Reddit r/asktransgender

The following was posted on r/asktransgender

by Ryan Terry, a eighteen-year-old male from Peru, New York. Mr. Terry identifies as a transwoman and is a student at Champlain Valley Educational Services (CV-TEC) where he studies Technical Computer Applications.

Public photo posted by Ryan Terry via his reddit account.

Ryan Terry was chosen to serve as Student Ambassador for the Champlain Valley CV-TEC community for 2017-2018.


Public Twitter Post- Ryan Terry Student Ambassador CV-TECH


AMAB here, age 18. I have been on HRT for 5 or so months now. I want to take this time to let out a rant I’ve kept bottled inside for some months now (I haven’t talked extensively about my transition since it started months ago, and a lot changes.) The transition has been very systematic. Skins softens, breasts grow, the usual. I haven’t yet crossed the line of looking in the mirror and feeling blissfully at ease. I yearn for that still. But something else that feels entirely unchanged is my envy of other women. My lust for the beauty they withhold. My hatred for not being what they are. These emotions manifest and concatenate in often dangerous ways. For instance, earlier I watched that Ryan Reynolds movie called Voices. In it, Reynolds, cute as ever, is a schizophrenic factory worker that works with a number of beautiful women. Throughout the movie he is convinced by his cat and dog to murder the women and keep their heads in his fridge. One of the women, whom Reynolds’ character has a brief romance with before killing her too, is played by Anna Kendrick. This is where the movie stirred up and provoked the triple threat of emotions I mentioned above.

I love Anna Kendrick, in every sense of the word. She’s beautiful, an excellent singer, a lovely actress, as perfect as they come. But she is an excellent example of a target for my emotions. I have a strong lust for her because of her beauty and sexy voice. I have an incredible envy over her because of how fucking white her teeth are, how sexy her singing voice is, how perfect her hair is, how beautiful she looked in the dress that Reynolds killed her in. I also have a despicable hatred for her for all the same reasons.

This is a lethal mixture I have for many many women. Celebrities, girls I know personally, girls I’ve never even heard of that I see in pictures. My last relationship was consumed by my desire to be my girlfriend. I even sometimes, with every ounce of my being, hold a strong resentment towards innocent little girls simply because they are what I never got to be: a little girl. I can’t stand being around them sometimes because I almost break down crying to a five-year-old, which is something they shouldn’t have to deal with and is frankly pathetic.

With that being said, I loved watching Anna Kendrick being killed in Voices. I re-watched her break her neck and lay in bed in her lovely dress helplessly at least five times. That’s where my fantasies center around. I want girls like her to be hurt. Badly. I often subdue bouts of painful dysphoria with more powerful thoughts of hurting the girl who caused it. I feel guilty for feeling this way and these desires date back a few years. Psychology has taught me that this potentially originates from the overwhelming need to control a female body, the delusion that harming a beautiful women at my own hands feeds my desperation to be ultimately near to and have control over her body.

The truth is that I would do anything to be Anna Kendrick, but I fear that, in leu of that ever being a possibility, I would just kill her if ever given the chance, and sob inconsolably over her perfection after the fact.

Needless to say, I have a lot of powerful emotions that I have suppressed my entire life.

These dreadful fantasies are not just directed at celebrities and are not only provoked by watching someone getting killed beforehand. I was on a school trip a couple months ago to the capital of my state. It was for my [nameless] organization for officers-only, which I am one of, and was actually state-wide conference with over 2000 attendants. It was a blast, but my teacher did the usual thing of gendering the rooms. He made each of us – only about 8 officers – room with a partner of the same sex, genders in different hallways. It’s bad enough that I had to be separated from the girls which I internally felt included with, but the ones from my school on the trip were fucking beautiful, and I was so jealous that they were able to be in the girls hallway, no questions asked. One of them, who we’ll call Greg, is someone I’ve been kinda friends with through this organization for about a year. She is the epitome of everything I wish I was. She is so outrageously beautiful and funny and popular and talented. My experience over this entire trip was somewhat tainted by my overwhelming grief of being fixated on her for the whole three days.

For the next few days after, I found myself in my counselor’s office for hours because I was unable to function because my mind was fixated on a desire to cause harm to this girl. I hated her so much and I wanted to press lightly on her trachea and look into her beautiful eyes listening as her final breaths cry for mercy. I didn’t want to actually hurt her, I usually don’t. I always imagine girls’ deaths to be gentle, so as to not disturb their natural beauty. I don’t want to harm them, I just want their life to end. Normally in these fantasies I pinch their nose shut and cover their mouth so I can watch them fade so elegantly at my own gentle hands. It’s not about making them not beautiful anymore. It’s about taking the life from them. I want to reduce their beauty to just a corpse because their life isn’t fair. I want to caress them in my arms and carefully tighten a rope around their neck so they can look at me when I take their soul. I want to feel their final breaths. I want to release the life from their body so I can have the shell. The beautiful shell.

Needless to say, my counselor, whom is otherwise very supportive of me, was concerned to say the least and almost had to call 911.

I texted Greg initially telling her how much of a bitch I think she is, but when I got the surprising response talking about how sorry she is that I feel that way and that she tries not to be since she’s been bullied her whole life, I quickly retracted the statement. I told her that I am trans and that I only said that out of spiteful envy over her beauty. She responded kindly.

The worst thoughts are those of hurting little girls. When I ride the elementary bus home from my school, I am bombarded by fun little kids that all love me because I’m often the only high-schooler, and rather funny. I almost always find myself on these trips home to be fixated on a young girl on the bus. I make everyone laugh while holding back the tears of looking at the little girls who will grow up to be strong, beautiful women. I hate them because I never got to be a little girl and I hate that they have what I never could, their princess room and their cute clothes and their girly little personalities. Sometimes I want to hurt them too. Why did God make them little girls but never me? I miss the childhood I never had.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I hate myself.


Ryan Terry public confession to serial criminal harassment and violent threats to specific women

Public photo posted by Ryan Terry from his reddit ‘byteandahalf’ account

h/t m1nt3a

cristan williams gallus mag doxx attempt

He has the wrong woman, by the way. But he is stalking some poor woman in my honor.

This is at least the fourth woman transactivists have targeted “as Gallus Mag”.

This is Transactivism, Folks!

By Brendan O’Neill, Editor of Spiked:


Trans activists really need to lighten up

Transsexuals’ histrionic response to every slight only confirms how flimsy their identity is.

Why are transsexual activists so sensitive to criticism? This is a serious question, not an insult. There must be some reason why the trans community, as it calls itself, is worse at taking criticism or tolerating insulting commentary than, say, the Christian community or the butch lesbian community, both of which also get flak on the internet and elsewhere but don’t tend to respond to it in the way trans types do.

Over the past fortnight we’ve had loads of histrionics from trans activists. Feminist Julie Bindel was hounded off a panel discussion at a British university because she once criticised trans people. Roseanne Barr, maker of the best sitcom of the Eighties, currently stands accused of ‘transphobia’ basically because she tweeted favourably about someone who criticised the trans identity. This follows the trans community’s successful removal of Julie Burchill’s trans-slamming article from the website of the Observer earlier this year. When I wrote a piece arguing that Bradley Manning is not a woman, despite his claims to the contrary, I was bombarded with suggestions that I should kill myself. This from trans activists who (ludicrously) held Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn responsible for the suicide of a trans schoolteacher and said the media must be careful never to criticise this community lest its members feel tempted to kill themselves.

Of course, ours is an age of super-sensitivity, when feeling offended, and more importantly loudly and proudly declaring your feelings of offence, has become the lifeblood of public discourse. But there are different degrees of offence-taking. Some groups seem more capable of riding out criticism than others. Yes, Christian outfits play the victim card and bleat to officialdom about feeling offended by an ad or an article, but mostly they just ignore web-based Christian-bashing, which is voluminous. Islamists are more sensitive, hollering for beheadings whenever someone mocks Muhammad or says the Koran is cobblers.

And the trans lobby is even more sensitive than that, reacting with censorious anger not only to insults but also to people’s allegedly incorrect use of language, to being called ‘a transsexual’, for example, rather than ‘a member of the trans community’. They even picket the offices of newspapers that have the temerity to piss them off. Why the extraordinary touchiness?

I think it reflects the fundamental flimsiness of the trans identity, the fragility of this so-called community. Transsexuals’ hopping-mad reaction to any perceived slight doesn’t confirm that they are a well-organised, increasingly cocky gang holding the world to ransom, as some have claimed. Rather it reveals the opposite – that this is a ‘community’ so sadly uncertain of its own claims, so instinctively aware of the largely phoney nature of its arguments, that it must protect itself from any form of public ridicule or questioning lest its facade be knocked down.

The rule of modern-day identity politics and offence-taking seems to be this: the less rooted and real one’s identity is, the more obsessed one becomes with erecting a forcefield around it in order to keep at bay awkward query-raisers.

Read the rest of this entry »


WARNING: The authenticity of this letter has been called into question. Since its distribution none of the signatories have made public comment. While I have been provided with a copy of an email from a person claiming to be Carol Hanisch I am withholding judgement until further confirmation. We have seen many times trans/MRA  activists (like Daryl/Sophia Banks) impersonate known feminists in order to harass them. Until further confirmation I am leaving this warning here.


From Pandagon:

“We, the undersigned 1960s radical feminists and current activists, have been concerned for some time about the rise within the academy and mainstream media of “gender theory,” which avoids naming men and the system of male supremacy as the beneficiaries of women’s oppression. Our concern changed to alarm when we learned about threats and attacks, some of them physical, on individuals and organizations daring to challenge the currently fashionable concept of gender.

Recent developments: A U.S. environmental organization that also calls itself radical feminist is attacked for its political analysis of gender. Feminist conferences in the U.K., U.S. and Canada are driven from their contracted locations for asserting the right of women to organize for their liberation separately from men, including M>F (male to female) transgendered people.

Deep Green Resistance (DGR) reports1 that queer activists defaced its published materials and trans activists threatened individual DGR members with arson, rape and murder. Bookstores are pressured not to carry DGR’s work and its speaking events are cancelled after protests by queer/transgender activists. At “RadFem” conferences in London2, Portland3 and Toronto4, trans activists accuse scheduled speakers of hate speech and/or being transphobic because they dare to analyze gender from a feminist political perspective. Both M>F transgender people and “men’s rights” groups, operating separately but using similar language, demand to be included in the Rad Fem 2013 conference in London called to fight against women’s oppression and for liberation.

How did we slide back to the point where radical feminists have to fight for the right to hold women-only conferences and criticize conventional “gender roles”? The rise of Gender Studies may be part of the problem. Language is a wonderful human tool for thinking, understanding, cooperation and progress, so it makes sense that when people fight for freedom and justice against those who are oppressing them, the use and misuse of words—of language—becomes part of the struggle. Originally the term “gender” may have been a useful way around the communication problem that the word “sex” in English has several meanings. “Sex” refers to the reproduction of a species, as well as acts bringing about sexual pleasure AND the simply descriptive division of many plants and animals into two observable categories—the “sexes.” Using “gender” instead of “sex” allows feminists to make it clear that all kinds of social relations and differences between the sexes were unjust, not just sexual relations between the sexes. “Gender” also covers the artificial, socially-created differences between the human sexes, the overwhelming majority of which are politically, economically and culturally disadvantageous to female humans.

“Gender Studies” has displaced the grassroots women’s liberation analysis of the late 1960s and early 1970s. An early embrace of the neutral idea of “sex roles” as a major cause of women’s oppression by some segments of the women’s liberation movement has morphed into the new language—but the same neutrality—of “gender roles” and “gender oppression.” With a huge boost from the “new” academic theory coming out of those programs, heavily influenced by post-modernism, “gender identity” has overwhelmed—when not denying completely—the theory that biological women are oppressed and exploited as a class by men and by capitalists due to their reproductive capacity. Women often can no longer organize against our oppression in women-only groups without being pilloried with charges of transphobia. But, as a UK- based radical feminist “Fire in My Belly” wrote in her blog, “Radical feminists recognise that an individual’s ‘gender identity’ cannot, in a fair society, be allowed to ride roughshod over biological sex, which cannot be changed.”5

We do not view traditional sex/gender roles as natural or permanent. In fact, criticizing these “roles” is valid and necessary for women’s liberation. Radical feminist analysis and activism focus on unequal power relations between men and women under male supremacy, with real, material benefits going to the oppressor group (men) at the expense of the oppressed group (women).”

Read more here:

Autumn Sandeen: Lesbian Feminist blogging  forces males like him to stalk  Lesbians

Autumn Sandeen: Lesbian Feminist blogging forces males like him to stalk Lesbians

The following is from the “Vigil for Lucy Meadows” Facebook Page:
2013-03-23 Lucy Meadows Vigil
Andie McGrath
why not doorstep littlejohn @4 greenoak place cockfosters rd en4 0jb – his home address?

Follow Post · Yesterday at 3:07pm

  • Cydoni Trusste Cause you don’t want to accidentally turn a bully into a victim.
  • Andie McGrath pfft
  • Natacha Kennedy He actually lives in Florida. This is probably just a pied-a-terre or a different Littlejohn entirely…?
  • Andie McGrath yeah? current voters roll and directorship etc for him and wife there though – more about press coverage etc. also dacre’s is down in kent
  • Natacha Kennedy Hmmmm interesting. I think he spends most of his time in Florida tho, and if he isn’t there right now I bet he is on a plane going in that direction, that is if he has any sense.
  • Andie McGrath haha – true!
  • Natacha Kennedy might come in useful in the near future however, for a demo
  • Cydoni Trusste I assume you ‘pfft’ me because you think I’m viewing him as a victim? No matter how you paint it, appearing as a large number outside someone’s house in protest does not make us look like the peaceful group. I’ve never known something good that started with the words ‘doorstep his house’, regardless of motives.
  • Andie McGrath and we can always send them love letters, fanmail etc
  • Marci Hawkins We don’t appear as a peaceful group? Good. If they can mock a woman they prob helped to kill, they’re fair game.
  • Thia Jones they might get woken in the night by people in vehicles with sirens and blue flashing lights…
  • Thia Jones …they may get visited by…. oh, I don’t know, all sorts of people calling for all manner of purposes
  • Jessi Lloyd Honestly, I don’t think there’s any excuse for bullying another human being. No matter how much of a vile douchebag he is, I’m not going to stoop to outright harassment.
    22 hours ago via mobile · 5
  • Natacha Kennedy I think it is worth remembering that this page is going to be read by journalists and if there is any suggestion of a threat to harass anyone the DM will jump on it, it will be their ‘get out of jail free’ card. Just like Suzanne Moore, Burchill & the TERFs, we need to not allow the DM to escape from its culpability in this way. They would love to get off the hook by claiming victim status. Don’t let that happen! He is very unlikely to be there anyway, since his main residence is Florida.
  • Michelle-Louise Burrows Very true, Natacha. What I suggest is that EVERY single one of us – and I mean EVERY single one – writes to the Daily Mail and the PCC expressing our disgust over what happened to Lucy. In our ranks, we have some very intelligent, very articulate and very internet savvy people who can really go to town on this. Standing outside Littlejohn’s house hollering will achieve precisely NOTHING and will get the Daily Heil off the hook.
  • Paula Pandora Allen we have a name for the “parent” who caused all this crap.. will be released later with some other “tasty” details.. soon as our “diggers” have dug..
  • Andie McGrath you don’t think it’d make him think twice about the kind of articles he writes? make the mail and other papers reconsider their doorstepping antics if they think someone may do the same to them? i have no idea whether it would or not – but i’m happy to give it a shot
  • Paula Pandora Allen Lets just say.. the person who FIRST went to the press is named in this article.. wonder if you can work out which one it is….


    [ Tonight a friend who answered the door at Nathan’s terraced home in Accrington refused to comment.

    Cops found his body after an emergency call.

    An inquest has been opened and adjourned but the cause of death has not been revealed.

    Dad of three Wayne Cowie said: “I was shocked when I found out what had happened. My son came home yesterday and said that Miss Meadows had died.

    “We still don’t know anything really and no one knows why or how. It was upsetting for the kids. I have no idea why he has done it.”] (direct to Sun link – sorry)

    The Scum has learned absolutely nothing from these events. They’re still misgendering Lucy, and harassing people at her home.
  • Theresa Heath-Ellul I agree that we shouldn’t do anything that would allow the DM to shout ‘angry trans cabal’ and that this page should primarily be about discussing the vigil. I also think it’s a great idea to all write to the DM – do others think this should be a group letter or individual ones?
  • Jules Bristow I think individual ones are more likely to make an impact in terms of numbers. Also I think sharing personal addresses is a bad idea, apart from the ethics of it it’s against Facebook’s terms of service and if anyone reports this post – not unlikely as this event is being widely shared so a lot of people who may not support it will be seeing it – it could get this page shut down.
  • Theresa Heath-Ellul Andie, as posting this address could get the page shut down would you mind if we take it down? I don’t want to be seen to be censoring anyone but I think it’s important for the sake of the event.
  • Andie McGrath go for it
  • Andie McGrath but if it matters it is in the public realm
  • PJ Crittenden I don’t have time to go up there myself right now. But I do have time to put a dog turd in the post.
  • Theresa Heath-Ellul Hm, I think I’d have to delete the whole thread – Andie could you just take the address bit out? Thank you x
  • Andie McGrath can’t, you’ll have to delete it
  • Natacha Kennedy Yes, Theresa Heath-Ellul I suggest you delete the entire thread.
  • Theresa Heath-Ellul Ok I’ll do it as soon as I get home, can’t work out how to do it for my phone x
  • Dee Stuart Please let us not stoop to the sort of behaviour exhibited by the Daily Mail or by Littlejohn, especially not on this page as it’s dedicated to the vigil in memory of Lucy Meadows. Write to the DM or Littlejohn by all means. A group letter would merely serve to confirm in their warped minds that there is a trans cabal and the sheer quantity would show people’s feelings are strong. However, I don’t doubt for a minute that Littlejohn is deleting any email he receives the moment he perceives it as contradicting his opinion. Possibly better to write longhand and send it to the DM.
  • Andie McGrath have to admit i am disappointed, i was looking forward to going round asking his neighbours “so what’s it like living next to one of *them*?”, “them?!” “yeah, you know – daily mail writers”
  • Dee Stuart He probably lives amongst like-minded people Andie.
  • Dee Stuart Please Tony xx
    More on Paula Pandora Allen HERE.
    Read my commentary on Lucy Meadows HERE.

Downtown Mesa

A sixteen year-old Arizona girl was arrested Thursday morning for posting detailed plans for committing mass murder of fellow students at the Maricopa County Red Mountain High School that she attended, to be followed by her suicide. She posted the plot on the YouTube video of a transgender Vancouver community group. The channel owner reported the threats to Vancouver police who tracked them down to the Mesa AZ region and contacted area police Wednesday night.

From ABCNews:

Part of the post reportedly said the following: “I now literally have a plan of seriously hurting… killing… murdering people in my high school. And a playlist to do it.”

 According to [police Sgt.] Jones, the post went on to say, “I WORK at the high school as a student teacher basically… which is why no one can find out about me somewhat accidentally planning to blow up the school. (and yes… it would be super easy…)”

The teen has reportedly admitted making the posts.

Sherriff Joe Arpaio said in an online news conference that the teen has been arrested as a juvenile for one count of threatening and intimidating and one count of computer tampering but that the investigation was ongoing and more charges were possible. He stated that the teen’s motive was not yet clear but that there were not yet any indications of bullying. She is being held in a Juvenile facility.

From the Maricopa Sherrif’s Dept press release [PDF]:

“ …the 16 year old is a student teacher at the high school and in her interview with Sheriff’s detectives said she was scared because she thinks she may really carry out the plans detailed in the post, and “ f@#king kill everyone”.

 The 16 year-old also admitted to Sheriff’s detectives that she had thought about the killings for a while, planning to “cut the wires to the security carts” on campus so as to slow down the response during an explosion, and shoot people from the other side of a fence.

 When Sheriff’s detectives entered the home this morning, they found three handguns including a semi-automatic .40 caliber, a .357 revolver, and a .22 revolver and seized two computers in the home to process for further evidence. The weapons were not seized but released to the girl’s father for safe keeping.

 In the interview by Sheriff’s detectives of the girl’s parents both said their daughter has a history of mental health issues, has been seen by a psychiatrist, and had recently been inquiring about where the guns were being kept in the house. The father said he was alarmed by his daughter’s comments and took the additional safety precautions of placing trigger locks on each gun and safeguarding them in a gun safe.”

From KPHO News:

“A neighbor who’s known the teen for years said she’s a gifted musician and she never showed any violent tendencies.

“She’s really nice once you get to know her,” said Braydon Barlow. “But, other than that, that’s nothing like her. I’ve never seen her act like that.”

A longtime friend who played with her in a band says she recently came out as transgendered.

“I’m shocked. Totally surprised. I’ve known her forever, since like third grade and I just can’t believe it’s her,” said Red Mountain junior Jacob Stowasser.

Another friend, Jake Betts, told CBS 5 she was a member of the school’s Gay Straight Alliance club, or GSA, but that she dropped out at the urging of her parents.

“Just recently she’s had a lot of problems. Like personal problems with family and stuff,” said Stowasser, without providing details.”

Students were sent home early Thursday. The school will have increased security on Friday and will close early.

Rumors of potential threats swept across the U.S. causing hundreds of school closures this week in the wake of the devastating mass murder of women and children at the Sandy Hook CT Elementary School. Dozens of teens have been arrested nationwide for making threats against their schoolmates via social media, phone calls, and notes.