Could you be a Transwoman? Take the following test.

January 6, 2018

Maybe you are a transwoman and don’t know it. Could you be a transwoman? Take the following test. Assign yourself one point for every correct answer. Answer honestly!

  1. Do you enjoy pornography?
  2. Do you work as an IT professional?
  3. Do you have a profile on FetLife?
  4. Is prostitution a rewarding career option?
  5. Do women really “have it all”?
  6. Are flaming homos and butch dykes kind of gross?
  7. Is “privilege” an opt-into opt-out option?
  8. Are feminists whiney bitches?
  9. Do you celebrate the cultural subordination rituals (“femininity”) that are forced onto females?
  10. Do you understand Feminism in a way women never could?
  11. Do lesbians offend you by excluding males?
  12. Does the thought of being mistaken for a gay man anger you?
  13. Are women monsters (or uppity bitches) for having women-only events?
  14. Do women have no right to speak on the topic of gender?
  15. Do you wish women would be silent in general, and exist only to serve you?
  16. Did you steal your sister or mother’s underwear and masturbate while wearing it?
  17. Were you always seen as that scary asocial misfit loser guy?
  18. Does it anger you when women hold you at a distance socially?
  19. Have you always known you were very angry for some reason and it was women’s fault somehow?
  20. Can you “do woman” better than most women, who take things for granted?
  21. Do you have a successful STEM career?
  22. Do you spend a lot of time online?
  23. Are you a computer gamer? On World of Warcraft? Second Life? League of Legends? Pokemon?
  24. Long time Dungeons and Dragons shaman of undecided loyalty? Or whatever the fuck?
  25. Does it make you angry when women and children fear you?
  26. Do you want to be pretty?
  27. Do you have a tumblr page that exhibits your hobby of having a staple gun applied to yourself because BDSM?
  28. Does it “make you” want to kill yourself when women don’t do what you want them to? Or think what you want them to think?
  29. Is a penis a big ‘ole sperm ejaculating clitoris?
  30. Is the experience of pregnancy akin to waiting for pizza delivery?
  31. Does “brain sex” make the women-brained enjoy wearing stilletos?
  32. Does “brain sex” make women smile more?
  33. Do you get an erection when a store clerk accidentally calls you “Madam”?
  34. Are you “gender critical” enough for libfem handmaid approval but decry actual Lesbian Feminists as “extremists”.
  35. Do you call yourself a male radical feminist and teach women’s studies?
  36. Did you used to post on PUA boards?
  37. Do you, or have you ever, partaken of an anime avatar?
  38. Have you been in the military?
  39. Have you attended a male-only educational facility?
  40. Have you been in prison?
  41. Do you own more than three firearms?
  42. Do you feel you are destined for “greatness” if you could only break “out of your shell”?
  43. Are you ready to run for an elected office?
  44. Have you considered the windfall of a gender identity related disability claim?
  45. Got what it takes to run your own, solo, self-established activist org?
  46. Dreaming of making that Lee Press-On Lesbian Porn Lifestyle a reality?
  47. Tired of no one noticing what a Special Person you are?
  48. Looking for a “do-over”?
  49. Do you have a phoenix or butterfly tattoo?
  50. Pleasure yourself by wearing “ladies panties” under your uniform at work?
  51. Are you an identical twin?
  52. Has anyone ever used the phrase “on the spectrum” to describe you?


41 Responses to “Could you be a Transwoman? Take the following test.”

  1. How curious…I took the test, and found that I’m not a transwoman. But if transwomen are women, and I’m a woman, that means I’m also a transwoman….it’s a conundrum for sure…maybe I’m a nonbinary?

    Great list, Gallus Mag. I think you’ve covered everything.

  2. Medi Says:

    Too the test, guess I’m just a plain old dyke LOL

  3. Riffraff Says:

    I suggest double points for #16 if you awkward up the next slam with your autopedophile poetry.

    • GallusMag Says:

      I will have to run that modifier by the gender scientists. Autogynephile poetry slam should have been included.

      • Oak and Ash Says:

        “Sweet, petite green-eyed girl?” You’ve got to be kidding me! Do any real women ever think that way about themselves? And this guy obsessed/impressed with his own penis believes he’s more real than other women precisely BECAUSE his femaleness isn’t based on his body. Yeah, that makes sense–about as much as writing checks for funds you don’t have because your belief that you’re rich makes you richer than those who actually have money.

        Also, narcissistic self-admiration isn’t the same as a talent for poetry. Lots of these guys seem to get that wrong. Your “destined for greatness” item covers that perfectly!

  4. Medi Says:

    OMG what an entitled penis obsessed bore of a man… definitely should be added at 101 on the list. This is the same man who wrote a whiny piece about how lesbians won’t date him, but hetero men are fine with his penis…. men like this need to just leave lesbians alone, go hook up with straight men… Oh and the poetry stinks.

    • brandi1986 Says:

      That man must be delusional. What heterosexual man is going to be fine with dating another man? Just ridiculous. Those men are either homosexual or bisexual, but they sure as hell aren’t heterosexual.

  5. hearthrising Says:

    This had me chuckling all the way through. I especially liked “Are you ready to run for political office?” And yes, there should be a point for rotten poetry slam performance.

  6. Joe Clark Says:

    Are you Star Wars or Star Trek?
    Did a brave transwoman of colour – just like you! – throw the first brick at Stonewall?
    Do you read stories to small children at public-library functions dressed as the strong, inspiring woman you are?
    Have you ever lectured young girls on female reproductive anatomy? (Did you use a chart or diagram as a visual aid?)
    Where do you buy your tampons?

  7. Oak and Ash Says:

    This test is perfect! I haven’t stopped laughing–particularly at #30–although the possibility that #27 may refer to a specific person is somewhat alarming.

    About a week ago, Glosswitch wrote an excellent quiz for determining whether your brain is male or female:

  8. Donnalee Says:

    Can you really arrange to get pizza delivered instead of babies? Does that require surgical transition or just ordering it from a different place…?

  9. rheapdx1 Says:

    I was laughing about this one as well, but then remembered, there are way way way too many folks I know of, who can answer each one of those with a ‘yes’. And that is reason enough for others to keep distance, as well as to be wary otherwise.

    Makes the case for this to be the REAL MMPI to be used, by mental health professionals for the screening of those who are monsters in the making, as opposed to those who are t, but harmless [which may be as rare as an airline flying the first two versions of the 737].

  10. Colin Day Says:

    Every correct answer? Shouldn’t all of our answers be correct? Also, I saw 52 questions, of which I answered “yes” to 9. Is that too high?

  11. Henry Wimbush Says:

    Your first four boxes are ticked by this inside joke from @argumentshop in thread started by @transscribe:

    First question on meeting a trans women couple: “Which of you is the camgirl, and which is the programmer?” #translol

  12. This is interesting……..

    From the link:
    “He also challenged the department’s contention that Hampton is a greater risk to women because she hasn’t had sex reassignment surgery, saying such a view “conflicts with all reliable medical literature.” He added Hampton’s low testosterone levels due to previous hormone treatments meant she was “functionally chemically castrated.””

    Yeah. Right.

    • Mary M Says:

      I read that story too. It’s just a story of a deadbeat Dad who abandoned his kids, and then years later became a TIM. Now he’s won the lottery and for some reason seems to enjoy gloating to the press about how he isn’t going to share it with them.
      It isn’t really about his sex change at all; he didn’t actually pretend that it was, although Pink News tried to imply that he was a victim of transphobia who has at last come out ahead of his bullies. Those bullies such as the seven year old child he left behind.
      I had a Dad like that too, who left us behind and emigrated to the other side of the world when we were young children. No transgenderism for him, but he was also narcissistic. That was what his psychologist told us after he died, but we had worked it out for ourselves already. He died alone and desperately miserable – I am sad for him about that – it hurts me to say it – and this guy likely will as well.

  13. hearthrising Says:

    This may or may not be relevant: Pfizer ending research for Parkinsons and Alzheimers and directing their research funding elsewhere to “a new venture fund to invest in neuroscience research projects.” Wonder if that means redistributing resources into validating brain sex.

    • kesher Says:

      Not enough money in treating the elderly presumably, unless it’s to keep them alive against all hope and with great suffering for the patient. Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s patients don’t stay alive long enough for maximum profit.

  14. juno jones Says:

    I did have to conditionally check the ‘ladie’s panties’ question, but I’m not sure their creeping up my sweaty asscrack is pleasurable. Maybe if I had a prostate…

  15. Dextersarmy Says:

    You missed the BIGGEST one- “do you frequently send graphic deaths threats, and obsessively post about harming or killing women that disagree w you”

    Otherwise this is perfect.

  16. fxkatt Says:

    The chief editor of the Burlington Free Press was fired after tweeting his criticisms of the proposed third gender option on Vermont driver licenses:

    • Riffraff Says:

      These alternate “identities” on government IDs ARE a pomo nightmare. Why do they think sex (and height and weight and eye color) are included? The fact people can’t see how muddying key identifiers on licenses can on be abused or even harm the person playing at it (are you going to put out a missing persons report with a nonbinary designation, are personal pronouns etched into a skeleton*, etc.) amazes me everyday.

      *VT is a state that still has a lot of deep woods and mountains and a huge lake on one side so good luck, kids. If you wash up somewhere, I’m sure the coyotes will think you look cis.

  17. Oak and Ash Says:

    I’d like to suggest a new item for your test: “Do you believe that women’s refusal to have sex with you is reverse rape?”

  18. GallusMag Says:

    53. Do you ever…. um….I’ll just leave this here…

      • Riffraff Says:

        Did he link to a Kenneth Zucker book LMFAO

        I’m really thinking these goofs never read a single one of their sources.

      • Zinnia currently loves bragging about their “I am Jazz” appearance, and I am all about helping get their porn rep out there.

        In fact, I assume Zinnia Jones was asked on the show in the first place to talk about their career as a successful pornographer with the Satana Kennedy/anal-fixation porn site. According to Zinnia it is mad-popular and gets thousands and thousands more hits than their “sensible” (not really) youtubes. So is this why Zinnia is on the show? Is this the career Jazz’s parents have planned for them? Why else are they talking to a grotesque ass-porn fetishist like Zinnia?

        And I have always wondered about Zinnia’s satanist tattoo, which is always so prominent in the omnipresent porn, but I notice doesn’t get shown on the “I am Jazz” show… any reason for that? Do they know about your whole “tentacles are my friendicles” campaign–your tentacle fetish and the “horse dildo” porn?

        Well, they do now.

        If you want the dirty filthy details, check out the 107-page thread (as of this morning!) about Zinnia Jones at a place called kiwifarms.. and yeah you’ve been warned, it is deliberately offensive in every way, NSFW… but they do *out* these delusional people (in a forum called “rat kings”) and provide a helpful repository documenting the damage they do online and IRL. Not surprisingly, Zinnia is also charged with driving a cis female sex worker to suicide.

        This is the kind of friend teenage Jazz Jennings has.

        This simple fact needs to be spread far and wide.

    • Riffraff Says:

      He was always a stereotypical doughy nerd boy, even in drag, but lord he isn’t even trying anymore.

    • Mary M Says:

      Thank you for posting this.

      • rheapdx1 Says:

        Seconding what Mary said. I played this and all I could think was that sometime in the next few years, one will see the mental health, as well as the offices of doctors otherwise, filled with those who want to reverse the damage, physical and mental to their well beings, thanks to the brigade. There is a difference between living as one chooses and impressionable others being bullied into something they really did not want, but wanted to not feel ‘left out’. With reason and logic being left behind at the train station, like old newspapers.

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