Our daughter in college just announced her/hir intent to start taking Testosterone. What should we do?
April 23, 2015
Request for advice and guidance from a concerned parent:
Our almost 21 year child just announced yesterday her/hir intent to start taking T and said that she was considering top surgery eventually as well but “that’s all”. Ze has been wearing men’s clothes for a couple of years now, hates having a period, and appears very butch. Seems most interested in/connected with other butch/lesbian individuals. We have tried to understand and have asked if hir intent is to transition to a male, but she claims not; stating that she’s just tired of being seen as a female, despite the butch clothes etc but does not want to be a “full male”..more like androgynous or “non-binary”.
It’s a long story, like many, but it started when she went to college and found her “place/home” in the LGBTQ community, and then changed her major to “Gender & Women’s Studies”. We are so concerned about whether this T medical treatment and surgery is truly what will make her happy versus being pressured by the environment she is currently in. She wants to change her name legally this summer. She seems attracted to other lesbians from what I can tell which may not be much! I know this may not be PC but what we’ve seen develop in her school experience feels “cultish” to us. Maybe we’re in denial? We are so very concerned about the permanent nature of this “transition” and that it is being done without any in-depth psychological evaluation or counseling. There is a possible history of abuse from a male babysitter when she was 4, but it was never possible to establish exactly what happened..she was examined and no physical evidence of anything was found. We did take her to counseling of course. She was also bullied in both middle and high school. She does suffer from anxiety and has trouble handling “stress” She has done extremely well academically and is very bright. She has always been quite nurturing and wonderful with babies and young children and even thought about becoming a preschool/elementary school teacher up until fairly recently.
What should we say to her about this upcoming transition? Should we give her any advice or information? We have tried to be accepting/loving parents but we are so afraid she is making a mistake that she could seriously regret later in life once the changes are permanent and that her decision to do this is encouraged so much by the community she is now involved with.
Thank you so much for reading this and any suggestions you can make would be very welcome.
From comment left HERE.
December 31, 2014
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December 12, 2014
Can I tell you all that the first time I felt a sense of relief from reading an article on Gender Trender, I went immediately into extreme distress and feared that it meant I was evil? Because of the PRONOUNS! Because of the PRONOUNS being used to mean sex, not gender. Because when I read the news item through the lens of sex, not so-called gender, I saw the real power dynamics so clearly and could no longer deny what I saw. I could feel my brain beginning to deprogram and I was afraid of what this would mean for my life. My hands actually went clammy with fear. I was afraid I was betraying everyone I knew, and that I would be punished. That I would be exiled. And when you are lesbian, already so outside of human belonging, perhaps already cast out from your original family—the prospect of exile is no light matter. I wanted to bargain: Listen, Gallus Mag, I need to keep reading this stuff but can you just do what you are ~supposed~ to do with the pronouns, because this is scary as shit and also “offensive” and I know I am supposed to shut this sort of thing down wherever I see it. But the meaning of the words was the point, and I knew it, and I was afraid of what I knew because I knew it meant I would have to change. And I felt the change bringing me back into my body and bringing my body into this new terrain, an unknown landscape defined by an overwhelming kind of clarity.
The fear. I can’t even tell you how palpable that fear was. I wasn’t raised in a religion that did this to me—it’s not like I was programmed this way, and then triggered. Yet my fear was the fear of a heretic raised in fundamentalism. This is how I know Daly’s right: patriarchy is the underlying world religion and all of these belief-ways are its many sects.
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December 11, 2014
Originally posted on Privilege Denying Tranny:
EW, EWWW WTF, Why is the F2T wearing a glove and looks like Wolverine? More Trans fantasy art. Remember the picture of Jane Doe…
SO…Top five reasons to fuck a woman (er) “trans man”
1. Trans guys are HOT!!
2. Their plastic dicks never go soft!! Dudes always use this line of logic on lesbians (cause lesbian sex has to have penetration or else why bother right! ugh) Now the tables have turned! Dudes, don’t you want this? It’s just like a real cock right? Don’t say no or else you’re a trans phobic bigot piece of shit.
3. Three HOLES are better than two…
Yep, a vagina is just a hole. JUST ANOTHER HOLE GUYS. Nothing more than a HOLE.
View original 96 more words
November 1, 2014
May 29, 2014
Submitted on 2014/05/28 at 2:57 am
Hi. I figured that you probably don’t read these, but as an philosophy major, I have to say that your analytic approach to everything isn’t working. You really ignore so much of the context. But that’s just my opinion as a Continental. Of course, no system is without its problems, and I can’t say that I know all of the ins and outs of gender theory and philosophy.
I’m a female that is currently considering an FtM transition (I might as well be a devil on this site), and it’s obvious to me that you have never had a real, positive experience with someone transgendered. Maybe you have, but you don’t care. I would assume the latter.
I guess I’m surprised at the adamantine nature of your arguments. Does a lot of this come from radical feminism, which is now what feminism has become in the vernacular? Probably. But I do more for the LGBT community than you probably do. I willingly went to college in the least gay state. I am a lot of kids’ first gay person they met in person. I’m building bridges and I’m helping the straight community come towards acceptance of all. How about you?
It’s people like you and Dirt that make me consider abandoning the gay community. As much as I love the people, I hate the community that to a point almost resists integration. And straight people have always treated me much kinder than I have ever been treated by the rest of the gays. So when I acknowledge that I have no sexual sensation in my erogenous zones and that I might be in a form I have no attachment to, I’m not rushing to run back to the lesbian community.
But I’m taking my time. I’m still learning about what I desire and want from my body. I don’t desire male privileges, I desire comfort. Feeling attractive. Feeling less frustrated that women I like won’t even look at me due to something I hate. I don’t think about becoming a man because it’ll fix my problems. I think about it because I feel that that’s already who I am, and my body is not assisting me with those desires.
This won’t change your mind. But I can’t keep reading these sites and keep my mouth shut. I know the drill; don’t like, don’t post, but who listens to that anyway?
May you live in an interesting time for your community.
[From a comment left by “Orin Conrad” on TransgenderTropes. Images added by me- GM]
March 16, 2014
From an online fundraiser here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/damien-leggett-surgery-fund–2
“On Oct 31st, 2013 Damien Leggett 34, was given a bilateral mastectomy performed at Pan Am Clinic in Winnipeg. The drains were removed Nov 4th. Damien should have been on the road to recovery within two weeks but within a week of the surgery it was very clear something was not right.
On Nov 10 he was admitted to St Boniface Hospital but transferred to Health Sciences Centre where he had an ultrasound and fluid was drained. This happened several times.
Damien’s condition deteriorated at home to the point that I called an ambulance as he had a high fever. His teeth were chattering and he was barely lucid. Early in the morn of Nov 17th he was admitted to HSC after the paramedics took a temp at his home of 39.5. He was very ill.