crashchaoscats

Hey Julia,
My name is Crash and I‭’‬m a detransitioned woman.‭ ‬I blog about how and why I came to transition and then detransition at crashchaoscats.wordpress.com and at crashchaoscats.tumblr.com.‭ ‬I‭’‬ve been talking to,‭ ‬hanging out and organizing with other detransitioned women for around three years now.‭ ‬In that time I have watched and helped our community emerge.‭ ‬I‭’‬m going to stick to talking mostly about detransitioned women and not touch on detransitioned men because I can‭’‬t speak to their experience.

Look,‭ ‬you say you want the trans community to support detransitioned people but you just wrote an article that distorts and misrepresent our reality.‭ ‬It doesn‭’‬t help me or other detransitioned people when you spread misinformation about us.‭ ‬You‭’‬re not the first trans activist to do so and I don‭’‬t expect you to be the last.‭ ‬I‭’‬ve been reading the articles trans activists write about detransition for years now…

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Words by Maria Catt

Folks, I know I’ve talked a lot on this blog about not letting weird stuff people say on the internet get to you. Well, here we go, I have identified the weird thing a person can say that makes me very reactive: when someone says people who detransition are so rare we pretty much don’t exist.

I totally exist! Not only do I exist, but I know a lot of other detransitioned people who are also super into the existing thing!

Here you go, my real name, my real face, here’s who I am. I expect to catch massive amounts of flak for this. I expect to encounter lots of people saying enraging, ignorant things. But you know, it would’ve been helpful to me if detransitioned people had a lot more videos on youtube when I had reached the point of being done with being trans. Also would’ve been way helpful…

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born wrong

(This is a response to this article; I’m reposting it here because their comment box doesn’t allow line breaks, so this way I can post a link to it for anyone else who absolutely cannot read that many words with no lines in between.)

“Where are the people who switched pronouns at 10, switched pronouns again at 25, and found the experience traumatizing? Where are the people who received unneeded medical interventions and were permanently, or temporarily, harmed?”

I transitioned FTM at 16, was on testosterone and had a double mastectomy by 17. I’m 20 now and back to understanding myself as a lesbian, like I was before I found out about transition and latched onto it as a way to “fix” body issues created by the challenges of growing up in a deeply misogynistic and lesbian-hating world. I don’t know if he’s ever planning on using the interview…

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Video of the Rapist [NOTICE: Biko pulled this video offline July 26 after this article was published]

 

Transwoman activist Cherno Biko, a 24 year old male from Ohio, confessed to raping a female “transman” because he wanted to impregnate her and force her to bear his offspring. The confession was posted publicly on Medium.com and titled “Overcoming Sexual Assault”:

[NOTICE: Biko edited his post on July 26 after this article was published. Read his original unedited article here:

 https://maleviolence.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/overcoming-sexual-assault-e28094-medium.pdf ]

Link to his now edited article: https://medium.com/@chernobiko/overcoming-sexual-assault-ca54293fea01#.mj3qdyfsr

See the changes Biko made to his confession here:

https://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2016/07/25/transwoman-activist-cherno-biko-confesses-to-raping-a-transman/#comment-72802

The whole piece reads as a long non-pology, quickly shifting focus from Biko’s act of rape to descriptions of his own childhood abuse, and a heroic account of his own activism in the transwoman community. He published the piece without consulting or notifying the victim.

An excerpt:

“Our relationship existed largely online and we bonded over all the little things only black trans folks can understand. After years of searching, I thought I found the second piece to the holy trinity I wanted to create, complete with a black trans man and our black non-binary baby.

I was wrong. He made it clear to me that some trans men do not wish to carry children and it’s not ok to fetishize them in that way. The first time we had sex I can barely remember, as it followed a night of drinking and smoking but I know that we broke two of the most important rules… consent and safe sex. When he told me that he felt used and violated, I immediately apologized and offered to support in whatever way I could.”

According to the victim, who responded publicly at length on twitter, the two of them barely knew each other. After messaging each other on social media they met in real life on March 26 of this year and agreed to have heterosexual intercourse. Suddenly in mid deed Cherno Biko whispered in the transman’s ear “I want you to have my babies”. He then reached down and pulled the condom off of his penis and proceeded to forcibly rape and ejaculate into the victim, attempting to cause an unwanted pregnancy.

Biko writes in his post:

“I was afraid that I had become the thing I feared the most, an abuser. And technically I did. I was filled with shame and guilt. In the days following I wanted to respond in all the ways my abuser didn’t. I listened more than I shared. I validated their feelings and answered all of the questions. I gave them space, read: “they blocked me on twitter.” But in April when their text messages became threatening and unhealthy I blocked their number, knowing that they would call me out on social media. After all it’s where we met but I was worried about the implications it would have on the movement. I didn’t want to become the ammunition for our enemies to keep framing folks like us as predators who need to be kept out of public bathrooms.”

The transman victim whom Biko raped and tried to forcibly impregnate posted screen caps of these supposedly “threatening and unhealthy” responses to being raped. They involved the perpetrator being confronted over his unwillingness to pay for the victim’s PEP [Post Exposure Prophylaxis] prescription to prevent HIV infection in the victim.

According to the CDC:

“PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) means taking antiretroviral medicines (ART) after being potentially exposed to HIV to prevent becoming infected.

PEP should be used only in emergency situations and must be started within 72 hours after a recent possible exposure to HIV.”

The screencaps show Biko telling his victim – who lives in a rural area- that she should travel to a major metropolitan area and try to locate a city clinic that provides the medication for free. Biko stated, “It’s not that I don’t care I just don’t have the coin right now.” The cost was $80.

Cherno Biko currently resides in Brooklyn where he serves as co-chair to the Young Women’s Advisory Board of the New York City Council. 

trans cake  

From an FTM forum:

Here’s what I did; First, I gave everyone in the class a warning about what the performance piece would be on, and told everyone that they could stand up and leave at any time if they became anxious/dysphoric/whatever.

The desks were arranged so that there was a circle of desks surrounding one desk in the center of the room, which had two chairs on either side. This was the “interrogation” desk.

I had people come up and select a piece of paper from a hat. Pink, blue, or white. I then explained what the colors meant. Blue was boy, pink was girl, white was non-binary.

For the students who’s gender identity matched with the piece of paper they drew, they got a piece of cake. The other students were asked to wait. I made a point to ask the “cisgender” students how much cake they wanted, and was very polite. I told the other students they would have to come prove to me they were their gender identity, and not the identity that the piece of paper said in order to get the cake.

I sat at the “interrogation” desk, and one by one had the students come forward. There wound up being a lot of “trans” students, which wasn’t ideal, but math just didn’t work in my favor here.

I was awful to the students who were “trans” when they tried to prove their identities to me. The first girl who came forward, who had pulled a blue “boy” piece of paper, argued with me that because she was raised mostly by women she was a woman. I told her that she was just a faggot, ect. She continued to argue with me, and I rejected everything that she said. If she said she was a woman because of her genitals, I said that her genitals didn’t prove anything. If she said she was a woman because she felt like it, I asked her to explain what that “felt” like, and she couldn’t explain it.

Towards the end she sat completely confused, at a loss for words. She admitted that she couldn’t prove her identity, and fell silent. I had decided to give students a piece of cake when they were visually disturbed, so I gave her a piece of cake then. I made it much, much smaller than the cake given to the “cisgender” students, and threw it down rudely.

There were a few people who simply gave up in order to get the cake, and said they were an identity they weren’t. I gave them cake equal to the “cisgender” students, as a sort of “reward.” There was one student who turned out to be a trans girl, although I think she was shy about coming forward at first with the other “cisgender” students. Even though she had pulled the pink piece of paper, because she was “biologically” male she wasn’t sure if she was allowed the cake. I gave the cake to her when she explained this.

There was a man who had pulled a pink piece of paper who came forward and tried to argue with me that he was just “human” and he didn’t believe in gender. I told him to fuck off and that he had taken too many philosophy classes. He tried to continue the argument, but I told him that if he wanted the cake he would have to admit he was the gender on the piece of paper. He said he didn’t want the cake. I asked him why he was there, then, and realizing that I wouldn’t argue with him, he stood up and left, peeved.

Another guy tried to do the same argument thing. He absolutely refused to identify as what the paper said (girl) and tried to turn it into an argument. Instead of playing along with the argument, I brutally shut him down. When he said that he didn’t want the cake, I told him to leave, just like the other guy. Oddly enough this guy came back again later (when most people were finished) to try and argue with me again. He attempted to ask about the “symbolism” of the cake, ect, and I told him it was “just cake” and that if he didn’t know what it represented he “needed to go back to elementary school and study the food pyramid.” He got REALLY pissed off at this point and stormed back to his desk, sulking.

A nonbinary person came forward and argued that they really just did not feel like either gender. I asked them why and they said it was because they felt they didn’t fit in anywhere. I asked them if this was because they were psychologically damaged, and instead of responding with a solid “no” they responded that they weren’t sure and became very upset. When they seemed like they were about to cry I gave them the cake. They left quietly.

Finally, a girl came forward a bit uncertainly and admitted that she could not prove her gender. After watching the other students argue with me about it, she had realized that she had “nothing” and there was nothing she could say or do that “proved” anything. She seemed deeply upset by this. She admitted that now she was unsure of her own gender, after witnessing everyone else being so throughly dismissed in their own. I gave her a piece of cake.

At the end of the performance I explained the purpose. I had based it off of the idea that in order for a cisgender person to understand how a trans person is treated, they have to have their own gender invalidated by everyone around them, not imagine themselves as the opposite sex.

We chatted as a group afterwards, and the “cisgender” students admitted that they weren’t able to keep eating the cake as they watched what was happening to the “trans” students. One student said that as he continued to eat the cake, it tasted more and more awful, and they had to throw it out. Other students who had gotten the cake shared the same sentiment.

There was an overwhelming feeling of loss in the room. The man who had argued with me twice (first about gender, then about the cake’s meaning), said that he had hoped to discern the cake’s meaning so that he would have an “edge” in the argument. After I shut him down he said he realized that he also had “nothing” and that it upset him deeply. There was a common theme of students reporting that after being interviewed so harshly about their gender that they had “nothing”, neither a discernible gender or a way to prove it. This is what upset people the most.

Many students also shared the sentiment that they now felt like they had a slightly better understanding of what it was like to be trans. They all said it had felt terrible.

After the experiment was over, I told everyone they could eat the cake if they wanted to. No one did. It had the presence of a cursed object in the room. It was really ominous, and people avoided the “interrogation” table even after class was dismissed and people were chatting. I had to take it into the hallway and give it away to someone who would eat it.

Overall I’m pleased with how it went! For me it was interesting watching the cisgender students kind of “break down” under the same pressure that trans people face daily. I had always thought that cisgender people had it together or something when it came to gender, but now I can say for sure that they don’t. Because they don’t think about it, if you challenge them on it, they freak out and shut down. Especially in that sort of intense environment, where you can’t really escape the questions. (I mean, unless you don’t want the cake.) It made me realize that the reactions of trans people in similar situations are totally normal. We’re not fucked up for being depressed, or constantly questioning our gender, or any of that. It’s the normal reaction to this sort of environment. I think my new tactic for dealing with bigots is to ask them the sort of intense, psychological questions I asked the cisgender students in my class about their gender. At least it’ll make them think, lol.

Sorry this wound up a little long! I didn’t include all of the student’s reactions because some were repetitive, mostly with the same “breaking down” and having “nothing” sort of thing. But I hope you guys had fun reading about the results! I don’t think this experiment is perfect, since I haven’t figured out a way to make people feel body dysphoria, but I did my best. I’d like to do it again, to further perfect it, if I had the chance. tldr; It went well.

 

[sic]

 

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Something that’s been lost (and by lost I mean ignored) in the Great Transgender Bathroom Debate of 2016 is the number of women who “identify as male” but balk at subjecting themselves to the risk of sexual assault and violence involved in using male facilities where they are vulnerable as female-bodied-persons disrobing in proximity to actual men. You know, men, those individuals with penises: the kind single-handedly responsible for perpetrating nearly all crimes of rape, sadism, and bloody mayhem in every human society in recorded history since the beginning of time. Those guys.

Passing as male may be swell when it comes to walking home at night, improving your queer dating pool bonafides and saving money on haircuts but when it comes to pulling your pants down around strange men, not so much.

North Carolina’s HB2 which legally regulates single-sex facilities may drive a stake in the fantasy heart of men who wish to use women’s facilities as validation of their gender feels and to avoid other dudes side-eying them over their wardrobe choices, breast implants and bad wigs, but to some FEMALE transgenders – women who “identify as male”- it’s a bit of saving grace.

Unlike the high profile “transmale” bathroom hoaxers who apparently felt forced to fabricate mensroom hate crimes to save face around their desire to continue using female restrooms, women like male-identified North Carolina resident Charlie Comaro seem quietly relieved by the legal mandate to use facilities based on sex, not gender.

“It’s literally against the law for me to use the men’s room, and it’s also risky. Even though I’m more than a year on testosterone—I’m getting facial hair, my hair has receded a little—I still don’t always pass as male,” she reports to MotherJones.com

Heterosexual female Sawyer DeVuyst, who “identifes as” a gay man and produces a transgender selfie blog project documenting her body hair growth on testosterone describes the discomfort of changing tampons in the men’s restroom to Mic.com:

“You’re in a men’s room and somebody hears you rustling a paper in the stall because you’re changing a tampon — that outs you,” she relays. 

Sawyer has signed on as a model for the BoyShort model of SheThinx menstruation underwear, which function as washable blood diapers for women.

“They say, like, “stars, they’re just like us!” but also, trans people, they’re just like us,” Sawyer helpfully informs fellow bleeders on their website. 

For every widely promoted media story featuring hormonal moon-faced women with Amish beards who demand a spot at the table of men, there’s an equal undercurrent of male-identified females like UK food blogger Jack Munroe whose medical transformation away from womanhood is defined by harm reduction from male abuse: “The aim is to be able “to pass for a young man on public transport,” She explains succinctly.

The utter absence of female “transmen” garnering various Man of the Year Awards, Father of the Year Awards, and Sports Illustrated and Vanity Fair covers like their male sisters, and the failure of testosterone-injecting females to sweep any male sporting championship, ever, as transwomen do in female events with regularity, is duly noted. Sex matters, and women can’t identify their way out of –or into- the legacy of male violence and the eugenics resulting from generations of inbred ultraviolent male rapists.

Los Angeles Santee High School eliminated their second floor fifteen-stall female restroom, opening it up to males, after a male-identifying female student “transman” was humiliated by a janitor who momentarily “gendered” her as her “desired gender”. The student, Yasmin “Alonzo” Hernadez is a “transman” who “identifies as” male. According to the LATimes, she began demanding male pronouns and adopted a traditionally male name a year before, and wished to be perceived as male. As a result, a custodial worker accidentally perceived her as her desired gender and pointed out that she was entering the girl’s restroom. The janitor immediately corrected herself and apologized when she realized Alonzo was not actually male, but Alonzo was humiliated at having to explain that although “male” in identity she preferred female facilities due to the risk of harm to herself as a female person from actual males.

A High School Janitor Wouldn’t Let Him Use The Bathroom. So He Started a Movement” read the headline on Fusion.net.

“When he’s out of school and in public, he uses men’s restrooms. But at school—when he absolutely has to use a facility—he continues to use the girls’ restroom because he says he does not want to make anyone uncomfortable. He said he also was concerned about being harassed,” Fusion reports.

The female restroom was changed to a unisex facility to accomodate males. Male facilities remained unaffected and retained the same number of male restrooms.

 

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As a Transgender Man, Choosing Which Bathroom to Use Can Be Agony“, writes Jake Damien.

“I do not enjoy using men’s bathrooms.

As a transgender man, I am not supposed to admit this. I am supposed to proclaim that I finally “feel at home,” and that I will fight for my right to access them. And I will! But the truth is, I don’t feel safe in them—nor do I prefer them to women’s rooms.

The thing is, I never felt wrong in women’s bathrooms and locker rooms; I felt wrong in my own skin. Growing up, I remember so many instances of what medical gatekeepers call “gender dysphoria”—of feeling like I was trapped in a mismatched body. After a childhood of being the only little girl playing on all-boys soccer and baseball teams, in middle school, I was ripped away from my social and athletic communities and told I was no longer allowed to play with the guys. I can still feel the sadness and confusion of that loss.”

She goes on to suggest that, like Santee High, women should sacrifice hard won female single-sex facilities and open them to men, so that women like her can continue to use them while identifying as male:

“I use the men’s bathroom now mostly because I am perceived as a threat in the women’s room. But I’ve come to believe that a long-term solution is not to make transgender people choose between two gendered bathrooms, but to make all bathrooms gender neutral.”

She describes the danger she experiences as a woman in male facilities, an experience she hopes all women will opt into by forgoing, like herself, female single-sex facilities:

“Every time I enter a male locker room, I brace for what may be around the corner. Frequently, if men in the locker room see my body as I change or as walk into the showers, they follow me. In a few horrific cases, men have pulled back my shower curtain to “better see” me, or worse, pushed their genitals at me.

In these spaces, I seem to spark a unique and terrifying mix of sexual objectification and male-to-male aggressiveness. The men’s locker room is a place where I have accidentally, and unwillingly, become a Rorschach test of people’s sexuality, open-mindedness, and ideas on masculinity. And it’s not a fun place to be.”

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