TRTV Real Talk with Joel Nowak of REtransition.org

July 3, 2015

Joel’s Blog: http://retransition.org/

44 Responses to “TRTV Real Talk with Joel Nowak of REtransition.org”

  1. MaryMacha Says:

    This is the recounting of one man’s experience and healing on his trans-journey. It is an important one to hear even if ww don’t agree on everything.

    One thing that really stood out for me was his comment on autogynophilia. To paraphrase, it’s a real thing, no one is proposing a workable solution for it and it’s a male issue that men have to resolve.

    This rings true. As women we really only come face-to-face with this when we are affected by it in the form of loss of personal space, freedom and privacy, or (for straight women) when it ruins a relationship. We don’t live with it as a psychological and emotional problem imbedded in our psyches, bodies and brains.

    So, it’s really important that the men find a solution to this that doesn’t involve invading and invalidating and wholesale co-optation; a solution that is based on self-acceptance and love of self.

    Looking to Feminism for possible answers might be a partial solution because Feminism offers some pretty accurate insights and explanations as to why patriarchy shortchanges men as well as women. There are also many traditions out there of the spiritual/philosophical nature that, albeit androcentric and IMO inherently misogynist, offer more wholesome or benign alternatives by which to do male. Feminism of course, does and should, center women.

  2. Mochi Says:

    I don’t want to derail this convo, and I want to be careful not to turn this into a rant about my personal “gender-feels” as a female-born transitioner.

    That’s not the point of the interview, which obviously focused on the “male trans” experience (what’s new?) and I don’t consider my issues to be terribly relevant to Joel’s interview. Nor do I wish to detract from what Mark and Lynna are trying to accomplish by critiquing and exposing the “transing” of young children, and the general dysfunction in the so-called “community” of translings…but still….

    ….Still I felt very angry about a few segments, I wanted to address a few points of my own to what was otherwise a very intriguing interview… GM, if you decide to let this comment through, I deeply appreciate it.

    1. When Lynna asks Joel about “reintegrating” into “male society”, and trying to reclaim his “man card” with saccharine sympathy, I literally wanted to scream (but didn’t ) “Who the fuck cares about your stupid man card!?”

    I get it. I get it. These trans males need to get back in touch with their inner dude, they need to grieve for their “lost” male privilege and find a way to reclaim it. They need to “heal”.

    Poor darlings.

    But the whole line of questioning just confirms to me that these people obviously do not think abolishing gender is a priority- trans-ing oneself is “wrong”, but abusive gendered power dynamics that disadvantage females at every turn in life are okie dokie, and here to stay and a “NATURAL” part of all of us….Joel even confessed that he doesn’t want to abolish gender because he’s male, and he is explicitly aware that he WOULD likely feel the opposite about it if he was female. Well, that’s like me saying “I don’t see a problem or a need to abolish white privilege and supremacy, but I guess I’d feel differently if I had, you know, actually been victimized by it” (the way females are by gender- I am white, BTW and I think this argument is utter horseshit. ) So much for self awareness. Baby steps. Baby steps.

    And I don’t mean to be harsh or belittle Joel’s pain or what he has suffered by having surgery that he regrets and has to live with. I’m very sorry for that. But I’m not gonna mourn for his “man card”…. mmmmm…. sorry.

    2. Mark/Maritza’s suggestion that FTTs experience and transition based on something analogous to “autogynephelia”, for which she could not or did not supply a term….( “autoandrophelia”, of course, but you don’t hear about it, because it’s invisible magical unicorn faeces….. baloney.

    It’s ridiculous to assume that FTT’s transition because of some sex fetish, just because MTT’s do. Penis envy? Get fucking lucid. Jaiden-Kaden Alex-Xander Bruce-Willis (full name, that’s one person, mind you) on Youtube/Tumblr didn’t transition because she just got sooooo hot and bothered trying on her older brother’s Joe Boxers when he wasn’t home, that she just knew she had to someday become “a complete 100% (man), and live full time as (man/male) and have hot sex with partner as full time (male) with penis and full surgery!” (lol!!!!). FTT’s are not whacked out autogynephiles who reduce the opposite sex to their genitalia. We all know why females try to get out of being “women”. It would be redundant to list the reasons here. It’s not about masturbation, it’s about physical and psychological survival.

    As an FTT who is healing from years of abuse from homophobic parents in a conservative small-town community,( which DID have a direct impact on my decision to transition and attempt to pass as a man in the public eye) I find this incredibly insulting- and the opposite of “healing”. I don’t have a sexy-thing about being some “Mr. Perfect Man-Body”. I am a coward for sure. But I’m not a fetishist.

    Speak for yourself, please Maritza.

    3. If Maritza likes to embrace being female by playing housewife and doing domestic shit, and views this as being an expression of her femaleness, and integral to her healing, or something, good for Maritza. My attitude towards cooking and cleaning is this. Are you an adult? Would you like to starve to death in a pile of your own excrement- despite living in an affluent first world country? No, that doesn’t sound appealing? Oh good. Then learn to cook and clean your stupid home. Done. No gender needed. Men can do it too!

    Queering up and messing around with gender roles doesn’t magically make gender not an abusive power dynamic that is inherently misogynistic.

    Personally, that does not sound like healing to me. That is not what being female is about. That’s what people told me it was about, and all it was about. It’s an abusive lie. I’m not getting behind people when they try to reify it, or twist it into some new-agey pseudo-spirituality. I mean no disrespect to Maritza and Lynna, but I deeply disagree with them.

    Nonetheless, fascinating interview from the male perspective.

    Thanks for letting this through, hope it’s not too long winded.

    Best

    Mochi

    • GallusMag Says:

      It was pretty striking when Mark said that she was Mark when she acted all “alpha male” and Maritza when she performed domestic chores. Yikes.

      And Joel’s opinion that most people detransition because of lack of social support for their cross-sex personas doesn’t appear to be borne out by the experience of FEMALES who decide to stop transgendering or take their experiences into account. At all.

      Like you said, very interesting from the male genderist perspective. Also good to hear from a straight male detransitioner who is not some Christianist or right-winger. Most hetero male detransitioners seem to just slip quietly back into their place atop the sex hierarchy and don’t stick around to support other men who are in the same position.

      I don’t see your comment as derailing in the slightest, and I thank you for contributing your thoughts.

      • Mochi Says:

        I’ll check out his blog. I’m really glad that he’s sticking around to help other people with their journey. To me it seems detransition is even tougher than transition…

        Joel, I really appreciate what you are doing to help other male transitioners/detransitioners find their way through this. I think it’s a positive step in the direction of “abolishing gender” (one can hope, right?) that males are allowed and encouraged to open up and have open dialogue about their experiences, while still being male and not needing to put on a female persona in order to relate to their emotions.🙂

        Cheers

    • Dogtowner Says:

      ” My attitude towards cooking and cleaning is this. Are you an adult? Would you like to starve to death in a pile of your own excrement- despite living in an affluent first world country? No, that doesn’t sound appealing? Oh good. Then learn to cook and clean your stupid home. Done. No gender needed. Men can do it too!”

      I LOVE THIS!!!!! Our first exchange student didn’t want to learn how to do laundry so I asked him if he intended to have someone else change his diapers his whole life. You wouldn’t believe how interested in laundry he became.

    • KgSch Says:

      I do think that het and bi women who take testosterone and try to be sexually intimate with gay men are fetishizing gay men, or at least have a very warped idea about how relationships between gay men work. Still, I don’t think it’s the same as autogynephelia. I doubt that most of these women were stealing underwear and boxers from male relatives for sexual reasons. Plus, you don’t see too many cases where a woman who was otherwise a stereotypical housewife suddenly declared that she was a gay man and her marriage to her husband is now a gay relationship. (She wouldn’t get anywhere near the support as a man who pulls the same crap.) I think a lot of it is a personal effort to escape oppression in many cases, which is why many FTTs don’t seem to bother with the “I always felt like a boy” line.

      I completely agree with your attitude towards cooking and cleaning. It’s always horrifying that being female gets reduced to that sort of thing, or to playing the male-invented femininity game. I clean up after myself because I don’t want to live with cockroaches and mold, not because estrogen magically compels me to do so. I also agree that queering up gender roles/sex roles doesn’t mean that gender isn’t inherently misogynistic. (It seems that all the post-modern queer theory worshipers want to do is play around with gender and not do anything helpful.)

      • cerulean blue Says:

        I agree that while hetero females fetishize gay males, it’s not quite the same as autogynephilia. I belong to a hobby that overlaps extensively with the manga and anime communities and it’s where I got my introduction to modern trans insanity, “pan”sexuality and assorted garbage tumblr-thought. Lots of trans females are in both communities, mostly young lesbians who have been shamed into thinking their sexuality is less than that of males, or who are taking what they see as the path of least resistance to avoid homophobia and gain the privilege denied them due to their sex. But there are quite a few hetero girls too, including several I know who claim to be “males with testosterone deficiency” (they don’t mention the penis, testes, or y chromosome deficiencies, which apparently aren’t worth noting). To a woman, all of these “gay” trans girls are into yaoi manga, which objectifies gay males from a very stereotypically feminine perspective. I showed a couple of actual (male) gay friends some yaoi manga, and they were mystified by the very romance novel-like characterization of the characters, by the fact that the main characters looked like stereotypical manga women as drawn in Josei manga for girls, and at the romance novel plot lines, usually involving statutory rape. It’s not at all like the objectification of women by trans males, as these females aren’t viewing themselves the way that women typically objectify men. They don’t want to be burly, muscular male models. They want the long eyelashes, long hair and slim build of a teen boy that looks like and behaves like a stereotypical girl. But as females, they may already have these characyeristics, so its not about coveting and masturbating to the image of a body they want, but rather an escapist fantasy of a lifestyle that exists only in romance novels, minus the presence of the brutish lout that is usually the hero in such bodice-rippers. It reminds me of the fan magazines targeting preteen girls, where any objectionable secondary sex characteristics are not seen on male teen idols to make them seem less threatening to their twelve year old fanbase, who are not ready for the horrible brutishy reality that is most men.

      • KgSch Says:

        I like anime and manga, and I am familiar with the yaoi genre.

        I think that fanbase was a bit more sane when I was in middle school and high school. I started reading yaoi, yuri and other manga and watching what anime I could because my friends and I liked it. I had some anime and they had some manga, so it worked out. It probably helped that this was in the days of dial-up, so no tumblr echo chamber about how liking anime, particularly yaoi makes you pansexual or really a dude and liking this one particular anime makes you a feminist. Just because the show has lesbians or gay guys, and the women have conversations not revolving around males doesn’t automatically make it a feminist masterpiece. Yes, I enjoyed that story too, but it isn’t going to smash patriarchy.

        I know some FtTs believe that they can look like androgynous, yaoi anime characters. That’s what you call taking a hobby too far. (Still doesn’t usually manifest itself in lots of creepy boundary violations of male relatives though.) In another comment, I talked about how there’s a big increase in the number of trans trenders at anime and comic con conventions, and it’s almost always the people who don’t have a lot going on in their lives outside of going to the convention every year. I just don’t hang out with them, because I really don’t want to hear about how every character they ever liked ever is genderqueer or an hour long discussion of “I don’t know what my name is yet because I haven’t picked the right opposite sex name yet”. Fucking tedious. Still, right now I think it’s worthwhile to go to these things because it’s usually fun and if nothing else you can buy nice swag. The trans-trenders are just a subgroup to avoid, like the people who don’t shower. I’m sure going to any other convention, there’s a list of people to avoid.

      • Mochi Says:

        Ha! Oh my, yes, I’d almost forgotten about the “yaoi-boi’s”!

        This is SO true! In fact, my first (and only- thank goddess) introduction to yaoi was through another FtT who I formed a close friendship with in college. She was heterosexual (but called herself a gay-transman) and was obsessed, OBSESSED with yaoi manga. Her bedroom wall had a floor-to-ceiling- corner-to -corner bookshelf stocked end to end with NOTHING but yaoi-manga, almost exclusively. (A mutual friend once remarked, based on a very superficial impression of the contents of this girl’s bedroom, that the young woman was QUITE well read. LOL I suppose she never cracked a single spine out of that impressive collection. If she had looked closer, she would have realized that every last one was a gay-pedo Japanese picture-book. I wonder how much actual “reading” was involved) She must have owned hundreds of these. I shit you not.

        I can’t say that I read any of them. I like women, and I’m interested in female-to-female romance, when it’s accurately portrayed. And that is so rare, to see the actual dynamics of an authentic lesbian relationship in film or literature, it’s a precious thing. I don’t care one way or the other for what het people or gay men, real or imaginary, do with each other. It seems so bizarre to me that anyone would fetishize another person’s sexual orientation that way, but of course straight men do it to lesbians ALL the damn time, so I can’t be too, TOO hard on a het woman who does that to gay men. At least manga doesn’t directly exploit living people, the way pornography does.

        But having not read, I didn’t know about these statutory rape themes (the pictures I saw, both males seemed to be pre-pubescent, which is totally creepsville), etc, but that doesn’t surprise me, in hindsight.

        This person was also into “gay” fan-fiction, Harry Potter especially, and I WAS aware that many of these straight female writers ( and I’m pretty sure it’s mostly, if not exclusively, het/bi/”queer” females who author this repulsive shit) were writing blatantly pedopheliac (adult male teacher/ prepubescent, or early adolescent male student) male-on-male relationships into the stories, and it was extremely disturbing. And I’m aware that these communities overlap, it’s the same women most of the time.

        Now, out of the butch women I’d met in college, too many of them have gone on to transition. I’ve been keeping count, and I’m less and less suprised each year, when FB shows me a familiar face, the face of a fellow dyke sister who I used to know in college, now with weedy a mustache and some trendy boy’s name that is 10-20 years inappropriate for her age (My job puts me in frequent contact with k-12 youth, and we actually have a surprising number of Jaden’s, Aiden’s, Hayden’s, and Kayden’s who are actual boys with Y chromosomes. Not one of them is older than ten.)

        But it seems to be even more common to see these het girls who are now “gay men”.

        And what I notice is these girls really seem to base their idea of “manhood” (or at least manhood as lived by a gay man) around this weird little gay-anime-twinky shit. They want the weird anime hair cuts, with the crazy hair colors, they all want to be waifishly thin, etc. And I’ve heard there is a market in the “gay” (well, male bi-curious) community for these females, (I have met several of these girls who troll the gay community, back pages, grindr (ugh!) etc.-this shit is so dangerous!) Namely “daddies” who are seeking juvenile-looking “bottoms”.

        I remember reading a forum post by a “gay” man who had a fetish for trans-gays. He openly admitted to his borderline-pedo daddy fetish. He said he liked the slight waifish frames that were less often attainable for fully grown adult males, and noted that one of his female partners had especially small feet (size 4 women’s IIRC?) and how that really turned him on. Ugh, gross. Why do men like women to have small feet? Not that small feet are inherently gross, but why is that specifically a turn on? For me, sexualizing a woman’s smaller-than-average foot size conjures up images of foot binding and other forms of ritualized sex-bondage… I’m sorry, I could never be attracted to males, for so many reasons….. ugh

        I strongly suspect that the het FtT’s I dealt with were victims of sexual abuse by males, very early, and probably repeatedly. None of them came out and said it, but there were a lot of other red flags, not the least of which was the general way these women related to men sexually.

      • KgSch Says:

        @Mochi

        You are right that realistic stories about lesbians are so rare. Mainly what you get are stories of “lesbians” who are hyper-feminine, so much more so than most heterosexual women, who are sperm-obsessed freaks who want a baby so bad that they are willing to let a guy fuck them. I object; that’s not lesbianism. Playing around with semen to get pregnant is a heterosexual act. Bev Jo has a good post about that on her blog.

        Sometimes anime/manga stories with gay guys had a plot so I would watch/read that and I liked some of the things on the Logo channel that my mom gets. Never made me want to be a gay dude though. Anime (yuri) with lesbians often takes place in an all-girls boarding school where everyone is in love with the attractive, but aloof, upperclasswoman. I did like that story line more when I was in high school, and even asked my mother if I could transfer to a boarding school populated with lesbians. (She just asked me where I got the impression we could afford something like that.) It gets kind of cliche, though at least there isn’t the endless focus on past het relationships. And seriously, how many all-girls or all-boys schools are there in Japan anyway? Plus, the manga I read when I was a teen was stuff you could buy and Boarders, so violence and sex was restricted to an R-rating movie level, max. My parents let me read Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, Steven King, and other adult novels in middle school as long as I knew that they weren’t “real life”. The anime and manga I had was very tame compared to some of those books.

        As for fanfiction, it’s fine to have a hobby, but pedo shit is always wrong. I don’t know any lesbian online or in real life who writes that shit. Fanfiction writers are mostly female, and a lot of them are het, bi or “queer”. (Queer usually just means het or bi-curious these days. Or trans cult.) It wouldn’t surprise me if the women and girls writing the really fucked up shit have a past history of sexual abuse. Incest and other forms of sexual assault are horrifically common. Some of those women have actually said they were abused as children or adults on their tumblr account, though I think there’s a healthier way to deal with that than the shit they write.

        I have an internet acquaintance who writes fanfic but nothing like the stuff you mentioned. I spent a lot of my free time reading as teenager and viewed fanfic as free reading material for when I ran out of books. My acquaintance usually just writes stories to make snarky comments on the bad writing in a show we have a love/hate relationship with, general silliness, and to suggest the show would be improved by adding more lesbians (she is a lesbian).

        Men preferring smaller women is a form of selective breeding designed to make subsequent generations of females weaker and easier to control. They selectively breed animals; of course they’ll do the same to women. The anti-fat crazy really is not based on being healthy, or fat men would be treated worse than fat women are because women are supposed to have more body fat then men. It is not about everyone being into fitness either, as muscular women like Serena and Venus women get called all sorts of nasty misogynistic and racist slurs for their appearances.

        Yes, some women are naturally small and have smaller feet, but the behavior of that man is just creepy. He wants someone who he can push around and who won’t fight back. There is a big difference between being small naturally and starving yourself, and having an outright fetish for small females is creepy.

        When I was still bothering with alphabet soup groups, there was an FtT who came to the group and made a big speech about how she was really a gay guy. She was a very small woman and afterwords, the bisexual guys swarmed all over her. I was concerned about that but I heard, “he’s a man; he can handle it.” This is why “queering” gender roles doesn’t erase very really sex-based realities. (Even if she was actually a tiny dude, that much sexual male attention can’t be good.) Men prey on these FtTs, but it’s okay cuz it’s “queer”. The het and bi FtTs aren’t really gay men, so they can get pregnant and having sex with bisexual men puts them at a big risk for AIDS.

        In the long term, they aren’t going to get their wish. Some dudes will fuck anything that moves, but real gay men are going to want a man to love, not a woman pretending to be one. (Similarly, any woman who willingly sleeps with one of the male pretenders isn’t a lesbian. If he tricked her, that’s rape.) Anime has become popular, but yaoi is still a niche genre written mostly by Japanese women who have conservative ideas about relationships and gender. I knew some gay men who liked it, but some just said “it doesn’t really work out like that.” So, outside of the young trans-trender bubble at the anime convention, a lot of males probably don’t want to re-inact the “queerified” heterosexual version of yaoi in their personal lives.

        It’s awful that so many of your lesbian friends are deciding to be FtTs and not lesbians anymore. I think that that decision is influenced by the group-think mindset. If your friend wants to take cross-sex hormones, you can’t question is because that would be just like homophobia, nevermind that being a lesbian or being gay doesn’t involve taking expensive drugs that can kill you or at least really fuck up your health. Also, when gays and lesbians do it, transitioning is basically a “cure” for homosexuality because it’s “I’m a het man now” or “I’m a het woman now.”

      • cerulean blue Says:

        Hey, KgSch, we’ve been plagiarized ! http://bbrightstar.tumblr.com/post/123669760281/the-unspoken-link-between-trans-men-and-fetish

        It’s funny how the radikewl tumblr gang is so unwilling to link to Gallus’ work, but perfectly fine stealing what is posted here. This is only the eleventy-billionth time it’s happened.

      • KgSch Says:

        @cerulean blue

        Hi, I clicked on the link and there was nothing there. Either the link is incorrect or she went and deleted the post.

        I did look at her blog and I liked what I saw in the first few pages.

        I wouldn’t be too surprised if the “radikewl gang”, as you call it, plagiarizes from here. GallusMag and people who like her website are like the bogymen. I see people claiming to be radical feminists trash GallusMag and people like Shelia Jeffreys. It’s not like they have a legitimate criticism, it’s whining about how “mean” they are. I’m not promoting worshiping anyone and I probably don’t agree with GallusMag and Sheila Jeffreys on every issue every (no one does!) but if you want to paraphrase what they say, or what anyone else on this blog says a link is nice.

        If I got plagiarized, maybe I am doing something right.

      • cerulean blue Says:

        KgSch, she deleted it, but the post lives on, due to the way tumblr works. If you google “the unspoken link between trans-men and fetish tumblr” you’ll find it.

      • coelacanth Says:

        Quote: “But because females aren’t conditioned with such violent boundary violations, they are unlikely to call anyone a bigot or lash out at a gay man who doesn’t understand why a “trans man” (gender non conforming female) is trying to sleep with him.”

        If you mean women in the general public this may be true. But if you mean the entire handmaiden, SJW, queer universe of women, you are incorrect.

        I hate to keep harping on this one point but truth and reality are the whole point IMO of Gendertrender and separating out lies is essential to combating trans insanity.

        The Cotton Ceiling is the same for BOTH lesbians and gay men. Het males try to force lesbians to have sex with them by calling lesbians who reject their penises (intact or inverted) bigots in the identical manner that Trans “men” and their army of SJWs and Queers say the same thing to gay men who refuse sex with trans “men” with vaginas (intact or Franken-fleshed). Look at the roid rage of Buck Angel when any gay man refuses her narrative.

        This issue — the cotton ceiling for gay men — is the key development that destroyed the former gay men’s community (not AIDS). Queer Catechism = Any gay man who states in public that he is not sexually attracted to trans “men” IS a racist (white rejects black = racist; gay rejects trans = racist). So all men who were formerly gay now call themselves Queer because this term shows their peers (JSW Queer and Handmaiden) they are not bigots against trans “men”. Of course many gay now queer males who march in the street and cyber assasinate any gay man who refuses trans “men” will proclaim their love of the trans “man” body but in privatacy of their real life it is a very different story! Gay men have perfected the public image/private lie as an art form. We had to to survive. Now they do it to fit in (or in Canada not to be charged with a hate crime).

        The cotton ceiling for all homosexuals, male or female, is the trans triumph over same sex “exclusivity”. In the early 2000s, there was a Queer Hall Putsch and Trans Uber Alles put an end to the racist bigotry that homosexuality represents to them.

        The belief that “Homosexuality is Transphobic” is an Orwellian Trans Truth, the same way that the belief that Transwomen ARE Women (and Transmen ARE Men) is an Orwellian Trans Truth. 1 + 1 = 3. Or else.

      • Mochi Says:

        @kgsh

        Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply to your comment! I wanted to get back to you sooner, I’ve just now got some time to devote my full attention to responding. 🙂

        Re: Japanese comics/animation…. yes, a lot of the Yaoi stuff that I saw was pretty tame (She wasn’t into Yuri, although again, it doesn’t reflect realistic lesbian relationships, but at least what I have seen isn’t horribly pornified. I don’t think Yuri is intended for grown ass men- like other “lesbian” stuff)

        However there were some exceptions. And yaoi is like gateway porn for some of these kids. The young woman I knew went on to hentai stuff- which had tons of objectionable shit. Male on female rape and pedophelia is standard fare in these cartoons. I don’t remember what it was that she showed me, but I was mortified. And really, if you’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing hentai, you can just tell how highly some people regard females (hey, it’s not against the law to do this stuff to cartoon females- these are the fantasies that men have to suppress because of, like, laws and stuff. Hentai is really a great window into the sexual proclivities of heterosexual men, because there really AREN’T any limits in cartoonland). Naturally that carries over into some of the erotic writing these women put online.

        (as an ASIDE, it’s interesting how many AGP male trans are ALSO heavily into anime and how many base their grossly inaccurate ideas of “femaleness” on what they see in cartoons.)

        Of course lots of fan fiction is legitimate and very well written. I’m mostly talking about that subset of “queer” straight/bi women who are just off the deep end pomosexual. In fact, my friend had a book called “Pomosexuals”, (I bet some folks here are familiar with it, but it was kind of a shock to me) Third wave really is just a reversal of what earlier feminism has accomplished, and I think it’s in large part responsible for the virulent reassertion of misogyny in the millenial cohort.

        When I voiced some concern about her “tastes” in film and literature, she got very defensive, accused me of being intolerant and even misogynistic because I supposedly didn’t think females could make up their own minds how to feel about this stuff. This person was also a huuuuge fan of Kate Borenstein (who i’ve got some issues with, although Borenstein is just soooo outclassed by even worse people). She also took me to my first (and only) Transcon (I was already on “T” at this point, but I had made a point to avoid the transcommunity -I didn’t feel like hanging out with the types of people who would record their voice every single day for three years and put in online- ’nuff said).

        So this person was really deep in the pomo-shit. The most important thing was to be as “counter-sexual” as possible. The weirder your sexual appetites, the more oppressed you were, the more other people should be obligated to
        “shut up and listen” to your pain. No negativity allowed.

        She managed to take control of the campus Gay-Straight alliance (which had in previous years been a dating club for gay men- and failed as a student org for exactly this reason) and turned it into a “queer and questioning” fiesta. Our membership was…. two trans females, one straight, one gay(her and myself), a self identified ASD male trans/polly-wolly-doodle/pangender who didn’t want hormones or surgery but wanted to be called a lady, a cross dresser/bdsm enthusiast with some rather bizarre and socially inappropriate peccadilloes who ALSO struck me as VERY ASD (both were also STEM majors: there does seem to be a connection between ASD disorders, STEM and male trans), and a straight woman who was looking to pad her resume for grad-school. All the vanilla gays and lesbians bailed on that shit show by week 3.

        The pomo-shit was endless with this kid. She even dabbled in “escorting” strange men she met on craigslist (even though she really didn’t need to financially) she claimed it was about sexual freedom and disconnecting the stigma from prostitution and seeking empowerment through the “reversal” of oppressive dynamics (pain is pleasure, bondage is freedom).

        I just wonder, who benefits from all the pomo-brainwashing that’s so intimately associated with trans…..?

        I really was the only close friend this girl had after a while, so I didn’t bail on her, but I was not cool with most of this stuff. There were definitely other things going on, which made her vulnerable to this kind of distorted thinking, but I wonder if she would have just gone on with her life and been a mostly ok straight woman if she had skipped college altogether.

        It is a huge burden unloaded, to be able to say this stuff to people who get it. I could not even begin to tell most of the folks I know about the stuff I know and keep a secret. Sooooo much mind-bending crazy shit in the trans-pomo cult.

        Re: Selective breeding…. I’ve always wondered about this. I thought that selecting smaller females as mates would potentially result in offspring of both sexes being smaller… Am I missing something? (I’m not an expert on biology or genetics in particular, so I’d really like to know this.)

        If that’s true, it doesn’t surprise me, but it does piss me off. I’m 5’1” and like all females I’ve had to contend with male violence at a steep disadvantage. Whoever said a “real man” never hits a female, is stupid and has an overly charitable opinion of “real men”.

        I sure would like to be bigger and stronger than my asshole brother who hits me when we disagree or I beat him at a game or something. He’s got about 50 lbs on me. 50 lbs of out of shape, self-centered man-child, but 50 lbs nonetheless. That’s hard to overpower, even if you can lift more and are otherwise stronger than the person.

        Never mind having to always step out of the way of men who don’t budge laterally one inch to the left or right for me, having men feel like they can just push into my space, or intimidate me with their anger. Sure, I pass as a small guy, but I’m small mostly because I’m female (though I am also from shorter than average stock) I know the best I can do is fight someone off if they lose their cool. I’ll still get hurt. And the victim is usually the one people blame, I think it’s a psychological thing people have, they just side with whoever is winning, not whoever is in the right. You shouldn’t have stepped on the big man’s toes by mistake, so you deserved to get punched in the face and knocked out.

        *sigh*

        Your story of the “gay transman” reminds me a lot of my friend. It’s like somehow they feel like men are “safer” once you claim to be a man. Like all you have to do is declare immunity and you have a get-out-of-rape free card. Goddess no, that is not how it works. It’s mostly very young college women who think this way, and I want to know which queer theorists to blame for convincing these girls that men are somehow safer if they are “queer”, because “queering gender” is good for women, and makes male violence stop happening or some kind of doofy horseshit. If anything, those are the types of men who WILL just fuck anything, and they are EXTRA sooper-dooper suspect.

        I know a het FtM who did in fact get pregnant from sleeping with a dood without protection. I don’t know if her menses had stopped or if she was regularly using “T” (some go off, because they want to be sort of androgynous and look, you know, like an anime character. I have read tumblr posts like that- hi I want selectively pick and choose what male-secondary characteristics I get when dosing myself with large amounts of anabolic steroids, kthx, *eyes roll*) but she seemed kinda surprised. Ha.

        Re: lesbians transitioning… I think I have to take some responsibility. I was the first FtT I knew of in person. I remember one woman who was pretty butch, saying how much she admired me for having the “courage” to “be myself”. We weren’t close or anything. We hung out a few times. I’m not saying I did it to her. But when I found out about her transition later, I felt guilty. I feel guilty for every lesbian I have met who knew I was FtT and decided later to do this to herself. I’m part of that. I am another straw on the back of every lesbian who meets me and thinks I’m someone who has found the solution to our problems as gay women in a society that wants badly for us to not exist at all.

        Now thankfully (though sadly) most lesbians can’t see me at all. I remember being young, seeing lesbian women out in public. I remember how much my mother policed my self expression back then, but even with the compulsory feminine clothes and long hair, we could spot each other from across the room. It was a tiny spark of comfort and belonging and in an otherwise lonely and often times fearful existence. I don’t get that now. I see them, but they don’t usually see me. If they CAN tell what I am, they are coldly repelled. I wouldn’t wish this fate on any woman. You don’t get to be a man, just because you can disguise yourself as one. And men suck. No woman would want to be a man if men didn’t prevent women from having practically any kind of life on their own terms. We just want to be human. Only males are allowed to be “human.”

        From the time I was five years old, I knew, I just knew, that I was born in the wrong body. I was a HUMAN BEING

        trapped in a girl’s body.

        Re: Plagarism. HA! What novel ideas! She just actually lifted a full paragraph directly from your post. Well, imitation is the sincerest form….

        But yeah, I agree, bbrightstar… let’s talk about this elephant.

      • nonny Says:

        Those posts are ripping you off, which is not cool, but afaik those bloggers are def gender critical

      • GallusMag Says:

        Only the originator of the post plagiarized them. Not those who reblogged it.

      • GallusMag Says:

        This is such a fantastic thread, no wonder you are getting plagiarized. A thread like this really makes it all worthwhile for me to do this fucking blog. Really great stuff. Such a pleasure.❤

      • KgSch Says:

        @GallusMag

        Thanks for the link to a relog of the original post. (I actually like the never-obey person who reblogged it. She is very good at calling out the Cotton Ceiling rapey stuff.)
        Anyway, some of that stuff is directly plagiarized from Mochi or I. (Yaoi-bois was her term.)

        @coelacanth

        As for the boundary-violating part, I did mention that but I only referred to boundary-violations of male relatives. I was suggesting that het and bi F2Ts probably aren’t stealing underwear and clothes from male relatives/significant others to masturbate in on a big scale, like what autogynephiles do to their female relatives/significant others on a widespread basis.
        I think suggesting that F2Ts don’t boundary violate gay men was the only original thought that that blogger had.

        But, you are right, they will boundary-violate gay men. I think there’s a reason why lesbians and gays have bailed out from high school and college “Gay-Straight Alliance” organizations and it’s the trans-cult. When I went to that group in college when I was getting my first degree, there were only a few trans members who occasionally showed up and they were self-hating gays and lesbians, not heterosexuals who wished they were lesbian or gay. The group was lesbian-majority when I first joined, but that changed as more and more het male “allies” and autogynephiles started coming. (By “allies” I mean men who wanted to perv on the lesbians.)

        You have a good point. Most normal females aren’t boundary-violating freaks, but mainstream “feminism”/SJW/trans-cult is male-identified (particularly het male identified to the core), thus the boundary violations. Plus a lot of these women are convinced that their counterfeit feminism (whether mainstream feminism or a half-assed knock-off of radical feminism) helps women, so if you don’t agree you’re a misogynist. Oh and racist, classist and ableist because words just mean whatever you want them to mean. (The classist thing is funny because if you disagree, then “read more” and “get educated”.) You might also be “homophobic” which is a bit rich coming from mostly het and sometimes bi women who think that lesbians are bigots just by existing and some of them complain that gay men are “cute” but too into “social constructions.” (Translation: they are upset that gay men don’t want to have sex with them. Not all these women are F2Ts. Some have navel-gazing identities like “agender” “bigender” and “nonbinary” or are just “fag hags”.)

        I honestly cannot understand being a gay men or a lesbian who betrays your own kind for these people, but I’ve seen it. What ever happened to pride and self-respect? I just wonder, who’s fucking brilliant idea was it to form an alliance with creepy heterosexuals who have a fetish for homosexuality to the point where they actually claim to be us and demand we have sex with them and fulfil their emotional needs?

        @Mochi

        I am familiar with hentai. The first time I saw it, I looked at it again a few times, because it was sort of like a train wreck where I wanted to look at it because it was awful. (The stuff I saw was the weird tentacle stuff.) I did go to a bigger Comic-Con with my friend and we went by the hentai table and just ended up laughing at all the anatomy-fail on the covers. I think we made the perverts uncomfortable.
        Yeah, cartoons show the negative attitude towards females/women because they can get away with so much more stuff in them. If it was the only porn in existence I wouldn’t care as much since it’s not real people, but I bet it does shape “standards” for depraved shit in real life porn. I think you have a point about the “gateway drug” thing.

        Yes, you are so right about M2Ts being into some anime and basing their ideas about females on it. A lot of anime actually does have well-rounded female characters, but they seem to pick the anime that doesn’t or focus on female characters with skimpy outfits. Or they miss the point of the show.

        A friend of mine from high school has an autogynephile boyfriend who is super into anime, including hentai and their place is full of pictures of scantily-clad cartoon women. I kind of doubt he would transition though because he has a million health problems and I will be surprised if he lives to be 40.
        Still, he seems to have gotten more into his fetish since I met him a few years ago and likes to loudly talk about it in public.

        My high school friend is very anti-social and I guess that’s why it doesn’t bother her much that her boyfriend spends all his time on the internet. She does the same thing when she’s not at her job or in school, but with less of a sexual element. (He likes to be on Second Life and similar websites and have cybersex with people. I know the cybersex part bothers my friend but at least it’s not as “real” as him cheating, so she sort of looks the other way.)

        “Pomosexuals”; that’s a great name!
        Yes, you’re right. In the “queer” community, the more kinky shit you’re into and the more you “play around” with gender, the more “oppressed” you are and the more attention you get. Let’s just ignore those men who got away with beating and/or raping women by claiming it was part of a “consensual” BDSM act. Getting to rape and beat women by saying you’re a pervert seems pretty privileged to me. “Counter-sexual” is a good name, but really it’s more of the same old, same old. It’s an elaborate system of make-believe to think that being an escort to strange men is empowering. I have serious issues with women glorifying prostitution, especially because most women are prostitutes for survival reasons and not any of this glittery individual empowerment/self-satisfaction bullshit. Your friend isn’t empowering herself; she’s putting herself at risk of STDs, murder and rape. Ever hear of the Craigslist killer? You have to be careful who you meet with.

        Yes, I would bail out of the queer and questioning shit-storm asap. I’d rather hang out in a pseudo-dating club than that mess. Actually, the gay/lesbian org at my school was originally more like a pseudo-dating club or social club but then they eventually decided it needed to be more of a “queer” activist organization.

        For selective breeding, it is complicated but I think there is a conspiracy to destroy women’s health and make money by encouraging women to be as small as possible. This has resulted in elementary school girls developing eating disorders. It is bad to be really overweight, but the binge and purge cycle of fad diets is so bad for you. Either way, when I was in public, I’d often see these tiny young women with a giant husband/boyfriend and a baby with a freakishly large head. I know babies have big heads, but these babies are bigger than normal.

        I do think that maybe your friend would have been well-adjusted if she hadn’t gone to college from what you said. If she was able to get a job with her degree then that’s good, but otherwise maybe it’s not worth it.

        I would just say you can’t identify your way out of biology. If you have heterosexual sex, especially without protection, pregnancy can happen. I have a cousin who has a bunch of kids she can’t afford (different fathers for almost every kid) who is always “surprised” when she gets pregnant again. I had to listen to my former roommate worry about pregnancy or STDs because she had unprotected sex with a dude (again) and then I finally snapped and told her to grow up; you’re 27 and you should know where babies and STDs come from by now. The same goes for F2Ts. Yes, you cannot just pick and choose male secondary sexual characteristics while taking steroids.

        All this pomosexual, queer theory logic benefits males of course. Keep all the women and girls identifying with made up labels so they can avoid rape (except not really) and make sure that they don’t realize that males are the ones they should avoid.

        As for lesbians transitioning, I agree you can’t make anyone do anything, but it is important to have a lesbian community and lesbian role-models who aren’t on-board the trans trains, allies or not. I just think about women who created lesbian feminism when there was zero support from the mainstream culture of lesbians and get inspiration from that. I think that another factor is that, even though M2Ts are worshiped, F2Ts still get more status than lesbians. The only socially appropriate thing to do is to say “good for you bro” when a girl/woman wants to take testosterone. In my experience, many F2Ts put down lesbians and other women for not transitioning, but still hang around us because they might get more attention.

        Yes, “human trapped in female body”! I never wanted to be male because I thought most of them were awful. I hit puberty in fifth grade and got bullied by for having breasts, then a few years later the same boys who bullied me wanted to touch them. I never wanted to be so boring and mean. I did want to be treated as well as my brother. To their credit, my parents at least tried to raise us both equally and I didn’t have to deal with too much sexism from teachers. I went to public school so they really just liked anyone who could keep their traps shut while they were trying to teach. Still, I wasn’t in a bubble and I did know that females got the short end of the deal. There was obviously a difference because my brother did not have pedophiles hitting on him once he hit puberty.

    • kaypasser Says:

      “…Well, that’s like me saying “I don’t see a problem or a need to abolish white privilege and supremacy, but I guess I’d feel differently if I had, you know, actually been victimized by it..”
      well thats like me saying because you arent an autoandrophile the problem doesn’t exist.
      except we know it does.

  3. Joel Nowak Says:

    Gallus … you don’t have to run this if you don’t want. Although I am a regular reader of GT I no longer like to post here. For this thread, for obvious reasons, I obviously have a few things that I might want to say but only if it does not distract from any conversation.

    So first of all, I was appearing as a guest to speak about MTF detransition. I probably should have said several times that was all that I was going to talk about but I did not … I think if you listen to what I was talking about it was obvious WHO I was talking about. The reasons for female detransitioning I believe to be VERY different. But that is not for me to talk about. Lynn Cadin, who was on the week before I was, did a much better job than I ever could.

    Also, about that “male privilege card” business … I believe that this was the passage that Lynna was referring to from my blog:

    “I have been reading a lot of feminist theory over the past few weeks. I’ll admit that I never too spent much time reading about feminism other than what I was assigned in college. What I find kind of funny is that now that I am shoring up my manly credentials I am finding feminist theory helpful in making meaning of my own thoughts about my identity and how I want to move through this world going forward. I figure I should be reading Men’s Health or GQ (and I still might) but for now it is interesting to be reading women’s thoughts on patriarchy and how that impacts all of our lives, as men and women. Of course it is coming from a female perspective and the primary audience is other females. But their perspective on this patriarchy business is valuable for all humans no matter what sex. Women are better observers of it because they are the most negatively impacted by it. Some of us guys often miss it chugging along in the background, but it actually limits us in some ways too, by enforcing male stereotypes that we feel compelled to live up to. It is a man’s world though, and I won’t even begin to pretend that the perks of being male don’t far outweigh any disadvantage. And in retransitioning back to my original gender identification, I guess I am going to cash in on a little more of that male privilege stuff. Cool – I’ll gladly take it. Last night I went to a bar to check out a band. I didn’t have to worry about going with anyone, or having someone take an interest in me as a femme or trans or whatever – I could just lay back and be cool. When you are a guy you take those things for granted. That’s how it should be for everyone. It isn’t.”

    When I said that I was happy to take advantage of some male privilege I wasn’t talking about oppressing women. I was talking about being able to go about my business unmolested. We all deserve freedom regardless of who we are. What I was saying was just me trying to be honest. We all deserve these rights. We all need to work to make sure we have these rights. I think most women would agree with me on this?

    As far as the gender abolition stuff … again that is just me expressing how I struggle with the notion that gender is actually something that can be “abolished” (no matter how much I would like it to be.) I think that Mochi has made a bit of leap in again thinking that I want to oppress women because I was not able to distill an extremely complex set of issues into the 20 seconds that I needed to say that I did not believe that gender could be abolished (but that I did manage to say that agree that much about “gender hurts” and I wanted to work to change it).

    Part of why I am responding is because I feel like I am sort of yelling across the gender chasm … this is the kind of stuff that makes me think that gender really is this thing that we can never get away from. I would love to be wrong. Anyway, I know that I wrong about a lot of stuff and even looking back on my early posts on my blog I was wrong about a lot of things then. That is why I read this blog (among other things.) And that is why I also want to say what I believe and I am glad to hear what other people think of it (or don’t think of it.)

    This matters to me because it impacts the people I love and care about in my life who were born female.

    • GallusMag Says:

      Joel FWIW I took your “regain my male privilege card” comments in the video in the same wry context you clarify here. Then again, I follow your blog closely which probably informed my perspective. Hopefully folks who are interested will follow up viewing the interview by checking out your awesome blog.

    • GallusMag Says:

      I’m interested in hearing more of your thoughts about how gender can never be abolished, if you’d care to share them. Do you feel the same way about racism?

      • Joel Nowak Says:

        I live in the hope that our species can evolve beyond racism. It isn’t just something we can “abolish” though is it? (Although obviously we can and must discourage all acts of racial intolerance.) I will try to write a post before summer is out about why I am a skeptic when it comes to gender abolition. I am certainly not going to write anything tonight …. most gender abolitionists I know are WAY smarter than me and I know better. 😉

      • gchild Says:

        Joel–“I live in the hope that our species can evolve beyond racism. It isn’t just something we can “abolish” though is it? (Although obviously we can and must discourage all acts of racial intolerance.)”

        Just a thought, bell hooks (Killing Rage: Ending Racism) provides evidence that sexism must be abolished before we can hope to end racism. hooks lays out the ways in which sexism socially, culturally, and politically informs racism. I’m simplifying this horrible, but consider: we have hope that we can educate/intellectualize or “evolve” beyond racism, but we don’t seriously imagine abolishing gender. Why?

        Could it be that ending racism potentially strengthens patriarchy by adding males of color? But abolishing gender and sexism restrict/reduce male dominance. Which can’t happen because…male dominance.

        Black feminists point out how the black power movement of the sixties supported black patriarchal power. There was no end to the sympathy and understanding for the “gender oppression” of black males. White males were sooooo concerned about it in fact, they told black males that their oppression was caused by black women stealing their manhood by working outside the home, voicing their opinions, feeding their children instead of giving black men beer money. Or something like that.

        Anyway, perhaps this could inform your post on the idea abolishing gender? Or not. But it might be worth considering.

  4. Mochi Says:

    “As far as the gender abolition stuff … again that is just me expressing how I struggle with the notion that gender is actually something that can be “abolished” (no matter how much I would like it to be.) I think that Mochi has made a bit of leap in again thinking that I want to oppress women because I was not able to distill an extremely complex set of issues into the 20 seconds that I needed to say that I did not believe that gender could be abolished (but that I did manage to say that agree that much about “gender hurts” and I wanted to work to change it).”

    Hey Joel, I’m sorry if it came across that way. I’m sure it’s not your intention to oppress women. I don’t actually think that.

    Like GM, I too would be interested to know why you don’t think gender as a social category can be “abolished.”

    I think part my reaction was based on the comparison you made to natural law (gravity). Subconsciously I think I became biased at that point and sort of read an essentialist undertone into your conception of gender, that in hindsight I don’t think you meant. That was ham-fisted interpretation on my part, I’d like to apologize in any case for the misunderstanding. But yes, I would also like to hear your thoughts on why you don’t think gender abolition is a possibility, at least not in the foreseeable future. FWIW, I’m just hitting 30 myself, speaking of generational differences, so I may be victim still to some youthful idealism (more than likely).

    Yes, Maritza in the kitchen and Mark “Big Papi” in the streets, there’s a lot of internalized misogyny in there. I can’t see that as something to celebrate. In a world (or just a mind) without gender, Mark/Maritza doesn’t need to divide herself in two like that, based on where she is or what she’s doing.

    Thanks Joel and Gallus
    Cheers
    Mochi

    • GallusMag Says:

      “I think part my reaction was based on the comparison you made to natural law (gravity). Subconsciously I think I became biased at that point and sort of read an essentialist undertone into your conception of gender…”

      I don’t see how it’s “biased” to take something stated at face value. It was a good catch. Maybe Joel will someday let us know what he means.

    • Joel Nowak Says:

      Mochi,
      I too was too quick to judge you for what I saw as you judging me (ugggh). And my remarks about gender abolition were too snarky … I think I said it to get it out there because it is something I am feeling but the way I said it was insensitive. Last year I was reading a number of books that came out about gender abolition and a number of blogs and I was “wanting to believe”. I still do. I can’t help but thinking that gender is more than just a social construct though. I don’t think John Money “invented” it. I was thinking a lot about this last year and I was in a better position to talk about this then as I was also immersed in the reading I was doing for my social and physiological psychology classes as well as my cultural anthropology studies. I am going to spend a few weeks “resetting” and rereading a few things and if you are still around I will post in this thread once I can articulate my somewhat muddled thoughts on this issue a little better.


      • .”I can’t help but thinking that gender is more than just a social construct though.”

        I noticed that many people confuse gender with personality.

        Gender = the assigment of certain roles based on ones sex is 100% a construct. It changes over time and differs from culture to culture. It needs to be abolished.

        Liking certain clothes and having certain hobbies has nothing to do with gender. Being forced to like/do things because they they have to do with the gender roles assigned to you does.

      • Dogtowner Says:

        Thank you, Lilly, for this cogent observation. I love horses — do I love horses because I am a woman? (In one of the most ridiculous gender straitjackets I ever saw, a father in a Danish movie told his son he couldn’t like horses because “girls like horses.”) I would say no, I love horses because of who I am, it has nothing to do with my biological sex.

        This seems to be a male problem, the confusion of who you are with biological sex. How does it feel to be a woman? I have no idea, I just am a woman. How does it feel to be me? Now that’s another question entirely.

      • Leo Says:

        Hopefully this makes at least some kind of sense, but just as a suggestion…

        If you’re unsure right now, Joel -which is understandable-, maybe it would be easiest to first focus on the more superficial aspects of gender? For instance, with Dogtowner’s example of liking horses, it’s pretty easy to show how that’s not something based on her sex but is down to her personality – think of how many male sportspeople there still are involved with equestrian sports, and the kind of 18th-19th century gentleman attitude to horses, all those Stubbs paintings, etc. Plenty of examples from different cultures, too – the history of the Arabian, for example.

        So, if anything I’d guess the ‘women like horses’ stereotype may be fairly recent, and may not apply across cultures. If that’s the case, well, it can’t just somehow be some biological thing, can it? The stereotypes aren’t even consistently applied, which shows there’s no real logic there – I think part of the idea is women are supposedly nurturing and like living things and connecting with them thus may like horses and riding, but then there’s the fact that equestrian sports or even just riding in general can be dangerous and risky, resulting in nasty falls, broken bones or even getting you killed. Hang on sec, weren’t men supposedly supposed to be the risk taking adrenaline junkie gender??? Riding and caring for horses also requires a decent amount of physical strength, at least, it’s helpful, for riding itself -if you’re not used to riding, you’ll most likely feel the muscle ache the next day-, and if you’re mucking out a stable, lifting a leather saddle, or trying to shove a horse off your toes. So, if it involves interaction with animals, but is risky and requires strength, it’s not really such a straightforward interest to assign gender (in the sense of sex roles, stereotypes) to, is it? So again, it’s not really about biology at all in the first place, it’s just about a bunch of blatantly biasedly applied stereotypes. That’s going to very obviously be the case with a lot of this gender stuff. I think even if there were some biological aspects, it may well be more a tendency for that sex, rather than some kind of 100% biological destiny thing, so it doesn’t necessarily totally get in the way of any kind of goal of gender abolition. After all, it doesn’t really matter if some kind of biological tendency exists, as long as we stop tying to shove people into hierarchical gender boxes that can’t possibly fit everyone’s personality anyway.

        The thing that does usually worry me, about gender abolition and how difficult it would be to achieve, is simply how conformist some people can be. Sure, we’re probably all influenced to a degree, but sometimes people don’t seem willing to question or try doing things differently.

      • river Says:

        Since riding has become a couple equestrian events, including races, women are sought after to these sports because they are SMALL and the smaller the strong rider the better results. The champion riders in Canada today for thoroughbred races are very small women, barely 5 foot. Gallus has a pix here somewhere of one🙂. Eventing is almost entirely women. Small agile horses, small women.

        The thing is, women want in to sports. They go where the doors open, mostly. It’s just another patriarchal permission slip we have to get when we want to do human.


  5. […] featured this video on the GenderTrender site and there have been some really good observations there. I am also participating in this […]

  6. Joel Nowak Says:

    This is a reply to gchild … Of course there is a connection between patriarchy and racism – most of the dynamics of that relationship are pretty obvious but I am sure some of them are much more subtle and insidious. Thanks for the ideas … I am going to follow up on them.

  7. GallusMag Says:

    Looks like Joel’s blog is offline. His last post, pulled from google cache:

    Sunday Post 2: You’ve Got A Lot Of Nerve
    July 5, 2015 by Joel Nowak 2 Comments

    So a follow up to my last post …

    I was having in a discussion a few weeks about what it would take to start an online support forum for detransitioners. A number of female born people seemed to think that all we had to do was follow in their footsteps … courage, dedication and a lot of time. Yes all of those. Great. But I don’t even know what to do with the crazy dynamic of dealing with a demographic that seems to wildly oscillate between erotic fiction and real on topic stuff …. all within the same sentence sometimes. Add to that all sorts of bullying and other forms of harassment depending on where someone is feeling that day (I am sure both males and females get that … maybe males get it more but I dunno). I have been talking about abolishing gender lately … can someone abolish this gender difference for me please?

    This has been a really intense couple of weeks for me … scary but rewarding. Sadly, this is probably not sustainable. Once I start school next month, and probably even before then, I can’t see how I can ethically be interacting this way. I am still struggling to see any alternative but to shut this all down … at least as an ongoing interactive entity. This isn’t just me throwing a tizzy and taking my toys home … I just need a career. I need to talk to some people on campus and in a few other places to see if there is some way I can keep some sort of presence here … honestly I would really love to be here especially after this last month. Maybe there is way. I hope so.

    I relistened to something I said on the recent podcast appearance I did about wanting to help people with autogynephelia. I want to do that because I know people are hurting. I don’t want to tell someone (like I did last night) not to come to my site anymore. I can’t tell you how shitty that makes me feel. But for me to be able to do that I need to work with people who at least admit they have a problem. Or at least try to work with me when I make some simple and specific requests (over and over again) to help keep comment threads productive.

    I also want to raise at least some awareness about it because, as someone who identified as a transwoman once, I think I owe at least “something” to women to try to make things better for them because I believe some aspects of trans (and not just autogynephelia) harm women.

    No I don’t aspire to be a wannabe feminist … I guess I just feel I owe a small “tithe” before I get back to my regularly scheduled guy stuff.

    Same song again. The lyrics sound soooo good to me right now.

    ——————————————-end post

    It can be very scarring to the psyche to endure twisted and hateful comments and threats directed at oneself on a daily basis. Much less to do so voluntarily. I hope he will be back but I can totally understand if he isn’t. Doing this work takes a huge toll.

    Thinking of you Joel.

  8. Joel Nowak Says:

    I don’t know who took my site down. Could just be totally random. I don’t want to infer who did it, I really don’t think it was the person I was speaking to. Thanks for the support. Gonna take a quick break though.

    • GallusMag Says:

      Oh, random. Okay. Cause you were tweeting that you were hacked. Have a good break.

      “Hi folks! Not the end of the world but my site got hacked. Gonna be down for awhile. I will resurface. Keep the faith!” about 5 hours ago from Twitter Web Client ReplyRetweetFavorite
      “@mardylaing but i can’t talk now cuz my site just got hacked and i gotta go. gonna be offline for awhile bummer.”

  9. Joel Nowak Says:

    I don’t know who hacked me. My traffic is up and that brings a lot of more threats in. When I was doing web work I would fix this for clients all the time. I don’t want to accuse anyone specific. This is very important to me.

    I am not going to be gone long. I do need to figure out how I can “engage” without making myself a liability for the organization I will be interning for … my online comportment is no longer just “my business”. This is even more important to me.

    Today sucked and you got it right when you said that the accumulation of this stuff can be traumatizing in itself. I know I did not handle it well at all. It was a disaster. I am down to “rethink” everything.

    On a happier note thanks Leo. I will no longer be posting in this thread (save for the mythic day when I think I have something to say about gender abolition … which you all can then promptly shoot down.)

    Be well. And a sincere thank you.

    • GallusMag Says:

      FWIW I think you handled it very well. How many times do you have to say you don’t want uterine transplant wank-fantasies posted to your blog?? Into the spam bin with them all. When in doubt, spam them out. There’s a reason I chose the name of the most notorious bouncer of all time for my GenderTrender avatar. Anyway enjoy your break and see you soon. You know where to find me.😉

      • kaypasser Says:

        youve got the best name ever. what a shame my wanky Agp ex and his A3 trannychaser boyfriend had to call their band same and ruin the mental imagery for me.


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