes fat people feel they are not allowed to do those activities. Fat activists are showing that fat women and people can live full lives in their fat bodies. They are saying that when you buy into the fat myth (or the gender myth), the person blames the body for being wrong and imagines they will somehow be happy doing these things in their imagined body, which they aren’t happy doing in their current body. Trouble is, few bodies fit the imagined stereotype. An obese body that has lost weight often does not become the ‘slim’ ideal, but carries around extra skin (and dealt with that in many ways) and a male’s body which is altered does not become a woman’s body, but remains a man’s body which is altered, however much he’d like it to be different.

    Also, I agree with the commentator above, comparing gender dysphoria to pregnancy is offensive and is an attempt to project a man’s experience onto a biologically female experience.

    • kesher Says:

      Even when stomach stapling does work, I’ve never known it to result in thinness. Certainly when it’s successful, the patient winds up at a lower weight, but skinny? I’ve never seen that. The people I’ve known who have gotten the surgery and seen success still don’t wind up with a socially acceptable thin body, in which case the comparison still applies. Most trans people will never wind up with the body they want. Most trans women won’t wind up as sexy, beautiful, graceful women. Most trans men won’t wind up as macho, tall, strong men. The reality is somewhere in between.

      • Zemskull Says:

        Hi Michelle and Kesher: you’re correct that most gastric surgery patients will not become “skinny.” The industry considers a patient to be a “success” if 60 percent of excess weight was lost and maintained at the three-year post-surgery mark. So, if a patient who was 100 pounds overweight in 2011 is only 40 pounds overweight in 2014, that is marked as a success. According to several studies, approximately 60% of patients attain this goal.

  8. gg Says:

    Seeing things like “taking a floral arrangement course” and “making new friends” and “writing a novella” makes me feel sad for these poor souls and outraged at the gender industry that enables their delusions. There is not one thing listed here that requires any particular genital configuration. Would LOVE to see how many of these activities these folks actually pursue post-mutilation.

    • kesher Says:

      Probably none. So much of this sounds like the same rationalizations overweight people make about what they’ll do once they finally get thin and “real life” starts. Hell, these people sound like me when I’ve come up with some arbitrary reason why I “can’t” pursue my dreams because I’m too busy binge-watching Netflix.

      And I can’t help but wonder how these rationalizations are tied up with the post-transition suicide rate.

    • Jen Says:

      The novella is probably going to be one more boring-ass, cookie cutter transgender transition narrative. *yawn*

  9. Bev Jo Says:

    It never seems to occur to any of the men insisting they are women and Lesbians that they never begin to sound like how a woman thinks or writes. Never. They remains so male in every way. More male than most men, I always say, because that’s what it takes to want to so harm girls and women, and to fetishize and appropriate our identifty.

  10. Bev Jo Says:

    We have “negative feelsings about trans people?”

    Well, what do we feel about other fantasy identities? The classic men who insist they are Napoleon? Or if those playing Santa Claus insisted they really were a mythological character? Or the able-bodied man claiming to be a “trans-paraplegic Lesbian?”

    All the drama about the intricacies of “trans” identity, when it’s just a myth based on perving on and fetishizing females.

    I really wouldn’t care what these female-hating men, and a few female-hating women, do, except that they are harming and oppressing all girls and women. Their harm and hatred of us is as real as the most serious of oppressions.

    It’s not all about them, as they seem to think. It’s about saying no to them.

  11. Smits Says:

    Honestly this is all just incredibly sad and underlines the fact that trans identities are often something that people who have a variety of mental health problems or other life issues see as a “fix it” for everything wrong in their lives. Once I have “the right body”, once I “pass”, all my other problems will go away and I can do everything I want. It’s notable that a lot of these comments seem to assume that post-transition they will be magically much more well-off. It’s really no wonder that there’s such a massive long-term drop off in post-surgical satisfaction amongst trans people- after the initial high wears off you’re still the same person with the same problems as before.

    What’s disturbing is that their doctors are encouraging or at least not combatting this dangerous kind of magical thinking. I had several surgeries as a child to correct a vision problem and even at ten years old it was made clear to me what the treatment would and would not accomplish. It is incredibly irresponsible to give your patient such ludicrous ideas about the outcomes of what are still poorly researched treatments.

  12. shediogenes Says:

    “…an attempt to project an man’s experience onto a biologically female experience.”

    Yes, it’s offensive to trivialize the biological experience of pregnancy, but I was also struck by the social experience as well. The post above lists all the activities ppl want to pursue post transition, but the experience of parenthood, and motherhood in particular rarely comes with a list of activities that a mother plans for HERSELF after childbirth. So many of those hopes and dreams for self are set aside, replaced by dreams for the children. Even if a mother does pursue some personal interest that doesn’t revolve around the kids, she is ripe for endless criticism about how she spends her money and personal time. Women may want to learn to surf or hangglide but will be told its too dangerous, after all, she has new responsibilities now, must think of the children. New fathers may be told the same, but aren’t under nearly the same level of scrutiny. Want to take dance or floral arrangement lessons? Must wait til the kids are older. Waited til the kids are older? Well is that a wise use of money? Your little one will have their own college classes soon, better save up for them.

    A woman who puts herself first in terms of time, energy and money is open to endless critique, even with a healthy happy child. Heaven forbid a mother step out of the mother role ever if her child has health problems or learning impediments. And if the kid gets in any trouble later in life, every decision the Mother made will be dissected, by friends families husbands, ex-husbands, the PTA, media,…
    Women about to have a child take on all of this and more, far more than fathers do. Motherhood not only is not like transitioning, it is the polar opposite to the narcissistic pursuits of transition, to the point that making the comparison is a total mindfuck reversal

  13. Zemskull Says:

    Hello GallusMag: Have you seen the news reports today that Michael Phelps’ alleged girlfriend, Taylor Chandler, is trans? Phelps himself has not confirmed he’s dating this person, and since he’s in rehab he probably can’t respond.

    • VC Says:

      Actually this person says she was born intersex, with both male and female genitalia, and that she had corrective surgery and hormonal treatment at a young age. She definitely appears older than her claimed age of 41, and the bad nose job and out-sized breast implants do not enhance her appearance. Her “aura”, so to speak, is definitely trans. But what seals the deal is the fact that she went to the National Enquirer to boast about her ‘torrid’ sexual affair with a male sports hero, without telling him her history. That is definitely a typical trans move.

      • Zemskull Says:

        Hi VC: I’ve noticed that a number of trans people are beginning to call themselves “intersex” even when what they describe does not meet the generally accepted definition for the latter. It seems that they’re eager to latch onto any physical indication of the opposite gender that they may possess in order to claim the title. The medical reality is that it’s not uncommon for people to have some traits associated with the opposite gender but not be classified as intersex. For example, women with polycystic ovarian syndrome may have receding hairlines, facial hair, obesity concentrated in the abdominal area, and deep voices, but PCOS is not in itself considered intersexuality.

      • Adrian Says:

        @Zemskull – The gold standard in the current “trans origin story” is a sort of “brain intersex,” so I’m not too surprised to see some of them start just straight up claiming the intersex identity.

        The other big use of intersex is as a strange sort of talisman – there exist people in the world with certain disorders of sexual development such that their outward appearance doesn’t seem to match what would be predicted from their chromosomes, and somehow that fact is supposed to render the existence of sexual dimorphism in humans a complete crock, which means that the trans person talking about this (who never actually claims to HAVE any of these specific disorders under discussion, mind you) suddenly is totally validated in “possibly having some biological stuff going on, you don’t know, sex isn’t real.”

        Where it really falls down the rabbit hole is, you can find biological males who have fathered their own biological children, actually CREATED KIDS from sperm made in their own bodies, kids they fully claim as biokids, and yet… claim to be somehow born intersex.

        And by “born intersex” it’s clear they’re not talking about micropenis and other sorts of disorders of sexual development where the genitalia might be wonky but the gonads are fully working (and thus their sex isn’t at all mysterious). No, it’s always some “born intersex, raised as a boy but later fixed it to be the woman I really am.”

        …ssssyeah. If you make viable sperm, it doesn’t GET any more male than that!!🙂

    • anon Says:

      http://www.thesundaily.my/news/1233926

      Dude claims, “I was born with male genitalia with no testicles, but I also have a uterus and no ovaries.” (Not bloody likely.)

      Dude also claims: “I was born intersex and named David Roy Fitch at birth. By the time I could walk and talk I made it clear I was a girl and dressed as one. In my early teens I was medically diagnosed and went on testosterone blockers, at 15 estrogen enhancers. My birth certificate was modified along with my name while I was a teenager, prior to any corrective surgery.” Yeah, because that’s not a classic trans story at all–and just based on the photos, a bs one at that: this person doesn’t read “early transitioner” to me.

      So, dude, if no testicles, then just what was producing all the testosterone that needed to be blocked? JUST WONDERING.

      And obviously, it’s just this vague “intersex,” thing right, not a named condition, because hmmm I am pretty sure there isn’t one that causes this alleged constellation of features. I can’t really think of a way this situation could possibly come about in terms of what would have to happen to the developing body to produce it.

      • GallusMag Says:

        “..if no testicles, then just what was producing all the testosterone that needed to be blocked?..” LOL. Word. And he was certainly exposed to quite a bit of it from the looks of it.

      • Ashland Avenue Says:

        Ha! Busted. That dude is just a celebrity wannabe. Now that he’s pulled this little stunt, however, he’s never gonna be invited to the good parties again. Boo hoo.

    • WTF Is This Nonsense? Says:

      I read that Glamour has awarded “Woman of the Year” to a man.

  14. Lizzy Shaw Says:

    I think a lot of these lists just go to show how tight the gender straight-jacket is and how sad it is that people are promoting it. There is nothing that prevents anyone of either sex from doing these activities, with the exception of women being topless. However, that is a problem with society and men who have sexualized breasts so much that we forgot what they are really for. And considering how many FtTs I’ve seen who have big, noticeable scars I think this woman will be disappointed to learn that even after transition she probably still can’t go topless.

    Cosmetic surgery doesn’t solve your problems and doesn’t fix any underlying psychological issues. I used to not go swimming because I was fat, but I recently said “fuck it” and went anyway. I have lost weight because I have gotten treatment for my under-active thyroid and poly-cystic ovary syndrome, but I will never have an ideal body and that’s okay.

  15. Elle Says:

    I don’t know what I would do without your blog for my daily dose of sanity. The recent trans-infatuation in the media is making my head spin. Today’s headline is about the first Medicare-funded sex-change surgery. The closing paragraphs make me want to take a header into a brick wall:

    Despite the ongoing challenges, Mallon said now that the door has opened, other transgender seniors who need sex reassignment surgery shouldn’t hesitate. As she savored her new beginning, Mallon mused about all the fun things she looked forward to: swimming comfortably in a pool and going on some dates.

    “I’m just a normal everyday woman who is bound to get into trouble,” she said. “I’m so flirtatious, it’s ridiculous.”

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sex-reassignment-surgery-74-medicare-win-opens-door-transgender-seniors-n276986


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