Parents, keep listening to your gut—not the gender therapist

December 4, 2015

4thWaveNow

A few months ago, my teenage daughter stopped trying to “pass” as male. She dropped the self-defined-as-male uniform, the stereotyped swagger and the fake-deepened voice and just—moved on. Her fervent desire to be seen and treated as a boy faded away, just as other formerly unshakable ideas and urges had in the past. And our relationship has never been better.

Although I’ve allowed myself to exhale, just a little, she will remain at risk, because every sector of society—the media, the government, the schools, medicine and psychology–is now saturated with the message that trans is real; trans is good;  and if you’re a “gender nonconforming” girl, you just might actually be a boy.

What did I, and the other adults who love her, do? It hasn’t been easy. In fact, for a time it was a living hell, a purgatory of slammed doors, stony silence, yelling matches, and mostly—waiting.

There…

View original post 2,665 more words

32 Responses to “Parents, keep listening to your gut—not the gender therapist”

  1. Dorothy Says:

    4thwavenow’s blog has helped so many parents who are struggling in a world where those who question the trans agenda are labeled as “abuse parents”. It is the only place I can go to find support and has helped to give me courage to stand up for what I feel is right against this crazy world. I don’t think enough people realize that it’s not just the religious right who is against the transgendering of children, but people on the left too.

    Thanks for posting this, Gallus. I hope that we can garner up enough support to change the tide of this nightmare.


  2. This is an awesome article….

  3. Siobhan Says:

    Why is the link to the article gone now?

  4. Franklin Says:

    Yup. My toddler son likes nail polish and lip gloss, along with baseballs, wrestling, and playing in the mud. All totally normal as far as I am concerned, but do I have to be afraid that some ideologue is going to get his elementary school to tell him that if he likes nail polish he must ‘really’ be a girl and therefore should hate his body? Watching him has given me some good lessons about what it really means to be free of gender roles, and the rigid gender boxes of the trans ideology are totally at odds with it.

  5. MT Says:

    There is no “trans agenda” no one is telling you your child has to be trans.

    No, Not every gender non conforming child is trans. But it is not harmful for them to explore themselves and find out. This is why hormones and surgeries aren’t immediate. They are given when an individual is positive they are trans. Very, very few people who have gone through that process regret it in any way. But someone experimenting with how they are addressed, their clothing, etc is far less harmful than feeling trapped and unable to express themselves.

    Transgender youth have a 41% risk of suicide. There seems to be more transgender people now than previously not because there are, but because they are alive and allowed to live authentically.

    An inability to separate societal gender constructs from biology pieces of skin and fat is archaic.

    This persons child is not “at risk” of being “convinced” They are trans. Trans people are born as they are and cannot convince or be convinced they are or are not. It’s simply a part of them. No amount of media coverage or lack of media coverage will change their transness.

    There is a large difference between liking toys, stereotypical items, etc of the opposite gender, and genuinely BEING a member of that gender. As time goes on someone can tell you which side of that they identify on, some sooner than others.

    Unfortunately the people writing these discriminatory pieces have an inability to sympathize with something they have not directly felt. Their privilege seems to give them the idea that they can dismiss experiences that they do not directly understand.

    Transgender people are no more risk than any other people of hurting someone else. You probably encounter many of them daily without even realizing. They are happy, successful, and humans deserving of respect.

    • GallusMag Says:

      You haven’t read the article. What kind of person comments on articles they have not read? This site does not exist so genderists can post mindless transgender tropes on articles they have not read. Take it elsewhere. You have nothing to contribute.

      “Transgender youth have a 41% risk of suicide.” That statistic is from an internet survey that specifically excluded transgender youth. You are an idiot.

      • MT Says:

        I have read the article, thanks.

        And whether or not the 41% is entirely accurate or not, it is fact that trans youth are at higher risk for suicide due to the implications of those who think they have an “agenda”.

        I have much to contribute. This site exists to shame a community of people or convince others that those people are wrong, and that in itself gives myself and others who believe in happiness and love and authenticity.

      • GallusMag Says:

        Ok that doesn’t even make any sense. And your comments reveal that you have not read the article you are commenting on. You have nothing to offer but gibberish, and the mindless recitation of cultic gender dogma.

    • Mortadella Says:

      Wtf?


    • Oh yeah, nothing says “living authentically” like breaking your ribs with binders, shoving “packers” in toddler’s underwear and sterilizing kids with drugs that shouldn’t even be legal for adults.

    • Meg Says:

      Dear MT – your comment does nothing to address the disproportionate amount of violence perpetrated on women BY MEN. Saying stuff like:

      “Transgender people are no more risk than any other people of hurting someone else.”

      “any other people” as if men and women perpetrate violence at the same rates, which they do not. Any look at statistics and you will find that men perpetrate the vast majority of all violent crime. Yes, this matters because opening up female spaces to males will inevitably result in males gaining access to even more victims. To assume that the rights of women and girls are a side issue to be ignored proves how male privileged the trans movement really is.

      Trying to argue away FACTS with an ideological preference is reality denying because it presumes that the world magically changes according to your version of it. No, it does not, not for me and not for any other women. But you could care less about our human rights as long as men get full LARPing privileges according to their fantasy of femaleness.

      • GallusMag Says:

        MT spends her free time running around the internet telling mothers they are killing their children by thinking impure thoughts. She is a sick and deranged, ugly, abusive psycho.

      • kesher Says:

        Does MT have a trans child, do you think? The parents of “trans” kids seem to be suffering from a tremendous amount of guilt over turning their kids into modern day castrati and signing them up for a lifetime of being othered (regardless of the bathroom/”equal” treatment issue, trans people will always be seen as different; wishful thinking will not change this).

      • GallusMag Says:

        No. This is her.


      • Oh, she’s one of those. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. They try too hard.

      • stchauvinism Says:

        MT, empty, well that was sad, another young woman who thinks that not wanting to preform femininity and adhere to sexual stereotypes makes her somehow not a woman. How sexist and boring trans ideology is.

    • Dorothy Says:

      MT,maybe you should educate yourself on what parents hear from psychologists before they even bring them into their offices. It’s obvious by the way you write that you are fairly young (teen to early 20’s) and certainly don’t have children. Maybe you should look at 4thwavenow’s blog to really understand what is going on in the real world where parents with ‘trans’ daughters (meaning daughters born female who think they are trans) have to navigate the medical world so their children don’t get pushed into a lifetime of pharmaceutical dependence and mutilate their healthy bodies. And yes, it can begin before they are “positive they are trans” by taking the “blockers” before they decide. Do you know how dangerous those blockers are? I’m sure you don’t.
      Also, you say that we have the inability to sympathize with something that we haven’t directly felt. That argument is the exact one I could use on people who think they are transgender. How can you say you “feel” like the other gender if you haven’t been in that body with those hormones? Every time I ask that to my daughter, she has no answer. Do you have an answer to that. I would love to hear it.

      • LC Says:

        As far as the inability to sympathize with things we haven’t directly felt…

        There was in article in the local paper today about a trans child(female). It was my story- not literally, but everything about the description of the girl could have been said about me as a child- the favored toys, school subjects, having no female friends, hating her name, not wearing dresses, never feeling correctly “feminine”, etc etc etc.

        It was so eerily familiar that it was infuriating. I can very easily sympathize that if I’d have heard of transgenderism as a child the way it’s being presented today, I would’ve latched onto that as an obvious conclusion for the feelings and thoughts that no one ever explained to me and that I thought I alone felt.

        This girl is being trained to despise her body, as I did, and despise femininity, as I did, and if she doesn’t “desist” before leaving high school- I didn’t- there’s a fair chance she’ll be sterilized and made a medical patient for the rest of her life.

        And really, how the hell could I do anything -but- sympathize with this child? I would love nothing more than to be able to tell her that there’s nothing wrong with her, that there are plenty of girls who feel the same way and that they do, eventually, accept themselves even though it’s hard. I wish someone had done that for me. …But I don’t know this girl, and somehow the present scenario is described as “progressive” rather than as “child abuse”. Unbelievable.

      • coelacanth Says:

        Not a coincidence that in the home city of Stefoknee (pronounced Ste Phoney as in Saint Phoney) — Toronto, the Trans Capital of the World — the psychiatric centre CAMH has now been bullied and manipulated into shutting their gender clinic for children and here is the Orwellian and nightmarish reason. Parents are now completely at the mercy of Trans Inc.

        “The reviewers found the clinic focused on intensive assessment and treatment, while current practice favours watchful waiting, and educating and supporting parents to accept a child’s gender expression.

        Clinic medical director Dr. Kwame McKenzie says CAMH services should reflect the most current practices in the field and he apologized for the clinic’s approach being out of step with the latest thinking.

        McKenzie says CAMH will wind down the clinic and engage with community and academic organizations, clients and families to determine its future directions.”

        http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/camh-gender-identity-1.3366424

        Vampirizing the original issue of fundamentalist relgious clinics that “converted” young gay men and lesbians, Trans/Queer has tranjacked this concept for their own ends by bullying and conning so they can end any clinical interference with transing children under the claim that “conversion therapy on gays by religions” is an “LBGT community” issue thus affects Trans thus Trans will dictate the terms.

        Once again, Trans has slipped under the radar by manipulating gay and lesbian issues to get what they want from a cowed and imbecilic political and medical system abetted by their media lackies Transgender now has no clinical gatekeeping of any kind. Transgender is now whatever anyone says it is — even if the trans person is 2 years old.

        Transgender is now a way for a lot of people to make a lot of money (note how they are not removing funding from the clinic — only figuring out where to go with it — wigs costs money!). Now parents can erase the shame of having potential gay and lesbian children by transing them like the fundamentalist totalitarian theocracies of Iran and other Islamic countries that cure homosexualty by forced transgenderism — literally under the knife or by created socially tolerated Third Sex humans who are actually just transed gays and lesbians.

        This is what the concept of “LBGT” has brought about. This is what “Queer” as a theory put into practice has brought about. No more homosexuals. Only Trans children and fetish saints like Stefonknee and Bruce Jenner (hetero fetishists) and Jazz (erased gay child).

      • GallusMag Says:

        A recent trend in transgender political rhetoric is not to mention transgender at all, referring instead to the transgender movement and aims as “LGBT rights”. I’ve even seen the transgender politic recently referred to as “the Equality Movement”. I suppose this is an attempt to undo some of the damage caused by increased trans visibility. The Gay Rights model of coming out of the closet and increasing visibility had the effect of “normalizing” lesbians and gays but the same tactic by the transgenderists seems to be having the opposite effect, instead highlighting the retrograde sexism, homophobia, autogynephilia, and fanciful thinking/mental illness that forms the foundation of its politics.

        As for ousting Zucker and “winding down” the pediatric wing at CAMH: MPP Cheri DiNovo’s bill against “Reparative Therapy” threatened to remove government funding from any agency providing treatment to reduce sex or gender dysphoria without medical cross-sex body modification. This threatened the future of CAMH itself. New transgender children clinics are springing up in hospitals across Canada to take its place. Now the push by transgenderists is to entirely remove age of consent prohibitions against childhood medical gender body mods including “sex change surgeries”.

        From:

        Rainbow Health Ontario and Sherbourne Health Centre

        Feedback on the regulatory amendment regarding access to
        Insured Transition-Related Surgeries in Ontario

        “1. Ensure access to GCS for those under the age of 18
        The WPATH SOC7 reference “age of majority” as a criterion for surgery eligibility. This
        criterion is not applicable for medical interventions in Ontario. Providers in our province
        assess the patient’s capacity to consent regardless of age. Those who are deemed able
        to consent can then consent to treatment. Consent to GCS must follow this same
        procedure.”

        http://www.rainbowhealthontario.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/RHO-SHC-Policy-Brief-Regulatory-Change-to-Transition-Related-Surgeries.pdf

      • coelacanth Says:

        The quote below is verbatim cut and paste from a social services training centre that provides workshops for workers and managers of many kinds and functions as professional development. Most courses are practical. At least five courses Out of about 40 deal with Trans, but the one below is of relevance to this thread topic.

        Note the repetition of the words “confront resistance” and in the “Objective 4” the aim is literally to “address resistance”. No other courses on any marginalized group mentions resistance; therefore, it can be concluded that resistance to trans ideology has been experienced at the policy level This course is designed specifically to stop any “resistance” to Trans ideology in social service Policy — which is not the same thing as stopping incidents of prejudice against individual clients or staff who may be trans although trans-ideologues will never allow such a difference.

        “Creating Trans Inclusion Policies and Procedures
        The Trans community requires access to a sizeable range of social services (shelters, detox centres, community centres, health centres, etc.) yet in some cases, unintentional discriminatory policies/procedures within those agencies effectively bar Trans people’s access. This half-day workshop is intended primarily for non-profit social service agencies that want to create and
        implement Trans inclusion policies and procedures. Within this workshop, participants will utilize a number of tools to rate their current policies and will review sample/ suggested policies they can use as a template for policy design.

        The issue of confronting resistance will also be addressed.

        Note: Recommend participants attended Transgender/Transsexual Awareness for Shelters: Making Services Safe and Accessible and/or consult with instructor.
        Learning Objectives:
        1. Participants will critically assess the current Trans accessibility of their agency.
        2. Participants will review suggested Trans positive policies and procedures.
        3. Participants will explore the process of implementation of trans-inclusive policies and procedures within their agencies.

        4. Participants will develop action-based strategies to address resistance that may arise during the implementation process.”

        Related: Here is a link (found on St Chauvanism’s site) to a another excellent trans-critical site that has this essay in which the author discusses “social justice morality” as having replaced any clinical or scientific or therapeutic orientation in therapy relating to Trans issues corroborating the posts above that show how clinics have been made to stop of any objective diagnostics for trans under the guise of “ending bigotry”.

        http://thirdwaytrans.com/2015/12/18/social-justice-and-gender-therapy/

    • Puzzled Says:

      MT, little sister, if you could show me some credible research regarding the long-term safety of T in the natal female, not to mention any kind of reversibility of the effects, I’d be a lot more on board with your “give your kids what they want” idea. But there is NO such research. The evidence I’ve seen is that — once you get past the honeymoon phase, T actually has some pretty dire effects. I’m not even going to get into the advisability of cutting off your healthy breasts and then the inevitable hysterectomy that must follow. Or a phalloplasty if you’re really determined. I’m merely saying that … this is not like getting a tattoo. This is serious, risky, expensive medical business with long-term consequences.

      And there’s zero research that these things actually do a very good long-term job of alleviating dysphoria. Meanwhile the ‘supportive’ parents have elected to chain their kids to a tight relationship with medical providers and some not-inconsequential related expenses. For life. Before the kids’ brains can possibly have developed enough to make a true informed decision on their own behalf.

      Someday you may have the weighty privilege of parenting a child, MT. Having to say “no” to some things the child is determined to do/have, because of your reasoned judgment that these things are not going to be good for the child, is the responsibility of a good parent. This is what a good parent is supposed to do. Perform due diligence, whatever the issue, then act accordingly. Once the kid is an adult, the kid gets to make such decisions for him/herself.

      4thwave and a lot of others have done the due diligence on this issue on behalf of our natal daughters and concluded that supporting these experimental medical interventions — which have real long-term health effects and which also sterilize their kids if part of a blockers/hormones sequence — is something we can’t do. That’s not being a hater. That’s loving your kid. That’s being concerned about your kid for the long term, for all the decades of the kid’s life, for your kid as a middle-aged person and an older person — not just a determined teen or young adult.

      We love our kids … and a lot of us absolutely support their refusal to “perform” gender in socially accepted ways. Beyond that, however, some of us are not prepared to go. There is zero research evidence to support your contention that you can BE a gender other than the one indicated by your biological sex. There is zero research evidence that trans people are “born that way.” Feeling it doesn’t make it so.


  6. “Brain Sex” is a MYTH, just like we all knew. What’s next, Phrenology??? LOL

    http://www.livescience.com/52941-brain-is-mix-male-and-female.html

    http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2013/08/05/3816216.htm

    Full disclosure lest I invoke wrath upon me for being a man: I’m a hetero white man, married 8 years, with 2 kids. I’m a liberal but STAUNCHLY opposed to letting MTT’s invade sex-segregated females-only areas, particularly locker-rooms/showers, on the basis of mere “gender identity”. I also do NOT agree that trans people should be allowed to co-opt & appropriate the unqualified/unmodified terms “male” & “female” as if the physical reality of biological sex somehow ceased existing by their fiat. I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with *being* trans, but I think it is dysfunctional & narcissistic for trans people to insist that all other people must make absurd denials of physical reality in order to avoid being labeled “bigots” or “transphobic”.

    Oh, and re: porn – I think the vast majority of it promotes misogyny, but I can’t claim to be “free from sin”. I think it is potentially addictive & can make otherwise good men dysfunctional in ways that go beyond the obvious problem of misogyny. I think the greatest danger is to adolescent males, since they have little or no “psychological immune system” yet regarding healthy sexuality & are thus highly vulnerable to “psychological pathogens”. Unfortunately, degrading & dehumanizing garbage requires no skill & almost no money to produce so it’s obviously easy for it to turn a profit, yet seems to be very difficult for our legal system to classify & identify for restriction or elimination, so I’m not sure how, if at all, that ugly genie can be put back in its bottle.


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